great and glorious name, O thou fountain of love! What shall I do to
praise thee for thy free grace to the most unfaithful of thy children?
O what cause have I to esteem thy word? It is _sweeter than honey or
the honey-comb_. I am athirst for all that Christ has purchased for me.
I long for more of his meek and lowly mind! The mind that beareth all
things: O that every thought may continually rise to thee!
Monday 23. This has been an happy day to me, the most unworthy of thy
children. I have had a constant sense of the presence of my Beloved,
comforting and refreshing my soul. _I sat under his shadow with great
delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste._ Yet I see that my
wants are many, and that there are heights and depths to be attained
here. I am truly ashamed before God of my own unprofitableness. Yet he
graciously passes by all my follies, without even upbraiding me. Yea,
he applies with power that comfortable promise, _I will betroth thee
unto me in righteousness, and in judgment, and in loving-kindness, and
faithfulness; and thou shalt know the Lord_. I know thee; but I long to
know thee more, O thou that art altogether lovely!
Insatiate to this spring I fly:
I drink, and yet am ever dry,
Ah! who against such charms is proof?
Ah! who that loves, can love enough!
Tuesday 24. I was closely assaulted by the enemy. He pursueth hard
after me: but when he _cometh in like a flood, Jesus lifts up a
standard against him_. He brought many heavy accusations against me.
I durst not stay to reason with him for a moment. But I flew to Jesus
as for my life, and cried to him to deliver me. And he did so, by
applying that promise to my heart, _My grace is sufficient for thee_. I
find it is, even for me. The name of Jesus is a strong tower, where the
righteous may always resort. I spent great part of this day in visiting
the sick, and found it a blessing to me. How much _better is it, to
go to the house of mourning, than to the house of feasting_! How glad
should I be of more time to spend among thy afflicted followers? But in
this, as in every thing beside, _not mine will, but thine be done_.
Thursday 26. I find this day, thy love is better than life. Thy
strength is made perfect in my weakness. I long to be wholly given up
to thee. I visited one of our sick friends, and my soul was refreshed
with her. To enjoy thy presence on a sick bed, is unspeakable happiness.
Then nothing will do, but a real interest in a crucified Redeemer. It
is only the blessed experience of this, which then gives true peace,
freedom from all anxious care, and resignation in pain. Our anchor is
cast within the veil: our hope is full of immortality. O glorious hope
of perfect bliss! And am I a partaker of this hope?
O wondrous grace! O boundless love!
Friday 27. O Jesus, what hast thou done for me? What shall I say
unto thee? This I can say, that I love thee: and let it be with every
faculty of my soul! I do find _thy name as ointment poured forth_. Thou
_leadest me in green pastures, by the still waters of comfort_.
When nature fails, and day and night
Divide thy works no more,
My ever thankful soul, O Lord,
Thy goodness shall adore.
Saturday 28. This morning I had a trial, but Jesus stood by me, and
kept my mind in peace. Visiting a friend in the evening, I was much
comforted. God was with us of a truth. O how full of love are thy
thoughts towards me! All things shall work together for my good.
Monday 30. This has been one of my best days. I think I never had
before such a sense of the goodness of God to me, and my entire
dependence on him. My soul has been upon the stretch for all the fruit
of the Spirit. I never saw such beauty in humility, and felt such a
desire after it.
* * * * *
The following paper bears no date.
“O Jesus, how richly hast thou provided for me here? Thou givest me
a large earnest of my inheritance. Thou dost give me to drink of that
fountain of living water. O that it may be in me as _a well of water,
springing up into everlasting life_! O thou fairest among ten thousand,
what hast thou done for such a worm as me! Thou hast purchased for me
holiness and heaven; yea, heaven upon earth. Thou dost give thyself to
me, and with thyself all things. Be astonished, O my soul, at the large
inheritance which thy Jesus has purchased for thee! Behold the rivers
of pleasure that flow at his right hand! And there thou shalt behold
his face without a veil:
“Far from a world of grief and sin,
With God eternally shut in!”
A short Account of the Death of
MARY LANGSON,
Of _Taxall_, in CHESHIRE,
Who died _January_ the 29th, 1769.
WHEN _Mary Langson_ was about fourteen years of age, it pleased God to
awaken her by the preaching of the gospel; and soon after she received
a clear sense of his pardoning love, in the enjoyment of which she
continued, though not exempted from those trials and temptations which
are common to believers.――From her first hearing the preaching, she
was diligent in the use of all the means of grace, whether private, or
public: and though the preaching was seldom near, she attended at every
possible opportunity.
She was constant at meeting her class; and those who were most
acquainted with her, being of the same family, observed that she always
expressed the state of her soul, just as it was, and manifested such a
spirit of sincerity in all her deportment, as convinced them that she
was an _Israelite indeed_, in whom was no guile.
Her step-mother being rendered incapable of managing the affairs of
the house, the care of a young family in a great measure devolved on
her, which, with the attendance needful for her helpless step-mother,
necessarily brought considerable exercises and trials, to one of such
tender years; yet being inwardly strengthened for the performance of
these duties, she manifested as much tenderness towards her, as if she
had been her own mother; (an example too rarely seen in such cases)
and was enabled to go through her constantly-trying circumstances
with unwearied patience. Although by these means she was deprived of
providing for herself such sort of apparel, and conveniences as those
of her age usually expect, and may innocently enjoy.
*Having been tried, and in some measure intangled in her affections,
she was sensible of a decline in her spiritual consolations, but
through the mercy of God, this lasted not long; for she rested not till
she had recovered all she had lost; so that she was enabled to testify
to a Christian friend, while she remained in health, “I find my heart
loose from every creature, and all created good, and wholly fixed on
God: this is the desire of my soul.
“O that I might walk with God,
Jesus my companion be;
Lead me to the blest abode,
Thro’ the fire, and thro’ the sea:
Then I shall no more complain,
Never at my lot repine,
Welcome toil, or grief, or pain,
All is well, if Christ is mine.”
When the grace of God thus takes place in the heart, how little does
every thing we suffer for his sake appear! How empty is _all_ the world
calls _good_ and _great_, to a soul filled with divine love!
From the following remarkable circumstances, it seems as if she had
some apprehensions of the near approach of death. She began to be more
abundantly diligent in the use of every means of grace, for some weeks
before her last sickness. It was also observed that though she had not
been accustomed to pray at the class-meeting, yet being now exceedingly
fervent in spirit, one evening at class, she broke out into earnest
prayer; she appeared to enjoy much freedom, and great nearness to God,
and was deeply affected with a sense of the _evil of sin_, and her own
_weakness_, which occasioned her crying to God in such expressions as
these, “O Lord! Rather let me die, than live to offend, or ever sin
against thee!” Indeed the vehement importunity with which she uttered
these petitions made her brethren suspect that something more than
common would happen; for the power of God was unusually present.
Soon after (on the 14th of January, 1769) she sickened for the
small-pox. One then asked her, how she felt her soul: she said, “My
evidence is clear, and life or death, the will of the Lord be done.”
*During her illness, she continued perfectly resigned to the will of
God. The Thursday after sickening, she became blind, when one of the
society coming in, and discerning the distemper ♦to be dangerous, sat
down and wept. As soon as she perceived it, she said, “_Dolly!_ What
are you doing? Are you weeping for me? Don’t you know, that if God
takes me away, it is from much evil that is in the world? I have often
looked at your mother, and thought, O that I was but as near glory as
her: (she being about fourscore) but now I think I am nearer glory than
she is, and shall be in possession of it before her!”
♦ duplicate word “to” removed
When she was asked again how she found herself, she answered, “Glory is
every moment open to my soul; there is nothing between me and eternal
glory, but a few moments more of light affliction.”
At night she called for her father, and said to him, Dear father, you
have had many trials and difficulties in the world, and you have many
more before you, but fear not, you are in the _way_, the _right_ way;
continue in it, and God will bring you thro’ all.”
On Saturday the 21st, about eleven at night, she broke out in an extasy
of joyful praise; speaking in the most delightful language for more
than an hour together, concerning Jesus and his kingdom. Some that were
present on being asked what she then said, answered, we heard words not
possible for men to utter; and indeed but little of the conversation
could be retained by any of them, they were so overwhelmed with a sense
of the presence of God.
Once she was observed to speak in the following manner, “There is never
a fiend left now: they are all banished; Jesus has conquered them all
for me!” By which it seems, this was her triumph in the last combat she
had with Satan.
She then repeated and explained, in a most feeling and sensible manner,
many passages of scripture, especially Daniel vii. 9, 10. “I beheld
till the thrones were cast down, and the Ancient of Days did sit, whose
garment was white as snow, and the hair of his head like the pure wool;
his throne was as the fiery flame, and his wheels as burning fire. A
fiery stream issued and came forth from before him; thousand thousands
ministered unto him, and ten thousand times ten thousand stood before
him: the judgment was set, and the books were opened,” adding in the
end, “O lovely Jesus! Blessed Jesus! Adorable Jesus! Glory! Glory!
Glory! Glory! To God in the highest! On earth peace; good-will towards
men.” Thus Christ’s coming in the clouds to judgment, was to her
infinitely desirable, and so abundantly was her soul ravished with the
_prospect_, that she could not forbear rejoicing with joy unspeakable
and full of glory.
*While in health, she seemed at a loss to consent to the doom of the
wicked, but now she said, “O how willing is Christ to save all that
come to him? But they who will not come, shall be destroyed, and though
I could not for a long time say _Amen_ to the sentence of _impenitent
sinners_, yet now I can, seeing how willing God is to save all who will
accept of his offered mercy.”
She likewise repeated Revelation xiv. 1, 2, 3, taking particular notice
of those words, an hundred and forty-four thousand, in the first ♦and
third verses: and said, “A goodly company! And I shall be _one_, and
all that have died in the Lord, and all the preachers whom I have loved,
(mentioning some of them by name) and I shall see them there; and all
the _Methodists_, that are _such indeed_; _they_ shall be there.” May
we be _Israelites indeed_, who are so called, and not rest in a name to
live while we are dead.
♦ duplicate word “and” removed
She again cried out, O precious Jesus! My Beloved is mine, and I am
his! He is the _fairest_ of ten thousand, yea _altogether lovely_.¹ O
what glory do I see! And all for _me_! How does my soul burn with love
to Jesus, who has provided it for me! I wonder that _that_ happiness
could have no higher title than heaven.”
¹ Canticles v. 16. These were the words she chose for the text
of her funeral sermon.
On Monday the 23d, she called her father, and said, “I am going.” He
asked _where_? She answered “to heaven: adding, I am glad I do not
leave _you_, in your sins, but that you are brought into the right way.
Only endure, and you will shortly follow me! Do not grieve for me; O
resign me.” He cried, “I am a wretch, I cannot resign you;” to which
she answered, “_that_ is nature, I was a wretch too, but God has set
me at liberty; do you pray to him, and he will give you more grace.”
He complained “I cannot pray, do you pray for me.” She said, “my bowels
yearn for you;” and then lay quiet a little interceding for him and the
family; after which she broke out, “Lord hasten thy work; do more now
in my soul in a day, than thou wast wont to do in many days.” She then
repeated Revelation xxii. 1. and said, “well may they be called rivers,
for I see fountains upon fountains: O what rivers of pleasure are
there! How shall I swim in those _oceans_ of _love_ to all eternity!
I am overcome with love! Oh if I were loose from this affliction how
would I sing!” And calling on those who were present to sing, she gave
out
“No need of the sun in that day,
Which never is followed by night,
Where Jesus’s beauties display,
A pure, and a permanent light:
The Lamb is their light and their sun,
And lo! By reflection ♦they shine,
With Jesus ineffably one,
And bright in effulgence divine.”
♦ “thy” replaced with “they” per Errata
To her father she said, “You have many difficulties in the world, and I
will tell you what you must do; give your hands to the world, and your
heart to God, and he will make a way for you.”
*She seemed to enjoy a happy foresight of the prosperity of the work of
God, when she said, “You may look for glorious times to come; for the
Lord has a great work to do on earth, before the church militant can
join the church triumphant.” To some of the society who were present,
she said, “God has given you the _means_ of _grace_, in order to bring
you safe to glory; see that you do not slight or neglect any of them;
use them constantly, and look through them all to Jesus.”
Afterwards one asked, how she was? She answered, “Weak in body, but
happy in soul: I long to be gone to heaven.” Being told, you must be
resigned, she answered, “I am resigned, but would rather be with Jesus.”
Some who desired to serve the Lord, but were not heartily in earnest,
came to see her. One of these, she had invited some time before to
the class-meeting; and he had almost promised to come, but neglected.
She said to him, “I thought you would have been at the meeting as you
proposed; O how was my soul grieved that you did not come! Will you
come the next time? The _Methodist_ way is the _right_ way. It was a
happy turn that I was ever brought into it. O how good have I found it
to _remember my Creator in the days of my youth_. Now I can say, though
I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil,
for the Lord is with me, his rod and staff shall comfort me.” She then
encouraged them heartily to join with the people of God, and not to
fear any reproach they might suffer on that account.
When the disorder was at the height, she said, “Some may think that I
have a _heavy_ affliction. _No_: I have none that I can spare. Oh! it’s
a _happy_ affliction!”
*“Others, said she, may say of me, she was once _blooming_; how is she
_altered_ now? But I was never so _beautiful_ in all my life; I am as
the King’s daughter, all-glorious within: and my raiment is of wrought
gold.”
A little before her departure, being visited by the wife of one of
the leaders, she asked how her husband did? Adding, “He has had many
struggles to help me forward in the ways of the Lord; but now he may
rejoice in all his labours, for I am going safe to glory, and hope to
meet him there. O little children! Love one another.” She also advised
her, as she had many children, to take care what example she set before
them.
Afterwards one asked whether she thought her present sickness would
end in death, she answered, “I cannot tell; but the will of the Lord be
done. Only this I know, that neither life nor death shall separate me
from the love of Jesus, who has redeemed me from the foundation of the
world. If I die, as soon as you see me depart, sing _Happy soul, thy
days are ended_: and when you carry me to the grave, sing the same hymn.
When you return let not your hearts be filled with grief, but praise
God, as I shall be rejoicing with him in glory.”
An HYMN,
_Sung at the time of her departure_.
1. HAPPY soul, thy days are ended,
All thy mourning days below:
Go by angel-guards attended,
To the sight of Jesus go.
Hallelujah, Amen.
2. Waiting to receive thy Spirit,
Lo the Saviour stands above,
Shews the purchase of his merit,
Reaches out the crown of love.
3. Struggle through thy latest passion,
To thy dear Redeemer’s breast,
To his uttermost salvation,
To thine everlasting rest.
4. For the joy he sets before thee
Bear a momentary pain;
Die, to live the life of glory,
Suffer with thy Lord to reign.
A short ACCOUNT of the DEATH of
Mrs. HANNAH RICHARDSON.
By Mr. CHARLES WESLEY.
Bristol, _Saturday, April 19, 1741_.
I WAS hastily called to one that was a dying. It was _Hannah
Richardson_, a young woman who had long been a sincere mourner for
Christ, a true _Hannah_, a woman of a sorrowful spirit. God had
awakened and drawn her from her infancy, and she heartily laboured to
establish her own righteousness, seeking acceptance (as we did all)
_not by faith, but as it were by the works of the law_.
When it pleased God to send the gospel of his free grace to this city,
she gladly parted with her own righteousness, and submitted herself
to the righteousness of God. She was a constant hearer of his word,
but received no benefit by it; no comfort, no peace, no life. Yet she
continued waiting for several months, till it pleased our Lord, who
sends by whom he will send, to make use of my ministry, and apply the
word of reconciliation to her soul. Jesus gave her a token for good,
and she went home to her house justified. She rejoiced in God her
Saviour, and testified, _In him I have redemption, through his blood,
the forgiveness of my sins_.
But alas! the Comforter was _as a guest that tarrieth but a day_.
She soon gave place to the reasoning devil, who asked, _How can these
things be_? “How can you be justified, so vile a sinner as you? You
only deceive yourself! Hath God for Christ’s sake forgiven you? He
hath not surely forgiven you.” By such suggestions he well-nigh tore
away her shield. All the comfort of her faith, all her peace and joy
in believing he did entirely spoil her of; God so permitting it, to
try her, and prove her, and shew her what was in her heart, that he
might do her good in her latter end. He hid his face from her, and
she was troubled. “I will allure her, said God, and bring her into the
wilderness.” Here she long wandered out of the way, in a barren and dry
land, where no water was. The poor and needy sought water, and there
was none, and her tongue failed for thirst. She could truly say with
the prophet, _Verily thou art a God that hidest thyself_. Or, with the
patient man, _Behold, I go forward, but he is not there, and backward,
but I cannot perceive him; on the left hand, where he doth work, but I
cannot behold him; he hideth himself on the right hand, ♦that I cannot
see him_. Her bones were smitten asunder, as with a sword, while the
enemy said unto her, “Where is now thy God? Where is now thy faith?
Thou art a thousand times worse than ever.”
♦ “but” replaced with “that” per Errata
So indeed she seemed to herself, when sin _appeared_ sin. God was
now uncovering her heart, and convincing her of original sin. The
_old man of sin_ was more and more revealed, till at last she saw
that her _inward parts were very wickedness, and every imagination of
the thoughts of her heart only evil continually_. She had no power to
pray or praise, or so much as to think one good thought, and at the
same time was so torn and distracted with doubts and fears, that she
dispaired even of life. That thought above all tormented her, “What
would become of me, if I should die in this darkness? Without holiness
no one shall see the Lord.” At other times she had a faint persuasion,
that God would finish his work before he called her hence.
She durst not say she had faith, or any interest in Christ; and yet
she could not give it up. One little spark of hope lay as at the very
bottom of her heart; which was Christ’s hold of her. He would not quit
his purchase, or let her go.
Even this was often a great trouble to her, that she could not fear
death as formerly; (for this fear was entirely cast out the first
moment she was sensible of her justification). And, whenever she had
the least comfort or peace, she started back as it were, and feared
to take hold of it, suspecting that she was falling asleep again, and
resting without Christ. She went mourning all the day long, and refused
to be comforted, because he was not.
For many days and months she walked on still in darkness, and had no
light, but _against hope believed in hope_; staggering oftentimes, but
not falling through unbelief. Still she bore up under her continual
fears of being a castaway. She waited in a constant use of all the
means of grace; never missed the communion, or hearing the word,
though all was torment to her, for she never found benefit; nothing
she said, affected her, there was none so wicked as her. I am a witness
to her many complaints and wailings. Yet she persisted with a glorious
obstinacy; and _followed on to know the Lord, walking in all his
commandments and ordinances blameless_. She went on steadily in the way
of her duty, never intermitting it on account of her inward conflicts.
Not slothful in business, but working almost continually with her own
hands. Most strict was she, and unblameable in all her relative duties,
and in all manner of conversation. Those who lived with her never
heard a light and trifling word come out of her mouth. She did not sit
_still_, till she should be pure in heart, but redeemed the time, and
bought up every opportunity of doing good. To do good she never forgot,
but spoke to all, and warned all, both children and grown persons, as
God delivered them into her hands. She was exceeding tender-hearted
towards the sick, whether in body or soul. She could not _rejoice
with those that rejoiced_, but she _wept with those that wept_, and
encouraged them to wait upon God, to be never weary of well-doing; for
in the end said she, they would reap, if they fainted not.
*See here a pattern of true mourning! A spectacle for men and angels! A
soul standing up under the intolerable weight of original sin! Troubled
on every side! perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted by sin, the
world, and the devil, but not forsaken; cast out, but not destroyed;
walking on as evenly under that load of darkness, as if she had been in
the broad light of God’s countenance. Whosoever thou art that seekest
Christ sorrowing, _go thou and do likewise_.
In this agony she continued, till it pleased God to visit her with her
last sickness. For the two or three first days, she could not be kept
from the word, but was then constrained to take her bed. She had early
notice of her departure, and told one of her band, that she should not
recover. She had express’d great earnestness to see me, but I could not
visit her ’till the Thursday following. I then found her, to her own
sense and feeling, in utter despair. “I am dying, (she cried) without
pardon, without a Saviour, without hope.” I prayed in full assurance
of faith, and then testified the love of Christ to her, a lost sinner;
declaring to her, that he would fulfil in her the work of faith with
power. “My soul for your’s (I told her) if you depart hence, before
your eyes have seen his salvation. Yet a little while, and he that
shall come will come, and will not tarry. The word of our God shall
stand for ever. Every one that seeketh findeth. Fear not; behold, he
comes quickly; and one moment of his presence will make you abundant
amends for all the pain of absence.”
When I was gone, her sufferings rather increased, and Satan raged
the more. The lyon tore her as it were to pieces: she was in a mighty
conflict, and said, “None knows what I have gone thro’ in this sickness;
my enemy triumphs over me; it is the hour of darkness, it is more than
I am able to bear.”