Home Life and Etiquette.
Home is the woman's kingdom, and there she reigns supreme. To embellish
that home, to make happy the lives of her husband and the dear ones
committed to her trust, is the honored task which it is the wife's
province to perform. All praise be to her who so rules and governs in
that kingdom, that those reared beneath her roof "shall rise up and call
her blessed."
A HOME.
After marriage one of the first requirements for happiness is a home.
This can seldom be found in a boarding house or at a hotel, and not
always beneath the parental roof of either husband or wife. It will
oftenest be found in a house or even a cottage apart from the immediate
association of relatives or friends, acquaintances or strangers, and
here husband and wife may begin in reality, that new life of which they
have had fond dreams; and upon their own actions must depend their
future welfare.
HOME COMPANIONSHIP.
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Husband and wife should remember, when starting out upon their newly
wedded life, that they are to be life companions, that the affection
they have possessed and expressed as lovers must ripen into a life-long
devotion to one another's welfare and happiness, that the closest
friendship must be begotten from their early love, and that each must
live and work for the other. They must seek to be congenial companions
to each other, so that every hour they pass together will be mutually
enjoyable. They should aim to have the same tastes so that what one
enjoys will be alike enjoyable to the other, and what is distasteful to
one shall be no less so to the other. Each should yield in matters where
it is right to yield, and be firm only where duty is concerned. With a
firm trust in one another they should ever abide, that each may say to
the world, "I possess one on whose character and heart I can lean as
upon a rock."
CONDUCT OF HUSBAND AND WIFE.
Let neither ever deceive the other, or do anything to shake the other's
confidence, for once deceived, the heart can never wholly trust again.
Fault-finding should only be done by gentle and mild criticism, and then
with loving words and pleasant looks. Make allowances for one another's
weaknesses, and at the same time endeavor to mutually repress them. For
the sake of mutual improvement the husband and wife should receive and
give corrections to one another in a spirit of kindness, and in doing so
they will prepare themselves for the work God gives the parents of
training lives for usefulness here and hereafter. Their motto should be
"faithful unto death in all things," and they must exercise forbearance
with each other's peculiarities.
Let both preserve a strict guard over their tongues, that neither may
utter anything rude, contemptuous or severe, and guard their tempers,
that neither may ever grow passionate or become sullen or morose in one
another's presence. They should not expect too much from each other; if
either offends, it is the part of the other to forgive, remembering that
no one is free from faults, and that we are all constantly erring.
If, perchance, after they have entered upon the stern realities of life,
they find, that they have made a mistake, that they are not well mated,
then they must accept the inevitable and endure to the end, "for better
or for worse;" for only in this way can they find consolation for
having found out, when too late, that they were unfitted for a life-long
companionship. A journalist has said: "No lessons learned by experience,
however sharply taught and sadly earned, can enlighten the numbed senses
which love has sent to sleep by its magic fascination; and things as
plain as the sun in heaven to others are dark as night, unfathomable as
the sea, to those who let themselves love before they prove."
DUTIES OF THE WIFE TO HER HUSBAND.
The wife should remember that upon her, to the greatest extent, devolves
the duty of making home happy. She should do nothing to make her husband
feel uncomfortable, either mentally or physically, but on the other hand
she should strive to the utmost of her ability to do whatever is best
calculated to please him, continually showing him that her love,
plighted upon the altar, remains steadfast, and that no vicissitudes of
fortune can change or diminish it.
She should never indulge in fits of temper, hysterics, or other habits
of ill-breeding, which, though easy to conquer at first, grow and
strengthen with indulgence, if she would retain her husband as her lover
and her dearest and nearest friend. She should be equally as neat and
tidy respecting her dress and personal appearance at home as when she
appears in society, and her manners towards her husband should be as
kind and pleasing when alone with him as when in company. She should
bear in mind that to retain the good opinion of her husband is worth
far more than to gain the good opinion of hundreds of the devotees of
society, and that as she possesses the love and confidence of her
husband, so will she receive the respect and esteem of all his friends.
She should be careful not to confide to another any small
misunderstandings or petty quarrels between herself and husband, should
any occur. This is the surest method of widening any breach of harmony
that may occur between husband and wife, for the more such
misunderstandings are talked about, and the more advice she receives
from her confidants, there is less probability that harmonious relations
will be speedily resumed.
THE WIFE A HELPMATE.
A wife should act openly and honorably in regard to money matters,
keeping an exact account of her expenditures, and carefully guarding
against any extravagances; and while her husband is industriously at
work, she should seek to encourage him, by her own frugality, to be
economical, thrifty, enterprising and prosperous in his business, that
he may be better enabled, as years go by and family cares press more
heavily on each, to afford all the comforts and perhaps some of the
luxuries of a happy home. No condition is hopeless when the wife
possesses firmness, decision and economy, and no outward prosperity can
counteract indolence, folly and extravagance at home. She should consult
the disposition and tastes of her husband, and endeavor to lead him to
high and noble thoughts, lofty aims, and temporal comfort; be ever
ready to welcome him home, and in his companionship draw his thoughts
from business and lead him to the enjoyment of home comforts and
happiness. The influence of a good wife over her husband may be very
great, if she exerts it in the right direction. She should, above all
things, study to learn the disposition of her husband, and if,
perchance, she finds herself united to a man of quick and violent
temper, the utmost discretion, as well as perfect equanimity on her own
part is required, for she should have such perfect control over herself
as to calm his perturbed spirits.
A HUSBAND'S DUTIES.
It must not be supposed that it devolves upon the wife alone to make
married life and home happy. She must be seconded in her noble efforts
by him who took her from her own parental fireside and kind friends, to
be his companion through life's pilgrimage. He has placed her in a new
home, provided with such comforts as his means permit, and the whole
current of both their lives have been changed. His constant duty to his
wife is to be ever kind and attentive, to love her as he loves himself,
even sacrificing his own personal comfort for her happiness. From his
affection for her, there should grow out a friendship and fellowship,
such as is possessed for no other person. His evenings and spare moments
should be devoted to her, and these should be used for their
intellectual, moral and social advancement.
The cares and anxieties of business should not exclude the attentions
due to wife and family, while he should carefully keep her informed of
the condition of his business affairs. Many a wife is capable of giving
her husband important advice about various details of his business, and
if she knows the condition of his pecuniary affairs, she will be able to
govern her expenditures accordingly.
It is the husband's duty to join with his wife in all her endeavors to
instruct her children, to defer all matters pertaining to their
discipline to her, aiding her in this respect as she requires it. In
household matters the wife rules predominant, and he should never
interfere with her authority and government in this sphere. It is his
duty and should be his pleasure to accompany her to church, to social
gatherings, to lectures and such places of entertainment as they both
mutually enjoy and appreciate. In fact he ought not to attend a social
gathering unless accompanied by his wife, nor go to an evening
entertainment without her. If it is not a fit place for his wife to
attend, neither is it fit for him.
While he should give his wife his perfect confidence in her
faithfulness, trusting implicitly to her honor at all times and in all
places, he should, on his part, remain faithful and constant to her, and
give her no cause of complaint. He should pass by unnoticed any
disagreeable peculiarities and mistakes, taking care at the proper time,
and without giving offense, to remind her of them, with the idea of
having her correct them. He should never seek to break her of any
disagreeable habits or peculiarities she may possess, by ridiculing
them. He should encourage her in all her schemes for promoting the
welfare of her household, or in laudable endeavors to promote the
happiness of others, by engaging in such works of benevolence and
charity as the duties of her home will allow her to perform.
The husband, in fact, should act toward his wife as becomes a perfect
gentleman, regarding her as the "best lady in the land," to whom, above
all other earthly beings, he owes paramount allegiance. If he so
endeavors to act, his good sense and judgment will dictate to him the
many little courtesies which are due her, and which every good wife
cannot fail to appreciate. The observance of the rules of politeness are
nowhere more desirable than in the domestic circle, between husband and
wife, parents and children.
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