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THE FOLLIES OF LOVE
BY JEAN-FRANCOIS REGARD
Translated and Adapted by
Frank J. Morlock
C 1987
CHARACTERS:
Albert
Worthy
Arabella
Jenny
Scratch
ACT I.
Scene: Outside a country house at the end of the 17th century. Dawn.
(Jenny enters following Arabella.)
Jenny
Why, when every one else is sleeping, what demon, if you please, tugs
you by the ear and makes you go up and out so early?
Arabella
Peace, shut up, speak low--you know my plan. Worthy has come back.
Jenny
Worthy?
Arabella (romantically)
>From France!
Jenny
How do you know that, Madame, I beg to ask?
Arabella
I believed he'd make an appearance hereabouts--more with my heart than
my eyes.
Jenny
I am only astonished that you've avoided the watchful Uncle Albert. My
word, here is a guide more excellent than love.
Arabella
I was at my window waiting for the day. Then, someone came. Seeing the
door open, I seized the opportunity offered by the occasion--more to
take the air than to flatter my hopes that Mr. Worthy would be
attracted here just to see me.
Jenny
There's no need for you to worry. It's understandable that the poor
boy would fall all over himself to see you. He comes tonight, and at
daybreak, you wait for him--just to flatter his love. You lose little
time. But, what, if by chance, Albert, your tutor, who is jealous by
nature, should find us? What would you say to him?
Arabella (with determination)
I intend to free myself from the jealous fool. I have languished too
long under his cruel domain. I'm taking off the mask, so he can see
how little regard I have for him, and how I intend to live from now
on--and how much I hate him!
Jenny
May heaven assist you in this praiseworthy plan! As for me, I'd rather
serve the devil--yes, the devil. At least when he held his Sabbath, I
would have some rest. But, in my state, evening, morning, day or
night--I have no peace. I'll have a breakdown soon. He scolds and
grinds his teeth the live long day. "Do this, do that, come, go, go
upstairs, go downstairs--close the door and window. Prevent, if you
can, anyone from appearing." He stops, he worries, he runs around
without knowing where. All night he prowls like a frenzied wolf. He
doesn't permit us to close our eyes. As for him, when he sleeps, one
eye's shut, the other's watching. He never laughed in his life. He's
jealous, stupid, brutal to the extreme, miserly, hard, peevish. I'd
prefer to beg for my bread, from door to door, than to serve a master
like this any longer. In short, I don't like him.
Arabella
Henceforth, Jenny, all our troubles are over. How my Worthy differs
from the portrait you paint. From my most tender years, nursed by his
own mother, our hearts were leagued in sympathy. And love grew by the
most charming means, finally united again by mutual oaths. Although
suffering from this frightful constraint for some time, which annoys
and overwhelms me, I am a woman who will take violent action! Dressed
like a man--a knight errant, I will free myself from Albert and his
harsh tyranny. I am going to run away and seek adventures.
Jenny
Oh, there are adventures enough to be found without going so far away.
I can warn you that you will find enough of them.
Arabella
You don't know my character yet. When one puts a yoke on my contrary
disposition, constraint only wakens my desires. I have lived in the
world in the midst of pleasure. Presently, Worthy is ready to marry
me. Many wild ideas pass through my head. I have the heart, the wit,
the sense,--the right! In short, you will soon see the little traits
of my character. But, why is the door open?
Jenny
Fie. Your old Cereberus is on the prowl. What will he ask? He prowls
everywhere. He stands sentinel all night--and at daybreak he goes
scouting. If, by good luck, he could be trapped into some ambush--a
little spoke put in his wheel, with some compromising story--and
blackmailed-- But, peace, I hear a noise: someone's coming--let's
listen.
(Arabella and Jenny draw back as Albert enters.)
Albert
I've circled the house, all night long, and found everybody asleep.
This will foil the efforts of my enemies. I've even patrolled outside.
Thank heaven, everything is all right. A secret terror disquiets me,
despite my efforts. I've seen a certain inquisitive person prowling
around here, from a distance, who seems to me to be examining the
place. For nearly six months, my cowardly complacence has endangered
my prudent action, and to let Arabella breathe easily disquiets my
soul, so I must shut her up. You don't make girls wise by softness. I
am going to bar the windows--with bars as big as my hand--to foil all
human efforts. But, I hear some noise! I see an object which walks and
turns about in the half light. Who goes there? . . . Nobody answers.
This affected silence bodes no good.
Jenny
I tremble.
Albert
It's jenny. Arabella is with her.
Arabella
So, it's you, sir, playing sentinel?
Albert
Yes, yes, it's me, it's me. But at this time of day, what are you
doing in this place, if you please?
Arabella
Neither Jenny nor I sleep in the morning, so we came here to be under
the trees and to see the sun rise and take the air.
Jenny (trying to be helpful)
Yes.
Albert
You are to watch the dawn and take the air from your window. You are
conspiring here to betray me.
Jenny (aside)
That wouldn't be a bad idea!
Albert
What do you say?
Jenny
Not a word.
Albert
Prudent, circumspect girls who are not up to some intrigue sleep
tranquilly in their bed--and don't take the air so early--be it hot or
cold.
Jenny
And how, if you please, do you expect us to rest when all night one
hears nothing but coming, going, opening, closing, crying, tossing,
scratching, running, sneezing, coughing? When, by great luck, I fall
asleep--a frightful jangling of keys starts me awake. I try to go back
to sleep, but cannot. A Wandering Jew who does evil with the greatest
pleasure, a mischievous imp vomited by hell to earth, to make an
eternal war with sleeping men begins his uproar and annoys us all.
Albert
And what is this imp and Wandering Jew?
Jenny
You.
Albert
Me?
Jenny
Yes, you. I believe that these rude manners come from some spirit who
is in need of prayers. And to better understand whether this angry
thing was soul or body, that made this Sabbath, one evening, I took a
cord with two ends firmly attached upstairs. It had the effect I
hoped. So soon as all were retired to sleep, I waited in person
without noise or light, on guard in a corner. I wasn't long waiting.
So pitty-pat down the spirit came, noisily tumbling over the cord. He
measured the stairs with his nose. Suddenly, I heard him cry: "Help, I
am dead." As these cries increased--at which I laughed very much--I
ran and found you spread out--with an apostrophe in place of your
face. Your nose gave proof that you were a body and not a spirit.
Albert
Ah, miserable scoundrel, adherent of the devil! It was you who played
that abominable trick. You wished to kill me with this cursed act!
Jenny (innocently)
No, it was only to trap the ghost.
Albert
I don't know what prevents me from beating you up!
Arabella
Sir, easy.
Albert
You, too, my pretty, could earn some slaps. Shut up, if you please. To
punish her audacity, I will drive her from my house. How do you like
that?
Jenny (crying)
Just heaven, what a sentence. Sir--
Albert (adamant)
No, out of the nest, if you please.
Jenny (laughing)
Ah, my word, sir, you flatter yourself if you think that leaving your
sad company will make me suffer the least pang. A school boy leaving
his tutor, a woman a long time celibate who leaves her relatives to
get married--a slave who leaves the hands of his masters, an old
prisoner who breaks his chains after thirty years, an heir who sees
his uncle give up the ghost, a husband when the plague takes his
plaguey wife--doesn't have half the pleasure I take in receiving from
you this happy discharge.
Albert
Leaving me would please you?
Jenny
The greatest pleasure I will have in my life.
Albert
Really! If that is so, I've changed my mind. I do not intend to give
you this pleasure. You will stay here to do penance. And you will,
without arguing, go in, and be diligent.
(Arabella reenters and curtsies. As Jenny starts to go, Albert stops
her.)
Albert
You stay--I wish to speak to you without witnesses. (aside) I'll have
to butter her up--I need her services. (aloud) Come on--let's make
peace and live sensibly. At bottom I love you--and more than you
think.
Jenny
And I also love you more than you think.
Albert
A pretty amour, truly to break my nose. But, I pardon all, and promise
you that you will enjoy my bounty--if you serve me on occasion.
Jenny
Let's see. What service is in question?
Albert
You've known for a long time, that as regards Arabella, I have, as one
ought, a soul a--bit tender. But for the precautions I take for her
the wench would soon take the bit in her teeth. She's always spent her
life in high society with the lady from London--Mrs. Worthy--who took
care of her until she was fifteen. That lady, having died, a relation
begged me to take care of her, and confided her to me. Since then love
has stolen into my heart. I have a plan to make her my wife.
Jenny
Your wife! Fie!
Albert
What do you mean by that tone?
Jenny
Fie, I tell you.
Albert
What?
Jenny
Hey, fie! Fie--I tell you. You are too intelligent to commit such a
stupidity--and I tell you to your grey beard.
Albert
I never had children by my late wife--and I wish to finish what I've
begun--to have heirs whose happy birth will ruin the hopes of all my
collaterals.
Jenny
My word, sir, make as many as you please. You won't have any posterity
left behind, and it is I who tell you so.
Albert
And why is that?
Jenny
How do I know?
Albert
Who has given you the privilege of soothsaying? Say, speak, respond!
Jenny
My God--I said nothing except what's reasonable, and you know it! I
understand myself and that's sufficient.
Albert
Don't trouble yourself. It's my business--and none of yours!
Jenny
Ah, you're right.
Albert
Look, you know that around here, one cannot take a step without
falling into some ambush. The snares that surround my soul alarm me. I
have a prize ewe lamb surrounded by care--but the ravishing wolves are
prowling in hopes of carrying her off. I must protect her from their
cruel fangs--and so as not to fear their cruel fury, I intend to close
all parts of the sheep pen, to carefully surround my house with iron
bars, and to let in only a few people--and that by day. I have need of
your help at this juncture, so that the fencing will go as I intend.
Jenny
Who, me?
Albert
I don't wish this invention to appear to be the result of my
precaution. Arabella would be alarmed--with reason, to see my care
result in her being locked in--that might cause her to become cold to
me. But, with clever girls, one must gild the pill adroitly, and make
her understand that all that is being done is only to protect her--and
that last night a number of bandits got into a nearby house and left
only the walls standing.
Jenny
But, sir, do you think with this trick--and many others of the same
type that you employ--do you believe that you will make her love you?
Albert
That's not your worry; suffice that I wish it.
Jenny
Go on, at your age, to wish to taste of marriage a second time.
Crazier still, to be amorous of a fifteen year old, and yet crazier to
plan to cage her up. I count three extravagances in this plan--likely
to be funereal in its consequence--and the least of them leads
straight to Bedlam.
Albert
I have excellent reasons for my conduct.
Jenny
Thanks to the effects of celestial bounty, I have my virtue intact.
But, if I had a husband or a lover of your mind, they'd have horns all
over their heads, by God! If you choose me to take on this trouble, I
tell you plainly, your hope is vain. I don't intend to meddle in your
cowardly plans. The case is too villainous, and I wash my hands of it.
Albert
Do you know that after having employed persuasion, I also know how to
employ intimidation?
Jenny
Storm, swear, howl--go into a fit, you will only hear me repeat again,
that a jealous man is a frightful thing--a thing one would cheerfully
see buried a hundred feet underground. There is nothing more hideous--
not Satan, Lucifer, and the many other gentleman-inhabitants of hell.
They are much more handsome, charming, love-killers--less cruel and
less insupportable--than certain jealous creatures such as one sees
about here. You understand me--I have spoken and I will retire.
Goodbye.
(Exit Jenny.)
Albert
All the world is busy here plotting to betray me. One would conclude
they have no greater joy. Jenny's worth nothing, but from fear of
worse, I'll keep her. I will not let what people say, or their
criticism prevent me from accomplishing the plan my heart is bent on
realizing.
(Enter Scratch.)
Scratch (aside)
My master, Mr. Worthy, who is waiting for me at the nearby inn, has
sent me on before to sound the terrain. (seeing Albert) There, I take
it, is our man. I must dissemble.
Albert
What are you doing here, by yourself and before my door?
Scratch
Good day, sir.
Albert (sourly)
Good day.
Scratch
I--are you well?
Albert (grumpily)
Yes.
Scratch
Truly, that rejoices my heart.
Albert
Rejoice or not rejoice--what brings you here? And who are you?
Scratch
I would find it hard to say. I have so many jobs that I might call
myself a universal man. I have wandered the universe; the world is my
country. From lack of income, I lived by industry--as many others do.
According to the circumstances, sometimes an honest man, sometimes a
confidence man. I served unwillingly in the Navy--and realizing my
heart inclined to rapine after having spent eighteen months
privateering. I carried a musket in Flanders and Germany; I was
wounded in the wars with France.
Albert
There are some fine jobs. (aside) From tip to toe, this fellow seems
to me to have the air of a rogue. (aloud) What are you doing here?
Speak!
Scratch
I will retire.
Albert (holding him)
No, no, you must speak.
Scratch (aside)
I don't know what to say to him.
Albert
You seem to me to have the air of one of those rogues who prowl around
to rob houses at night.
Scratch
You don't know me, sir. I have other things on my mind. While Fortune
prevents me from having wealth, it has given me marvelous secrets for
curing ills. I amuse myself by seeking medicinal herbs around here.
Albert (surprised)
Medicinal herbs?
Scratch
Yes, sir. All my life, I've made a profession of chemistry. As sure as
you see me, there are no diseases I cannot cure--stone, coughs,
vertigo, hysteria, heart disease, cancer. I've even been accused of
using magic. The only thing I lack is a degree to make me the happiest
physician living.
Albert
Your clothes are not those of a physician.
Scratch
Clothes don't make the science. And if I were not reduced to be a
valet, and if I had not had a fight with the squire of my parish--
(mysteriously) But, one day you will see innocence triumph.
Albert
You say you have--?
Scratch
See the slander! One day, finding myself on a long journey, traveling
third class, and twilight falling--I saw a certain coach stuck in the
mud in a ditch, and a man in need of help. So I approached. And, to
ease the weight which oppressed him (the coach was on top of him), I
removed the packages he was carrying. The chief of police got mixed up
in it, and held me responsible for the lost packages--for an act of
charity! That's why my friends advised me to leave the country.
Albert
Always prudent, in cases like that.
Scratch
I went to the wars, where I accomplished miracles. The Ardennes saw me
withstand enemy fire. And, battling one day against the enemy, one day
all by myself--at Milan--I almost paid with my life. Do you know, sir,
I was in Cremona?
Albert
I believe you. But, after all your famous exploits, what do you want
from me?
Scratch
What do I want?
Albert (peremptorily)
Yes.
Scratch
Nothing. I believe one doesn't have to have any special reason to take
a walk, and doing so offends nobody.
Albert
Yes, but don't stay too long. Your servant, sir.
Scratch
Servant! Before leaving, tell me, if you please, sire, to whom does
this country house belong?
Albert
It belongs to its owner.
Scratch
Oh, to be sure. You answer so cleverly, that one cannot abandon your
conversation easily. We ought to go to the village together to find a
place to stay. We'll be there soon.
Albert
If you hurry.
Scratch (aside)
This chap doesn't like conversation and answers my questions with a
single word. (aloud) I will leave after asking the time.
Albert
Your question is funny. You think I'm here like the dial on a clock to
display the time to passersby. Go learn it elsewhere. Don't weigh down
my ear any longer. Your appearance tires me as much as your
conversation. Goodbye. Good day!
(Exit Albert.)
Scratch (alone)
This fellow has quite the aspect of a bear. My word, this beginning
bewilders me. The old man appears to me to be a bit subject to anger.
To bring everything to fruition we may have to fight. So much the
better--that's where I shine, and I love to fence. But, I see my
master, Mr. Worthy.
(Enter Worthy.)
Worthy
Well, Scratch, what news? Dear Scratch, did you see the beauty in
these parts? Have you seen the tutor and do you see some ray of hope
for my love someday?
Scratch
To tell you the truth, it wasn't worth the trouble to race here
breathlessly from Milan. You could have spared me the trouble of
coming. Oh, that battle on Mount Cenis was no joke. Do you remember
how maliciously my cursed mule threw me in a ravine, and I was almost
a quarter of an hour rolling to the bottom?
Worthy
Don't jest. Speak in a different way.
Scratch
As you wish, a clearer phrase. I will tell you, sir, that I have seen
the jealous one--who received me in a manner that makes a cold wind
seem mild. We'll need a cannon to take the place.
Worthy
We'll come in the end to what he said and what he did. I won't leave
these parts until I am in possession of the object of my vows. Love
will vanquish the resistance of this brute.
Scratch
If we had some money for expenses, I'd have hope enough for success.
Money is the sinew of love as well as war.
Worthy
Don't worry. Arabella has thirty thousand crowns when she marries. If
she had nothing, I would still love her a hundred times better than a
rich girl with money enough to turn your head. From her earliest
years, raised by my mother, her image has been graven in my heart and
nothing can efface it. Our two hearts, which seem made for each other,
first tasted this happy news just before my mother died. Because of
this disaster, Albert, this old jealous fool that hell should
confound--separated her from me, with the consent of Arabella's
relatives. I didn't know him, and she, I believe, like me, had never
heard of his name. People told me that he was a very troubled spirit--
defiant, hard, brutal.
Scratch
They told you right. We must learn, first off, if we can introduce
ourselves into this fortress by cleverness or must use force--whether
it is better to make an open siege or form plans for a blockade.
Worthy
You always employ military terms. You've been to the wars.
Scratch
In all affairs, the mind must always be used before resorting to brute
force. Today's not the first time I've seen combat. I deserted twice
from the militia. When one intends, you see, for a siege to succeed,
one must prevent anything from entering, know the surroundings, learn
its weaknesses and its strengths. When one is well informed about
what's happening, one digs a trench, bombards the place, overthrows a
rampart--makes a breach--advances in good order--and gives the
assault. One strangles, massacres, kills, steals, and pillages. It's
almost the same when one takes a young woman. Right, sir?
Worthy
In this matter, Jenny, the maid, is in our interests.
Scratch
So much the better. The more intelligence one has of the city, the
more hope one has of success. One must take it noiselessly--without
drums. All night help comes. Make her signals, so she'll understand.
Worthy
Come, let's discover ways to take it. And, so as not to arouse
suspicions, let's avoid remaining around here too long.
Scratch
As chief engineer and master of artillery, I am going to see where I
ought to place my batteries--to punch a hole in Albert and oblige him
to surrender the place quickly or withstand our assault.
CURTAIN