she was young. About sixteen, she married a seafaring man, who by his
extravagance exposed her to many difficulties. Often in sailing from
port to port, to prevent, if possible, his wasting his money when he
came from sea, she was in great danger, and then made many resolutions;
but they quickly died away.
2. On February 14, 1747. Her husband brought her to _Dublin_. But
she was still the same: “I do not remember, said she, that I had any
thought, whether I had a soul or not, till I was about twenty-eight
years old.” At that time she began to reflect with terror, on the
immortality of her soul. She saw and felt, that hell was her just
desert, and could find no way to escape it. She knew she was under the
wrath of God, but knew not how to appease it. She went from church to
church, and endeavoured to do whatever she was taught; but found all
she could do was nothing. Sometimes indeed her convictions subsided
for a time; but returned with double violence. The cry of her soul
continually was, “Lord what must I do to be saved? Shew me the way
wherein I should go!” Thus she went on for several years.
3. About fourteen years ago she heard Mr. _Thomas Walsh_ preach in the
New-room. She said, “He made my soul tremble exceedingly.” Her fears
were rather increased than lessened. But the eyes of her understanding
were not opened, with regard to the true method of salvation.
Afterwards she heard “that blessed man of God,” (as she justly called
him) _Paul Greenwood_. She then saw, that _by grace we are saved
through faith_, and at the same time, sin received a mortal wound. She
determined, nothing should prevent her seeking the pearl of great price,
that precious faith. She had much opposition; but nothing stopped her
soul on full stretch for salvation. Such was her desire to hear the
word, that frequently when she was locked into the room, up one pair of
stairs, she got out at a window. She directly joined the society, and
counted all things loss, so she might win Christ.
4. It was not long before it pleased God to remove the opposer out of
the way. She now frequently received much comfort: but that did not
satisfy. Nothing could give her lasting comfort, till she knew her sins
were blotted out. This she earnestly sought both in private and public,
missing no opportunity of hearing the preaching. And one Sunday morning,
as Mr. _Deaves_ was giving out an hymn, God was _pleased to reveal his
Son in_ her, and to enable her to say with a clear confidence, “He has
loved _me_, and given himself for _me_.” It was with much difficulty
that she refrained from crying out, and exhorting all to praise the
Lord. She now delighted to run the way of his commandments. Her heart
was enlarged. Both her heart and hands were open towards those that
feared God, and had her power been equal to her will, none of them
should have wanted any thing. For some months she walked as on the
wings of the wind.
“Jesus all the day long
Was her joy and her song:
O that all his salvation may see!
He has lov’d me, she cried,
He hath suffer’d and died
To redeem such a rebel as me!”
Though her outward situation was disagreeable, being surrounded great
part of the day, with those who constrained her to see and hear what
her soul abhorred; yet his grace was sufficient for her, and she
remained always rejoicing, and praising the God of her salvation.
5. After some months, it was shewn her, that the seeds of sin were not
yet rooted out of her heart. Yet she did not let go her confidence in
God, neither lose the power over her besetting sin, which was anger.
And it was her principle, not to rest an hour, without a feeling sense
of the love of God.
6. On October the 9th, 1760, by the providence of God, she and I were
married. She was truly an helpmate for ten years, three months, and two
days: during which time we could truly say, there never was any thing
but love and tenderness toward each other. There never was, that I
remember, but once, any appearance of what is called a quarrel. And
in a few hours she saw, it was not her business, to interfere with the
discipline of the society.
7. Although there was the most tender affection between us, yet
so exceeding great was her love to souls, and her desire for their
welfare, that she was willing at all times for me to go to any part of
the kingdom, without ever saying, “If you _must_ go, stay a few days
longer.” And if I was absent three or six months, nay, a whole year,
which was once the case, she never complained. She could part with
husband, or any thing, to glorify him, who had done so much for her.
The last time I spoke of leaving her, she was ill. My friends then
advised me, not to go. I was inclined to follow their advice, as there
appeared little hope of her recovery. But she insisted on my going
where Providence called, saying, “I never have hindered you yet. And if
I should do it now, I believe it would be displeasing to God.” I went,
and after an absence of three months, returned just at the time, when
she was taken with that last illness, which prevented her going out any
more. And for my coming home just at that time, she praised God to her
latest hour.
8. During the last ten years of her life, she had many and great
conflicts. The sense of inbred sin, and of her having so many times
offended God, after she had known his love, often lay heavy upon her
mind, and pierced her with deep sorrow. The earnest desire of her soul
was, to be wholly given up to God. But she was tormented with that fear,
lest she should not glorify God in life and in death: particularly,
lest by any improper behaviour at her death, she should be a reproach
to the gospel. Likewise anxious care about the world, sometimes
exceedingly distressed her. She was tempted to fear, lest she should
live to be a burden to the society. Or, at least, till she could not
be helpful to others, as she knew, it was more blessed to give than to
receive. But thro’ the mercy of God, none of the things which she had
feared came upon her.
9. Above two years ago, the disorder which occasioned her death began
to be violent. Yet she did not abate her diligence, to support herself
and family, till July 1769. Her pains then so increased, that she had
no ease night or day, only when she slept, which was seldom more than
an hour or two. But notwithstanding this, she could not be prevailed
upon to keep her room before Christmas. From that time she was in
exquisite pain, as tho’ her bowels were tearing asunder. She often said,
_wearisome nights and days are appointed for me_. Yet in the sharpest
pain, she never _charged God foolishly_, or once said, he dealt hardly
with her.
10. During this long confinement, she felt a keen conviction of her
past unfaithfulness, together with a piercing sense of inbred sin.
And on both these accounts, she was often crying out in deep distress,
_God be merciful to me a sinner_. She steddily believed, it was the
privilege of God’s people, always to feel the clear witness of his
spirit. Accordingly she was always, either rejoicing in the Lord, or
deeply distressed for want of it. Even in the severest pain, she was
not satisfied with patience, unless she had joy in the Lord.
11. She often would say, “The devil tells me, the peace I feel is only
stupidity: that I have been an hypocrite all my life, and never was
converted. But I can with confidence answer, this is false. I never
desired to deceive either myself or others. I know the Lord did awaken
my soul, and convert me to himself. And I cannot accuse myself of
lukewarmness in my duty since. I have seldom wilfully missed my class,
or band, or a sermon. Yet the manner in which I often performed those
duties, causes my soul to tremble. My body was present: but often, too
often my mind was engaged in my business. Herein I must plead guilty
before God, and he might justly have cast me out of his presence.”
12. All this time the hand of the Lord was underneath her, and did
not suffer her to sink in the deep waters. Yet she often complained,
“I cannot rejoice in pain,” whereas St. _Paul_ says, _Rejoice in
tribulation_: and that happy soul, _Nancy Rogers_ said, “Every pain is
a spring to my soul, to lift me up to heaven.” I told her, “When you,
like _Nancy_, are near your end, you may triumph over pain also. But
should it be otherwise, your eternal state does not depend on that.”
She cried out, “Nay, but what the scriptures declare, and what others
have experienced, is for _me_.” She did not fear being cast into hell:
yet her distress, at times, was exceeding great. She was vehemently
athirst for full salvation, and often broke out into deep lamentation.
“I am unlike the Lord! When shall I awake up after his full likeness!”
Sometimes she seemed just ready to lay hold on the hope set before her.
But she was checked by a sense of her unprofitableness in the ways of
God: and would often break out, “True Lord, true! I am unprofitable
indeed.”
13. At some times she was afraid, lest she should live to expend all
she had, and leave me in distress. But about a month before her death,
these fears vanished away, and she was quite resigned to the will of
God, leaving it wholly to him to do what seemed him good, with her and
all that she had. From this time she had no other care than that which
related to her soul. She was now released from her severe pains, and
her soul felt a solemn peace; tho’ she was still frequently tempted to
fear, lest she should deceive herself.
14. Near three weeks after, I was reading in the fifteenth volume of
the Christian Library, that section in _Isaac Ambrose_’s looking unto
Jesus, “Desiring Jesus with respect to his death.” The Lord now turned
his hand upon her, and caused her to feel his power. Her body seemed to
be forgotten; while her spirit rejoiced in God her Saviour, crying out,
“O the goodness of God, which directed that passage to be read this
night!” Then she began to sing
“Thou shepherd of Israel and mine,
The joy and desire of my heart!
For closer communion I pine;
I long to reside where thou art.
The pasture I languish to find,
Where all who their shepherd obey,
Are fed, on thy bosom reclin’d,
Are screen’d from the heat of the day.”
From this time she did _rejoice evermore_; and yet longed to triumph
more. Her ambitious soul could not rest, till wholly swallowed up in
God.
15. January 7. She desired to be taken out of bed. As soon as her
cloaths were on, she expected to have gone to rest. But God was
pleased to keep her a little longer in the body, for the comfort of
her surviving friends. As soon as she was a little revived, I asked,
“If she could stay her soul upon the Lord?” She said, “Yes, I can, tho’
I have not always that full assurance of faith.” But the next morning,
God fulfilled the desire of her heart, and filled her with faith and
love. About ten she seemed just expiring: but she soon revived. I said,
“My dear, can you rely on the Lord?” She answered with triumph, “I can;
yes, I can. All is plain before me. There is nothing now in the way. O
the precious blood of God! O the precious blood of God! That precious
blood cleanseth from all sin and from all stains.” I asked, “Has that
blood cleansed _you_ from all stains?” She said, “Yes, yes. It has
washed me, and it will still wash me.” I said, “For sorrow you shall
soon have joy.” She said, “Sorrow! I have had no sorrow. When I think
of what my Lord suffered for me, mine is nothing.” Indeed the exceeding
happiness she now enjoyed, made her forget all her former pains. She
said, “I shall be like him! I cannot tell what that is: but I shall be
like him.” The convulsions then followed each other with little respite;
but in the intervals, she was still praising God.
16. Wednesday 9. In the morning she was in great agonies, but said,
“Lord, thou dost all things well! Now I have nothing to do but to
praise: every breath shall be praise. I have just conquered death. O
Jesus, thou didst bring me into the world, and hast preferred me in the
world, and hast brought me thro’ the world!” I said, “He has brought
you safe to Jordan’s bank.” She said, “O yes, he has, O that I may go
full sail into port! I have a blessed pilot.” This day many persons
came to see her. One said, “Blessed are the dead which die in the
Lord!” She replied, “So saith the Spirit: for they rest from their
labours.” A convulsion followed, after which she was light-headed:
unless any one spoke to her of the Lord Jesus. Then for a time, her
reason returned. She did not sleep the whole night, and her breath
was almost gone: yet she said, “I do not feel much pain.” Thursday 10.
Early in the morning she was again composed, and said, “I shall soon be
with him. I shall drink of the river that makes glad the city of God.
He has brought me out the white linen and put it upon me. I see Jesus!
I see Jesus! He is worth more than all I have below.” This day she
often dozed; but as soon as awake, said, “O precious Jesus!” Thus she
spent the day, and most part of the night, saying, “I have often been
weary of speaking of him: but now I can speak of him for ever.”
17. Friday 11. She knew all that came to see her, and spoke to several
of them. About ten her daughter asked her blessing. She kissed her, and
said, “The Lord bless you and give you grace to be dutiful.” Soon after
one came, that was very dear to her. She would have spoke to her; but
at first was not able. But after a short time she said, “Her voice has
been pleasant to me. Farewell. I shall soon be in heaven;” These were
the last words I could understand; but she was sensible to the last.
About twenty minutes before one, she fell asleep.
“Thus may we all our parting breath
Into the Saviour’s hands resign!
O Jesus let me die her death,
And let her latter end be mine!”
A short ACCOUNT of
ANN ROGERS.
By JOHN JOHNSON.
Saturday, _April 8, 1769_.
I WENT to see _Ann Rogers_, a young woman who had been for several
years a member of the society in _Dublin_. Two or three years ago
she believed God had saved her from all sin, and ever since behaved
in the most exemplary manner. “My body, she said, is exceeding weak:
but Christ is precious to my soul, and has not suffered me in all my
weakness and pain to feel one murmuring thought.”
I enquired, how the work of God began in her soul? She said, “_May_
was six years I came to live with Mrs. _Riggs_, where _Mary Feris_
lived; at which time I had no notion of real, heart religion. But her
behaviour struck me, and not long after, I went with her on Sunday
morning to the _New-Room_. From that time I saw myself a vile, helpless
sinner, of which I was convinced more and more; yet with strong hope,
expecting deliverance under every sermon I heard, and in every meeting
for prayer. But in about two months my hope grew weak, and I concluded
God did not hear my prayers. Then deep sorrow seized my heart, till
one night going to bed, I cried earnestly for mercy, and begged that if
there were any for me, I might wake time enough to attend the morning
preaching. I awoke at the time. In that moment I was enabled to believe,
that God loved me. I rejoiced unspeakably; I was happy in his love, and
have never since doubted of his favour.
“This joy continued for some months, but with an earnest hope of seeing
greater things than these: those words being frequently in my mouth,
and almost continually in my mind,
Wrestling I will not let thee go,
Till I thy name, thy nature know!
And one day as I was sitting in my room, the power of God came mightily
upon me, and those words were applied to my heart, in a manner I cannot
express, _Thou art all fair, my love: there is no spot in thee_. It
is impossible to tell how my soul was filled with love: surely it was
angel’s food! I was called down to dinner, but could eat nothing: On
this one said, ‘_Nancy_, have you got _the second blessing_?’ I did
not know how to answer to this, or what name to call it by. But I said,
I never was so happy in all my life: I am quite filled with love. And
from that time I have continued, except some weeks in the beginning
of last year, (when I was hurt by disputing about a third person)
_rejoicing evermore, praying without ceasing_, and _in every thing
giving thanks_. My particular prayer was, that God would give me all
the grace which he had promised in his word.”
From the time that this disorder began, it was her constant prayer,
“Lord, if I recover, let it be to thy glory; if not, thy will be done!
Only do not take me hence, till thou hast finished thy work in my soul.”
This, she added, “is my whole desire. And I must bear this testimony,
the Lord Jesus hath always, on his part, been faithful and gracious to
me. And though, on my part, I have been much wanting, yet he hath borne
with me and mightily blessed my soul.”
Her mother told me, “Yesterday I thought she was expiring; she did
not appear like herself; till she broke out, ‘The goodness of God has
been so manifested to my soul, that I could not speak. Those words were
spoke to my heart, _I have loved thee with an everlasting love_. And,
_Thou shalt be mine, in that day, when I make up my jewels_. O! I have
sweet foretastes of heaven! I would gladly go to him my soul loves.’”
Sunday 9. I saw her again. She was then so weak, she could hardly speak
to be heard. But after I had spoke a few words of the love of Jesus,
she found strength and said, “The first Sunday in February last, at the
sacrament, I did indeed eat his flesh and drink his blood. The glory
of the Lord shone into my soul, and I felt so much of his love, it was
almost more than my feeble body could bear: it was a real foretaste
of heaven.” She said, “Three nights ago I was in exquisite pain, such
as I never felt before: but every pain was a spring to my soul, to
lift me up to heaven. I could thank him for all, and methought I would
not recover for the whole world. Indeed the love of Jesus so ravishes
my soul that I would not have ♦one pain less than he pleases.” Then
correcting herself she said, “Pain! It cannot be called pain: his
presence makes it heaven to me!” One said, “He has brought you through
the wilderness, within sight of the good land.” She said, “O yes! O
yes! He has; and he will be with me through the valley; this I cannot
doubt.” I then took my leave and saw her no more. What follows, I had
from those that attended her.
♦ “on” replaced with “one” per Errata
She exhorted all that came, particularly those that sat up with her,
to redeem the time. To one she said, “O _Sally_, turn to God with your
whole heart: you have but little time:” and to them all, “Make haste!
Get ready! You have no time to spare.”
Afterward Satan was permitted to thrust sore at her. Waking out of
sleep, she began to reproach herself, for sleeping, saying, “If I had
not slept, it would not have been thus with me. I cannot doubt of the
favour of my Lord: neither can I fear his casting me into hell. But I
am tempted to think, I shall have sore distress at the hour of death.”
This lasted some hours; but in the evening she said, “Christ is come,
and Satan is gone.” Nor was he suffered to trouble her any more. All
that followed was peace and love.
Yet she was exceedingly concerned for her mother, lest she should not
freely give her up to God. Her mother was asked, Whether she could or
no? She answered, “Since it is the will of God to take her, I do give
her up freely.” And this reply gave her entire satisfaction.
The day before she died, the thought of being for ever with the Lord,
was transporting to her soul. But she said to her mother, “I charge you
when I am dead, let none of the wicked come into the room. Let it be
filled with those that fear God; and while they are singing the praises
of God below, I shall be singing them above.”
About three in the morning she said earnestly, “O precious Christ! O
precious Christ!” These were her last words: but she still expressed
her happiness, sometimes by lifting her eyes towards heaven, and
sometimes by looking pleasantly on those about her, till her sight
failed, and her spirit went up to God.
Some years before she died, she now and then wrote down a little of her
experience. I believe these accounts, imperfect as they are, will be
acceptable to the pious reader.
“April 10, 1764. The Lord has blessed me in a wonderful manner. Glory
and praise to his great name! O that thy praise may dwell on my heart!
O my Lord, enable the unworthiest of thy servants, to give thee thanks
for thy unspeakable love! O that I could invite all to taste and see
how good thou art, how full of truth and grace! O thou unexhausted
fountain of love, enable me every moment to cast myself upon thee, and
to receive out of thy _fulness grace for grace_.”
I continued thus for five days, yet with many wanderings from my God:
but I had this cry in my heart, Dear Lord, deliver me from a heart so
prone to wander from thee!
Tuesday, May 22. As I was at my work, these words came to my heart
with power, _I will take away the heart of stone, and will give thee
an heart of flesh_. I was lost in wonder, yet found unbelief till those
words were spoke to my heart, _Ye are clean through the word I have
spoken_. I found a change in myself from that moment, and could say,
I love thee with every faculty of my soul. Truly I can say, that God
is love! And that he delights to do his needy creatures good.
September 14, 1765. I had a greater desire than usual to retire from
the world: yea even from the converse of the holiest Christians, to
wait upon God alone. I wanted to have a closer acquaintance with the
blessed Jesus. Happy he that can go to God at any time, praying to him
with faith and fervency. My God, all my soul cries aloud for more of
thy light and love! O my Lord, manifest thyself in me more fully! None
living has greater cause to love and serve thee.
Sunday 15. The sermon at church caused some heaviness; but I was
refreshed at the Lord’s table. O Jesus, assist me to look through every
means, to thee, the fountain of life and love!
Monday 16. The sermon was as marrow and fatness to my soul. I did
truly _wait upon_ God. I have been happy this whole day: Jesus has been
precious to me. I found him in every means of grace: he is near me in
every time of need. I see much of my helplessness and weakness.
Every moment, Lord, I want
The merit of thy death.
Tuesday 17. I have found this day, most comfortable communion with
Jesus, and free access to the throne of grace. Yet I have been greatly
tempted: but the Lord stood by me, and made a way for me to escape.
I want to be all attention to his voice, and to be more dead to the
things of time and sense: let me have no will, O Jesus, but thine! Let
thy will be done in me and by me!
Wednesday 18. This morning I was so stupid I could hardly pray: but
thou art not extreme to mark what is amiss. All the day I was much
hurried in business, and could not attend the public means of grace.
But in the evening he made up the want, giving me free access to him
in prayer: and therein he graciously refreshed my poor drooping soul.
O my God, let the fire of thy love burn up whatever is not agreeable
to thee. And let such a sense of thy free, unmerited love rest on me,
as may keep me ever low at thy bleeding feet!
Thursday 19. This whole day, though much employed in my business, the
Lord stood by me, and enabled me to look to him. In the evening he made
a way for me to hear his word, and I found it good to wait upon him. He
does fulfil his word, _They that wait upon the Lord, shall renew their
strength. They shall run and not be weary; shall walk and not faint._
I daily see my unprofitableness. My short-comings are many; yet he
freely pardons: I see that my strength is perfect weakness; that if
Jesus left me a moment, I should fall. And we cannot be any otherwise
saved, than by a constant looking to him. O Jesus keep my eye fixed on
thee, till I am looked into all thy lovely likeness.
Friday 20. I found much of the goodness of the Lord. I want to love
him more, that I may serve him better. I do not love or praise him as
I would: but he does _not despise the day of small things_.
I find he visits me with his love in a particular manner, before any
particular trial. A trial I met with this evening caused heaviness for
a time: but I was comforted under the sermon. How numberless are thy
thoughts of love to my soul! They are more than the sands on the sea
shore.
Saturday 21. I found my mind frequently wandering. O thou friend of
sinners,
Settle and fix my wav’ring soul
With all thy weight of love!
I was variously tempted, and I reasoned with the temptation, which
increased it more and more, till Jesus shewed me, it was from an enemy,
and graciously delivered me. O teach me wisdom to know his devices,
and pardon my unfaithfulness! Strengthen my faith, confirm my hope, and
perfect me in love.