In St. SWITHIN's forty days
Comes the end of voting-frays;
Forty extra then arrays
Mr. G.
He had hoped for many more,
But he cannot even score
Forty-four, that fought he for--
Mr. G.
Fortified with fortitude.
Rule your motley multitude,
And so earn our gratitude
Mr. G.!
Oh majority, you know
"Gently does it;" therefore go
Quite _piano_, Forty--show
Mr. G.
Though his forty is not fat,
It is fair at least; so that
JOHN shall not be taxed for PAT,
Mr. G.
Spare him income tax that grieves,
Lest he think that he perceives
ALI BABA's Forty ----
Mr. G.!
* * * * *
WALKER!--Mr. TOOLE is going into the country, and Mr. GARDEN is to
take his place. This sounds like a seasonable change, as Londoners who
cannot get away to a Garden, will now have a GARDEN coming to them.
* * * * *
"NO FEES."
(_IN RE PAYNE_ V. _'ENRY HAUTHOR JONES._)
Alas, poor JONES, how sad your fate!
The Law's stern coldness comes to freeze
Your burning wish to captivate
With words you know will always please--
"No fees!"
When "bang goes saxpence" for a page
Of poorest paper, where one sees
More puffs than programme, then your rage
Seems right. One cries, "At least for these
No fees!"
If Dr. BRAMWELL,[1] who they say
Cures psychological disease,
Had known he would have willed away
Your PAYNE, like tooth-ache--he would seize
"No fees!"
You've _lost_ the case, and now, "that's flat,"[2]
Must pay those eminent Q.C.'s
Your Bill of Costs! No Play-bill that!
You will not find the Law decrees
"No fees."
[Footnote 1: Mentioned in _Times_ Leading Article, Aug. 3.]
[Footnote 2: "That's flat." HENRY (AUTHOR SHAKSPEARE) IV., Part I.,
Act I., Scene 3.]
* * * * *
A TRIO.--Congratulations to Sir WILLIAM CUSINS, who from his known
admiration for WAGNER, is generally known as "Cusins German." He was
a "King's Scholar," and KING, whoever he was, must have found him
a remarkably apt pupil. He has composed a Comic Opera called _Giddy
'Un_. The next Knight is JOSEPH BARNBY, a name suggestive of pure
rustic music. The last of the Knights, Sir WALTER PARRATT, has chosen
as his device the ancient legend always associated with the head
of the PARRATT family, i.e., "Scratch a Poll." This dates from very
ancient times, and was an inscription found in a temple of Apollo.
* * * * *
OMINOUS.--Unfortunate name for a piece is _Cigarette_. So suggestive
of "paper," and of "ending in smoke." _Absit omen!_
* * * * *
[Illustration: STUDIES IN IDIOCY.
_She._ "MRS. MOFFAT'S THE ODDEST WOMAN! SHE'S FOND OF MEETING CLEVER
PEOPLE, YOU KNOW, AND SHE NEVER OPENS HER LIPS, BUT LISTENS TO EVERY
WORD THEY SAY, AND PUTS IT ALL DOWN IN A DIARY AFTER!"
_He._ "HAW--BY JOVE! SHALL TAKE PRECIOUS GOOD CARE WHAT _I_ SAY BEFORE
HER!"]
* * * * *
AIDS TO LARCENY.--(_By an "Outside Croaker."_)--I find that since
I started off shopping this morning, I have lost my purse, my
handkerchief, the keys of all my boxes and drawers, a silver-mounted
scent-bottle, my season-ticket, and a pocket-book containing priceless
materials for the plot of a three-volumed novel. This comes of riding
on the outside of an omnibus with garden-seats.--Conductor, the
gentlemanly person who sat just behind me, and who is now proceeding
rather quickly up Chancery Lane, seems to have been unable to resist
the temptation afforded by my hanging coat-tails, and has walked off
with a few unpaid bills which were in the pockets, under a mistaken
impression that they were bank-notes. Would you mind explaining to him
his mistake?--Would it be possible for the excellent Directors of the
London General Omnibus Company and the London Road Car Company, so to
board up the open backs of their otherwise delightful garden-seats
as to prevent a ride on the top of an omnibus from being a constant
series of (generally unwarranted) suspicions of the people seated in
one's rear?
* * * * *