Etiquette of Public Places.
All well-bred persons will conduct themselves at all times and in all
places with perfect decorum. Wherever they meet people they will be
found polite, considerate of the comfort, convenience and wishes of
others, and unobtrusive in their behavior. They seem to know, as if by
instinct, how to conduct themselves, wherever they may go, or in
whatever society they may be thrown. They consider at all times the
fitness of things, and their actions and speech are governed by feelings
of gentleness and kindness towards everybody with whom they come into
social relations, having a due consideration for the opinions and
prejudices of others, and doing nothing to wound their feelings. Many
people, however, either from ignorance, thoughtlessness or carelessness,
are constantly violating some of the observances of etiquette pertaining
to places of public assemblages. It is for this reason that rules are
here given by which may be regulated the conduct of people in various
public gatherings, where awkwardness and ostentatious display often call
forth unfavorable criticism.
CONDUCT IN CHURCH.
A gentleman should remove his hat upon entering the auditorium.
When visiting a strange church, you should wait in the vestibule until
an usher appears to show you to a seat.
A gentleman may walk up the aisle either a little ahead of, or by the
side of a lady, allowing the lady to first enter the pew. There should
be no haste in passing up the aisle.
People should preserve the utmost silence and decorum in church, and
avoid whispering, laughing, staring, or making a noise of any kind with
the feet or hands.
It is ill-mannered to be late at church. If one is unavoidably late, it
is better to take a pew as near the door as possible.
Ladies always take the inside seats, and gentlemen the outside or head
of the pew. When a gentleman accompanies a lady, however, it is
customary for him to sit by her side during church services.
A person should never leave church until the services are over, except
in some case of emergency.
Do not turn around in your seat to gaze at anyone, to watch the choir,
to look over the congregation or to see the cause of any disturbing
noise.
If books or fans are passed in church, let them be offered and accepted
or refused with a silent gesture of the head.
It is courteous to see that strangers are provided with books; and if
the service is strange to them, the places for the day's reading should
be indicated.
It is perfectly proper to offer to share the prayer-book or hymn-book
with a stranger if there is no separate book for his use.
In visiting a church of a different belief from your own, pay the utmost
respect to the services and conform in all things to the observances of
the church--that is, kneel, sit and rise with the congregation. No
matter how grotesquely some of the forms and observances may strike you,
let no smile or contemptuous remark indicate the fact while in the
church.
When the services are concluded, there should be no haste in crowding up
the aisle, but the departure should be conducted quietly and decorously.
When the vestibule is reached, it is allowable to exchange greetings
with friends, but here there should be no loud talking nor boisterous
laughter. Neither should gentlemen congregate in knots in the vestibule
or upon the steps of the church and compel ladies to run the gauntlet of
their eyes and tongues.
If a Protestant gentleman accompanies a lady who is a Roman Catholic to
her own church, it is an act of courtesy to offer the holy water. This
he must do with the ungloved right hand.
In visiting a church for the mere purpose of seeing the edifice, one
should always go at a time when there are no services being held. If
people are even then found at their devotions, as is apt to be the case
in Roman Catholic churches especially, the demeanor of the visitor
should be respectful and subdued and his voice low, so that he may not
disturb them.
INVITATION TO OPERA OR CONCERT.
A gentleman upon inviting a lady to accompany him to opera, theatre,
concert or other public place of amusement, must send his invitation the
previous day. The lady must reply immediately, so that if she declines,
there shall yet be time for the gentleman to secure another companion.
It is the gentleman's duty to secure good seats for the entertainment,
or else he or his companion may be obliged to take up with seats where
they can neither see nor hear.
CONDUCT IN OPERA, THEATER OR PUBLIC HALL.
On entering the hall, theater or opera house the gentleman should walk
side by side with his companion unless the aisle is too narrow, in which
case he should precede her. Upon reaching the seats, he should allow her
to take the inner one, assuming the outer one himself.
A gentleman should, on no account, leave the lady's side from the
beginning to the close of the performance.
If it is a promenade concert or opera, the lady may be invited to
promenade during the intermission. If she declines, the gentleman must
retain his position by her side.
There is no obligation whatever upon a gentleman to give up his seat to
a lady. On the contrary, his duty is solely to the lady whom he
accompanies. He must remain beside her during the evening to converse
with her between the acts, and to render the entertainment as agreeable
to her as possible.
During the performance complete quiet should be preserved, that the
audience may not be prevented from seeing or hearing. Between the acts
it is perfectly proper to converse, but it should be done in a low tone,
so as not to attract attention. Neither should one whisper. There should
be no loud talking, boisterous laughter, violent gestures, lover-like
demonstrations or anything in manners or speech to attract the attention
of others.
It is proper and desirable that the actors be applauded when they
deserve it. It is their only means of knowing whether they are giving
satisfaction.
The gentleman should see that the lady is provided with a programme, and
with libretto also if they are attending opera.
In passing out at the close of the performance the gentleman should
precede the lady, and there should be no crowding or pushing.
If the means of the gentleman warrant him in so doing, he should call
for his companion in a carriage. This is especially necessary if the
evening is stormy. He should call sufficiently early to allow them to
reach their destination before the performance commences. It is unjust
to the whole audience to come in late and make a disturbance in
obtaining seats.
The gentleman should ask permission to call upon the lady the following
day, which permission she should grant; and if she be a person of
delicacy and tact, she will make him feel that he has conferred a real
pleasure upon her by his invitation. Even if she finds occasion for
criticism in the performance, she should be lenient in this respect, and
seek for points to praise instead, that he may not feel regret at taking
her to an entertainment which has proved unworthy.
REMAIN UNTIL THE PERFORMANCE CLOSES.
At a theatrical or operatic performance, you should remain seated until
the performance is concluded and the curtain falls. It is exceedingly
rude and ill-bred to rise and leave the hall while the play is drawing
to a close, yet this severely exasperating practice has of late been
followed by many well-meaning people, who, if they were aware of the
extent to which they outraged the feelings of many of the audience, and
unwittingly offered an insult to the actors on the stage, would shrink
from repeating such flagrantly rude conduct.
CONDUCT IN PICTURE-GALLERIES.
In visiting picture-galleries one should always maintain the deportment
of a gentleman or a lady. Make no loud comments and do not seek to show
superior knowledge in art matters by gratuitous criticism. If you have
not an art education you will probably only be giving publicity to your
own ignorance. Do not stand in conversation before a picture, and thus
obstruct the view of others who wish to see rather than talk. If you
wish to converse with any anyone on general subjects, draw to one side,
out of the way of those who want to look at the pictures.
CONDUCT AT CHARITY FAIRS.
In visiting a fancy fair make no comments on either the article or their
price, unless you can praise. If you want them, pay the price demanded,
or let them alone. If you can conscientiously praise an article, by all
means do so, as you may be giving pleasure to the maker if she chances
to be within hearing. If you have a table at a fair, use no unladylike
means to obtain buyers. Not even the demands of charity can justify you
in importuning others to purchase articles against their own judgment or
beyond their means.
Never appear so beggarly as to retain the change, if a larger amount is
presented than the price. Offer the change promptly, when the gentleman
will be at liberty to donate it if he thinks best, and you may accept it
with thanks. He is, however, under no obligation whatever to make such
donation.
Be guilty of no loud talking or laughing, and by all means avoid
conspicuous flirting in so public a place.
As a gentleman must always remove his hat in the presence of ladies, so
he should remain with head uncovered, carrying his hat in his hand, in a
public place of this character.
CONDUCT IN AN ARTIST'S STUDIO.
If you have occasion to visit an artist's studio, by no means meddle
with anything in the room. Reverse no picture which stands or hangs with
face to the wall; open no portfolio without permission, and do not alter
by a single touch any lay-figure or its drapery, piece of furniture or
article of _vertu_ posed as a model. You do not know with what care the
artist may have arranged these things, nor what trouble the
disarrangement may cost him.
Use no strong expression either of delight or disapprobation at anything
presented for your inspection. If a picture or a statue please you, show
your approval and appreciation by close attention, and a few quiet, well
chosen words, rather than by extravagant praise.
Do not ask the artist his prices unless you really intend to become a
purchaser; and in this case it is best to attentively observe his works,
make your choice, and trust the negotiation to a third person or to a
written correspondence with the artist after the visit is concluded. You
may express your desire for the work and obtain the refusal of it from
the artist. If you desire to conclude the bargain at once you may ask
his price, and if he names a higher one than you wish to give, you may
say as much and mention the sum you are willing to pay, when it will be
optional with the artist to maintain his first price or accept your
offer.
It is not proper to visit the studio of an artist except by special
invitation or permission, and at an appointed time, for you cannot
estimate how much you may disturb him at his work. The hours of daylight
are all golden to him; and steadiness of hand in manipulating a pencil
is sometimes only acquired each day after hours of practice, and may be
instantly lost on the irruption and consequent interruption of visitors.
Never take a young child to a studio, for it may do much mischief in
spite of the most careful watching. At any rate, the juvenile visitor
will try the artist's temper and nerves by keeping him in a constant
state of apprehension.
If you have engaged to sit for your portrait never keep the artist
waiting one moment beyond the appointed time. If you do so you should in
justice pay for the time you make him lose.
A visitor should never stand behind an artist and watch him at his work;
for if he be a man of nervous temperament it will be likely to disturb
him greatly.
GENTLEMEN PASSING BEFORE LADIES.
Gentleman having occasion to pass before ladies who are already seated
in lecture and concert rooms, theaters and other public places, should
beg pardon for disturbing them; passing with their faces and never with
their backs toward them.
WHERE GENTLEMEN MAY KEEP THEIR HATS ON.
At garden parties and at all assemblies held in the open air, gentlemen
keep their hats on their heads. If draughts of cold air, or other
causes, make it necessary for them to retain their hats on their heads,
when in the presence of ladies within doors, they explain the necessity
and ask permission of the ladies whom they accompany.
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