Of what avail are wings to him who is fast bound in iron fetters? He
is compelled only the more fearfully to despair. I lay, like Faffner
by his treasure, far from every consolation, starving in the midst
of my gold. But my heart was not in it; on the contrary, I cursed it,
because I saw myself through it cut off from all life. Brooding over
my gloomy secret alone, I trembled before the meanest of my servants,
whom at the same time I was forced to envy, for he had a shadow; he
might show himself in the sun. I wore away days and nights in solitary
sorrow in my chamber, and anguish gnawed at my heart.
There was another who pined away before my eyes; my faithful Bendel
never ceased to torture himself with silent reproaches, that he
had betrayed the trust reposed in him by his master, and had not
recognized him after whom he was dispatched, and with whom he must
believe that my sorrowful fate was intimately interwoven. I could not
lay the fault to his charge; I recognized in the event the mysterious
nature of the Unknown.
That I might leave nothing untried, I one time sent Bendel with a
valuable brilliant ring to the most celebrated painter of the city,
and begged that he would pay me a visit. He came. I ordered my people
to retire, closed the door, seated myself by the man, and, after I had
praised his art, I came with a heavy heart to the business, causing
him before that to promise the strictest secrecy.
"Mr. Professor," said I, "could not you, think you, paint a false
shadow for one who, by the most unlucky chance in the world, has
become deprived of his own?"
"You mean a personal shadow?"
"That is precisely my meaning"--
"But," continued he, "through what awkwardness, through what
negligence, could he then lose his proper shadow?"
"How it happened," replied I, "is now of very little consequence, but
thus far I may say," added I, lying shamelessly to him; "in Russia,
whither he made a journey last winter, in an extraordinary cold his
shadow froze so fast to the ground that he could by no means loose it
again."
"The false shadow that I could paint him," replied the professor,
"would only be such a one as by the slightest movement he might lose
again, especially a person, who, as appears by your relation, has so
little adhesion to his own native shadow. He who has no shadow, let
him keep out of the sunshine--that is the safest and most sensible
thing for him." He arose and withdrew, casting at me a trans-piercing
glance which mine could not support. I sunk back in my seat, and
covered my face with my hands.
Thus Bendel found me, as he at length entered. He saw the grief of his
master, and was desirous silently and reverently to withdraw. I looked
up, I succumbed under the burden of my trouble; I must communicate it.
"Bendel!" cried I, "Bendel, thou only one who seest my affliction and
respectest it, seekest not to pry into it, but appearest silently and
kindly to sympathize, come to me, Bendel, and be the nearest to my
heart; I have not locked from thee the treasure of my gold, neither
will I lock from thee the treasure of my grief. Bendel, forsake me
not! Bendel, thou beholdest me rich, liberal, kind. Thou imaginest
that the world ought to honor me, and thou seest me fly the world, and
hide myself from it. Bendel, the world has passed judgment, and cast
me from it, and perhaps thou too wilt turn from me when thou knowest
my fearful secret. Bendel, I am rich, liberal, kind, but--O God!--I
have no shadow!"
"No shadow!" cried the good youth with horror, and the bright
tears gushed from his eyes. "Woe is me, that I was born to serve a
shadowless master!" He was silent, and I held my face buried in my
hands.
"Bendel," added I, at length, tremblingly--"now hast thou my
confidence, and now canst thou betray it--go forth and testify against
me?" He appeared to be in a heavy conflict with himself; at length, he
flung himself before me and seized my hand, which he bathed with his
tears.
"No!" exclaimed he, "think the world as it will, I cannot, and will
not, on account of a shadow, abandon my kind master; I will act
justly, and not with policy. I will continue with you, lend you my
shadow, help you when I can, and when I cannot, weep with you." I fell
on his neck, astonished at such unusual sentiment, for I was convinced
that he did it not for gold.
From that time my fate and my mode of life were in some degree
changed. It is indescribable how providently Bendel continued to
conceal my defect. He was everywhere before me and with me; foreseeing
everything, hitting on contrivances, and, where unforeseen danger
threatened, covering me quickly with his shadow, since he was taller
and bulkier than I. Thus I ventured myself again among men, and began
to play a part in the world. I was obliged, it is true, to assume many
peculiarities and humors, but such become the rich, and, so long
as the truth continued to be concealed, I enjoyed all the honor and
respect which were paid to my wealth. I looked more calmly forward to
the promised visit of the mysterious unknown, at the end of the year
and the day.
I felt, indeed, that I must not remain long in a place where I had
once been seen without a shadow, and where I might easily be betrayed.
Perhaps I yet thought too much of the manner in which I had introduced
myself to Thomas John, and it was a mortifying recollection. I would
therefore here merely make an experiment, to present myself with more
ease and self-reliance elsewhere, but that now occurred which held me
a long time riveted to my vanity, for there it is in the man that the
anchor bites the firmest ground.
Even the lovely Fanny, whom I in this place again encountered, honored
me with some notice without recollecting ever to have seen me before;
for I now had wit and sense. As I spoke, people listened, and I could
not, for the life of me, comprehend myself how I had arrived at the
art of maintaining and engrossing so easily the conversation. The
impression which I perceived that I had made on the fair one, made
of me just what she desired--a fool; and I thenceforward followed her
through shade and twilight wherever I could. I was only so far vain
that I wished to make her vain of myself, and found it impossible,
even with the very best intentions, to force the intoxication from my
head to my heart.
But why repeat to thee the absolutely every-day story at length? Thou
thyself hast often related it to me of other honorable people. To the
old, well-known play in which I good-naturedly undertook a worn-out
part, there came in truth to her and me, and everybody, unexpectedly a
most peculiarly thought-out catastrophe.
As, according to my wont, I had assembled on a beautiful evening
a party in a garden, I wandered with the lady, arm in arm, at some
distance from the other guests, and exerted myself to strike out
pretty speeches for her. She cast her eyes down modestly, and returned
gently the pressure of my hand, when suddenly the moon broke through
the clouds behind us, and--she saw only her own shadow thrown forward
before her! She started and glanced wildly at me, then again on the
earth, seeking my shadow with her eyes, and what passed within her
painted itself so singularly on her countenance that I should have
burst into a loud laugh if it had not itself run ice-cold over my
back.
I let her fall from my arms in a swoon, shot like an arrow through the
terrified guests, reached the door, flung myself into the first chaise
which I saw on the stand, and drove back to the city, where this time,
to my cost, I had left the circumspect Bendel. He was terrified as
he saw me; one word revealed to him all. Post horses were immediately
fetched. I took only one of my people with me, an arrant knave, called
Rascal, who had contrived to make himself necessary to me by his
cleverness and who could suspect nothing of today's occurrence. That
night I left upward of thirty miles behind me. Bendel remained behind
me to discharge my establishment, to pay money, and to bring me what
I most required. When he overtook me next day, I threw myself into his
arms, and swore to him never again to run into the like folly, but in
future to be more cautious. We continued our journey without pause,
over the frontiers and the mountains, and it was not till we began to
descend and had placed those lofty bulwarks between us and our former
unlucky abode, that I allowed myself to be persuaded to rest from
the fatigues I had undergone, in a neighboring and little frequented
Bathing-place.