WORDS OF COMFORT FOR A DISCOURAGED HOUSEKEEPER.
There is no doubt of the fact, that American housekeepers have far
greater trials and difficulties to meet than those of any other nation.
And it is probable that many of those who may read over the methods
of thrift and economy adopted by some of the best housekeepers in our
land, and detailed in this work, will with a sigh exclaim, that it is
_impossible_ for them even to attempt any such plans.
Others may be stimulated by the advice and examples presented, and may
start off with much hope and courage, to carry out a plan of great
excellence and appropriateness, and after trying a while, will become
discouraged by the thousand obstacles in their way, and give up in
despair.
A still greater number will like their own way best, and think it is
folly to attempt to change.
For those who wish they _could_ become systematic, neat, and thorough
housekeepers, and would like to follow out successfully the suggestions
found in this work, and for those who have tried, or will try, and find
themselves baffled and discouraged, these words of comfort are offered.
Perhaps you find yourself encompassed by such sort of trials as these.
Your house is inconvenient, or destitute of those facilities for doing
work well which you need, and you cannot command the means to supply
these deficiencies. Your domestics are so imperfectly qualified that
they never can do anything _just right_, unless you stand by and attend
to everything yourself, and you cannot be present in parlor, nursery,
and kitchen all at once. Perhaps you are frequently left without any
cook, or without a chambermaid, and sometimes without any hands but
your own to do the work, and there is constant jostling and change from
this cause. And perhaps you cannot get supplies, either from garden
or market, such as you need, and all your calculations fail in that
direction.
And perhaps your children are sickly, and rob you of rest by night,
or your health is so poor that you feel no energy, or spirits to make
exertions. And perhaps you never have had any training in domestic
affairs, and cannot understand how to work yourself, nor how to
direct others. And when you go for aid to experienced housekeepers,
or cookery books, you are met by such sort of directions as these:
“Take a _pinch_ of this, and a _little_ of that, and _considerable_
of the other, and cook them till they are done _about right_.” And
when you cannot succeed in following such indefinite instructions, you
find your neighbors and husband wondering how it is, that when you
have one, two, or three domestics, there should be so much difficulty
about housekeeping, and such constant trouble, and miscalculation, and
mistake. And then, perhaps, you lose your patience and your temper,
and blame others, and others blame you, and so everything seems to be
in a snarl.
Now the first thing to be said for your comfort is, that you _really
have_ great trials to meet; trials that entitle you to pity and
sympathy, while it is the fault of others more than your own, that you
are in this very painful and difficult situation. You have been as
cruelly treated as the Israelites were by Pharaoh, when he demanded
bricks without furnishing the means to make them.
You are like a young, inexperienced lad, who is required to superintend
all the complicated machinery of a manufactory, which he never was
trained to understand, and on penalty of losing reputation, health, and
all he values most.
Neither your parents, teachers, or husband have _trained_ you for the
place you fill, nor furnished you with the knowledge or assistance
needed to enable you to meet all the complicated and untried duties
of your lot. A young woman who has never had the care of a child,
never done housework, never learned the numberless processes that
are indispensable to keep domestic affairs in regular order, never
done anything but attend to books, drawing, and music, at school,
and visiting and company after she left school, such an one is
as unprepared to take charge of a nursery, kitchen, and family
establishment, as she is to take charge of _a man-of-war_. And the
chief blame rests with those who placed her _so unprepared_ in such
trying circumstances. Therefore, you have a right to feel that a large
part of these evils are more your misfortune than your fault, and that
they entitle you to sympathy rather than blame.
The next word of comfort is, the assurance that you _can_ do _every
one_ of your duties, and do them well, and the following is the method
by which you can do it. In the first place, make up your mind that it
never is your _duty_ to do anything more than you _can_, or in any
better manner than _the best you can_. And whenever you have done the
best you can, you have done _well_, and it is all that man _should_
require, and certainly all that your Heavenly Father _does_ require.
The next thing is, for you to make out an inventory of all the things
that _need_ to be done, in your whole establishment. Then calculate
what things you find you _cannot_ do, and strike them off the list,
as what are not among your _duties_. Of those that remain, select a
certain number that you think you can do _exactly as they need to be
done_, and among these be sure that you put the making of _good bread_.
This every housekeeper _can_ do, if she will only determine to do it.
Make a selection of certain things that you will _persevere_ in having
done _as well as they can be done_, and let these be only so many as
you feel sure you can succeed in attempting. Then make up your mind
that all the rest must go along as they do, until you get more time,
strength, and experience, to increase the list of things that you
determine shall always be well done.
By this course, you will have the comfort of feeling that in _some_
respects you are as good a housekeeper as you can be, while there will
be a cheering progress in gaining on all that portion of your affairs,
that are left at loose ends. You will be able to measure a gradual
advance, and be encouraged by success. Many housekeepers fail entirely,
by expecting to do _everything well at first_, when neither their
knowledge or strength is adequate, and so they fail everywhere, and
finally give up in despair.
Are you not only a housekeeper, but a _mother_? Oh, sacred and
beautiful name! how many cares and responsibilities are associated
with it! And how many elevating and sublime anticipations and hopes
are given to inspire, and to cheer! You are training young minds whose
plastic texture will receive and retain every impression you make, who
will imitate your feelings, tastes, habits, and opinions, and who will
transmit what they receive from you to their children, to pass again to
the next generation, and then to the next, until _a whole nation_ will
have received its character and destiny from your hands! No imperial
queen ever stood in a more sublime and responsible position than you
now occupy, in the eye of Him who reads the end from the beginning, and
who is appointing all the trials and discipline of your lot, not for
purposes which are visible to your limited ken, but in view of all the
consequences that are to result from the character which you form, and
are to transmit to your posterity!
Remember, then, that you have a Father in heaven, who sympathizes in
all your cares, pities your griefs, makes allowances for your defects,
and is endeavoring by trials, as well as by blessings, to fit you for
the right fulfilment of your high and holy calling.