"I say--come and dance. This is a toppin' fox-trot they're playin'."
"Thanks--but I'm only waltzing this evening. We're still in mourning,
you know."
* * *
_Specialist_ (_to patient suffering from insomnia_): "And did you try
my plan of counting sheep coming through a gate?"
_Patient:_ "Well, I counted up to a hundred and twenty thousand and
thirty-nine, and then it was time to get up."
* * *
_Neighbor_ (_bearer of message, to billiard enthusiast_): "You're wanted
at 'ome, Charlie. Yer wife's just presented yer with another rebate off
yer income-tax."
* * *
_Joan_ (_whose mother has just bought her a pair of woolen gloves_):
"Oh, Mummy, I wish you had got kid. I hate this kind; they make my
sweets so hairy."
* * *
_Lady_ (_to applicant for situation as cook_): "Have you been accustomed
to have a kitchen-maid under you?"
_Cook:_ "In these days we never speak of having people 'under us.' But I
have had colleagues."
* * *
_Father:_ "Look here, Billy, Mr. Smith called at the office this morning
about your fight with his boy yesterday."
_Son:_ "Did he? I hope you got on as well as I did."
* * *
_Artist_ (_condescendingly_): "I did this last summer. It really isn't
much good."
_Candid Friend:_ "No, it certainly isn't. But who told you?"
* * *