visit was blessed, all shared in the heavenly influence: if all
visits were equally profitable, I should regret to refuse an
invitation.--Paid a visit not so beneficial, though many good people
were there, and honourable too.--Rose too early by mistake, but
determined to profit by it, so I bowed myself at the feet of Him to
whom I can most freely unbosom myself and told Him all my cares, which
seemed to multiply as I spread them out before Him; found a little
access, but want the mighty faith that 'can the mountain move.'--Wm.
B.'s two daughters and daughter-in-law took tea with me, which
afforded me an opportunity of conversing with them on the necessity
of salvation. Presented each of them with a pocket companion.
Providentially Mrs. R. stepped in, and prayed with us. In the evening
I met the dear people, deeply feeling my own unfitness, and greatly
discouraged by their state. To increase my difficulty, a young
stranger came in to hear in silence; could get none to pray. What
shall I do? Resolved as soon as alone to roll my burden upon the Lord,
which I did, and felt encouraged.--Five months to-day since my last
letter from Richard. [Two days after she writes.] The evening post
brought me a letter, and 'all is well.' When we had read it, we bowed
before the Lord to acknowledge our gratitude. My dear friends, B. and
A., came to meet Mrs. B. to plead with the Lord on her behalf: she
obtained power to say, 'I love Him because He first loved me;' but
durst not affirm that her sins were forgiven.--Since the Missionary
Meeting, the recollection that I, with the rest of the assembly,
lifted my hand and pledged myself to increased exertion, has pressed
upon my mind. I am willing; Lord, direct my efforts! [This resolution
was not ineffective, for shortly after, she initiated the York Ladies'
Missionary Sewing Meeting, which for many years proved an important
source of income, and still exists, under the name of the 'Ladies'
Repository.']
"Hull. Called upon Mrs. H., and met there a lady, who acknowledges my
father as the instrument of her conversion. She was on one occasion
introduced into his class, and being a member of the Established
Church, he asked her if, when repeating the Creed, she believed 'in
the communion of saints, and the forgiveness of sins.' The arrow hit
the mark, and she never rested till she obtained the favour of God.
Called also upon Mr. E., whom we found indisposed, but awakened to a
sense of his lost condition. Was glad to hear him speak of his hard,
unfeeling heart, as I felt convinced the Spirit of God was working
upon him, and was encouraged to pray with and for him.--After an
agreeable journey, we returned to York--so swiftly time passes, how I
long to improve it! In the cabin of the packet, I took up a book which
lay on the table--written by Baxter--on 'Living for Eternity,' and
while reading, deeply felt the necessity of so doing. Two young
gentlemen sat at my left hand playing at a game of some sort, and I
was prompted to speak to them upon the importance of improving their
youthful opportunities. They received the admonition in a good spirit
and said, they wished they oftener met with kind reproofs.--Miss
B. and I collected for the infant school: some of our visits were
profitable--prayer sweetened our employment."
"Sinnington. My dear uncle is evidently failing. He has suffered much,
but the state of his mind is improving, and he is more accessible.
He goes to bed very early, and every night I have sat and prayed with
him. My own mind is in a composed frame. All around me exhibits the
finger of God. The stillness of nature impresses me with His presence;
I hear his voice, and all within me acknowledges Him Lord of all. I
have visited several of the villagers; some wept, but to others I seem
to tell an idle tale.--Four o'clock in the morning:--
Midnight stillness! O! how solemn!
Now surrounded by my God;
How I long to breathe His fulness!
How I long to walk with God!
Thou whose eyes, unseen, behold me,--
Mark my inmost rising thought;
In this musing moment prompt me,
Let my works in Thee be wrought.
Aid, O aid my contemplation!
To Thy cross my spirit lead;
Humble, while I view Thy passion,
_Me_,--that caused Thy heart to bleed.
Let it melt me, O my Saviour,
Melt me into love again;
By Thy death to life restore me,
In my soul for ever reign.
Bring me into full salvation,
Every secret thought control;
Help my nature's imperfection,
Sway Thy sceptre in my soul.
Let all nature point to Jesus,
Every scene reveal Him there,
Earthly good, through Him, be precious,
Voices chaunt Him everywhere.
All I know, or taste, or handle,
Be subservient to His will;
Sun that shineth--stars that glitter--
Flash His glory round me still.
"As I came out of the chapel, a person came to me with tears in her
eyes and requested me to pray for her, that the Lord would cleanse her
heart: I was humbled but encouraged.--My birthday: rose before five,
and consecrated my body and soul to the Lord. At an early hour was
sent for by the young person I saw a few days ago, who is still very
much afflicted. Inquiring what I should pray for, she said, 'That God
may pardon my sins.' I thought this a good sign, as she was in much
pain; and left her, believing God would save her. This word has been
my motto for some days, 'If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide
in my love;' and my heart is bent on it.--Awoke early; my meditations
were sweet. Visited S.P., while praying with her she wept much. O may
these meltings of a broken heart end in conversion! In the evening
went to J.B.'s to break the ice for them in commencing family-prayer,
but he was out, so after some close conversation with his wife on the
subject, we prayed together. Lord, help her to take up her cross.
On my return I went and prayed with uncle; I want to say to him
everything I ought--Lord help me.--I started early that I might invite
some of the villagers to the chapel: while thus engaged my heart was
lifted up to God for a blessing on my endeavours.--Miss C. came to
inform me, that last evening after returning from chapel, feeling her
need of justifying grace, she retired to her closet--her sisters,
and the young ladies having remained at the prayer-meeting. On their
return, several of them being deeply convinced of sin, united in
prayer; and so powerfully did the Spirit work, that six were crying
for mercy at once: thus they continued to pray and wrestle until two
in the morning, when five of them were made happy. On my way to Acomb,
I called in to rejoice with them, and was introduced to a young lady
who has been for some time under religious impression; whilst Mrs. R.
and I engaged in prayer, she found comfort; glory be to God.--A year
since my dear Richard left the land of his birth, to preach the gospel
in the islands of the seas. To commemorate the event, we had about
twenty friends to tea; after which we had a prayer-meeting on behalf
of my dear son, and the cause of missions.--The words of a Minister
should be as a stream from the living fountain, and themselves as
conduits, through which the stream runs. How needful then, that we
should bear them up before the throne, that there may be written upon
them, 'Holiness unto the Lord.'--Have been to see some of my members.
Two were out, one ill, a fourth indisposed, and a fifth in a very
unhappy frame of mind, whom I purposely left without prayer, not
knowing how to pray for her--never left her before without bowing the
knee. On arriving at home, I presented her case to God.--Have been put
into the office of Treasurer for the Clothing Society; Lord help me
faithfully to discharge this labour of love for the poor of Christ's
flock.--Saw J.P. on his dying bed. The enemy was making his last
assault upon him. I repeated several promises to which he listened
with attention, and then prayed with him. In about half an hour the
Lord broke in upon his soul so gloriously, that he desired his wife to
come and tell me what the Lord had done for him. My soul rejoiced with
him.--This solemn moment I give myself to Thee. O let me henceforth be
Thy devoted servant, willing at all times to yield my will to Thine!
Dost Thou say to me, 'I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee;
yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness?' Then
it is enough. I am the Lord's, and He is mine. Blessed union! God is
love; I feel it now.
"1838. In converse with my friends, I have endeavoured to keep a
conscience void of offence, and to walk in simplicity before the Lord;
but Oh! when viewed in the glass of God's law, how deficient! Yet will
I aim at the perfect model.--This morning, a young man named Calvert,
who is going as a missionary to the South Seas, called upon us. With
him I sent a letter to my Richard, having sat up the previous night
writing, and little thinking I should have such an opportunity of
sending it. Old feelings revived in my breast; but after he was gone,
while musing about my son and the perils of missionary life, these
words were sweetly applied: 'It is not the will of your Father in
heaven, that one of these little ones should perish.'--The box sent to
Richard, which has been lost for three months, is just found in proper
time to go with a missionary bound for the same islands. There is
a providence unseen by us, whose watchful eye protects the minutest
interests of His own; 'Even the very hairs of your heads are all
numbered.'--Informed that poor Mrs. W. was fast sinking, I hastened
to see her; she was struggling with her last enemy, but smiling in His
grasp. When told that she would soon join in singing 'Hallelujah,'
she smiled and said. 'Yes;' and shortly after exchanged mortality for
life."
MY FRIEND'S DEPARTURE.
How solemn was the room!
How still that scene of death!
My friend 'mid twilight gloom,
Lay gasping hard for breath;
The death dews on her temples stood;
She smiled adieu, and crossed the flood.
Angels were hov'ring round,
And breathing incense there;
Almost I heard the sound
Of wings upon the air;
Light as the breeze, and clear as light,
Her happy spirit took its flight.
Back on that solemn hour
My thoughts are often cast;
Be mine such faith and power
To triumph at the last;
With smiles to meet my latest foe,
And die eternal life to know.
I am like Noah's dove. The world is a dreary waste of waters without
anything upon which I can set my foot. My friends are dying, and
disappointments common.--Wrote to Mr. B. on the importance of
preparing to meet God; and enclosed three sermons on eternity.--Four
persons, whom I have visited this week, have passed into eternity.
These I have warned, urged, and pointed to Jesus. Of three of them I
entertain hope; but Oh! the danger of delay, and the responsibility
of visiting sick beds!--I have been much troubled with the inattention
and neglect of a servant. This is permitted for the trial of my faith
and patience, and my earnest prayer is, that I may secure the good
intended. With respect to my inward experience, I have access to God,
and can more implicitly pour my wants into the ears of Him, who waits
to answer. I now enjoy, through Christ, solid peace. Many precious
seasons for want of opportunity to record them pass unnoticed, and
some painful exercises, in which I have to sing my deliverer's praise.
"Sinnington. I have enjoyed sweet communion with my best friend, and
in pouring out my soul among my dear relations. Mr. B. has read the
little book I sent him, and carries it about with him in his pocket.
With me he appears more social; but it is the work of God to change
the heart. Still, he is laid upon my mind to remember him before
the Lord. My dear uncle, although in apparent health for his
years (eighty-one), is increasingly deaf, and almost cut off
from intercourse with society, so that he seeks to be alone. In a
conversation I had with him, he told me how the Lord blessed him, and
how he meditated in the night season. In this place I am secluded from
my usual care. Lord help me to improve the opportunity. I can truly
say, I long to sink, to rise, and grow in all the image of God.--I
felt much in parting with my friends, especially my dear uncle, who
said he should perhaps see me no more. I reminded him of our meeting
above, and endeavoured to urge upon him a preparation for it.--On
reviewing the week, I have endeavoured to walk circumspectly,
redeeming the time, and enjoyed union with God, both in private, and
at the family altar; but yet I want more uniformity in my walk with
God. Mrs. H. accompanied me to see two poor widows; and, inviting some
of the neighbours in, we read and conversed, and prayed with them. I
felt inclined to go again.--A good class-meeting--after which I went
to visit the widows; four more persons came in. My heart was enlarged
while I endeavoured to exhort them to flee from the wrath to come, and
prayed with them.--I have returned to spend the last hour of the year
at home. I feel a prayerful frame, and a determination to give myself
and all my powers to God. Though buffeted by the enemy, my heart is
fully resolved. I will be Thine,--save me.
Oh! Thou, who dost in secret see
My lifted heart, and bended knee;
While now my soul pours out the prayer,
O let it find acceptance there:
Come now, and claim me for Thy own,
And make my heart Thy glorious throne.
Twelve o'clock. Another year is gone."
XVII.
THE MOTHER IN ISRAEL.
"THE HOARY HEAD IS A CROWN OF GLORY, IF IT BE FOUND
IN THE WAY OF RIGHTEOUSNESS."--Prov. xvi. 31.
There are some countenances which even in advanced life are singularly
beautiful; lit up with a heavenly lustre which rivals the freshness
and bloom of youth. Such was the countenance of my venerated mother,
on the eve of threescore years. Her expressive features discovered
the rich adornment of her soul. It was the outbeaming of hidden
glory within;--the reflection of beauty caught by constant and secret
communion with God;--the bright halo of love, joy and peace in
the Holy Ghost. Though in the middle period of life the subject of
frequent and severe attacks of pain in the head, which, for the time,
greatly enfeebled her, she had, by the blessing of God upon the use of
suitable means in connection with her abstemious habits, overcome the
force of disease, and recovered a degree of strength and vigour which
was remarkable. Her step was light and active; her gait erect; and as,
in consequence of the removal of her children into active life, she
was now, to a great extent, freed from domestic duties, she might
often be seen in the streets of the city hasting upon her errands of
mercy. The care of three classes, two of which were large, together
with her numerous engagements in every department of usefulness, which
the church opened out to her, furnished her with continual employment,
and hence, at this period, her diary is a detail rather of Christian
activity than of inward experience.
"1839.--The Covenant-service was a solemn season; yet I did not feel
so much sensible comfort as firmness of purpose to consecrate
myself to God; seeing how greatly it concerned my interest, and what
condescension it implied, on the part of God, to accept of one so
unworthy.--Entered upon subscriptions for the new chapel.--Poor Fanny
McD. has a second time been severely burnt. I saw her this morning;
she was just able to say 'yes,' when asked, if she was happy. About
twelve she expired. I am thankful I had the opportunity of commending
her soul to God. It was good to go to the house of mourning. For ten
years I have collected, or given her, the amount of her rent; and for
one year provided a woman to wait upon her.--As I was going to Fanny's
funeral, I was accosted by a young woman, who seemed to know me: but
of whom I had no recollection, until she told me that she had formerly
met with me, but had wandered from God, and was now made willing to
return. The next day being my class, I invited her to come. She
did so; and said, that as she was going out the day before, she was
strongly impressed to pray for a blessing, and thought within herself,
'Why should I? I am not going to chapel.' She concluded that our
meeting was providential. God grant she may again get into the
right way.--A blessed Sabbath to me; it was good at the morning
prayer-meeting;--good in the forenoon;--good to visit the house of
mourning;--and good to point to Jesus some old women who desired to
behold Him.--I have this day surrendered my Sabbath class into the
hands of Mrs. H., during her stay in York, having latterly had so
little time for reading, and she desires employment.--The perusal of
some of my old MS.S. has been the means of rousing my spirit. Save me,
O God, from spiritual sloth; I see the danger; may I fear it more
than ever, never looking at others, but always looking unto Thee.--The
month of my nativity. My obligations to God are twelve months deeper,
and myself a bankrupt--dependant upon the bounty of providence, and
abased under a sense of my ingratitude, nevertheless my purpose is to
live for God alone: my faith strengthens, and I have a little love--
'Tis but a drop, O might it grow.
And all my happy soul o'erflow!"
"I accompanied my husband to Harrogate, where I now write, having
secured a quiet retired spot which just suits me. Help me, Lord, to
improve the opportunity which this quietude affords. I can truly
say my soul longs for God; yea, for the living God.--Much liberty
in family prayer. I was drawn out on behalf of the visitors who were
about to leave in the forenoon. The old gentleman seemed affected.
Tears came into his eyes when I bade him farewell. He thanked us for
all our favours, which could only refer to our presenting him at
the throne of grace--a duty we owe to all men. O Lord, help me more
faithfully to discharge it!--Went to Goldsbro'; and accompanied Mrs.
D. to see a neighbour, who was deeply affected under the sermon
the previous Sabbath. Our visit was welcomed, and after a little
conversation we got upon our knees, when the Lord was very present.
Mrs. W., the person upon whom we called, pressed us much to go again,
which we did after tea, before we left the place. She then expressed
her confidence in God, and determined to cast in her lot among the
people of God.
"Sinnington. I was much pressed in spirit to visit a certain family in
the village, and got cousin P. to accompany me. My errand was to urge
the parents to seek the Lord. It was a softening time. The Lord opened
my mouth, and enlarged my heart. Both the master and mistress wept. Oh!
that it may not be as the morning cloud and early dew. I feel hope.
The message of mercy came wrapp'd in disease,
Destroying my comfort, and spoiling my ease;
Enclosed in the foldings a jewel I found,
And a circlet of diamonds encompass'd it round;
I eagerly seiz'd it, and read on the seal
A name newly graven, I cannot reveal;
But, where it is present, no sorrow can dwell,
Affliction is welcome, and all must be well.
"Returning from chapel, I met with a person who was a stranger to
saving grace, and invited her into a house, where I was going to see a
sick person. There I prayed with them. The woman seemed much affected,
and to me it was a season of refreshing. In the afternoon I saw
several afflicted people, among whom I was encouraged and humbled,
thankful, and almost overwhelmed with the troubles I was made
acquainted with. After the evening service, in company with Mrs. R. I
visited another woman. There is no hope of her recovery. She is quite
ignorant of salvation, but exceedingly desirous of instruction. We
had much power in prayer, and reluctantly left her. I determined to go
again in the morning, but, before I set off, she sent for me, I found
her perfectly sensible, but the hand of death was upon, her. I pointed
her to Christ, and, while engaged in prayer, the power of faith was
sweetly given. When. asked by her husband if she was happy, she said
with emphasis, 'Yes'.--Another half hour, and the year 1839 is gone
for ever! How precious these moments seem! But to the last, my
hand, moved by the feelings of my soul, shall write Thy precious
name--JESUS!--my Saviour! my God! my all! I now stand on the brink of
another important division of time. What it will develope. God
only knows; but my firm determination is to live for God. On my
knees--surrounded by the unseen Deity--I give myself to Thee,--to
reign in, and rule over me for ever. The moment is fled."
"1840. Saw Mrs. H., whom I found in dying circumstances. She was
at class on New Year's Eve, when I urged her to lay hold upon
Christ,--cautioning her not to remain unsaved, and expressing my fears
lest she should do so. She appeared much affected, and remained at the
bottom of the stairs to kiss me, ere we parted. Little did I think it
would be the last time: but such is the frailty of our nature.--At the
request of a lady, whom Mrs. R. and I were providentially called to
visit, we went to form a class in her house. It was a blessed season,
although we had only herself to begin with. [This lady she continued
to visit weekly for a considerable time, until death rendered her
visits unnecessary.] It is long since I heard from Richard, but the
promise has been repeated: 'Though it tarry, wait for it, because it
will surely come, it will not tarry.' So for some days I have been
hoping. [Two days after she writes.] Just as we were about to commence
family-worship, the postman brought two letters,--one from Richard,
and one from Mary Ann. The tidings are affecting, and strongly exhibit
the guardian care of Providence.--Without a servant, but in no wise
discontent.--I visited Miss Rosetta W., who is declining fast, and has
for some time been under considerable depression. The Lord was pleased
to remove the cloud. The change was perceptible in her countenance.--A
memorable day in consequence of the fire at the west-end of the
Cathedral--occasioned, it is supposed, by the carelessness of a
workman, who was employed to repair the clock; at least, nothing
further has been elicited. The spectacle was awfully grand, and
supplied me with an errand to the throne. The burning particles flew
over several streets, and descended like flakes of snow. Surely the
Providence of God preserved us. Visited a lady, by her own request,
who is desirous of salvation. She has attended Mrs. C.'s class since
it has been committed to my care.--Called on Mr. W., and looked upon
the remains of dear Rosetta, who left this suffering world in triumph,
waving her hand, and endeavouring to shout victory, the morning after
I saw her last.--While meditating on the 15th chapter of John, the
word was conveyed with power to my heart; but I want a constant
spirit, never to be weary in the search, of truth. I was led to see
how the Saviour's words, 'Without me ye can do nothing,' are often
improperly applied, and made an excuse for spiritual sloth; since it
is our own fault, if we have not strength, because He has commanded us
to abide in Him.--Mrs. C.'s class was met by Mr. E. From this time
I suppose I am to be recognized as the leader. In accepting this
additional responsibility, I am affected by a sense of my own
unfitness for the work, and the honour which the Lord puts upon me;
for I look not at second causes, in thus placing me to watch over His
people. It is, and may it ever be, a stimulus to seek a closer walk
with God, that I may know His will, and act in conformity with it.
Walking down High Ousegate about half-past eight in the evening, in
company with my daughter, I had my pocket picked of a small silver
box, given me by a cousin. I can, and have prayed for the miscreant
who did it; but wish to have my box again: I fear this is wrong; it
is not like Paul, who suffered the loss of all things without
regret.--Several ladies commenced cutting out clothing for the poor.
May we be clothed with humility. Our interview was pleasant.--On
returning from my band, I found a note from our landlord, giving
us notice to quit in six months, in consequence of some proposed
buildings in connexion with the railway station. For a moment I was
startled, as we hoped our residence was fixed for the term of life;
but my mind soon fell into a profitable train of reflection. I
thought, ere this term has expired, a higher mandate may be sent to
quit my clay tenement, when I must give up my account. My heart feels
it is well, and will be well.--This morning I traversed the haunts
of the 'navvies' to give tracts to as many as I could. It has been my
purpose this day to surrender the powers of my body and soul to God;
and I have steadily kept it in view. Still, I need the 'blood of
sprinkling' through which alone I can be accepted.--Finished my
month's visitation to the school. I might have better improved the
opportunity; but imperfection characterises all I do.--Had the honour
of breakfasting with a few of the Lord's servants, and was much
gratified with the firmness of one, who stood almost alone in an
opinion clearly right, respecting a book called _'The Centenary
Takings.'"_