Etiquette of Weddings.
The circumstances under which weddings take place are so varied, and the
religious forms observed in their solemnization so numerous, that to lay
down rules applicable to all cases would be a matter of great
difficulty, if not an impossibility. Consequently only those forms of
marriage attended with the fullest ceremonies, and all the attendant
ceremonials will here be given, and others may be modeled after them as
the occasion may seem to require. After the marriage invitations are
issued, the _fiancee_ does not appear in public. It is also _de rigueur_
at morning weddings, that she does not see the bridegroom on the
wedding-day, until they meet at the altar.
THE BRIDEMAIDS AND GROOMSMEN.
Only relatives and the most intimate friends are asked to be
bridemaids--the sisters of the bride and of the bridegroom, where it is
possible. The bridegroom chooses his best man and the groomsmen and
ushers from his circle of relatives and friends of his own age, and from
the relatives of his _fiancee_ of a suitable age. The dresses of the
bridemaids are not given unless their circumstances are such as to make
it necessary.
THE BRIDAL COSTUME.
The most approved bridal costume for young brides is of white silk, high
corsage, a long wide veil of white tulle, reaching to the feet, and a
wreath of maiden-blush roses with orange blossoms. The roses she can
continue to wear, but the orange blossoms are only suitable for the
ceremony.
COSTUMES OF THE BRIDEGROOM AND USHERS.
The bridegroom and ushers, at a morning wedding, wear full morning
dress, dark blue or black frock coats, or cut-aways, light neckties, and
light trousers. The bridegroom wears white gloves. The ushers wear
gloves of some delicate color.
PRESENTS OF THE BRIDE AND BRIDEGROOM.
Where the bride makes presents to the bridemaids on her wedding-day,
they generally consist of some articles of jewelry, not costly, and
given more as a memento of the occasion than for their own intrinsic
worth. The bridegroom sometimes gives the groomsmen a scarf pin of some
quaint device, or some other slight memento of the day, as a slight
acknowledgment of their services.
CEREMONIALS WHEN THERE ARE NO USHERS OR BRIDEMAIDS.
When there are no bridemaids or ushers the marriage ceremonials at the
church are as follows: The members of the bride's family proceed to the
church before the bride, who follows with her mother. The bridegroom
awaits them at the church and gives his arm to the bride's mother. They
walk up the aisle to the altar, the mother falling back to her position
on the left. The father, or relative representing him, conducts the
bride to the bridegroom, who stands at the altar with his face turned
toward her as she approaches, and the father falls back to the left. The
relatives follow, taking their places standing; those of the bride to
the left, those of the groom to the right. After kneeling at the altar
for a moment, the bride, standing on the left of the bridegroom, takes
the glove off from her left hand, while he takes the glove off from his
right hand. The service then begins. The father of the bride gives her
away by bowing when the question is asked, which is a much simpler form
than stepping forward and placing his daughter's hand in that of the
clergyman. Perfect self-control should be exhibited by all parties
during the ceremony.
The bride leaves the altar, taking the bridegroom's right arm, and they
pass down the aisle without looking to the right or left. It is
considered very bad form to recognize acquaintances by bows and smiles
while in the church.
The bride and bridegroom drive away in their own carriage, the rest
following in their carriages.
INVITATIONS TO THE CEREMONY ONLY.
When the circle of friends on both sides is very extensive, it has
become customary of late to send invitations to such as are not called
to the wedding breakfast, to attend the ceremony at church. This stands
in the place of issuing cards. No one must think of calling on the newly
married couple who has not received an invitation to the ceremony at
church, or cards after their establishment in their new home.
THE LATEST CEREMONIALS.
The latest New York form for conducting the marriage ceremony is
substantially as follows:
When the bridal party has arranged itself for entrance, the ushers, in
pairs march slowly up to the altar and turn to the right. Behind them
follows the groom alone. When he reaches the altar he turns, faces the
aisle, and watches intently for the coming of his bride. After a slight
interval the bridemaids follow, in pairs, and at the altar turn to the
left. After another brief interval, the bride, alone and entirely
veiled, with her eyes cast down, follows her companions. The groom comes
forward a few steps to meet her, takes her hand, and places her at the
altar. Both kneel for a moment's silent devotion. The parents of the
bride, having followed her, stand just behind her and partly to the
left. The services by the clergyman now proceed as usual.
While the bride and bridegroom are passing out of the church, the
bridemaids follow slowly, each upon the arm of an usher, and they
afterward hasten on as speedily as possible to welcome the bride at her
own door, and to arrange themselves about the bride and groom in the
reception room, half of the ladies upon her side and half upon his--the
first bridemaid retaining the place of honor.
THE USHERS' DUTIES.
The ushers at the door of the reception room offer themselves as escorts
to parties, who arrive slowly from the church, conducting them to the
bridal party, and there presenting them by name. This announcement
becomes necessary when two families and two sets of friends are brought
together for the first time. If ladies are present without gentlemen,
the ushers accompany them to the breakfast or refreshment room, or
provide them with attendants.
At the church the ushers are the first to arrive. They stand by the
inner entrance and offer their arms to escort the ladies, as they enter,
to their proper seats in the church. If a lady be accompanied by a
gentleman, the latter follows the usher and the lady to the seat shown
her. The ushers, knowing the two families, understand where to place the
nearer, and where the remoter relatives and friends of the bridal party,
the groom's friends being arranged upon the right of the entrance, and
the bride's upon the left. The distribution of guests places the father
(or guardian) of the bride at the proper place during the ceremony.
ANOTHER FORM OF CHURCH CEREMONIALS.
The ceremonials for the entry to the church by the bridal party may be
varied to suit the taste. Precedents for the style already described are
found among the highest social circles in New York and other large
cities, but there are brides who prefer the fashion of their
grandmothers, which is almost strictly an American fashion. In this
style, the bridemaids, each leaning upon the arm of a groomsman, first
pass up the aisle to the altar, the ladies going to their left, and the
gentlemen to their right. The groom follows with the bride's mother, or
some one to represent her, leaning on his arm, whom he seats in a front
pew at the left. The bride follows, clinging to the arm of her father
(or near relative), who leads her to the groom. The father waits at her
left and a step or two back of her, until asked to give her away, which
he does by taking her right hand and placing it in that of the
clergyman. After this he joins the mother of the bride in the front pew,
and becomes her escort while they pass out of the church.
In case there are no bridemaids, the ushers walk into church in pairs,
just in advance of the groom, and parting at the altar, half of them
stand at one side and half at the other. While the clergyman is
congratulating the bride, they pass out in pairs, a little in advance of
the wedded couple.
WEDDINGS AT HOME.
Weddings at home vary but little from those at church. The music, the
assembling of friends, the _entree_ of the bridal party to the position
selected, are the same. An altar of flowers, and a place of kneeling can
be easily arranged at home. The space behind the altar need be no wider
than is allowed for the clergyman to stand. The altar is generally only
a fender or railing entirely wound and concealed by greenery or
blossoms. Other floral accessories, such as the marriage-bell,
horseshoe, or white dove, etc., can be arranged with ease by a skillful
florist, if desired.
When the marriage ceremony is concluded, the party turn in their places
and face their friends, who proceed to congratulate them. If space be
required, the kneeling stool and floral altar may be removed, a little
later, without observation.
THE EVENING WEDDING.
If the wedding occur in the evening, the only difference in the
ceremonials from those in the morning is that the ushers or groomsmen
wear full evening dress, and the bridal pair retire quietly to dress for
their journey before the dancing party disperses, and thus leave
unobserved. At the morning wedding only bridemaids, ushers and relatives
remain to witness the departure of the pair.
"AT HOME" RECEPTIONS.
When the newly married couple commence life in a home of their own, it
is customary to issue "at home" cards for a few evenings, at an early
date after the wedding, for informal receptions. Only such persons are
invited as the young couple choose to keep as friends, or perhaps only
those whom they can afford to retain. This is a suitable opportunity to
carefully re-arrange one's social list, and their list of old
acquaintances may be sifted at the time of the beginning of
housekeeping. This custom of arranging a fresh list is admitted as a
social necessity, and nobody is offended.
CALLS.
All guests and friends who receive "at home" invitations, or who are
invited to the church, are required by etiquette to call upon the family
of the bride, or to leave their cards, within ten days after the
wedding.
THE WEDDING RING.
All churches at present use the ring, and vary the sentiment of its
adoption to suit the customs and ideas of their own rites. A jeweled
ring has been for many years the sign and symbol of betrothal, but at
present a plain gold circlet, with the date of the engagement inscribed
within, is generally preferred. The ring is removed by the groom at the
altar, passed to the clergyman and used in the ceremony. A jeweled ring
is placed upon her hand by the groom on the way home from the church, or
as soon after the service as is convenient. It stands guard over its
precious fellow, and is a confirmation of the first promise.
THE MARRIAGE CEREMONIALS OF A WIDOW.
The marriage ceremonials of a widow differ from that of a young lady in
not wearing the veil and orange blossoms. She may be costumed in white
and have her maids at the altar if she pleases. This liberty, however,
has only been given her within a few years. On her wedding cards of
invitation, her maiden name is used as a part of her proper name; which
is done in respect to her parents. Having dropped the initials of her
dead husband's name when she laid aside her mourning, she uses her
Christian name. If she has sons or unmarried daughters at the time she
becomes again a wife, she may prefix the last name of her children to
her new one on all ceremonious occasions in which they are interested in
common with herself. This respect is really due them, and etiquette
permits it, although our social usages do not command its adoption. The
formalities which follow the marriage of a widow can seldom be regulated
in the same manner as those of a younger bride. No fixed forms can be
arranged for entertainments, which must be controlled by circumstances.
INVITATIONS.
Wedding invitations should be handsomely engraved in script. Neither Old
English nor German text are admissible in invitations. The following is
given as the latest form for invitations:
[Illustration:
Mr. & Mrs. Theodore Grosser
_request your presence at the marriage
of their daughter_,
=Miss Felicia Grosser=
_to_
=Mr. Julius C. Forsyth=,
_on Wednesday, September 5th, at_
_12 o'clock._
_St. Luke's Church,_
_Cass Avenue._]
This invitation requires no answer. Friends living in other towns and
cities receiving it, inclose their cards, and send by mail. Residents
call on the family within the prescribed time, or as soon after as
possible.
The invitation to the wedding breakfast is enclosed in the same
envelope, generally conveyed on a square card, the same size as the
sheet of note paper which bears the invitation for the ceremony after it
has been once folded across the middle. The following is one of the
adopted forms:
[Illustration:
_At Home,_
_Wednesday, September 5th,_
_from 12 until 3 o'clock._
_20 Main Avenue._]
The separate cards of the bride and groom are no longer necessary.
The card of admission to the church is narrower, and is plainly engraved
in large script, as follows:
[Illustration:
_St. Luke's Church,_
_Ceremony at 12 o'clock._]
Generally only half an hour intervenes between the ceremony and the
reception.
DUTIES OF THOSE INVITED.
People who receive "At Home" wedding invitations, are expected to
acknowledge them as soon as received, and never fail to accept, unless
for some very good reason. Guests invited to the house, or to a marriage
feast following the ceremony, should not feel at liberty to decline from
any whim or caprice.
REQUIREMENTS OF THE BRIDEMAIDS AND USHERS.
Bridesmaids and ushers should allow nothing but illness or some
unavoidable accident to prevent them from officiating, thus showing
their appreciation of the friendship which has caused their selection to
this honored position. If by reason of sudden affliction, some one of
the bridemaids or ushers is prevented from attending, a substitute
should, if possible, be provided immediately. The reasons for this,
however, should be well understood, that no opportunity may be given for
uncharitable comments.
BRIDAL PRESENTS.
When bridal presents are given, they are sent to the bride previous to
the day of the marriage ceremony. As the universal bridal present has
fallen into disuse, this custom is not now considered obligatory, and if
immediate friends and relatives desire to make presents, it should be
spontaneous, and in no sense considered obligatory. These presents are
not put on exhibition as formerly, but are acknowledged by the bride in
a private note to the donor. It is not now considered in good form to
talk about these contributions.
ARRANGEMENTS FOR THE CEREMONIES.
In weddings at churches a master of ceremonies is often provided, who is
expected to be at the church as soon as the doors are opened. He
arranges beforehand for the spreading of a carpet from the church door
to the pavement, and if the weather be inclement, he sees that an
awning is also spread. He also sees that a white ribbon is stretched
across the main aisle of the church, far enough back from the altar to
afford sufficient room for all invited guests to occupy the front pews
of the main aisle. Sometimes an arch of flowers extends over the aisle,
so as to divide those who come in wedding garments, from those who do
not. The organist should be early at his post, and is expected to play
during the arrival of guests. The order of the religious part of the
marriage ceremony is fixed by the church in which it occurs.
THE WEDDING FEES.
There is no prescribed fee for performing the marriage ceremony. It is
regulated according to the means and liberality of the bridegroom, but
no less amount than five dollars should be given under any
circumstances.
THE CONGRATULATIONS.
At wedding receptions, friends who congratulate the newly married couple
should address the bride first, if they have any previous acquaintance
with her, then the bridegroom, then the bridemaids, and after that the
parents and family of the bride and groom. They should give their good
wishes to the bride and congratulate the bridegroom. If they are
acquainted with the bridegroom and not with the bride, let them address
him first and he will introduce them to his bride.
THE BRIDAL TOUR.
The honeymoon of repose, exempt from all claims of society, is now
prescribed by the dictates of common sense and fashion, and the same
arbiters unite in condemning the harrassing bridal tour. It is no longer
_de rigueur_ to maintain any secrecy as to their plans for traveling,
when a newly married couple depart upon a tour.
[Illustration]