I must pass in my relation hastily over a time in which how gladly
would I linger, could I but conjure up the living spirit of it with
the recollection. But the color which vivified it, and alone can
vivify it again, is extinguished in me; and when I seek in my bosom
what then so mightily animated it, the grief and the joy, the innocent
illusion--then do I vainly smite a rock in which no living spring now
dwells, and the god is departed from me. How changed does this past
time now appear to me! I would act in the watering place an heroic
character, ill studied, and myself a novice on the boards, and my gaze
was lured from my part by a pair of blue eyes. The parents, deluded by
the play, offer everything only to make the business quickly secure;
and the poor farce closes in mockery. And that is all, all! That
presents itself now to me so absurd and commonplace, and yet it is
terrible, that that can thus appear to me which then so richly, so
luxuriantly, swelled my bosom. Mina! as I wept at losing thee, so weep
I still to have lost thee also in myself. Am I then become so old? Oh,
melancholy reason! Oh, but for one pulsation of that time! one moment
of that illusion! But no! alone on the high waste sea of thy bitter
flood! and long out of the last cup of champagne the elfin has
vanished!
I had sent forward Bendel with some purses of gold to procure for
me in the little town a dwelling adapted to my needs. He had
there scattered about much money, and expressed himself somewhat
indefinitely respecting the distinguished stranger whom he served,
for I would not be named, and that filled the good people with
extraordinary fancies. As soon as my house was ready Bendel returned
to conduct me thither. We set out.
About three miles from the place, on a sunny plain, our progress was
obstructed by a gay festal throng. The carriage stopped. Music, sound
of bells, discharge of cannon, were heard; a loud _vivat_! rent the
air; before the door of the carriage appeared, clad in white, a troop
of damsels of extraordinary beauty, but who were eclipsed by one in
particular, as the stars of night by the sun. She stepped forth
from the midst of her sisters; the tall and delicate figure kneeled
blushing before me, and presented to me on a silken cushion a garland
woven of laurel, olive branches, and roses, while she uttered some
words about majesty, veneration and love, which I did not understand,
but whose bewitching silver tone intoxicated my ear and heart. It
seemed as if the heavenly apparition had some time previously passed
before me. The chorus struck in, and sung the praises of a good king
and the happiness of his people.
And this scene, my dear friend, in the face of the sun! She kneeled
still only two paces from me, and I, without a shadow, could not
spring over the gulf, could not also fall on the knee before the
angel! Oh! what would I then have given for a shadow! I was compelled
to hide my shame, my anguish, my despair, deep in the bottom of my
carriage. At length Bendel recollected himself on my behalf. He leaped
out of the carriage on the other side. I called him back, and gave
him out of my jewel-case, which lay at hand, a splendid diamond crown,
which had been made to adorn the brows of the lovely Fanny! He stepped
forward and spoke in the name of his master, who could not and would
not receive such tokens of homage; there must be some mistake; but the
people of the city should be thanked for their good-will. As he said
this, he took up the proffered wreath, and laid the brilliant coronet
in its place. He then respectfully extended his hand to the lovely
maiden, that she might arise, and dismissed, with a sign, clergy,
magistrates, and all the deputations. No one else was allowed to
approach. He ordered the throng to divide and make way for the horses,
sprang again into the carriage, and on we went at full gallop,
through a festive archway of foliage and flowers toward the city. The
discharges of cannon continued. The carriage stopped before my house.
I sprang hastily in at the door, dividing the crowd which the desire
to see me had collected. The mob hurrahed under my window, and I let
double ducats rain out of it. In the evening the city was voluntarily
illuminated.
And yet I did not at all know what all this could mean, and who I was
supposed to be. I sent out Rascal to make inquiry. He brought word to
this effect: That the people had received reliable intelligence that
the good king of Prussia traveled through the country under the name
of a count; that my adjutant had been recognized, thus betraying
himself and me; and, finally, how great the joy was as they became
certain that they really had me in the place. They now, 'tis true,
saw clearly that I evidently desired to maintain the strictest
_incognito_, and how very wrong it had been to attempt so
importunately to lift the veil. But I had resented it so graciously,
so kindly--I should certainly pardon their good-heartedness.
The thing appeared so amusing to the rogue that he did his best, by
reproving words, to strengthen, for the present, the good folk in
their belief. He gave a very comical report of all this to me; and
as he found that it diverted me, he made a joke to me of his own
wickedness. Shall I confess it? It flattered me, even by such means,
to be taken for that honored head.
I commanded a feast to be prepared for the evening of the next day
beneath the trees which overshadowed the open space before my house,
and the whole city to be invited to it. The mysterious power of
my purse, the exertions of Bendel, and the inventiveness of Rascal
succeeded in triumphing over time itself. It is really astonishing how
richly and beautifully everything was arranged in those few hours. The
splendor and abundance which exhibited themselves, and the ingenious
lighting up, so admirably contrived that I felt myself quite secure,
left me nothing to desire. I could not but praise my servants.
The evening grew dark; the guests appeared, and were presented to me.
Nothing more was said about Majesty; I was styled with deep reverence
and obeisance, Count. What was to be done? I allowed the title to
stand, and remained from that hour Count Peter. In the midst of
festive multitudes my soul yearned alone after one. She entered
late--she was and wore the crown. She followed modestly her parents,
and seemed not to know that she was the loveliest of all. They were
presented to me as Mr. Forest-master, his lady and their daughter.
I found many agreeable and obliging things to say to the old people;
before the daughter I stood like a rebuked boy, and could not bring
out one word. I begged her, at length, with a faltering tone, to
honor this feast by assuming the office whose insignia she graced. She
entreated with blushes and a moving look to be excused; but blushing
still more than herself in her presence, I paid her as her first
subject my homage, with a most profound respect, and the hint of the
Count became to all the guests a command which every one with emulous
joy hastened to obey. Majesty, innocence, and grace presided in
alliance with beauty over a rapturous feast. Mina's happy parents
believed their child thus exalted only in honor of them. I myself was
in an indescribable intoxication. I caused all the jewels which yet
remained of those which I had formerly purchased, in order to get rid
of burthensome gold, all the pearls, all the precious stones, to
be laid in two covered dishes, and at the table, in the name of
the queen, to be distributed round to her companions and to all
the ladies. Gold, in the meantime, was incessantly strewed over the
encompassing ropes among the exulting people.
Bendel, the next morning, revealed to me in confidence that the
suspicion which he had long entertained of Rascal's honesty was now
become certainty--that he had yesterday embezzled whole purses of
gold. "Let us permit," replied I, "the poor scoundrel to enjoy
the petty plunder. I spend willingly on everybody, why not on him?
Yesterday he and all the fresh people you have brought me served me
honestly; they helped me joyfully to celebrate a joyful feast."
There was no further mention of it. Rascal remained the first of my
servants, but Bendel was my friend and my confidant. The latter was
accustomed to regard my wealth as inexhaustible, and he pried not
after its sources; entering into my humor, he assisted me rather to
discover opportunities to exercise it, and to spend my gold. Of that
unknown one, that pale sneak, he knew only this, that I could alone
through him be absolved from the curse which weighed on me; and that
I feared him, on whom my sole hope reposed. That, for the rest, I was
convinced that he could discover me anywhere; I him nowhere; and that
therefore awaiting the promised day, I abandoned every vain inquiry.
The magnificence of my feast, and my behavior at it, held at first
the credulous inhabitants of the city firmly to their preconceived
opinion. True, it was soon stated in the newspapers that the whole
story of the journey of the king of Prussia had been a mere groundless
rumor: but a king I now was, and must, spite of everything, a king
remain, and truly one of the most rich and royal who had ever existed;
only people did not rightly know what king. The world has never had
reason to complain of the scarcity of monarchs, at least in our time.
The good people who had never seen any of them pitched with equal
correctness first on one and then on another; Count Peter still
remained who he was.
At one time appeared amongst the guests at the Bath a tradesman, who
had made himself bankrupt in order to enrich himself; and who enjoyed
universal esteem, and had a broad though somewhat pale shadow. The
property which he had scraped together he resolved to lay out in
ostentation, and it even occurred to him to enter into rivalry with
me. I had recourse to my purse, and soon brought the poor devil to
such a pass that, in order to save his credit, he was obliged to
become bankrupt a second time, and hasten over the frontier. Thus
I got rid of him. In this neighborhood I made many idlers and
good-for-nothing fellows.
With all the royal splendor and expenditure by which I made all
succumb to me, I still in my own house lived very simply and retired.
I had established the strictest circumspection as a rule. No one
except Bendel, under any pretence whatever, was allowed to enter the
rooms which I inhabited. So long as the sun shone I kept myself shut
up there, and it was said "the Count is employed with his cabinet."
With this employment numerous couriers stood in connection, whom I,
for every trifle, sent out and received. I received company in the
evening only under my trees, or in my hall arranged and lighted
according to Bendel's plan. When I went out, on which occasions it
was necessary that I should be constantly watched by the Argus eyes
of Bendel, it was only to the Forester's Garden, for the sake of one
alone; for my love was the innermost heart of my life.
Oh, my good Chamisso! I will hope that thou hast not yet forgotten
what love is! I leave much unmentioned here to thee. Mina was really
an amiable, kind, good child. I had taken her whole imagination
captive. She could not, in her humility, conceive how she could
be worthy that I should alone have fixed my regard on her; and she
returned love for love with all the youthful power of an innocent
heart. She loved like a woman, offering herself wholly up;
self-forgetting; living wholly and solely for him who was her life;
regardless if she herself perished; that is to say--she really loved.
But I--oh what terrible hours--terrible and yet worthy that I should
wish them back again--have I often wept on Bendel's bosom, when,
after the first unconscious intoxication, I recollected myself, looked
sharply into myself--I, without a shadow, with knavish selfishness
destroying this angel, this pure soul which I had deceived and stolen.
Then did I resolve to reveal myself to her; then did I swear with a
most passionate oath to tear myself from her, and to fly; then did
I burst out into tears, and concert with Bendel how in the evening I
should visit her in the Forester's garden.
At other times I flattered myself with great expectations from the
rapidly approaching visit of the gray man, and wept again when I had
in vain tried to believe in it. I had calculated the day on which I
expected again to see the fearful one; for he had said in a year and a
day; and I believed his word.
The parents, good honorable old people, who loved their only child
extremely, were amazed at the connection, as it already stood, and
they knew not what to do in it. Earlier they could not have believed
that Count Peter could think only of their child; but now he really
loved her and was beloved again. The mother was probably vain enough
to believe in the probability of a union, and to seek for it; the
sound masculine understanding of the father did not give way to such
overstretched imaginations. Both were persuaded of the purity of my
love; they could do nothing more than pray for their child.
I have laid my hand on a letter from Mina of this date, which I still
retain. Yes, this is her own writing. I transcribe it for thee:
"I am a weak silly maiden, and cannot believe that my beloved, because
I love him dearly, dearly, will make the poor girl unhappy. Ah! thou
art so kind, so inexpressibly kind, but do not misunderstand me. Thou
shalt sacrifice nothing for me, desire to sacrifice nothing for me.
Oh God! I should hate myself if thou didst! No--thou hast made me
immeasurably happy; hast taught me to love thee. Away! I know my own
fate. Count Peter belongs not to me, he belongs to the world. I will
be proud when I hear--'that was he, and that was he again--and that
has he accomplished; there they have worshipped him, and there they
have deified him!' See, when I think of this, then am I angry with
thee that with a simple child thou canst forget thy high destiny.
Away! or the thought will make me miserable! I--oh! who through thee
am so happy, so blessed! Have I not woven, too, an olive branch and
a rosebud into thy life, as into the wreath which I was allowed to
present to thee? I have thee in my heart, my beloved; fear not to
leave me. I will die oh! so happy, so ineffably happy through thee!"
Thou canst imagine how the words must cut through my heart. I
explained to her that I was not what people believed me, that I was
only a rich but infinitely miserable man. That a curse rested on me,
which must be the only secret between us, since I was not yet without
hope that it should be solved. That this was the poison of my days;
that I might drag her down with me into the gulf--she who was the sole
light, the sole happiness, the sole heart of my life. Then wept she
again, because I was unhappy. Ah, she was so loving, so kind! To spare
me but one tear, she, and with what transport, would have sacrificed
herself without reserve!
She was, however, far from rightly comprehending my words; she
conceived in me some prince on whom had fallen a heavy ban, some high
and honored head, and her imagination amidst heroic pictures limned
forth her lover gloriously.
Once I said to her--"Mina, the last day in the next month may change
my fate and decide it--if not I must die, for I will not make thee
unhappy." Weeping she hid her head in my bosom. "If thy fortune
changes, let me know that thou art happy. I have no claim on thee. Art
thou wretched, bind me to thy wretchedness, that I may help thee to
bear it."
"Maiden! maiden! take it back, that quick word, that foolish word
which escaped thy lips. And knowest thou this wretchedness? Knowest
thou this curse? Knowest who thy lover--what he? Seest thou not that
I convulsively shrink together, and have a secret from thee?" She fell
sobbing to my feet, and repeated with oaths her entreaty.
I announced to the Forest-master, who entered, that it was my
intention on the first of the approaching month to solicit the hand of
his daughter. I fixed precisely this time, because in the interim many
things might occur which might influence my fortunes; but I insisted
that I was unchangeable in my love to his daughter.
The good man was quite startled as he heard such words out of the
mouth of Count Peter. He fell on my neck, and again became quite
ashamed to have thus forgotten himself. Then he began to doubt, to
weigh, and to inquire. He spoke of dowry, security, and the future of
his beloved child. I thanked him for reminding me of these things. I
told him that I desired to settle down in this neighborhood where I
seemed to be beloved, and to lead a care-free life. I begged him to
purchase the finest estates that the country had to offer, in the name
of his daughter, and to charge the cost to me. A father could, in such
matter, best serve a lover. It gave him enough to do, for everywhere
a stranger was before him, and he could only purchase for about a
million.
My thus employing him was, at the bottom, an innocent scheme to remove
him to a distance, and I had employed him similarly before; for I
must confess that he was rather wearisome. The good mother was, on the
contrary, somewhat deaf, and not, like him, jealous of the honor of
entertaining the Count.
The mother joined us. The happy people pressed me to stay longer with
them that evening--I dared not remain another minute. I saw already
the rising moon glimmer on the horizon--my time was up.
The next evening I went again to the Forester's garden. I had thrown
my cloak over my shoulders and pulled my hat over my eyes. I advanced
to Mina. As she looked up and beheld me, she gave an involuntary
start, and there stood again clear before my soul the apparition of
that terrible night when I showed myself in the moonlight without a
shadow. It was actually she! But had she also recognized me again? She
was silent and thoughtful; on my bosom lay a hundred-weight pressure.
I arose from my seat. She threw herself silently weeping on my bosom.
I went.
I now found her often in tears. It grew darker and darker in my soul;
the parents swam only in supreme felicity; the faith-day passed on sad
and sullen as a thunder-cloud. The eve of the day was come. I could
scarcely breathe. I had in precaution filled several chests with gold.
I watched the midnight hour approach--It struck.
I now sat, my eye fixed on the fingers of the clock, counting the
seconds, the minutes, like dagger-strokes. At every noise which
arose, I started up; the day broke. The leaden hours crowded one upon
another. It was noon--evening--night; as the clock fingers sped on,
hope withered; it struck eleven and nothing appeared; the last minutes
of the last hour fell, and nothing appeared. It struck the first
stroke--the last stroke of the twelfth hour, and I sank hopeless
and in boundless tears upon my bed. On the morrow I should--forever
shadowless, solicit the hand of my beloved. Toward morning an anxious
sleep pressed down my eyelids.