From “PUNCH.”
[Illustration: “=AND _SHE_ OUGHT TO KNOW!=”
“THAT’S SUPPOSED TO BE A PORTOGRAPH OF LADY SOLSBURY BUT, BLESS YER, IT
AIN’T LIKE HER A BIT IN PRIVATE!”
[_First contribution to “Punch.“_]
[Illustration: =SELF-CRITICISM.=
_First Genius to Second Genius._ “WHY ON EARTH DO YOU DO YOUR HAIR IN
THAT ABSURD FASHION, SMITH?”]
[Illustration: =THE FINISHING-TOUCH.=
“ARF A POUND ER MARGARINE, PLEASE; AN’ MOTHER SAYS WILL YER PUT THE COW
ON IT, ’COS SHE’S GOT COMPANY!”]
[Illustration: =Q. E. D.=
“WHAT’S UP WI’ SAL?” “AIN’T YER ’ERD? SHE’S MARRIED AGIN!”]
[Illustration: =THE PLUNGER.=
_First Boy (much interested in the game of Buttons)._ “’AS ’E LOST?”
_Second Ditto._ “YES; ’E LOST ALL THEM BUTTONS WHAT ’E WON OFF TOMMY
CROWTHER YESTERDAY, AN’ THEN ’E CUT ALL THE BUTTONS OFF ’IS CLOTHES, AND
’E ’S LOST THEM TOO!”]
[Illustration: =AN IMPORTANT ’JUNCTION.=
“YOU MIND YOUR FADER GETS MY BOOTS REDDY BY FOUR O’CLOCK, ’COS I’M GOIN’
TO A PARTY”]
[Illustration: =WASTED EFFORTS.=
_New Assistant (after hair-cutting, to Jones, who has been away for a
couple of weeks)._ “YOUR ’AIR IS VERY THIN BE’IND, SIR. TRY SINGEING!”
_Jones (after a pause)._ “YES, I THINK I WILL.”
_N. A. (after singeing)._ “SHAMPOO, SIR? GOOD FOR THE ’AIR, SIR.”
_Jones._ “THANK YOU. YES.”
_N. A._ “YOUR MOUSTACHES CURLED?” _Jones._ “PLEASE.”
_N. A._ “MAY I GIVE YOU A FRICTION?” _Jones._ “THANK YOU.”
_N. A._ “WILL YOU TRY SOME OF OUR--”
_Manager (who has just sighted his man, in Stage whisper)._ “YOU IDIOT!
_HE_’S A SUBSCRIBER!!”]
[Illustration: =A SUNDAY DINNER.=
_Father of Family (who has accidentally shot the leg of a Fowl under the
table)._ “MIND T’DOG DOESN’T GET IT!”
_Young Hopeful (triumphantly)._ “ALL RIGHT, FEYTHER! I’VE GOTTEN ME FOOT
ON IT!”]
[Illustration: =BLASÉ.=
_Kitty (reading a fairy tale)._ “‘ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WAS A
FROG----’“
_Mabel (interrupting)._ “I BET IT’S A PRINCESS! GO ON!”]
[Illustration: =MUCH ADO.=
“MAMMA-A-A! BOO-HOO! WE’S CRYING! TUM UP ’TAIRS AN’ SEE WHAT’S DE MATTER
WIV US!”]
[Illustration: =”A SOFT ANSWER,” &c.=
_Importunate Street Urchin (for the tenth time)._ “GI’ US A COPPER, SIR!
GI’ US A COPPER!”
_Testy Individual (losing patience)._ “OH, GO TO“--(_substitutes a
milder form_)--“BLAZES!”
_Street Urchin._ “SURE THIN AN’ I WOULD IN THIS BASTLY COULD WEATHER, IF
I WAS ONLY CERTAIN O’ COMIN’ BACK AGAIN!”
[_Individual’s testiness overcome and Urchin rewarded._]
[Illustration: =NOT WHAT HE MEANT.=
_Superior ’Arry._ “CABBIE! TO THE--AW--THE PRINCE OF WALES’S.”
_Cabbie._ “MARLBRO’ ’OUSE, MY LORD?”]
[Illustration: =PICKINGS FROM PICARDY.=