Scene: Same as Act I, later that day.
Albert (alone)
A secret confided--said an excellent man who's name and country, I am
ignorant of--is the thing which ought to be most carefully watched--
and in these times, the most difficult to protect. Now, while I don't
wish to argue with this facile philosopher, guarding a young girl is
much more difficult. I made the locksmith enter through the garden--he
must be promptly employed in my plan. I intend to make Arabella and
Jenny go out--from fear this would move their hearts and overwhelm
them. I've got to call them, so that the workman can act at leisure.
When I've satisfied my prudence in this matter--they will have to
resolve to be patient. Hola! Someone! Come under these thick trees and
take the air with me for several minutes.
(Enter Jenny and Arabella.)
Jenny
Here's unseasonable fruit. What favorable demon causes you to greet
her so softly and your humor to be so tractable? By your astonishing
command, we can go out today for the first time in six months.
Albert
We have to change places sometimes. Sometimes, in life, the most
charming resort bores us.
Arabella
If I'm with you, regardless of the climate, the air will be no softer
or better for me. I don't know why, but now I sigh when I am near you;
I cannot breathe.
Albert
My heart swoons with pleasure at such talk. You need a husband to calm
these sighs.
Arabella
Girls dissimulate often enough, and pretend to scruples at the name of
a husband, masking their true desires, often saying they love no one
except the convent. As for me, the power of truth presses me and I can
find in it neither crime nor weakness. I have a sincere heart, and I
tell you, without pretence, that I want to be married, and sooner than
later.
Jenny
Well said. What's the use, in the spring of youth, to wish to escape
the yoke of marriage, and to leave the number of the living? There
were husbands long before convents, and I hold the role of spouse is
the most ancient, and the most currently fashionable and used--and the
most to be followed in all methods. That's what I say!
Albert
You both speak in the same spirit--and my views conform to yours. I
intend to marry. Rich as I am--they're always proposing a suitable and
advantageous match for me--but I always reply that another love holds
me, and that my heart prepossessed by your rare beauty sighs for you
alone, and that on your side, you adore only me.
Arabella
How's that?
Albert
Yes, sweety, I have declared the love which possesses me for you.
Arabella
What did you say, if you please?
Albert
That, at the bottom of your heart, you nourish a sincere passion for
me.
Arabella
Where's your discretion, truly?
Albert
Beautiful Arabella, one cannot be happy and remain silent.
Arabella
You ought not to make such an avowal, and so loud.
Albert
And why not, my child?
Arabella (waspishly)
Because nothing is more false, and one cannot lie with more impudence.
Albert
Then, you don't love me?
Arabella (sweetly)
No, but in recompense, I hate you unto death.
Albert (surprised)
For what?
Arabella
Who knows why? One loves without reason, and without reason, one
hates.
Jenny
If the admission is not tender, at least it is sincere.
Albert
After what I have done, basilisk, to please you!
Jenny
Don't get carried away! Observe tranquilly if love has made you a
charming object. Your features are worn away--hers are loveable and
fresh. She has a well made wit and you a crabbed temper. She's not
sixteen, and you are very old. She bears herself well, and you walk
with a cane. She has all her teeth, which makes her pretty, and you
have only one. Still, she excites you--and you ought to be carried off
at the first cough to whatever misfortune down there would please you.
Albert
I've taken useless trouble to please her. I will therefore merit her
hate, by God. And to secure her dangerous charms, I am going to lead
her to a place far from fops, where by her arrogance, she will have
leisure to be penitent. Come quickly, let's go.
Arabella
Where are you going?
Albert
You will know soon enough. March on--no talking. (perceiving Worthy,
who has just entered) What an irritating turn of events at this time.
To the devil with him and his stupid face.
(Worthy, who was entering like someone out for a stroll, sees Albert
and greets him. Scratch enters behind Worthy.)
Albert
Sir, do you wish something from me?
Jenny (low, to Arabella)
It's Worthy.
Arabella (low)
Peace! I see him more clearly than you.
(Worthy continues to bow to Albert.)
Albert
Sir, what's the use of these fine manners? Speak, I am tired of bowing
and scraping.
Worthy
A stranger in these parts, and pleased to see you. In paying you my
respects, I fulfill my duty. My coach is broken down near your
mansion, and after having done my best to repair it, I came to breathe
the delicious air--attracted by the--freshness.
Albert
You deceive yourself, sir. The air around here is decidedly bad for
your health. I owe it to myself to tell you that you will become very
ill if you stay here for a long time. It is dangerous and mortal to
wayfarers.
Arabella
Alas, nothing is more true. Since I've breathed this air, I languish
night and day in a cruel martyrdom.
Scratch
Just give me the same wine as our innkeeper broke open today, and I
will stand my ground defying fever, apoplexy, and a hundred years of
age to the end of my life.
Worthy (to Arabella)
It's hard to believe that with so much beauty, and such air, that
you're not healthy.
Albert
Whether she looks well or ill, find another place to take the air.
Worthy
This object--that heaven has taken care in making--this view where my
eye is pleased to rest, enchants my sight--and never has nature
displayed her attentions with so much finery. My heart is in love with
what it sees here.
Albert
Yes, the country is beautiful. Everybody says so, but you'll spend the
end of your day better elsewhere. By now, your coach must be fixed.
There's no need for your presence here. Leave, you ought to be gone
already.
Worthy
I will leave momentarily. Tell me, I beg you--
Albert
Since you chatter so emotionally, I am going to listen to you
attentively. (to Jenny and Arabella) Go in, go in.
Jenny
Sir--
Albert
Eh! Go in, I tell you.
Worthy
I'd rather retire than be the cause of Madame suffering the least
inconvenience on my account.
Arabella
No, sir, stay till tomorrow. Postpone going on your way, and we will
put you in good company. The roads are unlucky and filthy.
Albert
So much ceremony! Come, quickly--go in.
Jenny
Yes, yes, I'm going in. But, before these gentlemen, I tell you
plainly to stop the humiliations you impose on us. We haven't seen
even the shadow of a hat for six months in this new fangled cloister.
Any man who comes around here is interdicted. Everything in this house
is subject to inspection. Sometimes we think the world has come to an
end. No one comes her except they be of the female sex. Judge if a
girl in this situation has cause to complain.
Albert (putting his hand over her mouth and forcing her inside)
Ah, I will tear out your viper's tongue.
(Exit Jenny and Arabella.)
Albert (aside)
I don't want to go back in so soon. Their complaints and their tears
might move me, perhaps. (aloud) What's the problem? Speak! But, above
all, be brief.
Worthy
I am truly annoyed that, on account of me, your daughter has received
such unworthy treatment.
Albert
What do you mean, my daughter?
Worthy
Is she your wife then?
Albert
She soon will be.
Worthy
My soul is ravished. You couldn't form a better plan. And you do well
to get that viper in hand. All husbands ought to do as you do. Women
today are such coquettes.
Albert
I intend to rule the roost, and not follow the manners of these times.
Scratch
Oh, may you do better! I am so crazy about women and I am delighted
when good souls make use of a little authority from time to time.
Albert (aside)
This boy pleases me; he speaks sensibly.
Worthy
As for me, I see nothing blamable. For a man, without ever being
bothered by suspicions, to be lulled by the promise of a woman, to
count tranquilly on her frail virtue--believing that God has made a
woman faithful--for him alone--is to be a fool. It's necessary to be
watchful at all times. When she scolds, cry louder still--and despite
all the precautions which love causes a man to take--the more refined
he is--the bigger the dupe.
Albert
We are a little devious about these matters--which could easily trap me.
Each day I invent some crafty way of defeating their trickery and
finesse. My word, you'd be wasting your time. Gentlemen, the defenders
of women, debonair husbands, soft courtiers, powdered blondes--and all
those who are searching the town for a woman whose husband gives them
easy access--tell everybody I'm a brute, a jealous husband. In the
depth of my heart, I laugh at them.
Worthy
Because you are jealous, does that mean you are prevented from having
a tender and sensitive heart? Without being a little jealous one
cannot be a lover. They say a jealous man who quarrels without cease
is more a tyrant than a lover to a beautiful woman. Ceaselessly,
agitated by fury or boredom, he takes pleasure in the malady of
another. Insupportable to all, odious to himself, everybody to deceive
him pretends to be extremely pleased, but wishes that it was permitted
to smother him like a raging monster escaped from hell.--That's the
way one ordinarily speaks in the world. But, for me, I take the
contrary position, and say that it's a gallant man who shows so much
love through his jealous transports and sees himself come to life when
yielding to his penchant. In life, one spices up love with a little
jealousy.
Albert
Decidedly, you charm me with your wit, sir. I wish it were all written
down to explain to sots who blame my manner.
Scratch
Let us go in, sir. There, to satisfy you, I will write it all down
without charge.
Albert (stopping him)
I am much obliged to you--I will remember it well. I believe you have
nothing more to say to me. There's your road, sir, good day. I retire.
May heaven maintain you in these fine sentiments and not leave you in
these parts for very long.
(Enter Jenny.)
Jenny
Help, neighbors! What a terrible accident. What a sad adventure. Ah,
heaven, is it possible? The poor Squire Albert--what will become of
you? The blow is mortal. I cannot recall it.
Albert
What's happened?
Jenny
The most terrible disgrace.
Albert
But still, it's better to know what has happened.
Jenny
Arabella--
Worthy
Well, Arabella--?
Jenny
In this instant--quite suddenly--Arabella has gone mad.
Albert
Arabella is crazy?
Worthy
Ah, heaven.
Albert
This is unbelievable.
Jenny
Ah, sir, this misfortune is only too true. When, by your express
order, she had vowed to knit, this cursed locksmith came to irritate
us. So she vowed that these bars and grills to which the locksmith
condemns the window-- At the same time, I swear her eyes rolled and
her suddenly stricken spirit evaporated. She talks extravagantly. She
runs, she creeps, she sings, she dances--she dresses, then she changes
her clothes suddenly--with whatever happens to be at hand, just now,
from your wardrobe, she took your large robe and skull-cap. Then,
taking her guitar, she sings different tunes in strange jargon. In
fact, she's a hundred times worse than I was able to explain. One
can't help crying--and laughing, too.
Worthy
What do I hear? Just heaven.
Albert
What a deadly misfortune.
Jenny (to Albert, accusingly)
You are the sole author of this sad misfortune. That's what comes of
shutting a wench up.
Albert
Cursed precaution and unfortunate bars.
Jenny
I intended to shut her in her chamber for a moment. It caused howlings
hard to describe. She battered the wall with her head from rage. I
said to open everything. No one can stop her. But, I see her coming.
Alas, she changes her manner and dress every moment.
(Enter Arabella, dressed as Scaramouche with a guitar.)
Arabella (singing)
All night long,
A mean old tomcat
Sits watching me on the sly.
Oh, he's crazy.
Couldn't he just
Be made to break his neck?
Worthy
In spite of her illness, Scratch--what a--!
Scratch
I love her more this way than another who is quite sane.
Arabella (singing)
Couldn't he just
Be made to break his neck?
(speaking) You're in the same line of work? Musicians, listen: I am as
you, a musician. Vain, very spoiled--but I work for very little money.
A child of do, re, me, fa,--and so on. I'm irritated. From one part of
the world to the other, they speak of my talent. In a certain duo
which I find excellent--'cause it's mine. I wish you'd both tell me
frankly what you think of it.
Albert (alarmed)
Ah, my dear Jenny! She's lost her reason.
Jenny
Who knows better than I? Didn't I tell you so, didn't I tell you that?
(Arabella sings a little prelude.)
Scratch
I like that, sir. Her madness is a little racy.
Albert (concerned)
Her eyes are troubled, and her face is haggard.
Arabella (presenting her hand to Albert, then roughly pulling it away,
while letting Worthy kiss the other)
I love artists! Touch it! Touch it! The tune you will hear is in A
minor. It's my favorite. Music is lively, bizarre, petulant, and very
enjoyable. The movement is light, new, quick and forceful. It sent me
looking, a few days ago to soothe the melancholy humor of a man
confined to bed with paralysis for whom I sang a certain dance. Three
wise doctors came to his house, the nurse, the patient, and an old
apothecary who came to exercise his grave ministry without respect for
his profession took me by the hand and danced till dawn.
Scratch (having conceived the idea for Worthy to grab Arabella's hand
and dance off with her)
Behold a faculty to dance in the round and exit this street all in
step. That'd be nice, sir.
Worthy
What, wretch, you can laugh, seeing her in this frightful disorder?
Arabella
Wait, soft--my musical demon disturbs me, seizes me; I dithyramb. The
hairs on my head stand up in horror. Don't bother the God that puts me
in this fury. I feel that my excitement will reveal itself in tones.
(tossing about and spitting in Albert's face) Pouah! I had a deity in
my throat, or rather in the duo which is in question. You will see
excitement best--and passion. I succeed better in the one and the
other. Here's your part--and you, yours. (giving a paper with music to
Albert and a letter to Worthy, then tosses about and prepares to sing)
Scratch
Let's stand back a bit. I'm afraid of the gods.
Jenny
We'll soon be having a fine chivaree.
Albert
Arabella, my child, your error is extreme. I am Squire Albert, who
cherishes you, who loves you--
Arabella
My God, you're going to sing!
Albert
Oh, very well. I will sing, and if it's your wish, I will dance, too.
Worthy (opening his paper)
A letter, Scratch.
Scratch
Ah heaven, what an adventure. The music maestro learns the scale.
Arabella
There, mark your time--to take part, you start there. Quickly, come
on--one, two, three. (beating time on Albert's head and stamping her
feet angrily) Go, go, barbaric musician. Ignorant by nature. Leave off
baaing. What raucous frog in the midst of his weedy pond gave you your
first singing lesson? Do you give a concert or are you braying or
croaking?
Albert
I told you already, with no intent to annoy, I do not have the honor
to be a musician.
Arabella
Why then, stupid know-nothing, do you come to interrupt a concert when
your very presence causes a bad turn of events and discord? Did one
ever see a donkey try to play clarinet and mix his songs with those of
the tender nightingale? Never did a black crow of ill omen trouble the
strains of an agreeable warbler--and never in the woods did a sinister
owl sing in concert. You are nothing but a sot and never will be
anything else in your whole life.
Scratch
My master will sing his part nicely. I am his guarantee.
Arabella
>From this night forth, he must demonstrate his knowledge in a
serenade. He must make song, quick, lively, and tender--which will
carry me off!
Jenny (to Scratch)
Do you understand?
Scratch
I begin to understand. It's what they call a fugue.
Arabella
Right.
Scratch
A fugue--in music is a powerful morsel which costs a lot. (aside) We
don't have much--
Arabella
We will take care of that. Let nothing else concern you.
Worthy
You will see I am a good performer. And I know how to sing like an
open book.
Arabella (leaving, singing)
An old tomcat--
Albert
Jenny, follow her--see if it is possible to find some remedy for this
terrible misfortune.
Jenny
My poor mistress! Ah, my heart is so overcome. I believe that I am
going to become mad, too.
(Arabella exits, followed by Jenny and Albert.)
Worthy (standing aside, opening the letter)
They've gone in. Let's read. "You will be surprised by the part I am
taking, but the slavery in which I find myself becomes harder each
day, and I believe it permits me to dare anything. You, on your part,
try to deliver me from the tyranny of a man I hate as much as I love
you." What do you say, I beg you, about all you've seen of this
madness?
Scratch
I admire the resources of feminine wit when it is ignited by the imp
of love.
Worthy
Scratch, this night, without more delay, we must devise some brilliant
scheme which will allow us to free her from such a hard yoke.
Scratch
You intend to carry her off?
Worthy
That would be the quickest and safest way.
Scratch
Agreed. But, doing you a good turn, I fear that--
Worthy
What do you fear?
Scratch
Justice. The law.
Worthy
We've got to marry her.
Scratch
That's understood. You will be married, and I will be hanged.
Worthy
I've got an idea for a plan--you know Lovelace?
Scratch
Certainly.
Worthy
We can take refuge with such a friend. His country house is not far
off. It's with Lovelace, that I intend to choose an exile in leaving
these parts. There, braving the scorn and rage of the jealous would-be
husband--we will prepare, in this place, and we will manage to marry,
and make love--
(Enter Albert.)
Albert
Oh, sir, forgive the boredom which possesses me; I came back to find
some remedy. This is your man?
Worthy
Yes, he is.
Albert
Please tell him to employ himself in aiding me today.
Worthy
And what can he do for you? Speak!
Albert
He deigned, earlier, to inform me of his medical knowledge. He has a
thousand secret cures for many illnesses. Perhaps, he has one for
weak-mindedness?
Scratch
Yes, yes, I have more than one--of those salutary effects. But you
treated me in a manner, rather--
Albert
Ah, sir--
Scratch
To refuse to give a chap the time of day--
Albert
Forgive my error.
Scratch
Nowhere in my life did anyone ever treat me so--not even in Barbary.
Albert (piteously)
Oh, can you see a thing, so charming, put an end to her days, without
giving aid? (to Worthy) Sir, speak for me.
Worthy
Scratch, I beg you, try to cure the evil this pretty lady is suffering
from.
Scratch
For you, once again, I sacrifice my resentment. Yes, I will cure her--
and radically.
Albert
What--you can--?
Scratch
Go in. I am going to search my book for the most appropriate cure. You
will soon see me in operation.
Albert
I cannot express my feeling of obligation. May it be more safe than my
fortune or my life.
(Exit Albert.)
Scratch
Go, I know nothing, and she won't be cured.
Worthy
What made you say that? What happy fate made you become a physician in
his eyes?
Scratch
Word of honor, I know nothing about it. What I can tell you, is that
as soon as I saw him, after he intercepted me, to disguise my plan and
hide myself the better, I told him I was looking for some medicinal
herbs hereabouts, and that I had admirable secret cures for all sorts
of ills, and, in short, could cure, the incurable. And that's exactly
how he made his mistake.
Worth
We must profit by it now. In my heart, I feel the rebirth of hope and
joy. Come, let's consider--and see by what means we can succeed in our
noble project and bring forth your brilliant medicinal art and secret
remedies.
Scratch
Me? I'm ready for anything. But, it's useless to undertake a project
without the first ingredient. We have no money. Who will give us any?
Worthy (showing the letter)
Love will provide for us.
Scratch
Love will provide it? It seems as though billet douxs have become
bills of exchanges. Strange.
CURTAIN