MR. BELFORD, TO ROBERT LOVELACE, ESQ.
THURSDAY, JULY 27.
I went this morning, according to the lady's invitation, to breakfast,
and found Mr. Hickman with her.
A good deal of heaviness and concern hung upon his countenance: but he
received me with more respect than he did yesterday; which, I presume,
was owing to the lady's favourable character of me.
He spoke very little; for I suppose they had all their talk out
yesterday, and before I came this morning.
By the hints that dropped, I perceived that Miss Howe's letter gave an
account of your interview with her at Col. Ambrose's--of your professions
to Miss Howe; and Miss Howe's opinion, that marrying you was the only way
now left to repair her wrongs.
Mr. Hickman, as I also gathered, had pressed her, in Miss Howe's name, to
let her, on her return from the Isle of Wight, find her at a neighbouring
farm-house, where neat apartments would be made ready to receive her.
She asked how long it would be before they returned? And he told her, it
was proposed to be no more than a fortnight out and in. Upon which she
said, she should then perhaps have time to consider of that kind
proposal.
He had tendered her money from Miss Howe; but could not induce her to
take any. No wonder I was refused! she only said, that, if she had
occasion, she would be obliged to nobody but Miss Howe.
Mr. Goddard, her apothecary, came in before breakfast was over. At her
desire he sat down with us. Mr. Hickman asked him, if he could give him
any consolation in relation to Miss Harlowe's recovery, to carry down to
a friend who loved her as she loved her own life?
The lady, said he, will do very well, if she will resolve upon it
herself. Indeed you will, Madam. The doctor is entirely of this
opinion; and has ordered nothing for you but weak jellies and innocent
cordials, lest you should starve yourself. And let me tell you, Madam,
that so much watching, so little nourishment, and so much grief, as you
seem to indulge, is enough to impair the most vigorous health, and to
wear out the strongest constitution.
What, Sir, said she, can I do? I have no appetite. Nothing you call
nourishing will stay on my stomach. I do what I can: and have such kind
directors in Dr. H. and you, that I should be inexcusable if I did not.
I'll give you a regimen, Madam, replied he; which, I am sure, the doctor
will approve of, and will make physic unnecessary in your case. And that
is, 'go to rest at ten at night. Rise not till seven in the morning.
Let your breakfast be watergruel, or milk-pottage, or weak broths: your
dinner any thing you like, so you will but eat: a dish of tea, with milk,
in the afternoon; and sago for your supper: and, my life for your's, this
diet, and a month's country air, will set you up.'
We were much pleased with the worthy gentleman's disinterested regimen:
and she said, referring to her nurse, (who vouched for her,) Pray, Mr.
Hickman, let Miss Howe know the good hands I am in: and as to the kind
charge of the gentleman, assure her, that all I promised to her, in the
longest of my two last letters, on the subject of my health, I do and
will, to the utmost of my power, observe. I have engaged, Sir, (to Mr.
Goddard,) I have engaged, Sir, (to me,) to Miss Howe, to avoid all wilful
neglects. It would be an unpardonable fault, and very ill become the
character I would be glad to deserve, or the temper of mind I wish my
friends hereafter to think me mistress of, if I did not.
Mr. Hickman and I went afterwards to a neighbouring coffee-house; and he
gave me some account of your behaviour at the ball on Monday night, and
of your treatment of him in the conference he had with you before that;
which he represented in a more favourable light than you had done
yourself: and yet he gave his sentiments of you with great freedom, but
with the politeness of a gentleman.
He told me how very determined the lady was against marrying you; that
she had, early this morning, set herself to write a letter to Miss Howe,
in answer to one he brought her, which he was to call for at twelve, it
being almost finished before he saw her at breakfast; and that at three
he proposed to set out on his return.
He told me that Miss Howe, and her mother, and himself, were to begin
their little journey for the Isle of Wight on Monday next: but that he
must make the most favourable representation of Miss Harlowe's bad
health, or they should have a very uneasy absence. He expressed the
pleasure he had in finding the lady in such good hands. He proposed to
call on Dr. H. to take his opinion whether it were likely she would
recover; and hoped he should find it favourable.
As he was resolved to make the best of the matter, and as the lady had
refused to accept of the money offered by Mr. Hickman, I said nothing of
her parting with her clothes. I thought it would serve no other end to
mention it, but to shock Miss Howe: for it has such a sound with it, that
a woman of her rank and fortune should be so reduced, that I cannot
myself think of it with patience; nor know I but one man in the world who
can.
This gentleman is a little finical and formal. Modest or diffident men
wear not soon off those little precisenesses, which the confident, if
ever they had them, presently get above; because they are too confident
to doubt any thing. But I think Mr. Hickman is an agreeable, sensible
man, and not at all deserving of the treatment or the character you give
him.
But you are really a strange mortal: because you have advantages in your
person, in your air, and intellect, above all the men I know, and a face
that would deceive the devil, you can't think any man else tolerable.
It is upon this modest principle that thou deridest some of us, who, not
having thy confidence in their outside appearance, seek to hide their
defects by the tailor's and peruke-maker's assistance; (mistakenly
enough, if it be really done so absurdly as to expose them more;) and
sayest, that we do but hang out a sign, in our dress, of what we have in
the shop of our minds. This, no doubt, thou thinkest, is smartly
observed: but pr'ythee, Lovelace, let me tell thee, if thou canst, what
sort of a sign must thou hang out, wert thou obliged to give us a clear
idea by it of the furniture of thy mind?
Mr. Hickman tells me, he should have been happy with Miss Howe some weeks
ago, (for all the settlements have been some time engrossed;) but that
she will not marry, she declares, while her dear friend is so unhappy.
This is truly a charming instance of the force of female friendship;
which you and I, and our brother rakes, have constantly ridiculed as a
chimerical thing in women of equal age, and perfections.
But really, Lovelace, I see more and more that there are not in the
world, with our conceited pride, narrower-souled wretches than we rakes
and libertines are. And I'll tell thee how it comes about.
Our early love of roguery makes us generally run away from instruction;
and so we become mere smatterers in the sciences we are put to learn;
and, because we will know no more, think there is no more to be known.
With an infinite deal of vanity, un-reined imaginations, and no judgments
at all, we next commence half-wits, and then think we have the whole
field of knowledge in possession, and despise every one who takes more
pains, and is more serious, than ourselves, as phlegmatic, stupid
fellows, who have no taste for the most poignant pleasures of life.
This makes us insufferable to men of modesty and merit, and obliges us to
herd with those of our own cast; and by this means we have no
opportunities of seeing or conversing with any body who could or would
show us what we are; and so we conclude that we are the cleverest fellows
in the world, and the only men of spirit in it; and looking down with
supercilious eyes on all who gave not themselves the liberties we take,
imagine the world made for us, and for us only.
Thus, as to useful knowledge, while others go to the bottom, we only skim
the surface; are despised by people of solid sense, of true honour, and
superior talents; and shutting our eyes, move round and round, like so
many blind mill-horses, in one narrow circle, while we imagine we have
all the world to range in.
***