towards Perfection, than the being able to bear Contempt and an unjust
Treatment from one’s Superiors evenly and patiently. For inward Worth
and real Excellency are the true Ground of Superiority, and one Person
is not in reality better than another, but as he is more Wise and Good.
But this World being a Place of Trial, and govern’d by general Laws,
just Retributions being reserv’d for hereafter, Respect and Obedience
many times become due for Order’s sake, to those who don’t otherwise
deserve them. Now tho’ Humility keeps us from over-valuing our selves or
viewing our Merit through a false and magnifying _Medium_, yet it does
not put out our Eyes, it does not, it ought not to deprive us of that
pleasing Sentiment which attends our Acting as we ought to Act, which
is, as it were, a Foretaste of Heaven, our present Reward for doing what
is just and fit. And when a Superior does a mean and unjust thing, as
all Contempt of one’s Neighbour is, and yet this does not provoke his
Inferiors to refuse that Observance which their Stations in the World
require, they cannot but have an inward Sense of their own real
Superiority, the other having no Pretence to it, at the same Time that
they pay him an outward Respect and Deference, which is such a flagrant
Testimony of the sincerest Love of Order, as proves their Souls to be of
the highest and noblest Rank.
A Man therefore for his own sake, and to give Evidence that he has a
Right to those Prerogatives he assumes, should treat Women with a little
more Humanity and Regard than is usually paid them. Your whifling Wits
may scoff at them, and what then? It matters not, for they rally every
Thing though ever so sacred, and rail at the Women commonly in very good
Company. Religion, its Priests, and those its most constant and regular
Professors, are the usual Subjects of their manly, mannerly and
surprizing Jests. Surprizing indeed! not for the Newness of the Thought,
the Brightness of the Fancy, or Nobleness of Expression, but for the
good Assurance with which such Thread-bare Jests are again and again
repeated. But that your grave Dons, your learned Men, and, which is
more, your Men of Sense, as they would be thought, should stoop so low
as to make Invectives against the Women, forget themselves so much as to
jest with their Slaves, who have neither Liberty, nor Ingenuity to make
Reprizals; that they should waste their Time, and debase their good
Sense, which fits them for the most weighty Affairs, such as are
suitable to their profound Wisdom and exalted Understandings! to render
those poor Wretches more ridiculous and odious who are already in their
Opinion sufficiently contemptible, and find no better Exercise of their
Wit and Satire, than such as are not worth their Pains, though it were
possible to Reform them, this, this indeed may justly be wonder’d at!
I Know not whether or no Women are allow’d to have Souls; if they have,
perhaps it is not prudent to provoke them too much, lest, silly as they
are, they at last recriminate, and then what polite and well-bred
Gentleman, though himself is concern’d, can forbear taking that lawful
Pleasure, which all who understand Raillery must taste, when they find
his Jests who insolently began to peck at his Neighbour, return’d with
Interest upon his own Head? And indeed Men are too Humane, too Wise, to
venture at it, did they not hope for this Effect, and expect the
Pleasure of finding their Wit turn to such Account: For if it be lawful
to pry into a Secret, this is, without doubt, the whole Design of those
fine Discourses which have been made against the Women from our great
Fore-Fathers to this present Time! Generous Man has too much Bravery, he
is too Just and too Good to assault a defenceless Enemy, and if he did
inveigh against the Women, it was only to do them Service! For since
neither his Care of their Education, his hearty Endeavours to improve
their Minds, his wholesome Precepts, nor great Example could do them
good, as his last and kindest Essay, he resolv’d to try what Contempt
would do, and chose rather to expose himself by a seeming Want of
Justice, Equity, Ingenuity and Good-nature, than suffer Women to remain
such vain and insignificant Creatures as they have hitherto been
reckon’d; and truly, Women are some Degrees beneath what I have thus far
thought them, if they do not make the best Use of his Kindness, improve
themselves, and, like Christians, return it.
Let us see then what is their Part, what must they do to make the
Matrimonial Yoke tolerable to themselves as well as pleasing to their
Lords and Masters? That the World is an empty and deceitful Thing, that
those Enjoyments which appear’d so desirable at a Distance, which rais’d
our Hopes and Expectations to such a mighty Pitch, which we so
passionately coveted, and so eagerly pursued, vanish at our first
Approach, leaving nothing behind them but the Folly of Delusion, and the
Pain of disappointed Hopes, is a common Outcry; and yet, as common as it
is, though we complain of being deceiv’d this Instant, we do not fail of
contributing to the Cheat the very next. Though in reality it is not the
World that abuses us, ’tis we abuse our selves; it is not the Emptiness
of That, but our own false Judgments, our unreasonable Desires and
Expectations that torment us; for he who exerts his whole Strength to
lift a Straw, ought not to complain of the Burden, but of his own
disproportionate Endeavour which gives him the Pain he feels. The World
affords us all the Pleasure a sound Judgment can expect from it, and
answers all those Ends and Purposes for which it was design’d; let us
expect no more than is reasonable, and then we shall not fail of our
Expectations.
It is even so in the Case before us; a Woman who has been taught to
think Marriage her only Preferment, the Sum-Total of her Endeavours, the
Completion of all her Hopes, that which must settle and make her Happy
in this World, and very few, in their Youth especially, carry a Thought
steadily to a greater Distance; She who has seen a Lover dying at her
Feet, and can’t therefore imagine that he who professes to receive all
his Happiness from her, can have any other Design or Desire than to
please her; whose Eyes have been dazled with all the Glitter and Pomp of
a Wedding, and, who hears of nothing but Joy and Congratulation; who is
transported with the Pleasure of being out of Pupillage, and Mistress
not only of her self, but of a Family too: She who is either so simple
or so vain, as to take her Lover at his Word, either as to the Praises
he gave her, or the Promises he made for himself; in sum, she whose
Expectation has been rais’d by Courtship, by all the fine Things that
her Lover, her Governess and Domestick Flatterers say, will find a
terrible Disappointment when the Hurry is over, and when she comes
calmly to consider her Condition, and views it no more under a false
Appearance, but as it truly is.
I Doubt in such a View it will not appear over-desirable, if she regards
only the present State of Things. Hereafter may make amends for what she
must be prepar’d to suffer here, then will be her Reward, this is her
Time of Trial, the Season of exercising and improving her Vertues. A
Woman that is not Mistress of her Passions, that cannot patiently
submit, even when Reason suffers with her, who does not practise Passive
Obedience to the utmost, will never be acceptable to such an absolute
Sovereign as a Husband. Wisdom ought to Govern without Contradiction,
but Strength however will be obeyed. There are but few of those wise
Persons who can be content to be made yet wiser by Contradiction; the
most will have their _Will_, and it is right because it is theirs. Such
is the Vanity of Human Nature, that nothing pleases like an intire
Subjection; what Imperfections won’t a Man over-look where this is not
wanting! Though we live like Brutes, we would have Incense offer’d us,
that is only due to Heaven it self, would have an absolute and blind
Obedience paid us by all over whom we pretend Authority. We were not
made to Idolize one another, yet the whole Strain of Courtship is little
less than rank Idolatry: But does a Man intend to give, and not to
receive his Share in this Religious Worship? No such matter; Pride and
Vanity, and Self-love have their Designs, and if the Lover is so
condescending as to set a Pattern in the Time of his Addresses, he is so
just as to expect his Wife should strictly Copy after it all the rest of
her Life.
But how can a Woman scruple intire Subjection, how can she forbear to
admire the Worth and Excellency of the Superior Sex, if she at all
considers it! Have not all the great Actions that have been perform’d in
the World been done by Men? Have not they founded Empires and overturn’d
them? Do not they make Laws and continually repeal and amend them? Their
vast Minds lay Kingdoms waste, no Bounds or Measures can be prescrib’d
to their Desires. War and Peace depend on them; they form Cabals and
have the Wisdom and Courage to get over all the Rubs, the petty
Restraints which Honour and Conscience may lay in the Way of their
desired Grandeur. What is it they cannot do? They make Worlds and ruin
them, form Systems of universal Nature, and dispute eternally about
them; their Pen gives Worth to the most trifling Controversy; nor can a
Fray be inconsiderable if they have drawn their Swords in’t. All that
the wise Man pronounces is an Oracle, and every Word the Witty speaks, a
Jest. It is a Woman’s Happiness to hear, admire and praise them,
especially if a little Ill-nature keeps them at any time from bellowing
due Applauses on each other! And if she aspires no further, she is
thought to be in her proper Sphere of Action; she is as wise and as good
as can be expected from her!
She then who Marries, ought to lay it down for an indisputable Maxim,
that her Husband must govern absolutely and intirely, and that she has
nothing else to do but to Please and Obey. She must not attempt to
divide his Authority, or so much as dispute it; to struggle with her
Yoke will only make it gall the more, but must believe him Wise and
Good, and in all respects the best, at least he must be so to her. She
who can’t do this is no way fit to be a Wife, she may set up for that
peculiar Coronet the antient Fathers talk’d of, but is not qualified to
receive that great Reward which attends the eminent Exercise of Humility
and Self-denial, Patience and Resignation, the Duties that a Wife is
call’d to.
But some refractory Woman perhaps will say, how can this be? Is it
possible for her to believe him Wise and Good, who by a thousand
Demonstrations convinces her, and all the World, of the contrary? Did
the bare Name of Husband confer Sense on a Man, and the meer being in
Authority infallibly qualify him for Government, much might be done. But
since a wise Man and a Husband are not Terms convertible, and how loth
soever one is to own it, Matter of Fact won’t allow us to deny, that the
Head many times stands in need of the Inferior’s Brains to manage it,
she must beg leave to be excus’d from such high Thoughts of her
Sovereign, and if she submits to his Power, it is not so much Reason as
Necessity that compels her.
Now of how little Force soever this Objection may be in other respects,
methinks it is strong enough to prove the Necessity of a good Education,
and that Men never mistake their true Interest more than when they
endeavour to keep Women in Ignorance. Could they indeed deprive them of
their Natural good Sense at the same Time they deny them the true
Improvement of it, they might compass their End; otherwise Natural Sense
unassisted may run into a false Track, and serve only to punish him
justly, who would not allow it to be useful to himself or others. If
Man’s Authority be justly establish’d, the more Sense a Woman has, the
more Reason she will find to submit to it; if according to the Tradition
of our Fathers, (who having had _Possession_ of the Pen, thought they
had also the best _Right_ to it) Womens Understanding is but small, and
Man’s Partiality adds no Weight to the Observation, ought not the more
Care to be taken to improve them? How it agrees with the Justice of Men
we inquire not, but certainly Heaven is abundantly more Equitable than
to injoin Women the hardest Task, and give them the least Strength to
perform it. And if Men, learned, wise and discreet as they are, who
have, as is said, all the Advantages of Nature, and without Controversy,
have, or may have, all the Assistance of Art, are so far from acquitting
themselves as they ought, from living according to that Reason and
excellent Understanding they so much boast of, can it be expected that a
Woman who is reckon’d silly enough in her self, at least comparatively,
and whom Men take care to make yet more so; can it be expected that she
should constantly perform so difficult a Duty as intire Subjection, to
which corrupt Nature is so averse?
If the great and wise _Cato_, a _Man_, a Man of no ordinary Firmness and
Strength of Mind, a Man who was esteem’d as an Oracle, and by the
Philosophers and great Men of his Nation equal’d even to the Gods
themselves; If he, with all his Stoical Principles, was not able to bear
the Sight of a triumphant Conqueror, (who perhaps would have insulted,
and perhaps would not) but out of a Cowardly Fear of an Insult, ran to
Death, to secure him from it; can it be thought that an ignorant weak
Woman should have Patience to bear a continual Outrage and Insolence all
the Days of her Life? Unless you will suppose her a _very Ass_, but then
remember what the _Italians_ say, to quote them once more, since being
_very_ Husbands they may be presum’d to have some Authority in this
Case, _An Ass, though slow, if provok’d, will kick_.
We never observe, or perhaps make Sport, with the ill Effects of a bad
Education, till it comes to touch us home in the ill Conduct of a
Sister, a Daughter, or Wife. Then the Women must be blam’d, their Folly
is exclaim’d against, when all this while it was the wise Man’s Fault,
who did not set a better Guard on those, who, according to him, stand in
so much need of one. A young Gentleman, as a celebrated Author tells us,
ought above all Things to be acquainted with the State of the World, the
Ways and Humours, the Follies, the Cheats, the Faults of the Age he is
fallen into; he should by degrees be inform’d of the Vice in Fashion,
and warn’d of the Application and Design of those who will make it their
Business to corrupt him, should be told the Arts they use, and the
Trains they lay, be prepar’d to be Shock’d by some, and Caress’d by
others; warn’d who are like to oppose, who to mislead, who to undermine,
and who to serve him. He should be instructed how to know and
distinguish them, where he should let them see, and when dissemble the
Knowledge of them and their Aims and Workings. Our Author is much in the
right, and not to disparage any other Accomplishments which are useful
in their Kind, this will turn to more Account than any Language or
Philosophy, Art or Science, or any other Piece of Good-breeding and fine
Education that can be taught him, which are no otherwise excellent than
as they contribute to this, as this does above all Things to the making
him a wise, a vertuous and useful Man.
And it is not less necessary that a young Lady should receive the like
Instructions, whether or no her Temptations be fewer, her Reputation and
Honour however are to be more nicely preserv’d; they may be ruin’d by a
little Ignorance or Indiscretion, and then though she has kept her
Innocence, and so is secur’d as to the next World, yet she is in a great
measure lost to this. A Woman cannot be too watchful, too apprehensive
of her Danger, nor keep at too great a Distance from it, since Man,
whose Wisdom and Ingenuity is so much Superior to hers! condescends for
his Interest sometimes, and sometimes by way of Diversion, to lay Snares
for her. For though all Men are _Virtuosi_, Philosophers and
Politicians, in comparison of the ignorant and illiterate Women, yet
they don’t all pretend to be Saints, and ’tis no great Matter to them,
if Women, who were born to be their Slaves, be now and then ruin’d for
their Entertainment.
But according to the rate that young Women are Educated, according to
the Way their Time is spent, they are destin’d to Folly and
Impertinence, to say no worse, and, which is yet more inhuman, they are
blam’d for that ill Conduct they are not suffer’d to avoid, and
reproach’d for those Faults they are in a Manner forc’d into; so that if
Heaven has bestowed any Sense on them, no other Use is made of it, than
to leave them without Excuse. So much, and no more, of the World is
shewn them, than serves to weaken and corrupt their Minds, to give them
wrong Notions, and busy them in mean Pursuits; to disturb, not to
regulate their Passions; to make them timorous and dependant, and, in a
Word, fit for nothing else but to act a Farce for the Diversion of their
Governors.
Even Men themselves improve no otherwise than according to the Aim they
take, and the End they propose; and he whose Designs are but little and
mean, will be the same himself. Tho’ Ambition, as ’tis usually
understood, is a foolish, not to say a base and pitiful Vice, yet the
Aspirings of the Soul after true Glory are so much its Nature, that it
seems to have forgot it self, and to degenerate, if it can forbear; and
perhaps the great Secret of Education lies in affecting the Soul with a
lively Sense of what is truly its Perfection, and exciting the most
ardent Desires after it.
But, alas! what poor Woman is ever taught that she should have a higher
Design than to get her a Husband? Heaven will fall in of course; and if
she makes but an Obedient and Dutiful Wife, she cannot miss of it. A
Husband indeed is thought by both Sexes so very valuable, that scarce a
Man who can keep himself clean and make a Bow, but thinks he is good
enough to pretend to any Woman; no matter for the Difference of Birth or
Fortune, a Husband is such a Wonder-working Name as to make an Equality,
or something more, whenever it is obtain’d.
And indeed, were there no other Proof of Masculine Wisdom, and what a
much greater Portion of Ingenuity falls to the Men than to the Women’s
Share, the Address, the Artifice, and Management of an humble Servant
were a sufficient Demonstration. What good Conduct does he shew! what
Patience exercise! what Subtilty leave untry’d! what Concealment of his
Faults! what Parade of his Vertues! what Government of his Passions! How
deep is his Policy in laying his Designs at so great a Distance, and
working them up by such little Accidents! How indefatigable is his
Industry, and how constant his Watchfulness not to slip any Opportunity
that may in the least contribute to his Design! What a handsome Set of
Disguises and Pretences is he always furnish’d with! How conceal’d does
he lie! how little pretend, till he is sure that his Plot will take! And
at the same Time that he nourishes the Hope of being Lord and Master,
appears with all the Modesty and Submission of an humble and
unpretending Admirer!
Can a Woman then be too much upon her Guard? Can her Prudence and
Foresight, her early Caution, be reckon’d unnecessary Suspicion, or
ill-bred Reserve by any but those whose Designs they prevent, and whose
Interest it is to declaim against them? It being a certain Maxim with
the Men, though Policy or good Breeding won’t allow them to avow it
always, that the Women were made for their Sakes and Service, and are in
all respects their Inferiors, especially in Understanding; so that all
the Compliments they make, all the Address and Complaisance they use,
all the Kindness they profess, all the Service they pretend to pay, has
no other Meaning, no other End, than to get the poor Woman into their
Power, to govern her according to their Discretion. This is all pure
Kindness indeed, and therefore no Woman has Reason to be offended with
it; for, considering how much she is expos’d in her own, and how safe in
their Keeping, ’tis the wisest Thing she can do to put her self under
Protection! And then if they have a tolerable Opinion of her Sense, and
not their Vanity, but some better Principle disposes them to do
something out of the Way, and to appear more generous than the rest of
their Sex, they’ll condescend to dictate to her, and impart some of
their Prerogative, Books and Learning. ’Tis fit indeed, that she should
intirely depend on their Choice, and walk with the Crutches they are
pleas’d to lend her; and if she is furnished out with some Notions to
set her a prating, I should have said, to make her entertaining, and the
Fiddle of the Company, her Tutor’s Time was not ill bestowed: And it
were a diverting Scene to see her stript, like the _Jay_, of her
borrowed Feathers, but he, good Man, has not ill Nature enough to take
Pleasure in it! You may accuse him, perhaps, for giving so much
Encouragement to a Woman’s Vanity, but your Accusation is groundless,
Vanity being a Disease the Sex will always be guilty of; nor is it a
Reproach to them, since Men of Learning and Sense are over-run with it.
But there are few Women whose Understandings are worth the Management,
their Estates are much more capable of Improvement. No Woman, much less
a Woman of Fortune, is ever fit to be her own Mistress, and he who has
not the Vanity to think what much finer Things he could perform, had he
the Management of her Fortune; or so much Partiality and Self-love, as
to fancy it can’t be better bestow’d than in making his; will yet be so
honest and humble, as to think that ’tis fit she should take his
Assistance, as Steward at least. For the good Man aspires no further, he
would only take the Trouble of her Affairs off her Hand; and the Sense
of her Condescension and his great Obligations, will for ever secure him
against acting like a Lord and Master.
The Steps to Folly, as well as Sin, are gradual, and almost
imperceptible, and when we are once on the Decline, we go down without
taking Notice on’t; were it not for this, one could not account for
those strange unequal Marriages we too often see. For there was a Time,
no doubt, when a Woman could not have bore the very Thought of what she
has been afterwards betray’d into; it would have appear’d as shocking to
her, as it always does to other People; and had a Man been so impolitick
as to discover the least Intimation of such a Design, he had given her a
sufficient Antidote against it. This your wise Men are well satisfied
of, and understand their own Interest too well to let their Design go
bare-fac’d, for that would effectually put a Bar to their Success. So
innocent are they, that they had not the least Thought at first of what
their good Fortune afterwards leads them to! They would draw upon him,
(if they wear a Sword) or fly in her Face who should let fall the least
Hint that they had such Intentions; and this very Eagerness to avoid the
Suspicion, is a shrewd Sign that there is Occasion for’t.