MR. BELFORD, TO ROBERT LOVELACE, ESQ.
WEDNESDAY, JULY 26.
I came not to town till this morning early: poor Belton clinging to me,
as a man destitute of all other hold.
I hastened to Smith's, and had but a very indifferent account of the
lady's health. I sent up my compliments; and she desired to see me in
the afternoon.
Mrs. Lovick told me, that after I went away on Saturday, she actually
parted with one of her best suits of clothes to a gentlewoman who is her
[Mrs. Lovick's] benefactress, and who bought them for a niece who is very
speedily to be married, and whom she fits out and portions as her
intended heiress. The lady was so jealous that the money might come from
you or me, that she would see the purchaser: who owned to Mrs. Lovick
that she bought them for half their worth: but yet, though her conscience
permitted her to take them at such an under rate, the widow says her
friend admired the lady, as one of the loveliest of her sex: and having
been let into a little of her story, could not help shedding tears at
taking away her purchase.
She may be a good sort of woman: Mrs. Lovick says she is: but SELF is an
odious devil, that reconciles to some people the most cruel and dishonest
actions. But, nevertheless, it is my opinion, that those who can suffer
themselves to take advantage of the necessities of their
fellow-creatures, in order to buy any thing at a less rate than would
allow them the legal interest of their purchase-money (supposing they
purchase before they want) are no better than robbers for the difference.
--To plunder a wreck, and to rob at a fire, are indeed higher degrees of
wickedness: but do not those, as well as these, heighten the distresses
of the distressed, and heap misery on the miserable, whom it is the duty
of every one to relieve?
About three o'clock I went again to Smith's. The lady was writing when I
sent up my name; but admitted of my visit. I saw a miserable alteration
in her countenance for the worse; and Mrs. Lovick respectfully accusing
her of too great assiduity to her pen, early and late, and of her
abstinence the day before, I took notice of the alteration; and told her,
that her physician had greater hopes of her than she had of herself; and
I would take the liberty to say, that despair of recovery allowed not
room for cure.
She said she neither despaired nor hoped. Then stepping to the glass,
with great composure, My countenance, said she, is indeed an honest
picture of my heart. But the mind will run away with the body at any
time.
Writing is all my diversion, continued she: and I have subjects that
cannot be dispensed with. As to my hours, I have always been an early
riser: but now rest is less in my power than ever. Sleep has a long time
ago quarreled with me, and will not be friends, although I have made the
first advances. What will be, must.
She then stept to her closet, and brought me a parcel sealed up with
three seals: Be so kind, said she, as to give this to your friend. A
very grateful present it ought to be to him: for, Sir, this packet
contains such letters of his to me, as, compared with his actions, would
reflect dishonour upon all his sex, were they to fall into other hands.
As to my letters to him, they are not many. He may either keep or
destroy them, as he pleases.
I thought, Lovelace, I ought not to forego this opportunity to plead for
you: I therefore, with the packet in my hand, urged all the arguments I
could think of in your favour.
She heard me out with more attention than I could have promised myself,
considering her determined resolution.
I would not interrupt you, Mr. Belford, said she, though I am far from
being pleased with the subject of your discourse. The motives for your
pleas in his favour are generous. I love to see instances of generous
friendship in either sex. But I have written my full mind on this
subject to Miss Howe, who will communicate it to the ladies of his
family. No more, therefore, I pray you, upon a topic that may lead to
disagreeable recrimination.
Her apothecary came in. He advised her to the air, and blamed her for so
great an application, as he was told she made to her pen; and he gave it
as the doctor's opinion, as well as his own, that she would recover, if
she herself desired to recover, and would use the means.
She may possibly write too much for her health: but I have observed, on
several occasions, that when the medical men are at a loss what to
prescribe, they inquire what their patients like best, or are most
diverted with, and forbid them that.
But, noble minded as they see this lady is, they know not half her
nobleness of mind, nor how deeply she is wounded; and depend too much
upon her youth, which I doubt will not do in this case; and upon time,
which will not alleviate the woes of such a mind: for, having been bent
upon doing good, and upon reclaiming a libertine whom she loved, she is
disappointed in all her darling views, and will never be able, I fear, to
look up with satisfaction enough in herself to make life desirable to
her. For this lady had other views in living, than the common ones of
eating, sleeping, dressing, visiting, and those other fashionable
amusements, which fill up the time of most of her sex, especially of
those of it who think themselves fitted to shine in and adorn polite
assemblies. Her grief, in short, seems to me to be of such a nature,
that time, which alleviates most other person's afflictions, will, as the
poet says, give increase to her's.
Thou, Lovelace, mightest have seen all this superior excellence, as thou
wentest along. In every word, in every sentiment, in every action, is it
visible.--But thy cursed inventions and intriguing spirit ran away with
thee. 'Tis fit that the subject of thy wicked boast, and thy reflections
on talents so egregiously misapplied, should be thy punishment and thy
curse.
Mr. Goddard took his leave; and I was going to do so too, when the maid
came up, and told her a gentleman was below, who very earnestly inquired
after her health, and desired to see her: his name Hickman.
She was overjoyed; and bid the maid desire the gentleman to walk up.
I would have withdrawn; but I supposed she thought it was likely I should
have met him upon the stairs; and so she forbid it.
She shot to the stairs-head to receive him, and, taking his hand, asked
half a dozen questions (without waiting for any answer) in relation to
Miss Howe's health; acknowledging, in high terms, her goodness in sending
him to see her, before she set out upon her little journey.
He gave her a letter from that young lady, which she put into her bosom,
saying, she would read it by-and-by.
He was visibly shocked to see how ill she looked.
You look at me with concern, Mr. Hickman, said she--O Sir! times are
strangely altered with me since I saw you last at my dear Miss Howe's!--
What a cheerful creature was I then!--my heart at rest! my prospects
charming! and beloved by every body!--but I will not pain you!
Indeed, Madam, said he, I am grieved for you at my soul.
He turned away his face, with visible grief in it.
Her own eyes glistened: but she turned to each of us, presenting one to
the other--him to me, as a gentleman truly deserving to be called so--me
to him, as your friend, indeed, [how was I at that instant ashamed of
myself!] but, nevertheless, as a man of humanity; detesting my friend's
baseness; and desirous of doing her all manner of good offices.
Mr. Hickman received my civilities with a coldness, which, however, was
rather to be expected on your account, than that it deserved exception on
mine. And the lady invited us both to breakfast with her in the morning;
he being obliged to return the next day.
I left them together, and called upon Mr. Dorrell, my attorney, to
consult him upon poor Belton's affairs; and then went home, and wrote
thus far, preparative to what may occur in my breakfasting-visit in the
morning.