SELF-ABUSE
In one of my articles for one of the leading women's magazines I spoke
of mental self-abuse. This brought me so many inquiries regarding both
mental and physical self-abuse that I feel impelled to explain them to
you.
To abuse means to use wrongly, or to injure. We have talked about the
uses of the female organs and also about the care of them. Sometimes, I
have watched children rub their eyes until they were quite red and
inflamed. I have seen children, thoughtlessly, stick pins and hairpins
in their ears and I even have had to remove a bean which a thoughtless
child had pushed up its nose. All these things did more or less harm to
the parts. In the same way, some girls play with their external
generative organs and even put things up in the vagina. Sometimes they
injure these organs greatly, and sometimes there is a more general and
serious effect. You know the nerves of the body all are very closely
connected like telegraph wires so that an irritation to one part will
sometimes be telegraphed to another entirely different part and cause
the nerves of that part to be irritated. When you have a toothache your
whole face and head and even your arms ache. That is because the nerves
are irritated. In the same way if one irritates the nerves of the female
organs, the whole body may be affected; only in this case it is more
serious than with the toothache; for these female organs are more
abundantly supplied with nerves.
One who is guilty of such an unnatural practice as to deliberately
irritate any portion of her body, especially the very important
generative organs, always secretly despises herself. If persisted in,
the results of this vice are a ruined nervous system and a weakened
character. The victim realizes she is doing a disgraceful thing and
seldom acknowledges her habit even to her physician.
If one has become a victim of such a habit she should determine to stop
it immediately and then take measures to restore her nervous system to
its original state. It never is too late to commence treatment. It is
the continued practice and the mental dwelling on the acts that does the
harm, not the few acts thoughtlessly performed. Of course the longer the
habit has continued, the more firmly it is fixed and the harder to
break.
The treatment is first to absolutely stop the practice, then fill your
mind with other thoughts. Take considerable physical exercise in the
open air. Sleep on a hard bed in a well-ventilated room. Eat plain,
nourishing food without spices and stimulants. Take up some work or play
that will interest you and that will keep your mind occupied. Live in
the open air as much as possible. If you find yourself desiring to do
these harmful things, go immediately and busy your mind and hands with
something else and the desire will pass soon. In young children this
habit often has its origin in some irritation of the external organs, as
a hooded clitoris. So before taking severe measures to break the habit,
it is wise to have the child examined for such a condition.
Now as to mental self-abuse, perhaps I can make my meaning more clear by
again quoting from some of my letters. A young woman from South
Carolina wrote me, "A few years ago I taught school and one of my
pupils, perfectly innocent of the grave results that would befall her,
committed three outrages upon herself, what is known in the medical
world as masturbation or self-abuse. The girl, as I know, was chaste and
a sweeter, nicer, brighter pupil I never taught. But she had the
misfortune to commit these abuses upon herself in all innocence and felt
no discomfort or ill health in any way until about three months
afterward. Then she began to lose interest in her work, to fall away in
her grades, in fact to take very little interest in anything. In this
condition she came to me and told me everything. Since then she has felt
no physical pain whatever, but her mind, though not really gone, is
visibly affected. In this way, she is constantly in dread lest something
dreadful will happen, feels as if a cloud were hanging over her, is not
capable of doing any mental work. At times, has a horror of being shut
up in any place, memory is poor, places and positions change, that is, a
place moves to some other position, for instance, the right side of the
street very often is in the opposite direction. To sum it all up, she
constantly is miserable. So far as being insane is concerned, she is
not that. She is perfectly conscious of her condition. She feels well
physically and appears to be so mentally, but says there is just a
befogged sensation in her head which gets no better nor worse, yet it is
there. The feeling came upon her very suddenly one morning in the spring
after the abuses had taken place in January and then it all flashed over
her the awful consequences of her innocent practices. Oh! what would she
not have given to be her old self again! If she only had known the awful
result, her mind sacrificed for a practice in which she indulged through
ignorance and for experiment, never dreaming the baneful effect it would
have on her mind. Now, this girl has gone on this way for the past eight
years getting no worse nor any better. Seemingly, she is the same but
she suffers untold miseries when alone, conscious that her mind is hazy
and not capable of enjoying books, society of others or anything that
interests young girls. Yet nobody ever would detect that she is not
feeling well. She told me all this in confidence and as the case puzzles
me, I write you feeling that perhaps you would advise me in some way the
treatment necessary to cure her. She is and has been perfectly moral
since the fateful abuses upon herself and I do not understand why her
mind does not return to its normal condition."
I do! She will not give her mind a chance to get well. She constantly is
abusing it by dwelling on things that should have been forgotten long
ago. No one goes through life without making some mistakes. Everyone has
burned his finger many times. And yet he does not keep worrying about it
and wondering if it will have some dangerous after-effect. Of course, if
he deliberately burned his finger time and time again, it might remain
injured permanently. But if he, ignorantly or accidentally, has burned
it once or several times, he stops his careless ways, allows Nature to
restore the injured portion, and then forgets there ever was an injury.
It is the same with self-abuse, many children do things like this
thoughtlessly. But when a girl learns she is injuring herself, she
should stop the practice and allow Nature to repair the wound. Then
forget all about it. Do not worry, above all things. Go ahead and fill
your mind with work.
There are many women in this world who are abusing themselves by
worrying over something that has occurred in the past. Whatever is in
the past cannot be undone. All we can do is to profit by our experience
and turn the energies, that would be wasted by worrying, to some good
use. Whenever thoughts of the past or desires for the wrong things
disturb you, crowd these worry thoughts and desires out of your mind by
putting in it good thoughts. Deliberately fill your mind and hands so
full of other things that there will be no room for these unwholesome
pests. Worry does more harm than smallpox ever did!
This dwelling on past mistakes is only one of several methods of mental
self-abuse. Another way some abuse themselves is by continuing the
association with those who excite or irritate them. If in your work or
social life you find that a certain person has an effect upon you that
is not wholesome, that when you are in the company of that individual
you are incapable of doing your best, then it is time to make a change.
Keep away from that individual until such a time as you are strong
enough to resist his influence. Choose your friends from among those who
stimulate you mentally. If you stop to think, you must admit that you
accomplish more and better work when in the presence of certain people.
Those are the ones whose companionship you should seek.
There are people living together or working together who are a continual
source of irritation to each other. It is just as impossible for such
people to work in harmony as it is for two incompatible chemicals, as
nitrogen and iodine. We do not try to over-ride the laws of Nature by
trying to force these chemicals to stay together. It is just as
impossible to force certain incompatible people to be harmonious. If
society or business throws two such people together it would be wise for
one to make a change before there is an explosion. It is impossible for
any person to do good work in an atmosphere of irritation.
Another element in mental self-abuse is longing for the unattainable.
Sometimes a person sets her mind on a certain thing. If that goal is an
honorable one, she should make every effort to attain it but if
circumstances over which she has no control make that goal impossible of
attainment she should turn her thoughts in another direction. But that
is what many people do not do. If they cannot have just what they want
they sit and bemoan their fate and give up trying for other goals. Such
a person should choose a line of work or play that is especially
interesting to her and bend her energies in that direction. She will be
surprised how soon she will lose her intense interest in her former
longed-for goal.
Lack of self-confidence is an evidence of mental self-abuse. A person
who has no confidence in herself cannot expect others to have. One who
keeps herself in the attitude of Uriah Heap, who continually asserts, "I
am a poor worm, I am unworthy of the blessings of life, I cannot expect
great reward," must expect to be taken at her word. In this age a man
(or woman) is valued, in a large measure, by the estimate he sets upon
himself. Honors are not thrust upon a man unless he shows the
self-confidence which commands confidence. Bacon said, "Some are born
great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them."
But those of the last class are very few. Our enemies are willing to
thrust upon us scandal and humiliation whenever there is a possible
chance, but our friends are very slow in thrusting honors upon us. If a
person wants anything in this world he must first convince himself of
his ability to attain that goal, then he may be able to convince others.
It is the man with confidence in himself who wins the day.
After one has decided upon his goal he should keep that goal always
before him as the pillar of fire before the seekers for the promised
land. All our thoughts should be in that direction. Every wish or
thought we send out reaches someone and in time may bring us what we
wish. "By faith ye can accomplish all things."
There is an explanation of "Who answers prayer" which describes a mother
kneeling by the bedside of her sick baby, and praying faithfully that
her baby might be restored to health. In a vision the author sees these
prayer thoughts radiating from the mother like invisible telegraph
wires, along which the message is carried to various parts of the city.
One wire reaches the home of a minister who, although willing, feels his
inability to answer. Another wire reaches the home of a wealthy banker
but he, too, is powerless to help. The next wire is connected with the
home of a prominent lawyer famous for his ability to win cases for the
needy, but in this case he cannot win, for Death is more powerful than
he. But a fourth wire reaches a physician who has just retired from a
hard day's fight with his enemy--disease. The physician awakens, grasps
the message and immediately arises, dresses and hastens to the home of
the poor woman. In a short time the little one's spasms are relieved and
the doctor gives a sigh of relief, as he says to the anxious mother,
"The crisis is past, your baby will live." The mother's prayer has been
answered.
Every thought we entertain is being sent out along these invisible wires
and eventually will reach someone who responds to it. If we send out
worry thoughts or thoughts of self-depreciation we must expect others to
receive the message as we send it. So if we want to make the most of our
lives we continually must send out only thoughts that we wish others to
receive. We must value ourselves if we expect others to value us!
Too much introspection and concern for self is often the cause of
nervous conditions that produce worry and ill-health. The best cure is
the cultivation of complete unselfishness. To be interested in the
happiness of others is the surest road to happiness for one's self;--if
you get feeling tired of yourself make a visit to some congenial
friend, and there forget self and your troubles. "It is more blessed to
give than receive" is a truth that all serene and great souls recognize
and practice throughout their lives.