seasonable to give her friendly Notice? If you do it ere she is
resolv’d, though with all the Friendship and Tenderness imaginable, she
will hardly forgive the Affront, or bear the Provocation; you offer her
an Outrage by entertaining such a Thought, and ’tis ten to one if you
are not afterwards accus’d for putting in her Head what otherwise she
could ne’er have dreamt of. And when no direct Proof can be offer’d,
when matter of Prudence is the only Thing in Question, every Body has so
good an Opinion of their own Understanding, as to think their own Way
the best. And when she has her Innocence and fair Intentions to oppose
your Fears and Surmises, and you cannot pretend to wish her better than
she does her self, to be more disinterested and diligent in your
Watchfulness, or to see farther in what so nearly concerns her, what can
be done? Her Ruin is commonly too far advanc’d to be prevented, ere you
can in Good-breeding reach out a Hand to help her. For if the Train has
took, if she is intangled in the Snare, if Love, or rather a blind
unreasonable Fondness, which usurps the Name of that noble Passion, has
gain’d on her, Reason and Persuasion may as properly be urg’d to the
Folks in _Bethlem_, as to her. Tell her of this World, she is got above
it, and has no Regard to its impertinent Censures; tell her of the next,
she laughs at you, and will never be convinc’d that Actions which are
not expresly forbid can be Criminal, though they proceed from, and must
necessarily be reduc’d to ill Principles, though they give Offence, are
of ill Example, injure our Reputation, which, next to our Innocence, we
are obliged, as Christians, to take the greatest Care of; and, in a
Word, do more Mischief than we can readily imagine. Tell her of her own
Good, you appear yet more ridiculous, for who can judge of her Happiness
but her self? And whilst our Hearts are violently set upon any thing,
there is no convincing us that we shall ever be of another Mind. Our
Passions want no Advocates, they are always furnish’d with plausible
Pretences, and those very Prejudices, which gave rise to this
unreasonable Passion, will for certain give her Obstinacy enough to
justify and continue in it. Besides, some are so ill advis’d as to think
to support one Indiscretion with another; they would not have it thought
they have made a false Step, in once giving Countenance to that which is
not fit to be continued. Or perhaps the Lady might be willing enough to
throw off the Intruder at first, but wanted Courage to get above the
Fear of his Calumnies, and the longer she suffers him to buz about her,
she will find it the harder to get rid of his Importunities. By all
which it appears, that she who really intends to be secure, must keep at
the greatest Distance from Danger, she must not grant the _least_
Indulgence, where such ill Uses will be made of it.
And since the Case is so, That Woman can never be in Safety who allows a
Man Opportunity to betray her. Frequent Conversation does for certain
produce either Aversion or Liking, and when ’tis once come to Liking, it
depends on the Man’s Generosity not to improve it farther, and where can
one find an Instance that this is any Security? There are very many
indeed which shew it is none. How sensible soever a Woman may appear of
another’s Indiscretion, if she will tread in the same Steps, though but
for a little Way, she gives us no Assurance that she will not fall into
the same Folly; she may perhaps intend very well, but she puts it past
her Power to fulfil her good Intentions. Even those who have forfeited
their Discretion, the most valuable Jewel next to their Vertue, and
without which Vertue it self is but very weak and faint, ’tis like, were
once as well resolv’d as she; they had the very same Thoughts, they made
the same Apologies, and their Resentment would have been every whit as
great against those who could have imagined they should so far forget
themselves.
It were endless to reckon up the divers Stratagems Men use to catch
their Prey, their different Ways of insinuating, which vary with
Circumstances, and the Lady’s Temper, but how unfairly, how basely
soever they proceed, when the Prey is once caught, it passes for lawful
Prize, and other Men having the same Hopes and Projects, see nothing to
find Fault with, but that it was not their own good Fortune. They may
exclaim against it perhaps in a Lady’s Hearing, but it is only to keep
themselves from being suspected, and to give the better Colour to their
own Designs. Sometimes a Woman is cajol’d, and sometimes hector’d, she
is seduc’d to love a Man, or aw’d into a Fear of him: He defends her
Honour against another, or assumes the Power of blasting it himself; was
willing to pass for one of no Consequence till he could make himself
considerable at her Cost. He might be admitted at first to be _her
Jest_, but he carries on the Humour so far till he makes her _his_; he
will either entertain or serve her as Occasion offers, and some Way or
other gets himself intrusted with her Fortune, her Fame, or her Soul.
Allow him but a frequent and free Conversation, and there’s no manner of
Question but that his Ingenuity and Application, will, at one Time or
other, get the Ascendant over her.
And generally the more humble and undesigning a Man appears, the more
improbable it looks that he should dare to pretend, the greater Caution
should be us’d against him. A bold Address and good Assurance may
sometimes, but does not always, take. To a Woman of Sense an artificial
Modesty and Humility is a thousand times more dangerous, for he only
draws back to receive the more Encouragement, and she regards not what
Advances she makes towards him, who seems to understand himself and the
World so well as to be incapable of making an ill Use of them. Would it
not be unreasonable, and a Piece of Ill-breeding, to be shy of him who
has no Pretensions, or only such as are Just and Modest? What Hurt in a
Visit? Or what if Visits grow a little more frequent? The Man has so
much Discernment, as to relish her Wit and Humour, and can she do less
than be Partial to him who is so just to her? He strives to please and
to render himself agreeable, or necessary, perhaps, and whoever will
make it his Business, may find Ways enough to do it. For they know but
little of Human Nature, they never consulted their own Hearts, who are
not sensible what Advances a well-manag’d Flattery makes, especially
from a Person of whose Wit and Sense one has a good Opinion. His Wit at
first recommends his Flatteries, and these, in Requital, set off his
Wit; and she who has been us’d to this high-season’d Diet, will scarce
ever relish another Conversation.
Having got thus far, to be sure he is not wanting to his good Fortune,
but drives on to an Intimacy, or what they are pleas’d, now a-days,
though very unjustly, to call a Friendship; all is safe under this
sacred Character, which sets them above little Aims and mean Designs. A
Character that must be conducted with the nicest Honour, allows the
greatest Trusts, leads to the highest Improvements, is attended with the
purest Pleasures and most rational Satisfaction. And what if the
malicious World, envious of his Happiness, should take Offence at it,
since he has taken all due Precautions, such unjust and ill-natur’d
Censures are not to be regarded; for his Part the Distance that is
between them checks all aspiring Desires, but her Conversation is what
he must not, cannot want: Life is insipid, and not to be endur’d without
it; and he is too much the Lady’s Friend, has too just a Value for her,
to entertain a Thought to her Disadvantage.
Now if once it is come to this, _GOD_ help the poor Woman! for not much
Service can be done her by any of her Friends on Earth. That Pretender,
to be sure, will be the Darling, he will worm out every other Person,
though ever so kind and disinterested. For tho’ true Friends will
endeavour to please in order to serve, their Complaisance never goes so
far as to prove injurious; the beloved Fault is what they chiefly strike
at, and this the Flatterer always sooths; so that at last he becomes the
most acceptable Company, and they who are conscious of their own
Integrity, are not apt to bear such an unjust Distinction, nor is it by
this Time to any Purpose to remonstrate the Danger of such an Intimacy.
When a Man, and for certain much more when a Woman, is fallen into this
Toil, that is, when either have been so unwary and indiscreet as to let
another find out by what Artifices he may manage their Self-love, and
draw it over to his Party, ’tis too late for anyone who is really their
Friend, to break the Snare and disabuse them.
Neither Sex cares to deny themselves that which pleases, especially when
they think they may innocently indulge it; and nothing pleases more than
the being Admir’d and Humour’d. We may be told of the Danger, and shewn
the Fall of others, but though their Misfortunes are ever so often or so
lively represented to us, we are all so well assur’d of our own good
Conduct, as to believe it will bring us safe off those Rocks on which
others have been Shipwreck’d. We suppose it in our Power to shorten the
Line of our Liberty whenever we think fit, not considering that the
farther we run, we shall be the more unwilling to retreat, and unable to
judge when a Retreat is necessary. A Woman does not know that she is
more than half lost when she admits of these Suggestions; that those
Arguments she brings for continuing a Man’s Conversation, prove only
that she ought to have quitted it sooner; that Liking insensibly
converts to Love, and that when she admits a Man to be her Friend, ’tis
his Fault if he does not make himself her Husband.
And if Men, even the Modestest and the Best, are only in pursuit of
their own Designs, when they pretend to do the Lady Service; if the
Honour they would seem to do her, tends only to lead her into an
imprudent, and therefore a dishonourable Action; and they have all that
good Opinion of themselves as to take every thing for Encouragement, so
that she who goes beyond a bare Civility, though she meant no more than
Respect, will find it interpreted a Favour, and made ill Use of, (for
Favours, how innocent soever, never turn to a Lady’s Advantage) what
Shadow of a Pretence can a Woman have for admitting an Intimacy with a
Man, whose Principles are known to be Loose, and his Practices
Licentious? can she expect to be safe with him who has ruin’d others,
and by the very same Methods he takes with her? If an Intimacy with a
Man of a fair Character gives Offence, with a Man of an ill one, ’tis
doubly and trebly scandalous. And suppose neither her Fortune nor Beauty
can tempt him, he has his ill-natur’d Pleasure in destroying that Vertue
he will not practise, or if that can’t be done, in blasting the
Reputation of it at least, and in making the World believe he has made a
Conquest, though he has found a Foil.
If the Man be the Woman’s Inferior, besides all the Dangers formerly
mention’d, and those just now taken Notice of, she gives such a
Countenance to his Vices, as renders her in great measure, Partaker in
them; and, it can scarce be thought in such Circumstances, a Woman could
like the Man if she were not reconcil’d to his Faults. Is he her Equal,
and no unsuitable Match, if his Designs are fair, why don’t they Marry,
since they are so well pleas’d with each other’s Conversation, which in
this State only can be frequently and safely allow’d? Is he her Better,
and she hopes, by catching him, to make her Fortune, alas! the poor
Woman is neither acquainted with the World nor her self; she neither
knows her own Weakness, nor his Treachery, and though he gives her ever
so much Encouragement to this vain Hope, ’tis only in order to
accomplish her Ruin. To be sure the more Freedom she allows, the more
she lessens his Esteem, and that’s not likely to increase a real, though
it may a pretended Kindness; she ought to fly, if she would have him
pursue, the strictest Vertue and Reserve being the only Way to secure
him.
Religion and Reputation are so sure a Guard, such a Security to poor
defenceless Woman, that whenever a Man has ill Designs on her, he is
sure to make a Breach into one or both of these, by endeavouring either
to corrupt her Principles, to make her less strict in Devotion, or to
lessen her Value of a fair Reputation, and would persuade her, that less
than she imagines will secure her as to the next World, and that not
much Regard is to be given to the Censures of this. Or if this be too
bold at first, and will not pass with her, he has another Way to make
even her Love to Vertue contribute to its Ruin, by persuading her it
never shines as it ought, unless it is expos’d, and that she has no
Reason to boast of her Vertue unless she has try’d it. An Opinion of the
worst Consequence that may be, and the most mischievous to a Woman,
because it is calculated to feed her Vanity, and tends indeed to her
utter Ruin. For, can it be fit to rush into Temptations, when we are
taught every Day to pray against them? If the Trials of our Vertue
render it illustrious, ’tis such Trials as Heaven is pleas’d to send us,
not those of our own seeking. It holds true of both Sexes, that next to
the Divine Grace a modest Distrust of themselves is their best Security,
none being so often and so shamefully foil’d, as those who depend most
on their own Strength and Resolution.
As to the Opinion of the World, tho’ one cannot say ’tis always just,
yet generally it has a Foundation, great Regard is to be paid to it, and
very good Use to be made of it. Others _may_ be in Fault for passing
their Censures, but we certainly _are_ so, if we give them any the least
just Occasion. And since Reputation is not only one of the Rewards of
Vertue, that which always ought, and generally does attend it, but also
a Guard against Evil, an Inducement to Good, and a great Instrument in
the Hand of the Wife to promote the common Cause of Vertue; the being
Prodigal of the one, looks as if we set no great Value on the other, and
she who abandons her good Name, is not like to preserve her Innocence.
A Woman therefore can never have too nice a Sense of Honour, provided
she does not prefer it before her Duty; she can never be too careful to
secure her Character, not only from the Suspicion of a Crime, but even
from the Shadow of an Indiscretion. ’Tis well worth her while to
renounce the most Entertaining, and, what some perhaps, will call the
most Improving Company, rather than give the World a just Occasion of
Suspicion or Censure. For besides the Injury that is done Religion,
which enjoins us to avoid the very Appearance of Evil, and to do nothing
but what is of good Report, she puts her self too much in a Man’s Power,
who will run such a Risque for his Conversation, and expresses such a
Value for him, as cannot fail of being made use of to do her a Mischief.
Preserve your Distance then, keep out of the Reach of Danger, fly if you
would be safe, be sure to be always on the Reserve, not such as is
Morose and Affected, but Modest and Discreet, your Caution cannot be too
great, nor your Foresight reach too far; there’s nothing, or what is
next to nothing, a little Amusement and entertaining Conversation, lost
by this, but all is hazarded by the other. A Man understands his own
Merit too well to lose his Time in a Woman’s Company, were it not to
divert himself at her Cost, to turn her into a Jest, or something worse.
And where-ever you see great Assiduities, when a Man insinuates into the
Diversions and Humours of the Lady, liking and admiring whatever she
does, though at the same Time he seems to keep a due Distance, or rather
exceeds in the profoundest Respect; Respect being all he dare at present
pretend to: when a more than ordinary Deference is paid; when something
particular appears in the Look and Address, and such an Obsequiousness
in every Action, as nothing could engage a Man to, who never forgets the
Superiority of his Sex, but a Hope to be observ’d in his Turn: Then,
whatever the Inequality be, and how sensible soever he seems to be of
it, the Man has for certain his Engines at work, the Mine is ready to be
sprung on the first Opportunity, and ’tis well if it be not too late to
prevent the poor Lady’s Ruin.
To wind up this Matter; If a Woman were duly principled, and taught to
know the World, especially the true Sentiments that Men have of her, and
the Traps they lay for her under so many gilded Compliments, and such a
seemingly great Respect, that Disgrace would be prevented which is
brought upon too many Families; Women would Marry more discreetly, and
demean themselves better in a married State, than some People say they
do. The Foundation, indeed, ought to be laid deep and strong, she should
be made a good Christian, and understand why she is so, and then she
will be every thing else that is Good. Men need keep no Spies on a
Woman’s Conduct, need have no Fear of her Vertue, or so much as of her
Prudence and Caution, were but a due Sense of true Honour and Vertue
awaken’d in her; were her Reason excited and prepared to consider the
Sophistry of those Temptations which would persuade her from her Duty;
and were she put in a way to know that it is both her Wisdom and
Interest to observe it: she would then duly examine and weigh all the
Circumstances, the Good and Evil of a married State, and not be
surprized with unforeseen Inconveniencies, and either never consent to
be a Wife, or make a good one when she does. This would shew her what
Human Nature _is_, as well as what it _ought_ to be, and teach her not
only what she may justly expect, but what she must be content with;
would enable her to cure some Faults, and patiently to suffer what she
cannot cure.
Indeed nothing can assure Obedience, and render it what it ought to be,
but the Conscience of Duty, the paying it for GOD’S sake. Superiors
don’t rightly understand their own Interest when they attempt to put out
their Subjects Eyes to keep them Obedient. A blind Obedience is what a
Rational Creature should never pay, nor would such an one receive it,
did he rightly understand its Nature. For Human Actions are no otherwise
valuable, than as they are conformable to Reason; but a blind Obedience
is an Obeying _without Reason_, for ought we know, _against it_. _GOD_
himself does not require our Obedience at this rate; he lays before us
the Goodness and Reasonableness of his Laws, and were there any thing in
them whose Equity we could not readily comprehend, yet we have this
clear and sufficient Reason, on which, to found our Obedience, that
nothing but what’s just and fit, can be enjoin’d by a Just, a Wise, and
Gracious _GOD_; but this is a Reason will never hold in respect of Mens
Commands, unless they can prove themselves Infallible, and consequently
Impeccable too.
It is therefore very much a Man’s Interest, that Women should be good
Christians; for in this, as in every other Instance, he who does his
Duty, finds his own Account in it. Duty and true Interest are one and
the same Thing, and he who thinks otherwise is to be pitied for being so
much in the Wrong: But what can be more the Duty of the Head, than to
instruct and improve those who are under Government? She will freely
leave him the quiet Dominion of this World, whose Thoughts and
Expectations are plac’d on the next. A Prospect of Heaven, and that
only, will cure that Ambition which all generous Minds are fill’d with,
not by taking it away, but by placing it on a right Object. She will
discern a Time when her Sex shall be no Bar to the best Employments, the
highest Honour; a Time when that Distinction, now so much us’d to her
Prejudice, shall be no more; but, provided she is not wanting to her
self, her Soul shall shine as bright as the greatest Heroe’s. This is a
true, and indeed, the only Consolation; this makes her a sufficient
Compensation for all the Neglect and Contempt the ill-grounded Customs
of the World throw on her; for all the Injuries brutal Power may do her,
and is a sufficient Cordial to support her Spirits, be her Lot in this
World what it may.
But some sage Persons may, perhaps object, that were Women allow’d to
improve themselves, and not, amongst other Discouragements, driven back
by the wise Jests and Scoffs that are put upon a Woman of Sense or
Learning, a Philosophical Lady, as she is call’d by way of Ridicule;
they would be too wise, and too good for the Men: I grant it, for
vicious and foolish Men. Nor is it to be wonder’d that He is afraid he
should not be able to Govern them were their Understandings improv’d,
who is resolv’d not to take too much Pains with his own. But these, ’tis
to be hoped, are no very considerable Number, the Foolish at least; and
therefore this is so far from being an Argument against Womens
Improvement, that it is a strong one for it, if we do but suppose the
Men to be as capable of Improvement as the Women; but much more, if,
according to Tradition, we believe they have greater Capacities. This,
if any thing, would stir them up to be what they ought, and not permit
them to waste their Time and abuse their Faculties in the Service of
their irregular Appetites and unreasonable Desires, and so let poor
contemptible Women, who have been their Slaves, excel them in all that
is truly excellent. This would make them Blush at employing an immortal
Mind no better than in making Provision for the Flesh to fulfil the
Lusts thereof, since Women, by a wiser Conduct, have brought themselves
to such a Reach of Thought, to such Exactness of Judgment, such
Clearness and Strength of Reasoning, such Purity and Elevation of Mind,
such Command of their Passions, such Regularity of Will and Affection,
and, in a Word, to such a Pitch of Perfection, as the Human Soul is
capable of attaining in this Life by the Grace of _GOD_; such true
Wisdom, such real Greatness, as though it does not qualify them to make
a Noise in this World, to found or overturn Empires, yet it qualifies
them for what is infinitely better, a Kingdom that cannot be mov’d, an
incorruptible Crown of Glory.
Besides, it were ridiculous to suppose, that a Woman, were she ever so
much improv’d, could come near the topping Genius of the Men, and
therefore why should they envy or discourage her? Strength of Mind goes
along with Strength of Body, and ’tis only for some odd Accidents which
Philosophers have not yet thought worth while to enquire into, that the
sturdiest Porter is not the wisest Man! As therefore the Men have the
Power in their Hands, so there’s no Dispute of their having the Brains
to manage it! Can we suppose there is such a Thing as good Judgment and
Sense upon Earth, if it is not to be found among them: Do not they,
generally speaking, do all the great Actions and considerable Business
of this World, and leave that of the next to the Women? Their Subtlety
in forming Cabals and laying deep Designs, their Courage and Conduct in
breaking through all Tyes, sacred and civil, to effect them, not only
advances them to the Post of Honour, and keeps them securely in it for
twenty or thirty Years, but gets them a Name, and conveys it down to
Posterity for some Hundreds; and who would look any further? Justice and
Injustice are administred by their Hands, Courts and Schools are fill’d
with these Sages; ’tis Men who dispute for Truth, as well as Men who
argue against it: Histories are writ by them; they recount each other’s
great Exploits, and have always done so. All famous Arts have their
Original from Men, even from the Invention of Guns, to the Mystery of
good Eating. And to shew that nothing is beneath their Care, any more
than above their Reach, they have brought _Gaming_ to an Art and
Science, and a more Profitable and Honourable one too, than any of those
that us’d to be call’d _Liberal_! Indeed, what is it they can’t perform,
when they attempt it? The Strength of their Brains shall be every whit
as conspicuous at their Cups, as in a Senate-House, and, when they
please, they can make it pass for as sure a Mark of Wisdom, to drink
deep, as to reason profoundly; a greater Proof of Courage, and
consequently of Understanding, to dare the Vengeance of Heaven it self,
than to stand the Raillery of some of the worst of their Fellow
Creatures!
Again, it may be said, If a Wife’s Case be as it is here represented, it
is not good for a Woman to marry, and so there’s an End of Human Race.
But this is no fair Consequence, for all that can justly be inferr’d
from hence, is, that a Woman has no mighty Obligations to the Man who
makes Love to her; she has no Reason to be fond of being a Wife, or to
reckon it a Piece of Preferment when she is taken to be a Man’s
Upper-Servant; it is no Advantage to her in this World; if rightly
manag’d it may prove one as to the next. For she who marries purely to
do good, to educate Souls for Heaven, who can be so truly mortified as
to lay aside her own Will and Desires, to pay such an intire Submission
for Life, to one whom she cannot be sure will always deserve it, does
certainly perform a more Heroick Action, than all the famous Masculine
Heroes can boast of, she suffers a continual Martyrdom to bring Glory to
_GOD_, and Benefit to Mankind; which Consideration, indeed, may carry
her through all Difficulties, I know not what else can, and engage her
to Love him who proves perhaps so much worse than a Brute, as to make
this Condition yet more grievous than it needed to be. She has need of a
strong Reason, of a truly Christian and well-temper’d Spirit, of all the
Assistance the best Education can give her, and ought to have some good
Assurance of her own Firmness and Vertue, who ventures on such a Trial;
and for this Reason ’tis less to be wonder’d at that Women marry off in
haste, for perhaps if they took Time to consider and reflect upon it,
they seldom would marry.