were invited to the funeral of Miss _L――――y_: the two former declined
going, but Miss _H――――_ and I accepted the invitation; and with four
other young women, were her bearers. O what an impression did this
solemn scene make on my now thoughtful mind, to see her, whom not three
weeks ago, I had seen in all the bloom and vigour of youth, now cut
down, and her sweet agreeable tabernacle consigned to the silent grave!
Lord, thought I, how soon may this be my case; how soon may I also be
cut down in the morning of my life, and my parents also be lamenting
my untimely end! And am I ready? Can I say with an assured confidence,
_O death, where is thy sting; O grave, where is thy victory?_ Alas,
alas! it is not so with me! The approach of this formidable foe makes
me tremble! O suffer me not to rest in this state, but enable even me
to look with triumph on the mouldering tomb!
Sunday 21. I did not go out in the morning, but spent the day very
comfortably, finding great sweetness in prayer, and much seriousness
and solidity upon my mind all the day. The two following days also my
mind was much busied about the things of eternity, and my own latter
end.
Thursday 25. (Being _Christmas-day_.) In the evening my uncle preached
with much life and power, on _Luke ii. 10_. _Behold I bring you
good tidings of great joy._ The enemy stirred up the mob to make
a disturbance while we were singing the last hymn; but in spite of
them, we concluded singing, and after waiting some minutes they were
dispersed, and we returned home in peace.
*Friday 26. This day and the next my soul was not in so sweet a frame
as a few days before: it might be occasioned partly by a violent cold,
which weighed down my body very much. O happy day when the soul shall
be released from its prison, and freed from its bodily-chain; when
the disembodied spirit shall be received with shouts of joy, into the
paradise of God.
Sunday 28. This morning the family went to the house of God, but a
violent cold confined me at home; however, the Lord was present there
also, for my soul was greatly refreshed in private duty. Indeed all
the day I found great sweetness and comfort in my soul, though my cold
unfitted me for any set waiting upon God.
Wednesday 31. This night I determined to sit up till I had begun
the New-Year, which I accordingly did, spending the time in reading,
meditation, and prayer, and I found it comfortable and profitable to
wait upon God in the stillness of the night. O may the resolutions
which I this night made, be brought to good effect!
Thursday, January 8, 1767. This day blessed be God my soul was much
alive, and my desires and expectations quickened by hearing that Mrs.
_M――――n_, a person in our class had found the peace of God. I found
much attention and sweetness likewise under Mr. _R――――s_ sermon in the
evening.
Saturday 10. Mr. _R――――s_ preached upon _Isaiah xliii. 25, 26_. _I,
even I am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake._
My soul was in a waiting, expecting frame. Lord, how long shall it be
e’re thou satisfy my longing heart with thy love, the thing I desire
above all others. I can truly say,
“Of all thou hast in earth, or heaven,
Let love alone be mine.”
Sunday 11. We went to church, had a sermon on _Ecclesiastes ix. 10_. It
was an exceeding pretty discourse, but not a word of Christ in it. The
minister exhorted us to improve our time in works of piety, charity,
and the duty of our respective callings, but never told us how we were
to be enabled to do all these things, presuming, I suppose that his
auditory needed no such information. Towards the latter end he allowed
us a little innocent diversion, and concluded with saying that by a
diligent improvement of our time in all the duties he had recited,
we should recommend ourselves to God, and be accounted worthy to be
admitted into heaven. I found much ♦thankfulness that I was better
instructed. I was at preaching in the following fortnight but twice:
all this time I was sometimes in earnest, then too careless. Lord,
pardon what is past, and O let me for the future give all diligence to
make my calling and election sure.
♦ “thankness” replaced with “thankfulness” per Errata
Sunday 25. I did not go out in the morning, but I spent the time very
comfortably, in reading the blessed word of God; and in the afternoon
I read Mr. _Hervey’s meditations_, which were also exceeding sweet and
profitable.
Sunday, February 1. I went to the sacrament this day at _Trinity_
church. This being the place where the remains of my dear Miss _L――――y_
were deposited, it brought many serious reflections, but they did not
draw me off the duty, in which I was more immediately engaged. For
this week past I have at times found a measure of seriousness and
enlargement in private duty. I scarcely know what state my soul has
been in this fortnight past, not having had time to write. I fear I
am falling into the former Laodicean spirit. Lord Jesus, quicken me;
O save me for thy mercy’s sake.
Saturday 28. This being my birth-day, I would have spent in retirement,
but was prevented; however I spent two hours herein exceeding
comfortably. O may I spend each day and moment in the service of him,
who has so graciously preserved me to this time! Surely it is of the
Lord’s mercies that I have not long since been consumed, because his
tender compassions fail not.
Sunday, March 8. My heart was much drawn towards God this morning,
both before and at church. Friday evening a young stranger who appeared
quite illiterate, agreeably surprised us with a connected sensible and
profitable discourse on, _Behold God is my salvation_. O when shall I
experimentally say these words? Lord, why not now?
Sunday 15. I spent the morning very comfortably in reading the
scripture with Mr. _Wesley_’s notes; in the afternoon Mr. _Hervey_’s
sweet meditations on the starry heavens. I found my soul in a serious
thoughtful frame, till I was discomposed by a trifling incident.
Sunday 29. I found my soul much led out in prayer, even while I was
reading, as I did during the latter end of the last week; blessed be
God for it.
Sunday, April 5. I was greatly distressed at church, and afterwards,
upon account of my sins, and at times was even ready to believe that
the Lord would cast me off for ever. All I could say was,
“Guilty I stand before thy face,
I feel on me thy wrath abide,
’Tis just the sentence should take place,
’Tis just――but O thy son hath died.”
In the evening we had a profitable and lively love-feast, at which my
poor soul found some refreshment. O may it be daily fed with the bread
of life!
“This manna to my soul be given,
Sent from the tree of life in heaven.”
Friday 17. This day being Good-Friday, we went to the sacrament at the
Cathedral, but in no means whether public or private, was my soul blest,
tho’ I found great attention to the sermon preached by Mr. _G――――d_ in
the evening, upon the words with which our once dying, tho’ now ever
living Saviour closed his suffering, painful life! _It is finished._
John xix. 30. Amazing truth!
“’Twere bold to think it true,
If not far bolder still to disbelieve.”
That the author and possessor of life eternal, should himself become a
prey to death! And for whom? For angels? No, when they left their first
and blest estate, it was irretrievably lost. For his friends? No, but
for enemies, for rebels, for vile apostates, for ungrateful sinners!
Well might the apostle cry out, “O the length and breadth, the depth
and height of this stupendous love!” This day was the sad anniversary
on which I parted from the tenderest, best of parents, and took a long,
if not a last farewel of my native land; whether I shall ever see that,
or my dearest parents more, the Lord knoweth.
“But O may we all meet on that peaceful shore,
Where pain, and death, and parting are no more!”
Sunday, May 3. For this fortnight my soul has been in general in a
lifeless, inactive frame; and I have found little blessing in any means,
except private prayer; in this I have been frequently quickened and
refreshed.
Sunday 24. Blessed be God, I found my soul refreshed in private prayer
this day, but I had hard work in the evening to keep my mind stayed on
God, and attentive to the sermon.
Tuesday 26. My soul was very cold and dead all day, but at the class
meeting, I found my desires greatly quickened; especially during the
last prayer. This lasted all the evening; O may it still continue. Lord,
let not my foolish heart rob me of the blessing.
Sunday, June 7. I went to the sacrament this morning at the _Cathedral_,
but found no particular blessing, tho’ my heart was afterwards
refreshed, while waiting upon God in private duties.
Sunday 14. My soul was much blest in private prayer this morning, but
the rest of the day I was so weighed down with drowsiness that I could
scarce read or pray with any satisfaction: however, my mind was in a
serious frame most of the day.
Sunday 21. I went to the sacrament at _Werburgh_’s church, and found my
heart affected with a lively sense of God’s love to my soul in sending
his Son to die for me. O that this his love might stir me up to love
him again, for altho’ he is in himself altogether lovely, yet nothing
but a deep heart-felt conviction that Jesus loved me, and gave himself
for me, can induce us to love him again. But ah! I cannot, cannot love.
“This is my shame, my grief, my hell,
I do not love the bleeding Lamb;
The Lamb that loved my soul so well,
This is my grief, my hell, my shame.”
Sunday 28. In private prayer this morning my soul was greatly blest,
and I found sweet enlargement in praying for the blessing, both for
myself, and for my dearest parents; likewise I found liberty to pray
for all my relations and friends, for the church, and for all the world.
Blessed be the Lord for this undeserved mercy. In the evening I was
stirred up by Mr. _G――――s_ discourse from _Hebrews ii. 3_. _How shall
we escape, if we neglect so great salvation?_ Lord, how shall I escape?
Only by flying to the wounds of Jesus; that is the only city of refuge.
O may I escape thither, as _Lot_ did to _Zoar_, e’er the storm of
divine vengeance be poured on this guilty head.
*Monday, July 6. My mind was much distressed this day by that fear
which love alone casts out, (the fear of death.) What particularly
brought me to reflect upon it at this time, was a dream which Mrs.
_L――――r_ had had concerning me; at first I prayed earnestly that the
Lord would spare my life, being excessively frightened at the thought
of dying: but afterwards I began to consider, what if my request should
be granted in wrath, ♦as when the _Israelites_ prayed for meat? What
would become of me then? Perhaps the Lord sees, if I live I shall
dishonour him; be a scandal to my profession; a reproach to the people
among whom I am; and a grief to my parents. Now if the Lord should
take me from the evil to come, should prevent me from doing, as well
as suffering evil, by taking me to himself, what cause of complaint
should I have? Surely none, nay it would be matter of rejoicing to all
eternity: besides should none of these things happen, but were I sure
of gliding thro’ this world easily and pleasantly; would it not ♠be
better to reach the destined haven, without putting to sea at all; or
at least with a very short, and as yet a pleasant passage! Did any ever
think it was too soon to go to heaven? Surely no. No such complaints
were ever made by one soul that got thither at all. But alas! I am
unwilling to part with life, because I know not where I shall go. O!
“Who can tell me if this strife,
In heaven or hell shall end?”
♦ “as” replaced with “as when” per Errata
♠ “better” replaced with “be better” per Errata
Lord shall my soul be carried by angels into _Abraham_’s bosom, or
hurried by fiends into endless torments! Lord ’tis true, I am a great
sinner; but Jesus is an Almighty Saviour. I entirely renounce all
dependence upon myself.
“This all my hope, and all my plea,
For me the Saviour died.”
Yes, my dearest Jesus thou did’st die for me: then I may be saved. Lord
_I believe; help thou mine unbelief_. In the evening Mr. _H――――n_ gave
an account of the life and death of Mr. _P――――l G――――d_, an eminent and
useful preacher; and then gave out these lines, in which I joined with
my whole heart:
“O may we thus our parting breath,
Into the Saviour’s hand resign:
O Jesus, let me die his death,
And let his latter end be mine.”
We came home twenty minutes before ten, and I fell asleep with the same
serious impressions on my spirit, which also lasted most part of the
next day, and for several days after.
Sunday, August 2. In the evening Mr. _F――――l_ took his leave of us
from these words in _Luke iv. 42_. _And he said I must go and preach
the kingdom of God to other cities also: for therefore am I sent._ The
next evening Mr. _J――――n_ took his, from _Romans viii. 17_. _And if
children, then heirs, heirs of God, and joint heirs with Christ._ He
was exceeding lively. I found concern in parting with them. O may I
profit more by the next!
*Thursday 6. Hearing this day of a very melancholy affair, concerning
a person whom I knew only by sight: I was exceedingly stirred up to
thankfulness, for being so situated, that it was almost impossible the
like should befal me: I am surrounded with tender and careful friends,
who continually watch over me in love: I am blest with parents, who by
words when present with them, and by letters now absent,
“Warn me to shun the world’s delusive snares;
Teach by their lives, and guard me by their prayers.”
And he has inclined my heart to listen to the instructions and advice,
I daily receive from one or another. I went to our private meeting on
Friday, and found my soul blest, and heartily joined in Mr. _B――――_’s
prayer for the poor unhappy creature to suffer the ensuing day. Also I
was greatly stirred up to pray for her, when in private at night.
Saturday 15. About one o’clock my aunt _B――――r_ and little cousins,
arrived in _Chester_; I was extreamly glad to see them. O when will my
dear parents come? Lord, thy time is best, only let me be resigned to
thy will.
“Since none can doubt thy equal love,
Unmeasurably kind,
To thy unerring, gracious will
Be every wish resign’d.”
Sunday 16. The ensuing week I was much indisposed, and did not go out
till the next Saturday sev’night: during this time, my soul was kept
in a calm reliance upon God, tho’ at times I found deadness; which I
partly imputed to my disorder (a severe cold.)
Saturday, September 13. Mr. _P――――n_ going to _Ireland_, gave a very
profitable discourse upon _John xvi. 31_. _Do ye now believe?_ Indeed
this was a very comfortable day to my poor soul; which blessed be the
Lord, was much refreshed in all the means of grace, both at sacrament,
private prayer, and the preaching. This evening Mr. _T――――r_ arrived
in _Chester_. O may his coming amongst us be productive of much good
to this people, and to my poor soul!
Friday 18. This was a fast-day kept to intreat the Lord to revive his
work in this land. Mr. _T――――r_ and my uncle prayed alternately, and
with much power. O that it may be such a fast as the Lord approves
of, and an acceptable day to him. On Saturday evening, Mr. _T――――r_
preached from _John xii. 22_. _Sir, we would see Jesus._ Lord I would
see him too. O may it be now.
Monday 21. Mr. _H――――n_, who had accompanied Lady _M――――_ to town, with
her and her brother, dined with us. She is the most affable lady I have
ever seen, and dresses almost as plain ♦as we do.
♦ duplicate word “as” removed
Sunday, October 4. In the evening my soul was quickened while Mr.
_T――――r_ was preaching on the parable of the dry bones.
*Tuesday, November 17. On this day were united, my uncle _F――――_, and
my truly dear and respected friend Mrs. _M―――― L――――_. With unspeakable
pleasure I embraced her, as a most dear loved relative. With the same
satisfaction she was received by those of my aunts, who reside in this
place, as their sister; and I doubt not will be by those who are now
absent, when they hear the surprising tidings. My heart’s desire and
prayer to God for them is, that they may be long blest with each other;
that this union may be a means of uniting them more closely to the
blessed bridegroom of the church; and that finally, they and we may be
received into the family of heaven, with a _Well-done good and faithful
servants, enter ye into the joy of your Lord_.
Thursday 19. The committing a known sin, threw me into exquisite
distress, so that I hardly dared to go to prayer, and Satan making the
best of his opportunity sorely wounded me; yea, had slain me, had not
the sinner’s friend stept in to rescue me, and given me hope. This hope
was confirmed in meeting my class on Tuesday. Blessed be his name for
this! But still this can’t suffice, unless he give me his dear self
which my soul truly longeth for.
Sunday 29. I spent the day profitable, and comfortably, thanks be to
God. Mr. _T――――r_ preached in the evening on _Isaiah lv. 1_. _Ho, every
one that thirsteth, &c._ O how sweet an invitation to the thirsty soul!
Lord, give me grace to accept it. Thursday evening my uncle preached on
_Mark vii. 24_. _But he could not be hid._ After sermon he informed us
of Mr. _P――――n_’s being taken to rest on Sunday, November 22, who about
two months ago was standing in that pulpit, inviting sinners to come
to Christ in the most earnest manner: he then dined with us, and after
dinner sung a hymn very suitable, (as it has proved) for himself, who
was so soon to enter into the joy of his Lord. It was a funeral hymn,
and begun with these lines,
“Away with our sorrow and fear,
We soon shall recover our home,
The city of saints shall appear,
The day of eternity come.
“From earth we shall quickly remove,
And mount to our native abode,
The house of our Father above:
The palace of angels and God.”
*My mind was much taken up all the evening, and the following day,
with the thought of death; which occasioned many serious reflections.
I think if the Lord would make me meet for glory, I could (young as I
am,) quit the world, and not leave a wish behind: but the Lord’s will
be done!
Thursday, December 10. My uncle gave an exceeding comfortable and
profitable discourse from _Isaiah xl. 1_. _Comfort ye, Comfort ye
my people, saith your God._ My soul was much refreshed, herein God
fulfilled that promise, _Before they call, I will answer_, for I went
without the least expectation of a blessing, and scarcely dared to pray
for one, knowing my great unworthiness. However the Lord met me, and
gave fresh hopes and desires, for which may I bless his name, while I
have breath.
*Sunday 13. In the evening Mr. _C――――k_ preached a sermon on these
awful words, _Revelation vi. 17_. _For the great day of his wrath is
come, and who shall be able to stand?_ Who indeed but those who have
washed their robes, and made them white in the blood of the Lamb, who
have made the judge their friend! These and these only shall stand with
boldness in that day. Lord, shall I be one of that number?
Friday 25. I found a blessing at the Lord’s table, where I solemnly
dedicated myself to him, who gave himself for me. O may it be
unreservedly and irrevocably! Lord, here is my heart; O take and seal
it; seal it for thy courts above.
Sunday 27. Our house being in such confusion, as it has been for some
days past, by reason of the sickness which has been in it, my mind has
not been in that composed sweet frame as I could wish: but one blessing
I have experienced, which is, I have been enabled to exercise patience,
so as not to murmur and fret, tho’ every thing has gone cross with me.
Nay thro’ the mercy of God, I have rejoiced in it: and been thankful
for having an opportunity of chearfully bearing the cross; for all
which I desire to praise my God.
Monday, December 23. In the evening Mr. _T――――r_ made a useful
discourse on _Lamentations iii. 22_. _It is of the Lord’s mercies that
we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not._ He shewed the
many ways whereby we might have been consumed; and the many mercies we
have received from God. When I first went into the chapel, my mind was
exceedingly disturbed by many evil tempers. But in singing this verse,
“From anger set our spirits free,
It worketh not thy righteousness:
In patience let us wait on thee,
And quietly our souls possess:”
The thought cross’d my mind: shall I thus mock God; pray to him to
compose my mind, while I am yielding to these tempers? I resolved to
strive against them: thro’ his strength I overcame them, and found a
blessing tho’ entirely unexpected.
*Friday 29. I was confined to my bed, being much indisposed. O what a
short transition from time to eternity! I thought much of dying, but
felt no fear: not because I was now ready, but I firmly believed the
Lord would cut short his work in righteousness if he called me.
[This illness, after a day or two, much increased, and appeared to be a
putrid fever: but her mind continued stayed upon God. About a fortnight,
after she was taken, she expressed a full confidence in him, being
wholly delivered from the fear of death. A few days after, her speech
and hearing were taken away, by the violence of her distemper. But it
was easy to discern, that her understanding remained, tho’ she could
converse with none but God. Her eyes and hands almost continually
lifted up, shewed her heart was still with him. In her greatest agonies
of pain, there was not the least mark of impatience: till on _January_
the 21st, 1768, about four o’clock in the afternoon, she quietly
resigned her spirit to God.]
An Extract from the JOURNAL of
ELIZABETH HARPER.
To the READER.
1. TO set the doctrine of Christian perfection too high, is the ready
way to drive it out of the world. Let a man only describe it, as
implying a freedom from mistakes and human infirmities; and whoever
knows there is no such freedom in this life, naturally concludes,
“There is no perfection.” Hence we should always carefully guard
against this, by insisting, it is no more and no less, than giving
God all our heart: loving him with all our heart, and our neighbour
as ourselves.
2. This is well consistent with a thousand infirmities, which belong to
every soul while in the body. To place this in the clearest and fullest
light, I have published the following extract from the artless journal
of a plain woman, wrote merely for her own use. I have no doubt, but
God had all her heart. But yet how many were her infirmities! And
these are the more apparent, because she was a person of no uncommon
endowments; one that had just plain, natural understanding, without any
advantage of education, and who wrote down daily just what she felt,
with all possible artlessness and simplicity. The chief of these are,
wandering thoughts (whether natural or preter-natural:) listlessness
in private prayer (I believe, entirely owing to bodily disorder:) hurry
in business (it seems, not apparent to others, though frequently felt
by herself:) want of a steddy, invariable advertence to the presence
of God: speaking too many words, more than were strictly necessary:
speaking through ignorance, a word not strictly true: speaking
sometimes too quick, so as to have the appearance of anger: omission
of things which had better be done. Perhaps one might mention likewise
under this head, such vehement temptations to anger, to impatience, to
fretfulness, to immoderate sorrow, and to follow her own will, that at
divers times she escaped with the skin of her teeth, and scarce knew
whether she escaped or not. So particular a detail of these things,
may be of singular use to those who find the same temptations: and who
may be encouraged hereby, to _hold the beginning of their confidence
stedfast unto the end_.