the poor. Mrs. A. and Mrs. R. came to assist in making our meeting
a profitable one.--My mind has been deeply impressed with the solemn
occurrences of this day. For some time I have been wont to visit Mrs.
B. every Saturday, to converse and pray with her. I found her very
ill; and after rubbing her back for some time, to relieve the pain
from which she was suffering, I knelt down and prayed with her, being
particularly drawn out for a present blessing. When I rose, I pressed
upon her the necessity of taking hold of Christ; she replied, 'I have
nothing else.' Thus I left her, little thinking that I should see
her no more; but so it is, for a short time after I had left, she
expired.--My dear daughter Mary commenced a class with two members.
Mrs. A., Miss B., Mrs. M., and myself, assisted at the commencement.
How simple are the unadulterated truths of the Gospel! 'He was made an
offering for sin' Amazing love! 'It pleased the Lord to bruise him.'
Bow down, my soul, in humble astonishment and adoration; and see in
the cross the malignity of sin, and the majesty of love,
O blessed cross! that points us to the sky,
Loosens from earth, that we may soar on high.
Thus suffering is our pathway up to bliss,
To dwell for ever where our Patron is.
O blessed cross! where Jesus bowed His head,
Baptized with precious blood, for sinners shed:
Happy are they who keep the words he brought,
And bear the cross by their great Pattern taught."
"Went to Bishopthorpe and saw the Archbishop's Palace. The grounds are
beautiful; and nature, at this season of the year in its splendour,
shewed them to advantage. But what a responsible office does he fill!
How does his flock thrive? O that he may be able to render his account
with joy!--Not without thought and prayer, I set off for Sinnington.
All nature smiled around me, and Jesus whispered peace within. My dear
uncle bows under the weight of years; cousin looks paler, and more
feeble; but I was welcomed as usual."
EASTER DAY.
The Sun of righteousness appears,
To set in blood no more:
Hail Him! who wipes away your tears,
Your rising God adore!
The saints, when He resigned His breath,
Unclosed their sleeping eyes;
Behold! he breaks the bands of death,
And bids the dead arise.
Alone, the dreadful course He ran,
Alone, the winepress trod;
He died, and suffered as a man;
He rises as a God!
In vain the watch, the stone, the seal
Forbid the Conqu'ror rise;
Rising, He breaks the gates of hell,
And opens paradise.
"Mrs. R., in band, faithfully told me of my faults, which, by God's
help, I will try to amend. A meeting of Missionary Collectors was held
to distribute the books, and to constitute a Ladies' Association.
I left to meet my class. Mrs. C. was elected Treasurer, Mrs. R.W.
Secretary, and myself, with all my unfitness, President. However,
being on my knees before I went to the meeting, my covenant
engagements were brought to my remembrance: 'Place me where Thou wilt;
make me the hand or the foot; a hewer of wood, or a drawer of water.'
Therefore, by God's help, I am determined to do my best, admonished
by another sentiment of Holy writ, 'Let not him that putteth on the
harness boast as he that putteth it off.'--Christmas morn. Rose about
four o'clock; a beautiful starlight morning. It seemed to me as if
'the morning stars sang together for joy' at the Saviour's birth.
Glory! Glory be to God!
"1842.--Nearly forty present at the sewing meeting. I endeavoured to
draw out the sympathies of the ladies present in behalf of those whose
welfare we had met to promote.--Under the word the Lord made such
a discovery of myself to myself, as completely stripped me of
self-confidence, and all hope,--except in the Saviour's merits, upon
which I had power to lay hold. Oh the mercy of God to me, a poor
worthless worm! After the prayer-meeting, two of the friends begged me
in future to engage occasionally in public prayer. I have not done so
latterly, because it is a mighty effort to me. But God forbid that
my silence should be a stumbling-block to any. At the morning
prayer-meeting, unasked, but not unmoved, I feebly opened my mouth,
believing it to be my duty; and was blest in so doing.--This morning
I awoke with 'Give unto the Lord of Thy substance.' Being about to
purchase wearing apparel, I resolved to moderate my expenditure. In
this, as in everything else, my heart's desire is to act in the sight
of God. My son, far distant, is daily present with me. I rejoice that
he is gone on the Lord's errand to the dark places of the earth; and
find here an additional motive to bring him daily before the Lord,
whose he is, and whom he serves. I have been much drawn out in prayer
for the Fijian chiefs.--Called upon Mrs. K. at her own request. I
had previously met her at a friend's house; and, in course of
conversation, had inquired after her mother, whom I had frequently
visited, but of whose state of mind I entertained considerable doubt,
believing that she was resting short of sound conversion; and whom
indeed, at our last interview, I had warned not to deceive herself.
These fears I expressed to Mrs. K. The same evening she saw her
mother, and repeated what I had said, with some degree of concern. The
next time she called, her mother said, 'Mary, you must get somebody to
pray with me, or I am lost for ever.' However, being unwell, she went
home to bed; but could not sleep, in consequence of what her mother
had said: so she rose at five the following morning, and went to see
her mother again. She found that she had been in such distress of
mind, that at midnight she had aroused a neighbour to pray with her,
and not in vain; for the Lord graciously sent 'deliverance out of
Zion,' and spoke peace to her troubled spirit. She lived about three
weeks after my last visit, and died rejoicing in the Lord. These
circumstances have so deeply affected Mrs. K. as to lead her to seek
the Lord, and she is now pursuing her way to heaven. Glory be to God
on high!--In consequence of my uncle's declining health, I returned
again to Sinnington; and am now sat by his side. He is restless, but
says nothing. It is the midnight hour; yet 'He that keepeth Israel
neither slumbers nor sleeps.' No sound salutes my ear but the pendulum
of the clock, which, with every stroke, admonishes me that time
flies.--Alone with uncle. He sleeps. All is tranquillity and peace; my
soul is fixed on Christ, and enjoys undisturbed repose. Surrounded by
Him, in whom I live, move, and have my being, all nature,--the balmy
air,--the rich verdure,--the growing beauties of spring enlivened by
the great luminary of heaven, conspires to raise this often wandering
heart to Him, whom I desire above all things to love and obey.--I
asked uncle if his prospect was bright; he replied, 'Aye, I've no
doubt.'--I wonder at myself I make so little progress in knowledge, or
increase in holiness. I purpose, aim, attempt, yet daily have cause
to mourn my unprofitableness; but with one whose memoir I have lately
looked into, 'I must come the short way to God, through the atoning
blood of Jesus.' His name is precious now. I feel its balmy power. O
for ability to praise Him in language adequate to the glorious
task! God is love. Creation with its thousand tongues proclaims Him
'Wonderful, Counsellor, the Mighty God;' and millions of intelligent
creatures extol Him, 'the Everlasting Father, and Prince of Peace'
I have written a letter to be read in the Tuesday class. Visited Mr.
M.--My soul goes out after God, and my faith claims Him mine. O
what an exalting, and yet humbling thought! Faith unites but love
adores.--How quickly time wastes away! I have been here a month
to-day; not supposing uncle could live many days. Nothing solid has
passed his lips for more than that period; and yet, though certainly
weaker, his strength is wonderful. I begin to feel anxious about home,
and the dear folks among whom I meet. May the Lord bless them.--My
uncle evidently changed for the worse, and so continued for two days,
until--on the 21st of June, about five minutes past five, he expired.
It is a week to-day since he spoke, and six since he took his bed.
I have often been sweetly drawn out in prayer by his bedside, and
enjoyed peculiar liberty the day he died. I went again to see Mrs. M.,
who is also dying, her friends weeping around her.--Returned to York.
The sewing meeting was but thinly attended;--chiefly young persons,
to whom I felt prompted to speak on their souls' welfare. The result I
leave."
WHERE IS THE LORD GOD OF ELIJAH?
In the storm, that sweeps along;
Blazing fire, and earthquake strong;
In the lightning's trackless flight;
Gathering cloud, and curtain'd night!
In the fragrant passing breeze;
Thunders loud, or raging seas.
Stormy worlds, or gentle flower,
God proclaims His sovereign power.
But the still small voice of love
Softly breathing from above,
Speaks in spirit tones within--
'Jesus suffered for my sin;'
Till my soul--His hallowed shrine--
Melts in melody divine.
Let me hear its whisper still;
Melt, and mould me to Thy will.
"'I will greatly rejoice in the Lord' is my motto this day. I enjoy
settled peace, and am striving after the fulness offered in the word
of God: 'Filled with God;' 'Sealed with the spirit of Promise;'
'Dead to sin.;' 'Holy.'--Disturbed in the night by a person who had
a quarrel with her other self.--My John occupied the pulpit. At the
prayer-meeting after, a person cried aloud for mercy. The Lord spoke
peace to her soul on her return home. She could not sleep during
the night for praising God. She came to the Thursday class. We were
rejoiced to hear her statement."
XVIII.
LIGHT IN DARKNESS.
"FOR WE WALK BY FAITH, NOT BY SIGHT."--2 Cor. v. 7.
In the wisdom of God, and in harmony with the highest purposes of
grace, life is so constructed, as to make man feel his own weakness,
and his dependance upon Divine power. The recurrence of seasons of
trouble and sorrow, makes a perpetual demand upon our faith.
Reason tries in vain to disentangle the intricate dispensations of
Providence, and nature sinks under the force of innumerable trials,
which, like successive waves beat incessantly upon it. The only
resource is faith in God; and when once we grasp the sure promise,
'all things work together for good to them that love God;' light
springs up in the darkness: and all that comfort, which might arise
from a clear discovery of the processes of Providence, is realized in
the assurance that all shall be well,--an assurance given by Him who
cannot lie, confirmed by an oath, sealed with the blood of Christ, and
verified by the experience of God's people in all ages. It is thus
the christian's privilege to rejoice always, if not in His afflictions
which are grievous, yet in the Lord, who ruleth all things well. Mrs.
Lyth knew this to be possible, she aimed at it, and though not always
with equal success, she walked by 'faith and not by sight.'
"1843.--I have been privileged to attend the house of God, after an
absence of some weeks through affliction; but with grief I confess,
that when I first got out to see my daughter, who has also been ill,
I neglected the opportunity of social prayer and thanksgiving, that
we were again permitted to see each other. My ingratitude stares me in
the face. Against Thee, O Lord, against Thee only, have I sinned.--My
John is preaching his trial sermon. My husband and servant are hearing
him; and I have been alone, praying for him, that he may neither go
before, nor stay behind the call of God. I feel the Lord is present,
and my heart goes out after Him.--I was called up a little after five
to attend upon my daughter-in-law. A beautiful morning. I reproached
myself for so often losing the sweet perfume of the morning air. When
I arrived the babe was born. So another immortal spirit is added to my
family. Praise God, the promise reaches to them all.--Collecting
for the missions in one of the poorest districts, we peeped into a
comfortless spot, where lived a poor widow with five children. We did
not wish to ask for anything, but were obliged to give a reason for
our stepping in. The woman said however, that it was a good cause, and
she would give us something. This was truly the widow's mite, and will
not pass unrewarded.--As soon as I rose from my bed, these lines were
upon my tongue before I was aware--
'Mercy's full power, I then shall prove,
Lov'd with an everlasting love.'
While repeating them it occurred, this is an answer to prayer last
night.--I find it difficult to retain the truths I hear; but, having
the law written in my heart, I desire in all things to obey.--The
cases of several members of my family press heavily upon my spirit.
Eliza continues very weak, and John is in suspense; my only refuge is
in taking them to the throne of grace: for it is written, 'Cast thy
burden upon the Lord, and He will sustain thee.'--The cloud begins to
break, and I feel abased before the Lord, that I should have had
so little confidence. My daughter is better, and John has received
satisfactory information; so I am confident, that in both cases
the Lord is mindful of us. Yesterday, while bowed by my daughter's
bedside, the light broke in upon my soul, and I believe upon her's
too. I felt power to rest upon the Lord, and leave her in His hands:
very different from what I have felt before, although I have many
times approached the throne, and sometimes caught a glimpse of hope;
but this was the broad light of faith."
"Harrogate. What shall I render unto the Lord for all His mercies
towards me? I am living in the enjoyment of peace of mind; desiring
more of God; distrustful of myself; grieved that I love God no more,
and aiming to do better. O Lord, the power impart.--We returned home
greater debtors to the Lord than ever, for the mercies both of the
upper and nether springs. My husband welcomed me with the class-book
in his hand, which at first, I felt reluctant to take, but found a
blessing in taking up the Cross.--When I retired to rest, I thought,
if the Lord will condescend to give me some passage from Himself,
which is not familiar to me, it will strengthen my faith. My request
was granted, and the words 'As one, whom his mother comforteth,'
occupied my thoughts much of the night, and were first upon my tongue
in the morning. I saw my John off by train to Colchester. I feel
deeply concerned for his health, and for his spiritual welfare, and
for his prosperity in the work in which he is engaged: but if a mother
may be heard for her child, (and I believe it,) my poor petitions
shall be continually urged at the throne of grace, that he may be all
God requires.--A week of toil is past. My husband is under medical
advice. I am tried with my servant; my words and actions are
misconstrued, but I have been aiming to speak and act as in the sight
of God, however imperfectly.--Alone. In two hours the year closes,--a
year of unnumbered mercies."
Backward I turn, and view the stream
Of mercy rolling rich and free;
Here, flashing with a silver gleam;
There, tinged with hues of mystery.
Through health and sickness, hope and fear;
In griefs imagined, never known,
Its current flowed, my heart to cheer;
And light upon my pathway shone,
But ah! what poor returns are mine!
How weak my faith! my love, how cold!
Yet will I praise Thee, 'I am Thine,'
Thy faithful promise still I hold:
Distrusting self, I come to Thee,
My vileness in Thy wounds to hide;
When foes assail, to Thee I flee,
And in Thy changeless love confide.
Then speed, ye fleeting years, your flight;
I will not mourn the period gone;
But hasten to my home in light:
Eventful, rapid years, roll on!
"Eleven o'clock. I desire most unreservedly to surrender myself to the
Lord; to be wholly His. Amen."
"1844. In my walks through the city, I met with the Rev. Thomas
Richardson, who, kindly accosting me, inquired after my husband's
health and requested me to tell him, 'to be careful for nothing, but
in everything by prayer, and supplication, with thanksgiving, to make
known his wants and requests unto God.' He added, 'I remember what you
once said to me, 'What thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might;
but the children of this world are wiser than the children of light;
and I fear this is sadly neglected;'--with additional kind advice.
To my mind it was a word in season, and my heart warmed with the kind
admonition.--I went to see Mrs. L., and was much surprised to find
her daughter, who is in attendance upon her, lying ill on a bed by the
side of her mother's. After a little conversation with her I prayed,
and then turned and spoke a few words to the mother, and again we
united in prayer. I asked the young woman if she found it good,
and, though scarcely able to speak, she clasped her hands and said,
'Very--very.' A little after seven the same evening, she expired,
in the bloom of youth.--The President, the Rev. John Scott, and Dr.
Newton came to York to advocate the cause of education. A tea was
provided. I was one of the Committee, and hoped to have had the
opportunity of hearing those honoured servants of the Lord; but ah! we
are dust. My dear husband, after rising from dinner, was preparing to
go, when he was seized with an attack of paralysis. (This being the
second). I immediately sent for medical aid, and the Lord graciously
blessed the means, and now, I hope, the stroke is turned aside. So
the purpose of meeting our friends was frustrated; but this is for
our good. My mind was kept in peace.--Visited Mary R., who is fast
sinking,--she said with rapture, 'Jesus is here, Jesus is here.' I am
since informed, that she has triumphed over her last enemy, waving her
hand, and shouting, 'Glory!'--A very blustering night. Waking a little
after three, I rose to pray, and found the watchful Keeper of Israel
ready to listen to my early cry. I begged Him, if it pleased Him, to
give me sleep, and wake me at five. I laid down, slept, and when I
awoke, looked at my watch, which was just five minutes to five. I
felt, and still feel my obligations to the Lord, and am resolved to
commit myself to His guidance.--My birthday. I awoke a little after
three, and arose at half-past four, with these words upon my mind,
'Who will consecrate his services this day unto the Lord?' My heart
responds, 'I will.' Yes, Lord, Thou, who seest the breathing desires
of my heart, and only knowest its wanderings, discover to me if there
is any secret iniquity lurking there. As far as I know, I am sincere,
and would be wholly Thine. My soul is happy. I am Thine. Saw Mrs.
N. again. When I entered the room she seemed quite exhausted, but
recovering a little said, 'O, I have had such a deliverance since
I saw you! After a severe struggle with the enemy, I could not help
saying aloud, Bless the Lord, I can believe without a doubt or fear;
I throw myself upon Christ.' But you will think me better than I am.
I have been a poor loiterer. I have not let my light shine as I ought.
What did I say?' 'I repeated all I could recollect.' 'Yes,' she
said, 'it is all true; give my love to my dear sisters (meaning her
classmates), and tell them to make much of their religion. I love them
all.'--My mind is solemnly impressed. Death is taking away my friends
on all hands. Well, a little while, and we shall see the end. May we
be blessed as they are, and as free. Happy am I to learn that Mrs. N.,
when conversing with her husband, an hour or two before her departure,
said, 'I shall soon be with Christ; go to bed, and I will try to go
to sleep.' She did so, and woke no more, literally falling asleep in
Jesus.--I have this morning felt depressed with the thought of being
closed up in the earth; surely this is from an enemy, for when death
has done its work, what matters where the body is? There is nothing
I desire so much as to live and die a Christian. I hold fast the hope
through Christ; yet I cannot perceive improvement, although I have at
times been much led out in prayer. Last night, while meditating on my
state, with earnest prayer for the direct witness of the renewal of my
nature, the assurance was given, 'I have graven thee on the palms of
my hands.' I want not to spend, but to _redeem_ the time with Mrs. D.
Called to see Mrs. T., who is very weak in body, but trusting in the
Lord. I knelt down to pray, and had not uttered many words before she
broke out in prayer and praise, expressive of her firm confidence in
the Lord Jesus. It was a melting season. It is encouraging to see the
power of grace thus manifested in the midst of pain and weakness, and
bearing up the subjects of it.--We met to make fresh arrangements
for the Clothing Society, when, much against my own will, I was
reappointed Treasurer: but, as it is a cross, I will try to take it
up.--Took tea with my daughter. All the preachers and their wives
were present. I was both pained and profited,--profited in singing
and prayer, and pained whilst endeavouring to defend an absent
brother.--Resigned my office in connexion with the sewing-meeting with
peace of mind. Yet, on reviewing the three years during which I have
held it, I can only say, unprofitable servant; for, although I have
endeavoured to please God in the faithful discharge of my duty, my
doings have been mixed with much imperfection. Called to see a young
woman in the small-pox, who is crying for mercy. I have visited her
several times. Her cry continues, mingled with the hope that God will
save her. I am sure gratitude ought continually to burn upon the altar
of my heart. Even when passing through darkness, light has sprang up
to illumine the path; but when I consider my returns, I am filled with
humiliation. What shall I do? I will try to do better; Lord, help me,
I am Thine."
I am Thine by purchase great,
Made, redeemed, sustained by Thee;
By surrender, now I wait
All Thy pleasure upon me.
"1845. Took tea with Mrs. W., and had the opportunity of urging her
husband to seek the salvation of his soul.--My dear Eliza was this
morning again made a mother. Another little boy to put in the covenant
grant. Just as I write the promise is given, 'Thy children shall be
all taught of God, and great shall be the peace of thy children.' So
may it be; I desire nothing more. This afternoon I have had a
fall, and was miraculously preserved from injury. I record it as an
acknowledgment of the kind care which providence has exercised over
me. What will be the end of these struggles respecting Maynooth
College? Will Romanism or Protestantism prevail?--I saw Mrs. R. three
times today; the second she expressed hope in God; the third the power
of speech was gone. Awful crisis! Standing on the edge of two worlds!
It was a solemn moment. While engaged in prayer I felt access.
How needful to be ready!--Near midnight. I have this week been
endeavouring 'to reckon myself dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto
God.' My faith is sometimes strong, at others feeble; but my purpose
to hold fast the blessing was never more fixed. Thou, who at this
moment beholdest the inmost recesses of my heart, and who, by Thy
Spirit, givest me inward peace, keep me from this hour; and help me
confidently, through the merits of Christ, to confess with my mouth
what my heart believes--that 'the blood of Jesus Christ Thy Son
cleanseth me from all sin.'--Again visited Mrs. B. The last time I
saw her she wept, and appeared to feel much; but I was afraid she
was imagining she had attained what she had not, and resolved to call
again at the first opportunity. I found the Lord had been powerfully
working on her mind. She felt it such a mercy that the Lord had not
cut her off in her sins, that she had wrestled with the Lord until He
removed her load of misery, and communicated peace: this is the Lord's
doing.--All is still; only the moan of my afflicted cousin, in her
slumbers, falls upon my ear. The clouds of evening are richly tinted
as the shadows of night draw on. My soul enjoys sweet tranquillity.
Jesus' merits being the only refuge of my soul. When I asked cousin
the state of her mind, she said, 'Sometimes I have no doubt, at others
I am perplexed;' and then added, with tears, 'Though He slay me, yet
will I trust in Him.'"
Oh! what is life? a passing cloud,
Tinged with a rainbow light;
But let the sun his glory shroud,
Where is the vision bright?
'Tis past and gone, and in its place,
Nought but the cloud appears:
It is the Sun of righteousness
Must gild this vale of tears.