WHY GIRLS GO ASTRAY
Not long ago an estimable young woman in speaking of the unfortunate
girls in the world said, "I cannot see how any refined girl could get
into trouble. I cannot conceive of any circumstances which would permit
any self-respecting girl to allow the familiarities necessary for such a
condition." That is the attitude assumed by many intelligent women.
Because they grew up in an environment without temptations, because they
had no unsatisfied longings to be loved or to be popular, they are
incapable of understanding these feelings in any other person.
In every girl there is an inborn longing to be loved and to have a home
of her own. It is a misunderstanding of this sense that is responsible
for the wrecked lives of many girls. In too many homes there is no
expression of the love sense. Frequently I have heard girls remark,
"Why, I never think of kissing my parents except, perhaps, when they or
I go away." In too many homes the only mention that is made of love is
that made in a bantering manner. A child has the right idea of love. She
loves everyone and is free in the expression of this love. As she grows
older she obtains wrong ideas of love and she too often obtains these
wrong ideas in her own home and from her own parents who instill false
ideas of love when indulging their habit of "teasing." Frequently we
hear parents talking about the small daughter's "beau." The child feels
pent-up emotions of love and, as there is no outlet at home in a natural
way, she acquires the idea that these emotions should be spent in a
childish love affair.
In a recent address Professor Marx Lubine of the University of Berlin
said, "Motherhood, in all stages of civilization, has been strangely
ignorant of the fact that girls have as powerful a battery of emotions
as boys. It is my experience that a major portion of mothers understand
their sons better than their daughters. Why? The daughters are not given
credit for a power of emotion the sons are capable of. Yet, naturally,
in my long experience with both sexes, I have no hesitation in saying
that the emotions of a pure girl are usually deeper, more lasting, than
those of a boy, and that if we are to have a great improvement in
womanhood it must come through a recognition of this fact."
It is strange but mothers seem to be blind to, or ignorant of the
emotions that are seething back of the clear eyes of their daughters.
The emotions of the girl have not been studied sufficiently. We expect a
boy to do things which serve as an outlet to his pent-up emotions but we
expect a girl to go on in a calm, uneventful manner with no outlet for
the overflow of emotions. Blessed are the "Tomboys." I would there were
more of them. It is a fact that the girl who runs, plays, climbs trees
and is given to outdoor sports generally during the early part of her
life develops into the truest woman. She has an outlet for her energies.
Her time is fully occupied with those things that promote health. She
has no time nor desires for those things that show a perverted taste.
Such a girl seldom becomes a victim of self-abuse. She is not inclined
to romantic love affairs. It is her sister who sits and sews who has
time and inclination for indulging in morbid longings and who becomes
the victim of pernicious habits.
Curiosity is one of the prominent characteristics of both sexes. With
the boy this is satisfied without much pretence at secrecy. False
modesty prevents the girl from openly obtaining the desired information.
She obtains it secretly from her companions. Mothers do not give their
daughters credit for the instinct that compels the satisfaction of their
curiosity. Sometime during her life, nearly every mother is surprised
and shocked at the knowledge displayed by her daughter. She finds that
owing to her silence and neglect of opportunities her daughter has
obtained definite if entirely wrong ideas of sexual matters.
In other matters, too, the policy of silence or of arbitrarily
forbidding the daughter to indulge in certain pleasures, coupled with
the natural curiosity of the girl, tends to develop in her the habit of
deceitfulness. If she is forbidden some harmless amusements she very
frequently learns these diversions at the homes of her friends. The
mother was brought up in one generation, the daughter in another; what
was considered wrong in the first generation is looked upon in an
entirely different manner now. Many mothers seem to be unable to
realize this. They were brought up in a puritanical environment. The
puritan fathers forbade all indulgence in mirth and happiness. Their
ideas of the perfect life were to wear a stern, unsmiling countenance
and do those things that were unpleasant. If anything was uncongenial,
then it was their duty to overcome their inclinations. These puritans
expected to develop by repression. We have changed our ideas radically
since then, but some of the puritanical ideas still cling to us in our
treatment of children. To develop the child's character she must be made
to do the things she does not want to do and to refrain from the things
she most desires. Is it right?
We are most interested in those things that belong to us individually or
in which we have some share. If we wish a girl to remain at home then we
must see that she is interested in that home. The way to do this is to
make her feel that the home belongs to her in part and that some
portions of it are entirely hers. The majority of girls feel no real
interest in their homes. They are made to feel that it is their
parents' home and that they are only assistants. A girl to be interested
in her home must have some definite room that is hers alone and in which
she is allowed to exercise her individual tastes. She must have a place
in which she can entertain her friends without the feeling that whatever
she does and says is to be criticised afterwards. She should be assigned
to certain tasks and held responsible for them. She must have a certain
definite allowance out of which she is to buy certain things, otherwise
her desire for independence will arise and cause her to leave home. The
majority of girls have no income of their own. Perhaps their desires are
all fulfilled by an indulgent parent and yet the girls resent the
feeling of dependence.
Girls are naturally just as ambitious as boys, and they need good,
honest work to keep them healthy and their minds occupied. If a girl
displays an interest in a certain line of work this interest must be
encouraged. Usually it is not. The girl is taught, either consciously or
unconsciously, that whatever occupation she takes up will be only
temporary, that to become engrossed in her work would mean no marriage.
Girls cannot do good work under such conditions.