Properly the proposal for a Rajput marriage should emanate from the
bride's side, and the customary method of making it was to send a
cocoanut to the bridegroom. 'The cocoanut came,' was the phrase used
to intimate that a proposal of marriage had been made. [470] It is
possible that the bride's initiative was a relic of the Swayamwara or
maiden's choice, when a king's daughter placed a garland on the neck
of the youth she preferred among the competitors in a tournament,
and among some Rajputs the Jayamala or garland of victory is still
hung round the bridegroom's neck in memory of this custom; but it may
also have been due to the fact that the bride had to pay the dowry. One
tenth of this was paid as earnest when the match had been arranged, and
the boy's party could not then recede from it. At the entrance of the
marriage-shed was hung the _toran_, a triangle of three wooden bars,
having the apex crowned with the effigy of a peacock. The bridegroom
on horseback, lance in hand, proceeded to break the _toran_, which was
defended by the damsels of the bride. They assailed him with missiles
of various kinds, and especially with red powder made from the flowers
of the _palas_ [471] tree, at the same time singing songs full of
immoral allusions. At length the _toran_ was broken amid the shouts
of the retainers, and the fair defenders retired. If the bridegroom
could not attend in person his sword was sent to represent him,
and was carried round the marriage-post, with the bride, this being
considered a proper and valid marriage. At the rite of _hatleva_ or
joining the hands of the couple it was customary that any request made
by the bridegroom to the bride's father should meet with compliance,
and this usage has led to many fatal results in history. Another
now obsolete custom was that the bride's father should present an
elephant to his son-in-law as part of the dowry, but when a man could
not afford a real elephant a small golden image of the animal might be
substituted. In noble families the bride was often accompanied to her
husband's house by a number of maidens belonging to the servant and
menial castes. These were called Devadhari or lamp-bearers, and became
inmates of the harem, their offspring being _golas_ or slaves. In
time of famine many of the poor had also perforce to sell themselves
as slaves in order to obtain subsistence, and a chiefs household would
thus contain a large number of them. They were still adorned in Mewar,
Colonel Tod states, like the Saxon slaves of old, with a silver ring
round the left ankle instead of the neck. They were well treated,
and were often among the best of the military retainers; they took
rank among themselves according to the quality of the mothers, and
often held confidential places about the ruler's person. A former
chief of Deogarh would appear at court with three hundred _golas_ or
slaves on horseback in his train, men whose lives were his own. [472]
These special customs have now generally been abandoned by the Rajputs
of the Central Provinces, and their weddings conform to the usual
Hindu type as described in the article on Kurmi. The remarriage of
widows is now recognised in the southern Districts, though not in the
north; but even here widows frequently do marry and their offspring
are received into the caste, though with a lower status than those
who do not permit this custom. Among the Baghels a full Rajput will
allow a relative born of a remarried widow to cook his food for him,
but not to add the salt nor to eat it with him. Those who permit
the second marriage of widows also allow a divorced woman to remain
in the caste and to marry again. But among proper Rajputs, as with
Brahmans, a wife who goes wrong is simply put away and expelled from
the society. Polygamy is permitted and was formerly common among
the chiefs. Each wife was maintained in a separate suite of rooms,
and the chief dined and spent the evening alternately with each of
them in her own quarters. The lady with her attendants would prepare
dinner for him and wait upon him while he ate it, waving the punkah or
fan behind him and entertaining him with her remarks, which, according
to report, frequently constituted a pretty severe curtain lecture.