Etiquette of the Street.
The manners of a person are clearly shown by his treatment of the people
he meets in the public streets of a city or village, in public
conveyances and in traveling generally. The true gentleman, at all
times, in all places, and under all circumstances, is kind and courteous
to all he meets, regards not only the rights, but the wishes and
feelings of others, is deferential to women and to elderly men, and is
ever ready to extend his aid to those who need it.
THE STREET MANNERS OF A LADY.
The true lady walks the street, wrapped in a mantle of proper reserve,
so impenetrable that insult and coarse familiarity shrink from her,
while she, at the same time, carries with her a congenial atmosphere
which attracts all, and puts all at their ease.
A lady walks quietly through the streets, seeing and hearing nothing
that she ought not to see and hear, recognizing acquaintances with a
courteous bow, and friends with words of greeting. She is always
unobtrusive, never talks loudly, or laughs boisterously, or does
anything to attract the attention of the passers-by. She walks along in
her own quiet, lady-like way, and by her pre-occupation is secure from
any annoyance to which a person of less perfect breeding might be
subjected.
A lady never demands attention and favors from a gentleman, but, when
voluntarily offered, accepts them gratefully, graciously, and with an
expression of hearty thanks.
FORMING STREET ACQUAINTANCES.
A lady never forms an acquaintance upon the street, or seeks to attract
the attention or admiration of persons of the other sex. To do so would
render false her claims to ladyhood, if it did not make her liable to
far graver charges.
RECOGNIZING FRIENDS IN THE STREET.
No one, while walking the streets, should fail, through pre-occupation,
or absent-mindedness, to recognize friends or acquaintances, either by a
bow or some form of salutation. If two gentlemen stop to talk, they
should retire to one side of the walk. If a stranger should be in
company with one of the gentlemen, an introduction is not necessary. If
a gentleman meets another gentleman in company with a lady whom he does
not know, he lifts his hat to salute them both. If he knows the lady, he
should salute her first. The gentleman who accompanies a lady, always
returns a salutation made to her.
A CROWDED STREET.
When a gentleman and lady are walking in the street, if at any place, by
reason of the crowd, or from other cause, they are compelled to proceed
singly, the gentleman should always precede his companion.
INTRUSIVE INQUIRIES.
If you meet or join or are visited by a person who has any article
whatever, under his arm or in his hand, and he does not offer to show it
to you, you should not, even if it be your most intimate friend, take it
from him and look at it. That intrusive curiosity is very inconsistent
with the delicacy of a well-bred man, and always offends in some degree.
THE FIRST TO BOW.
In England strict etiquette requires that a lady, meeting upon the
street a gentleman with whom she has acquaintance, shall give the first
bow of recognition. In this country, however, good sense does not insist
upon an imperative following of this rule. A well-bred man bows and
raises his hat to every lady of his acquaintance whom he meets, without
waiting for her to take the initiative. If she is well-bred, she will
certainly respond to his salutation. As politeness requires that each
salute the other, their salutations will thus be simultaneous.
ALWAYS RECOGNIZE ACQUAINTANCES.
One should always recognize lady acquaintances in the street, either by
bowing or words of greeting, a gentleman lifting his hat. If they stop
to speak, it is not obligatory to shake hands. Shaking hands is not
forbidden, but in most cases it is to be avoided in public.
[Illustration: GENTLEMAN MEETING A LADY.]
BOWING TO STRANGERS WITH FRIENDS.
If a gentleman meets a friend, and the latter has a stranger with him,
all three should bow. If the gentleman stops his friend to speak to him,
he should apologize to the stranger for detaining him. If the stranger
is a lady, the same deference should be shown as if she were an
acquaintance.
DO NOT LACK POLITENESS.
Never hesitate in acts of politeness for fear they will not be
recognized or returned. One cannot be too polite so long as he conforms
to rules, while it is easy to lack politeness by neglect of them.
Besides, if courtesy is met by neglect or rebuff, it is not for the
courteous person to feel mortification, but the boorish one; and so all
lookers-on will regard the matter.
TALKING WITH A LADY IN THE STREET.
In meeting a lady it is optional with her whether she shall pause to
speak. If the gentleman has anything to say to her, he should not stop
her, but turn around and walk in her company until he has said what he
has to say, when he may leave her with a bow and a lift of the hat.
LADY AND GENTLEMAN WALKING TOGETHER.
A gentleman walking with a lady should treat her with the most
scrupulous politeness, and may take either side of the walk. It is
customary for the gentleman to have the lady on his right hand side, and
he offers her his right arm, when walking arm in arm. If, however, the
street is crowded, the gentleman must keep the lady on that side of him
where she will be the least exposed to crowding.
OFFERING THE ARM TO A LADY.
A gentleman should, in the evening, or whenever her safety, comfort or
convenience seems to require it, offer a lady companion his arm. At
other times it is not customary to do so unless the parties be husband
and wife or engaged. In the latter case, it is not always advisable to
do so, as they may be made the subject of unjust remarks.
KEEPING STEP.
In walking together, especially when arm in arm, it is desirable that
the two keep step. Ladies should be particular to adapt their pace as
far as practicable, to that of their escort. It is easily done.
OPENING THE DOOR FOR A LADY.
A gentleman should always hold open the door for a lady to enter first.
This is obligatory, not only in the case of the lady who accompanies
him, but also in that of any strange lady who chances to be about to
enter at the same time.
ANSWERING QUESTIONS.
A gentleman will answer courteously any questions which a lady may
address to him upon the street, at the same time lifting his hat, or at
least touching it respectfully.
SMOKING UPON THE STREETS.
In England a well-bred man never smokes upon the streets. While this
rule does not hold good in this country, yet no gentleman will ever
insult a lady by smoking in the streets in her company, and in meeting
and saluting a lady he will always remove his cigar from his mouth.
OFFENSIVE BEHAVIOR.
No gentleman is ever guilty of the offense of standing on street corners
and the steps of hotels or other public places and boldly scrutinizing
every lady who passes.
CARRYING PACKAGES.
A gentleman will never permit a lady with whom he is walking to carry a
package of any kind, but will insist upon relieving her of it. He may
even accost a lady when he sees her overburdened and offer his
assistance, if their ways lie in the same direction.
SHOUTING.
Never speak to your acquaintances from one side of the street to the
other. Shouting is a certain sign of vulgarity. First approach, and then
make your communication to your acquaintance or friend in a moderately
loud tone of voice.
TWO GENTLEMEN WALKING WITH A LADY.
When two gentlemen are walking with a lady in the street they should not
be both upon the same side of her, but one of them should walk upon the
outside and the other upon the inside.
CROSSING THE STREET WITH A LADY.
If a gentleman is walking with a lady who has his arm, and they cross
the street, it is better not to disengage the arm, and go round upon the
outside. Such effort evinces a palpable attention to form, and that is
always to be avoided.
FULFILLING AN ENGAGEMENT.
When on your way to fill an engagement, if a friend stops you on the
street you may, without committing a breach of etiquette, tell him of
your appointment, and release yourself from any delay that may be
occasioned by a long talk; but do so in a courteous manner, expressing
regret for the necessity.
WALKING WITH A LADY ACQUAINTANCE.
A gentleman should not join a lady acquaintance on the street for the
purpose of walking with her, unless he ascertains that his company would
be perfectly agreeable to her. It might be otherwise, and she should
frankly say so, if asked.
PASSING BEFORE A LADY.
When a lady wishes to enter a store, house or room, if a gentleman
accompanies her, he should hold the door open and allow her to enter
first, if practicable; for a gentleman must never pass before a lady
anywhere if he can avoid it, or without an apology.
SHOPPING ETIQUETTE.
In inquiring for goods at a store or shop, do not say to the clerk or
salesman, "I want" such an article, but, "Please show me" such an
article, or some other polite form of address.
You should never take hold of a piece of goods or an article which
another person is examining. Wait until it is replaced upon the counter,
when you are at liberty to examine it.
It is rude to interrupt friends whom you meet in a store before they
have finished making their purchases, or to ask their attention to your
own purchases. It is rude to offer your opinion unasked, upon their
judgment or taste, in the selection of goods.
It is rude to sneer at and depreciate goods, and exceedingly
discourteous to the salesman. Use no deceit, but be honest with them, if
you wish them to be honest with you.
Avoid "jewing down" the prices of articles in any way. If the price does
not suit, you may say so quietly, and depart, but it is generally best
to say nothing about it.
It is an insult for the salesman to offensively suggest that you can do
better elsewhere, which should be resented by instant departure.
Ladies should not monopolize the time and attention of salesmen in small
talk, while other customers are in the store to be waited upon.
Whispering in a store is rude. Loud and showy behaviour is exceedingly
vulgar.
ETIQUETTE FOR PUBLIC CONVEYANCES.
In street cars, omnibuses and other public street conveyances, it should
be the endeavor of each passenger to make room for all persons entering,
and no gentleman will retain his seat when there are ladies standing.
When a lady accepts a seat from a gentleman, she expresses her thanks in
a kind and pleasant manner.
A lady may, with perfect propriety, accept the offer of services from a
stranger in alighting from, or entering an omnibus or other public
conveyance, and should always acknowledge the courtesy with a pleasant
"Thank you, sir," or a bow.
Never talk politics or religion in a public conveyance.
Gentlemen should not cross their legs, nor stretch their feet out into
the passage-way of a public conveyance.
AVOID CUTTING.
No gentleman will refuse to recognize a lady after she has recognized
him, under any circumstances. A young lady should, under no provocation,
"cut" a married lady. It is the privilege of age to first recognize
those who are younger in years. No young man will fail to recognize an
aged one after he has met with recognition. "Cutting" is to be avoided
if possible. There are other ways of convincing a man that you do not
know him, yet, to young ladies, it is sometimes the only means available
to rid them of troublesome acquaintances. "Cutting" consists in
returning a bow or recognition with a stare, and is publicly ignoring
the acquaintance of the person so treated. It is sometimes done by words
in saying, "Really I have not the pleasure of your acquaintance."
AVOIDING CARRIAGES.
For a lady to run across the street to avoid an approaching carriage is
inelegant and also dangerous. To attempt to cross the street between the
carriages of a funeral procession, is rude and disrespectful. The
foreign custom of removing the hat and standing in a respectful attitude
until the melancholy train has passed, is a commendable one to be
followed in this country.
KEEP TO THE RIGHT.
On meeting and passing people in the street, keep to your right hand,
except when a gentleman is walking alone; then he must always turn aside
to give the preferred side of the walk to a lady, to anyone carrying a
heavy load, to a clergyman or to an old gentleman.
SOME GENERAL SUGGESTIONS.
If a gentleman is walking with two ladies in a rain storm, and there is
but one umbrella, he should give it to his companions and walk outside.
Nothing can be more absurd than to see a gentleman walking between two
ladies holding an umbrella which perfectly protects himself, but half
deluges his companions with its dripping streams.
Never turn a corner at full speed or you may find yourself knocked down,
or may knock down another, by the violent contact. Always look in the
way you are going or you may chance to meet some awkward collision.
A young lady should, if possible, avoid walking alone in the street
after dark. If she passes the evening with a friend, provision should be
made beforehand for an escort. If this is not practicable, the person at
whose house she is visiting should send a servant with her, or some
proper person--a gentleman acquaintance present, or her own husband--to
perform the duty. A married lady may, however, disregard this rule, if
circumstances prevent her being able to conveniently find an escort.
A gentleman will always precede a lady up a flight of stairs, and allow
her to precede him in going down.
Do not quarrel with a hack-driver about his fare, but pay him and
dismiss him. If you have a complaint to make against him, take his name
and make it to the proper authorities. It is rude to keep a lady waiting
while you are disputing with a hack-man.
[Illustration]
[Illustration: SUMMER AFTERNOON, CENTRAL PARK.]