Receptions, Parties and Balls.
Morning receptions, as they are called, but more correctly speaking,
afternoon parties, are generally held from four to seven o'clock in the
afternoon. Sometimes a sufficient number for a quadrille arrange to
remain after the assemblage has for the most part dispersed.
THE DRESS.
The dress for receptions is, for men, morning dress; for ladies,
demi-toilet, with or without bonnet. No low-necked dress nor short
sleeves should be seen at day receptions, nor white neck-ties and dress
coats.
The material of a lady's costume may be of velvet, silk, muslin, gauze
or grenadine, according to the season of the year, and taste of the
wearer, but her more elegant jewelry and laces should be reserved for
evening parties.
THE REFRESHMENTS.
The refreshments for "morning receptions" are generally light,
consisting of tea, coffee, frozen punch, claret punch, ices, fruit and
cakes. Often a cold collation is spread after the lighter refreshments
have been served, and sometimes the table is set with all the varieties,
and renewed from time to time.
INVITATIONS.
Invitations to a reception are simple, and are usually very informal.
Frequently the lady's card is sent with the simple inscription, "At Home
Thursday, from four to seven." No answers are expected to these
invitations, unless "R.S.V.P." is on one corner. One visiting card is
left by each person who is present, to serve for the after call. No
calls are expected from those who attend. Those who are not able to be
present, call soon after.
MUSICAL MATINEES.
A _matinee musicale_ partakes of the nature of a reception, and is one
of the most difficult entertainments attempted. For this it is necessary
to secure those persons possessing sufficient vocal and instrumental
talent to insure the success of the entertainment, and to arrange with
them a programme, assigning to each, in order, his or her part. It is
customary to commence with a piece of instrumental music, followed by
solos, duets, quartettes, etc., with instrumental music interspersed, in
not too great proportions. Some competent person is needed as
accompanist. It is the duty of the hostess to maintain silence among her
guests during the performance of instrumental as well as vocal music. If
any are unaware of the breach of good manners they commit in talking or
whispering at such times, she should by a gesture endeavor to acquaint
them of the fact. It is the duty of the hostess to see that the ladies
are accompanied to the piano; that the leaves of the music are turned
for them, and that they are conducted to their seats again. When not
intimately acquainted with them, the hostess should join in expressing
gratification.
The dress at a musical matinee is the same as at a reception, only
bonnets are more generally dispensed with. Those who have taken part,
often remain for a hot supper.
PARTIES IN THE COUNTRY.
Morning and afternoon parties in the country, or at watering places, are
of a less formal character than in cities. The hostess introduces such
of her guests as she thinks most likely to be mutually agreeable. Music
or some amusement is essential to the success of such parties.
SUNDAY HOSPITALITIES.
In this country it is not expected that persons will call after informal
hospitalities extended on Sunday. All gatherings on that day ought to be
informal. No dinner parties are given on Sunday, or, at least, they are
not considered as good form in good society.
FIVE O'CLOCK TEA, COFFEE AND KETTLE-DRUMS.
Five o'clock tea, coffee and kettle-drums have recently been introduced
into this country from England. For these invitations are usually
issued on the lady's visiting card, with the words written in the left
hand corner.
[Illustration:
_Five o'clock tea,
Wednesday, October 6._]
Or, if for a kettle-drum:
[Illustration:
_Kettle-drum,
Wednesday, October 6._]
No answers are expected to these invitations, unless there is an
R.S.V.P. on the card. It is optional with those who attend, to leave
cards. Those who do not attend, call afterwards. The hostess receives
her guests standing, aided by other members of the family or intimate
friends. For a kettle-drum there is usually a crowd, and yet but few
remain over half an hour--the conventional time allotted--unless they
are detained by music or some entertaining conversation. A table set in
the dining-room is supplied with tea, coffee, chocolate, sandwiches,
buns and cakes, which constitute all that is offered to the guests.
There is less formality at a kettle-drum than at a larger day reception.
The time is spent in desultory conversation with friends, in listening
to music, or such entertainment as has been provided.
Gentlemen wear the usual morning dress. Ladies wear the _demi-toilet_,
with or without bonnets.
At five o'clock tea (or coffee), the equipage is on a side table,
together with plates of thin sandwiches, and of cake. The pouring of the
tea and passing of refreshments are usually done by some members of the
family or friends, without the assistance of servants, where the number
assembled is small; for, as a rule, the people who frequent these social
gatherings, care more for social intercourse than for eating and
drinking.
MORE FORMAL ENTERTAINMENTS.
Evening parties and balls are of a much more formal character than the
entertainments that have been mentioned. They require evening dress. Of
late years, however, evening dress is almost as much worn at grand
dinners as at balls and evening parties, only the material is not of so
diaphanous a character. Lace and muslin are out of place. Invitations to
evening parties should be sent from a week to two weeks in advance, and
in all cases they should be answered immediately.
BALLS.
The requisites for a successful ball are good music and plenty of people
to dance. An English writer says, "The advantage of the ball is, that it
brings young people together for a sensible and innocent recreation, and
takes them away from silly, if not from bad ones; that it gives them
exercise, and that the general effect of the beauty, elegance and
brilliancy of a ball is to elevate rather than to deprave the mind." It
may be that the round dance is monopolizing the ball room to a too great
extent, and it is possible that these may be so frequent as to mar the
pleasure of some persons who do not care to participate in them, to the
exclusion of "square" and other dances. America should not be the only
nation that confines ball room dancing to waltzes, as is done in some of
our cities. There should be an equal number of waltzes and quadrilles,
with one or two contra dances, which would give an opportunity to those
who object (or whose parents object) to round dances to appear on the
floor.
PREPARATIONS FOR A BALL.
There should be dressing-rooms for ladies and gentlemen, with a servant
or servants to each. There should be cards with the names of the invited
guests upon them, or checks with duplicates to be given to the guests
ready to pin upon the wraps of each one. Each dressing-room should be
supplied with a complete set of toilet articles. It is customary to
decorate the house elaborately with flowers. Although this is an
expensive luxury, it adds much to beautifying the rooms.
THE MUSIC.
Four musicians are enough for a "dance." When the dancing room is small,
the flageolet is preferable to the horn, as it is less noisy and marks
the time as well. The piano and violin form the mainstay of the band;
but when the rooms are large enough, a larger band may be employed.
THE DANCES.
The dances should be arranged beforehand, and for large balls programmes
are printed with a list of the dances. Usually a ball opens with a
waltz, followed by a quadrille, and these are succeeded by galops,
lancers, polkas, quadrilles and waltzes in turn.
INTRODUCTIONS AT A BALL.
Gentlemen who are introduced to ladies at a ball, solely for the purpose
of dancing, wait to be recognized before speaking with ladies upon
meeting afterwards, but they are at liberty to recall themselves by
lifting their hats in passing. In England a ball-room acquaintance
rarely goes any farther, until they have met at more balls than one; so,
also, a gentleman cannot, after being introduced to a young lady, ask
her for more than two dances during the same evening. In England an
introduction given for dancing purposes does not constitute
acquaintanceship. With us, as in Continental Europe, it does. It is for
this reason that, in England, ladies are expected to bow first, while on
the Continent it is the gentlemen who give the first marks of
recognition, as it should be here, or better still, simultaneously, when
the recognition is simultaneous. It is as much the gentleman's place to
bow (with our mode of life) as it is the lady's. The one who recognizes
first should be the first to show that recognition. Introductions take
place in a ball room in order to provide ladies with partners, or
between persons residing in different cities. In all other cases
permission is asked before giving introductions. But where a hostess is
sufficiently discriminating in the selection of her guests, those
assembled under her roof should remember that they are, in a certain
sense, made known to one another, and ought, therefore, to be able to
converse freely without introductions.
RECEIVING GUESTS.
The custom of the host and hostess receiving together, is not now
prevalent. The receiving devolves upon the hostess, but it is the duty
of the host to remain within sight until after the arrivals are
principally over, that he may be easily found by any one seeking him.
The same duty devolves upon the sons, who, that evening, must share
their attentions with all. The daughters, as well as the sons, will look
after partners for the young ladies who desire to dance, and they will
try to see that no one is neglected before they join the dancers
themselves.
AN AFTER-CALL.
After a ball, an after-call is due the lady of the house at which you
were entertained, and should be made as soon as convenient--within two
weeks at the farthest. The call loses its significance entirely, and
passes into remissness, when a longer time is permitted to elapse. If it
is not possible to make a call, send your card or leave it at the door.
It has become customary of late for a lady who has no weekly reception
day, in sending invitations to a ball, to inclose her card in each
invitation for one or more receptions, in order that the after-calls
due her may be made on that day.
SUPPER.
The supper-room at a ball is thrown open generally at twelve o'clock.
The table is made as elegant as beautiful china, cut-glass and an
abundance of flowers can make it. The hot dishes are oysters, stewed,
fried, broiled and scalloped, chicken, game, etc., and the cold dishes
are such as boned turkey, _boeuf á la mode_, chicken salad, lobster
salad and raw oysters. When supper is announced, the host leads the way
with the lady to whom he wishes to show especial attention, who may be
an elderly lady, or a stranger or a bride. The hostess remains until the
last, with the gentleman who takes her to supper, unless some
distinguished guest is present, with whom she leads the way. No
gentleman should ever go into the supper-room alone, unless he has seen
every lady enter before him. When ladies are left unattended, gentlemen,
although strangers, are at liberty to offer their services in waiting
upon them, for the host and hostess are sufficient guarantees for the
respectability of their guests.
THE NUMBER TO INVITE.
Persons giving balls or dancing parties should be careful not to invite
more than their rooms will accommodate, so as to avoid a crush.
Invitations to crowded balls are not hospitalities, but inflictions. A
hostess is usually safe, however, in inviting one-fourth more than her
rooms will hold, as that proportion of regrets are apt to be received.
People who do not dance will not, as a rule, expect to be invited to a
ball or dancing party.
DUTIES OF GUESTS.
Some persons may be astonished to learn that any duties devolve upon the
guests. In fact there are circles where all such duties are ignored.
It is the duty of every person who has at first accepted the invitation,
and subsequently finds that it will be impossible to attend, to send a
regret, even at the last moment, and as it is rude to send an acceptance
with no intention of going, those who so accept will do well to remember
this duty. It is the duty of every lady who attends a ball, to make her
toilet as fresh as possible. It need not be expensive, but it should at
least be clean; it may be simple, but it should be neither soiled nor
tumbled. The gentlemen should wear evening dress.
It is the duty of every person to arrive as early as possible after the
hour named, when it is mentioned in the invitation.
Another duty of guests is that each one should do all in his or her
power to contribute to the enjoyment of the evening, and neither
hesitate nor decline to be introduced to such guests as the hostess
requests. It is not binding upon any gentleman to remain one moment
longer than he desires with any lady. By constantly moving from one to
another, when he feels so inclined, he gives an opportunity to others to
circulate as freely; and this custom, generally introduced in our
society, would go a long way toward contributing to the enjoyment of
all. The false notion generally entertained that a gentleman is expected
to remain standing by the side of a lady, like a sentinel on duty, until
relieved by some other person, is absurd, and deters many who would
gladly give a few passing moments to lady acquaintances, could they but
know that they would be free to leave at any instant that conversation
flagged, or that they desired to join another. In a society where it is
not considered a rudeness to leave after a few sentences with one, to
exchange some words with another, there is a constant interchange of
civilities, and the men circulate through the room with that charming
freedom which insures the enjoyment of all.
While the hostess is receiving, no person should remain beside her
except members of her family who receive with her, or such friends as
she has designated to assist her. All persons entering should pass on to
make room for others.
SOME SUGGESTIONS FOR GENTLEMEN.
A gentleman should never attempt to step across a lady's train. He
should walk around it. If by any accident he should tread upon any
portion of her dress, he must instantly beg her pardon, and if by
greater carelessness he should tear it, he must pause in his course and
offer to escort her to the dressing-room so that she may have it
repaired.
If a lady asks any favor of a gentleman, such as to send a servant to
her with a glass of water, to take her into the ball-room when she is
without an escort, to inquire whether her carriage is in waiting, or any
of the numerous services which ladies often require, no gentleman will,
under any circumstances, refuse her request.
A really well-bred man will remember to ask the daughters of a house to
dance, as it is his imperative duty to do so; and if the ball has been
given for a lady who dances, he should include her in his attentions. If
he wishes to be considered a thorough-bred gentleman, he will sacrifice
himself occasionally to those who are unsought and neglected in the
dance. The consciousness of having performed a kind and courteous action
will be his reward.
When gentlemen, invited to a house on the occasion of an entertainment,
are not acquainted with all the members of the family, their first duty,
after speaking to their host and hostess, is to ask some common friend
to introduce them to those members whom they do not know. The host and
hostess are often too much occupied in receiving to be able to do this.
DUTIES OF AN ESCORT.
A lady's escort should call for her and accompany her to the place of
entertainment; go with her as far as the dressing-room, return to meet
her there when she is prepared to go to the ball-room; enter the latter
room with her and lead her to the hostess; dance the first dance with
her; conduct her to the supper-room, and be ready to accompany her home
whenever she wishes to go. He should watch during the evening to see
that she is supplied with dancing partners. When he escorts her home she
should not invite him to enter the house, and even if she does so, he
should by all means decline the invitation. He should call upon her
within the next two days.
GENERAL RULES FOR BALLS.
A young man who can dance, and will not dance, should stay away from a
ball.
The lady with whom a gentleman dances last is the one he takes to
supper. Therefore he can make no engagement to take out any other,
unless his partner is already engaged.
Public balls are most enjoyable when you have your own party. The great
charm of a ball is its perfect accord and harmony. All altercations,
loud talking and noisy laughter are doubly ill-mannered in a ball-room.
Very little suffices to disturb the whole party.
In leaving a ball, it is not deemed necessary to wish the lady of the
house a good night. In leaving a small dance or party, it is civil to do
so.
The difference between a ball and an evening party is, that at a ball
there must be dancing, and at an evening party there may or may not be.
A London authority defines a ball to be "an assemblage for dancing, of
not less than seventy-five persons."
Common civility requires that those who have not been present, but who
were among the guests invited, should, when meeting the hostess the
first time after an entertainment, make it a point to express some
acknowledgment of their appreciation of the invitation, by regretting
their inability to be present.
When dancing a round dance, a gentleman should never hold a lady's hand
behind him, or on his hip, or high in the air, moving her arm as though
it were a pump handle, as seen in some of our western cities, but should
hold it gracefully by his side.
Never forget ball-room engagements, nor confuse them, nor promise two
dances to one person. If a lady has forgotten an engagement, the
gentleman she has thus slighted must pleasantly accept her apology.
Good-breeding and the appearance of good temper are inseparable.
It is not necessary for a gentleman to bow to his partner after a
quadrille; it is enough that he offers his arm and walks at least half
way round the room with her. He is not obliged to remain beside her
unless he wishes to do so, but may leave her with any lady whom she
knows.
Never be seen without gloves in a ball-room, or with those of any other
color than white, unless they are of the most delicate hue.
Though not customary for a married couple to dance together in society,
those men who wish to show their wives the compliment of such unusual
attention, if they possess any independence, will not be deterred from
doing so by their fear of any comments from Mrs. Grundy.
The sooner that we recover from the effects of the Puritanical idea that
clergymen should never be seen at balls, the better for all who attend
them. Where it is wrong for a clergyman to go, it is wrong for any
member of his church to be seen.
In leaving a ball room before the music has ceased, if no members of the
family are in sight, it is not necessary to find them before taking your
departure. If, however, the invitation is a first one, endeavor not to
make your exit until you have thanked your hostess for the
entertainment. You can speak of the pleasure it has afforded you, but it
is not necessary that you should say "it has been a grand success."
Young ladies must be careful how they refuse to dance, for unless a good
reason is given, a gentleman is apt to take it as evidence of personal
dislike. After a lady refuses, the gentleman should not urge her to
dance, nor should the lady accept another invitation for the same dance.
The members of the household should see that those guests who wish to
dance are provided with partners.
Ladies leaving a ball or party should not allow gentlemen to see them to
their carriages, unless overcoats and hats are on for departure.
When balls are given, if the weather is bad, an awning should be
provided for the protection of those passing from their carriages to the
house. In all cases, a broad piece of carpet should be spread from the
door to the carriage steps.
Gentlemen should engage their partners for the approaching dance, before
the music strikes up.
In a private dance, a lady cannot well refuse to dance with any
gentleman who invites her, unless she has a previous engagement. If she
declines from weariness, the gentleman will show her a compliment by
abstaining from dancing himself, and remaining with her while the dance
progresses.
[Illustration]