to be something wholly above and beyond mere animality. It is the
exercise of functions that belong _only to mankind_, and hence is
not amenable to _any_ merely _animal_ laws or restrictions! It is the
source of numberless human joys, and _any_ method of engaging in
the act of mutual delight, that is, of _mutually happifying_, is
legitimate and _altogether right_. And so, if the parties choose to
increase their mutual delight, if the husband wishes to arouse
and intensify his wife's passion by stroking her vulva with his
saliva-moistened fingers, and _she wishes him to do so_, such act is
as right and as wholesome as is coitus in the by-some-supposed-to-be
_only_ way of its exercise. Let this never be doubted.
The fact is, this whole matter of sexual excitation by means of the
hand, or in other ways than the union of the organs, has received
a black eye at the hands of would be purists, which it in no way
deserves. As already noted, the word masturbation has been fastened to
such acts, and then, any and every form of it has been condemned far
beyond what the facts warrant, till the minds of the rank and file are
wholly misled in the premises! When one looks at the situation from
the point of view which insists that _all_ the sex functions should be
under the control of the _will_, then light is thrown upon the
entire subject. Seen in this way, _any_ form of sex stimulation, or
auto-erotism even (auto-erotism means _self_ sex-excitation) which is
NOT CARRIED TO EXCESS, is _right_ and _wholesome_! But we have been
taught the contrary of this for so long that it is difficult for us to
realize that it is true. _But it is_!
Hence, if it should sometimes happen that the husband should arrive
at the climax before the wife does, and he could not bring her to
an orgasm by excitation with his spent penis, it would be _perfectly
right for him to substitute his fingers, and satisfy her in that way_.
Of course, this would not be as satisfying to her as it would have
been could she have met him simultaneously, but it is _far better than
for her not to be entirely gratified! Many a woman_ SUFFERS ALL NIGHT
LONG _with unsatisfied desire, her organs congested and tumescent,
because she has been left_ UNSATISFIED _by a husband who has spent
before she was ready_, AND THEN LEFT HER! Such cases might be
_entirely relieved_, if the parties _knew the truth_, and were not too
_ignorant_, or _prejudiced_, or _ashamed_ to do what should be done to
make the best of a situation.
Of course, no husband should make a _practice_ of gratifying himself
fully, and then bringing his wife to the climax with his fingers. Such
a practice would be _selfish_ and _wrong_. But as an _emergency_ way
of escape, the method is to be commended.
Of course, as has already been explained, the husband always has the
advantage, that he can be brought to the orgasm by the insertion of
the penis into the vagina, _after_ his wife has spent, if she
arrives first, since her organs detumesce slowly, and their distended
condition permits such action on his part, for some time after she has
passed the climax. But not so with the husband. Once spent, his penis
shrinks to limpness, almost immediately, and in this condition it
cannot satisfy the wife in the least, much less bring her to an
orgasm.
Again, if, for any reason, the wife should be unable to meet her
husband in coitus proper, because of weakness, or slight illness,
or perhaps some temporary soreness of the parts, it would help the
situation wonderfully if _she_ would take _his_ penis in _her_ hand
and "play with it" till he _spent_. He would love her for it, kiss her
for it, give her his soul for it!
_If a bride and bridegroom knew enough to introduce each other to the
delights of an orgasm by "spending" each other by external excitation
of the organs with their hands a few times before they united the
organs at all, it would be to their lasting well being. This is
especially true for the bride_. If her lover would take her in his
arms, even with all her clothes on, as she sat on his lap, in their
bridal chamber, alone, and stroke her vulva till she "_spent,_" the
chances are many to one that he would have introduced her to such a
joy that she would never forget it, all her life. Surely, such method
is _infinitely superior_ to _raping_ a bride, as is so frequently
done by the ignorant or goody-good young husband, who "stands upon his
_rights_!"
Indeed, if a bride to be, who was so innocent or ignorant of her own
sex possibilities that she had never experienced an orgasm--had never
"spent"--could be "put wise" before her bridal-night, if she could be
instructed enough to lead her to engage in some form of auto-erotism,
bringing herself to an orgasm with her own hand, _just for the sake
of the experience it would give her, and so that she would have some
clear idea of what she really wanted, before she went into the arms
of her lover--if she could do this, in the right mental attitude, it
would be greatly to her well-being, a worthy and valuable addition to
her stock of knowledge of herself and of the powers that are latent
within her. Her alleged loss of innocence by such act would be as
nothing compared with the wisdom she would gain by the experience.
When innocence leads to harmful results, it is time it was ended, and
that knowledge takes its place!_
As for the husband, the chances are not one in a million that he will
be ignorant of what an orgasm is like before he marries, since all
healthy young men "spend" at least once a week, automatically, if not
otherwise!
Let it be said further, that auto-erotism, self-spending, may be
practiced by both men and women, to their healthful benefit, when
sexual exercise cannot be secured in any other way. It is only when
_carried to excess_ that such action is in any way harmful. The only
danger is, that, the individual being alone and having all the means
for self-gratification in his or her own hands, so to speak, it is
quite possible to indulge in the action too freely, which, of
course, leads to bad results. _But the act itself is not bad._ On the
contrary, when kept within bounds, it is healthful and wholesome.
There are many unmarried women, maiden ladies, and especially widows,
who would greatly improve their health if they practiced some form of
auto-erotism, occasionally. When husbands and wives are forced to
be much away from each other, it is right for them to occasionally
satisfy themselves in this way, their souls filled with loving
thoughts of the absent one the while.
There is any amount of nonsense current about auto-erotism. As a
matter of fact, all boys masturbate, and many girls also. Some
authors claim that more than half of all women engage in some form
of auto-erotism, at some time in their lives, and the estimate is
probably too low rather than too high. But, unless they carry the act
to excess, they are guilty of no wrong. Not infrequently, they may
make the act a means of great good to themselves. _The sex organs are
alive! They constantly secrete fluids that need to be excreted, as
all other organs of the body do. They ought to be relieved, as their
nature requires they should be._ If this cannot be accomplished as
the most natural way prescribes, it is only right to do the next best
thing. Only, it should not be carried to excess. Be temperate in all
things. Gratify yourself, but don't ABUSE yourself. Auto-erotism, or
masturbation, should never be permitted to become "self-abuse," nor
is there any need that it should ever do so. It should be
self-upbuilding, not self degrading. Rightly used it can be thus.
IX
COITUS RESERVATUS
This brings us to another item in the matter of sexual exercise on the
part of the husband and wife, as follows:--
It should be the constant aim and endeavor of both parties to
continually lift all sex affairs above the plane of animality, mere
physical gratification, into the realm of _mental_ and _spiritual_
delight. To this end, let it be said at once that such a condition can
be reached, in the greatest degree, by the practice of what is known,
in scientific terms, as "_coitus reservatus,"_ which, translated,
means going only _part_ of the way in the act, and not carrying it to
its climax, the orgasm. Described in terms with which the reader is
now familiar, it means, carrying the act only through the first and
second stages, the "courting" stage, and the union of the organs, and
stopping there! This may seem, at first thought, neither right nor
wise, but, as a matter of fact, it is both, as thousands of most
happily married people have proved.
Going a bit into details, this act of "reservatus" really unites the
first two parts of the act into a common whole, making it simply one
continuous piece of "courting," merely that, and nothing more. It
is almost entirely a _mental and spiritual love-embrace; and in its
perfection, it exalts the husband and wife to the topmost heights of
mental and spiritual enjoyment and expression_.
To engage in this form of coitus, _not nearly_ the effort should be
made to arouse the sexual passions of either of the parties, as has
already been described as fitting for complete coitus. _The orgasm
is not the desideratum in this case, but it is just a delightful
expression of mutual love. It is a sort of prolonged and all-embracing
kiss, in which the sex organs are included as well as the lips. They_
kiss each other, as the _lips_ kiss each other. It is "courting," par
excellence, without the hampering of clothes or conventionality of any
kind.
In this act, the lovers simply _drift_, petting each other, chatting
with each other, visiting, loving, caressing in any one or all of a
thousand ways. The hands "wander idly over the body," the husband's
right hand being specially free and in perfect position to stroke his
wife's back, her hips, her legs, and pet her from top to toe.
As this part of the act continues, it is the most natural thing in the
world that the sex organs should tumesce, and that there should be
a flow of both prostatic and pre-coital fluids. That is, the organs
quietly and naturally make themselves ready for meeting. And when they
are duly tumescent, are properly enlarged and lubricated, let the wife
come over into her lover's arms, IN THE SECOND POSITION described, and
the organs be slipped together easily, delightfully, and then, _let
them stay so_, fully together, _but do not go on with the third part
of the act_, the motion of the organs. Just lie still and enjoy the
embrace, kiss, chat, court, love, dream, enjoy!
This union can be protracted to almost any length, after the lovers
learn how to do it. Sometimes the organs may be together only a few
minutes, sometimes for an hour, or even longer. If the parties get
tired, or sleepy, part the organs, kiss good-night, and go to sleep.
Although it is not at all uncommon for such lovers, who have fully
learned this art, to go to sleep thus, in each other's arms, their sex
organs united; and, in this position, have the organs detumesce, the
penis grow limp and slip out of the vagina of its own accord, while
the vagina also grows small and the clitoris subsides. This experience
is most delightful and if once experienced, once well mastered by the
husband and wife, it will continually grow in favor, to their mutual
benefit.
This method is of special service during the "unfree time." If rightly
used, it will not tend to increase the desire for "spending," but
it will, on the contrary, allay and satisfy the sexual desires, most
perfectly. If, while learning how, sometimes the inexperienced should
"get run away with," and feel that it is better to go on and have the
climax, all right. But, as time goes on, the practice of carrying the
act only to the end of the _second_ part, will grow, and in due time
be well established. Those who have mastered this wholesome and loving
art will sometimes meet in this way a score of times during a month or
so, without once coming to the climax. Such meeting can be as often
as the parties choose, and of as long, or as short duration as they
elect. It is often an excellent way, to say "good-night;" and if,
on waking in the morning, there is time before rising for a "little
court," this slipping the organs together, for "just a minute," is a
most excellent way to begin the day. The art is worth learning, and
most people can learn it, if they try, _and are of the right spirit_!
To go back a little: In speaking of mutual masturbation on the part of
the husband and wife, this method of satisfying the sex nature is of
great value, sometimes, especially for use during the unfree time. If,
during these two weeks, the parties get "waked up," and feel the need
of sex exercise, they can satisfy each other with their hands in a way
that will be a great relief to each. This is specially true for
the husband; and a wife, who is enough of a woman to thus meet her
husband's sex-needs, with her hand, when it is not expedient for him
to meet her otherwise, is a wife to worship!
Sometimes, during the five days of menstruation, during which time
the union of the organs is deemed not best, the wife can thus help her
lover with her hand, to their delight and benefit. _Let love direct
the way here, and all will be well_.
And here is a curious fact: The hand of the opposite sex will produce
effects on the genitals of the other which will _not_ be produced in
any other way. Thus, a man may hold his penis in his own hand for
a given length of time, longer or shorter, and no result will be
effected, no secretion of prostate fluid be made, at all. But let his
wife take his penis in _her_ hand for the same length of time, and the
flow of prostatic fluid will at once take place. This is true whether
the penis be erect or detumescent. If the wife will hold her husband's
limp penis in her hand for but a few minutes, even though the organ
remains limp, the flow of prostatic fluid will take place! The same
is true with regard to the husband's putting his hand on his wife's
vulva. Should _she_ hold her hand there, no pre-coital fluid would be
secreted. With her husband's hand there, the flow would at once begin.
This is a remarkable physical and psychological phenomenon, and it
is one especially worthy of note. It is this fact that makes _mutual_
masturbation far superior to auto-erotism. A husband can thus satisfy
a wife with his fingers, or a wife her husband with her hand, far
better than either could bring himself or herself to the climax alone.
This point is of great import, in considering many of the sex acts of
husband and wife.
As a rule, let the husband and wife do _whatever their desire prompts
or suggests, and just as they feel they would_ LIKE _to_. Only this,
let all be in moderation. _Carry nothing to excess!_
Which suggests the question often asked: How frequently may coitus
be engaged in? The answer is, just as often as is desired by _both
parties, but never to the point of weariness or depletion of the
physical, mental or spiritual body_. Use good sense here as elsewhere.
We eat when we are hungry, but it is wrong to gorge oneself with food.
The same rule holds with regard to sex exercise. _Satisfy the calls of
nature, but_ NEVER, _overdo the matter_. BE TEMPERATE, MANLY, WOMANLY!
_Don't be afraid or ashamed to do what your desire and your best
judgment say is right. Use common sense, and you will not go wrong_.
And don't wear each other out, either both together, or the one the
other. Many men insist on their rights (THEY HAVE NO RIGHTS) and
greatly debilitate themselves by excess of coition with their wives.
Per contra, there are some women who wear the lives out of
their husbands by the excessive calls they make upon them for
sex-gratification. In the latter case, a man will "go to pieces" much
faster than a woman who is over-taxed. To satisfy such a woman, a man
must spend at least once every time his wife calls on him. This draws
on his vital fluids, at every embrace; but, as has been stated, there
is no escape of vital fluid from the woman, when she spends, and so
she can reach and pass the orgasm, time and again, and still not have
her vitality taxed. Indeed, in some cases, the oftener a woman spends,
the more animated, robust and healthful she becomes. In case unmatched
people meet as husband and wife, they should do their best to adjust
themselves to each other's condition, keeping always in mind the best
welfare, each of the other.
There are records of women who delight to spend a dozen times in a
single night. One queen made a law that every man should cohabit
with his wife at least seven times each night! Of course, she was an
abnormal woman, though the author once knew a good orthodox deacon who
would have been delighted to live under the rule of such a law, for
seven times a night was the limit his wife imposed upon him! He was
also abnormal.
Luther said twice a week was the rule for coitus, and this is a very
common practice. No absolute rule can be given, however, except for
each couple to act as they feel, keeping always within the bounds of
common sense and true temperance.
There are some men and women so constituted, nervously, or by
temperament, that they are _obliged_ to rigorously _limit_ their acts
of coition. Some men cannot engage in the act more than once or twice
a month and maintain their health. For them, the act draws on their
vitality so severely that it quite upsets them, in almost every
case. During the act, they are subjected to nervous shocks, they
"see stars," and undergo rigors and nervous sweats which are severely
debilitating. Often, too, they will lie awake all night after
engaging in the act, and be more or less of a wreck for a day or two
afterwards.
Some women, too, are of a similar nature of organization, and undergo
similar experiences. Of course, in all such cases, unusual care should
be taken never to reach the point of excess.
It is unfortunate if people are married who are ill-matched in this
regard, especially so if the difference between the two is of a
pronounced nature, as when the husband or the wife is very amorous and
virile, while his or her mate is unable to engage in the act, to any
considerable extent, without suffering therefrom. If such case arises,
the best should be made of the situation, the more robust party
accommodating himself or herself to the incompetency or inability of
the other, and the weaker one doing all that can rightly be done to
strengthen and develop his or her infirmity. If this is done, _the
chances are many to one that, as times goes on, the parties will grow
more and more alike--the strong becoming more docile and the weaker
one more robust. Take time, love each other, court and be courted, and
only the best results trill come of it all_.
Now there are some women who are called "anesthetic," that is,
they have no sex-passion, though the sex parts may be normal. Many
physicians declare that as high as forty per cent of the women _who
are reared in modern social life_ are thus lacking. These women engage
in coitus, though they get no pleasure from the act. They never reach
the orgasm, and have no sensation of delight from the act; they seldom
secrete the pre-coital fluid, and hence the union of the organs, or
their motion, are never easy or pleasurable. They can become mothers,
and often such bear many children. Such condition is greatly to be
regretted, and many women suffer greatly from this cause.
It is highly probable, though, that many women who are counted as
thus lacking are _not, really, so!_ Many women will begin married life
wholly anesthetic, and, often, sometime will become normal in this
regard. _This often happens. The probability is that many wives are
not properly "courted" by their husbands_--THE FIRST PART OF THE ACT
IS NEGLECTED, _or the husband merely acts on his rights_--cohabits
like a goat, all in an instant, anxious only to gratify his own
_lust_; and that, _under such treatment, the wife never gets a fair
chance to really know her own powers_. Such cases are sad beyond
telling. For the most part, _they are the result of ignorance on the
part of the husband, and innocence and wrong teaching--wrong mental
attitude--on the part of the wife_. HENCE THE NEED OF INSTRUCTIONS TO
BOTH.
But if almost any woman will get the _right mental attitude_ toward
sex-meeting, and then can be courted, as has been prescribed in these
pages, the cases are _rare indeed_ where a woman can be found who is
_really_ anesthetic. If you, wife, or you, husband, are "up against"
such a condition, try "courting," as herewith laid down, _in a proper
mood and spirit, and you will come out all right. There is no doubt of
it_.
On the contrary, if the man is "impotent" there is small hope of his
ever coming out of such condition, and the chances are many to one
that he will never be able to satisfy his wife sexually. He may be
a "good man," in a way, but he can never be a good _husband_, in the
full meaning of that word.
On the other hand, if a woman marries for money, or a home, or
position, or place, or power, or a "meal-ticket"--for _anything but
love_, she will doubtless be anesthetic _and stay so_. She deserves
to! She sells herself for a mess of pottage, whoever she is. She may
be a "good woman," but she can never be a good _wife_.
The question is sometimes asked as to how late in life the sex organs
can function pleasurably and wholesomely for the parties concerned.
And here, as elsewhere, the reply can only be that it all depends on
the individual. But this is true, that, as a rule, the status of the
individual during the years of active life will persist, even to
old age, if the sex-functions are used and not abused. There is no
function of the body, however, which will "go to pieces" quicker, and
ever after be a wreck, as will the sex organs, if they are not treated
rightly.
And this works both ways: If too rigorously held in check, _if denied
all functioning whatever, the parts will atrophy, to the detriment
of the whole nature, physical, mental, and spiritual_. The body will
become "dried up," the sex organs shriveled, and a corresponding
shrinking of the whole man or woman, in all parts of the being, is
very apt to follow.
On the other hand, an excess of sex-functioning will soon deprive
the individual of all such power whatsoever. A man will, in his
comparatively early life, lose the power of erection, or tumescence
entirely, as a result of excess, either by masturbation or from
too frequent coitus; and on the part of the woman, many unfortunate
conditions are liable to arise. However, for reasons that have already
been stated, a woman who is strongly sexed, and of a pronounced
amorous nature, can maintain even great excess of sex exercise
without suffering such ill results as would befall a man who should so
indulge. That is, an excessively passionate wife can far sooner wear
the life out of a husband who is only moderately amorous, than can an
abnormally passionate husband wear out a moderately amorous wife.
But if the sex nature of the husband and wife are well cared for
during the years of active life, neither too much restrained or too
profusely exercised, the functioning power of the sex organs will
remain, even to old age, with all their pleasure-giving powers and
sensations intact. This is a wonderful physiological fact, which leads
to a conclusion, as follows:--
This fact of the staying qualities of the power of sex functioning,
even to old age, is the _supreme_ proof of the fact that sex, in the
human family, _serves a purpose other than reproduction_!
For, see! A woman loses the power to conceive when she reaches the
"turn of life," when her menses cease, that is, when she is between
forty and fifty years of age. And if pleasure in coition serves only
to induce her to engage in the act for the purpose of increasing the
probability of her becoming pregnant, if this is the _sole_ purpose
of desire for sex intercourse, such desire, such pleasure, _ought to
cease_ at that period of feminine life. _But this is by no means the
case_! If a wife is a normal woman, sexually, and has neither abused
her sex nature or had it abused, or neglected, and is a well woman,
she will enjoy coitus as much after she has passed her three score and
ten date in her life as she did before! She may not care to engage
in the act as frequently as in her younger days; but if she is well
courted by her old lover, all the joys of the former days are still
hers, to as great a degree as ever. And what is true of her is true
of her husband, if he is well preserved, as she is, has never abused
himself or been abused.