righteous sex-action in earlier years! More than all, _it is a proof,
beyond all question, that the purpose of sex in humanity is something
more than procreation, that there is such a thing as the Art of Love,
and that it ought to be taught and well learned by every husband and
wife, in their early married life_.
X
CLEANLINESS
It would hardly seem necessary to be said, and yet many experiences of
husbands and wives prove that it needs to be said, that both parties
should take great pains to keep their bodies, all parts of them,
always sweet and clean. Strange as it may seem, many wives are
exceedingly careless in this respect! It is a matter of common report
among men, that harlots take more pains to make and keep their bodies,
and especially their genitals, clean and attractive, than many wives
do! Surely, this ought not to be so, and yet it often is.
And that it is, is only one more unfortunate result that springs from
the feeling of "Oh, we are married now." The wife or the husband feels
that there is no longer any need of wooing each other. All of which
leads to woe, woe, woe! The wife should keep her whole body so sweet
and clean that her husband can kiss her from top to toe, if he wants
to--and the chances are that he will want to, if she so keeps herself!
In the one case, such a caress is a bit of heaven to a husband, in the
other it is a bit of hell! It will disgust where it ought to delight.
And when a wife disgusts her husband, the end of a happy married life
has come!
The wife should always wash her vulva with soap and warm water before
retiring, and if reservatus is to be engaged in in the morning, after
urination, she should thoroughly cleanse the parts before union takes
place. Let her be _ever_ mindful to keep her "love cup" worthy to meet
its lover.
And the husband should be equally careful to keep his body sweet and
clean. He should wash the glans penis thoroughly, with soap and water,
at least once every day, drawing the foreskin back so as to fully
cleanse the indenture above the gland, which secretes a substance that
very soon emits an offensive odor unless removed. Both parties should
keep their arm pits so that they will not be "smelly," and the feet
should likewise be kept inodorous.
One of the chief objections to smoking or chewing tobacco is that it
spoils the breath, and so makes it offensive to the wife, whereas it
should be most attractive. In a word, both the husband and wife
cannot be too careful, in all ways, in making and keeping their bodies
mutually attractive. As has already been said, the sole aim of all
the sexual experience of a husband and wife should be to raise
the function more and more _away_ from the plane of _physical_
gratification and elevate it continually towards the realm of _mental_
and _spiritual delight_. This is a mission of sex in the human family
that should be made the most of. It involves the cultivation of the
Art of Love, which is truly the art of arts, par excellence.
The secret of success in establishing righteous and happy sex
relations between husband and wife is, on the part of the man, that
_all his actions should be those of a loving gentleman_. This does
not mean effeminacy on his part--he must be virile, bold, strong,
aggressive, positive, _compelling_. And yet, all these manly virtues
must be expressed in terms of _loving and gentle_ ACTS. This is a
paradox, but it is true!
On the part of the woman, the chief item on her side is, for her
to attain a _correct mental and spiritual attitude toward her
own sex-nature and that of her husband, and toward their common
expression_. All her training and environment now hinder her from such
achievement; but if she be a true woman, her nature will reveal the
truth to her, and if she will trust to that--do what that prompts her
to do, she will come out all right. It will take time to reach such
results; but if she will persist, she will succeed. Let her come
to the realization of the fact that sex in men and women is _not_
unclean, vulgar, lowdown, sinful; but that it is _clean, pure, lofty_,
GOD-BORN! Rightly exercised, it leads to the highest well-being of
both the husband and wife; it brings them to their physical, mental
and spiritual noblest and best. Let the wife get this view of
the situation, which is the only true view, and then let her act
accordingly, and she will have attained. A husband and wife who have
reached this _modus vivendi_ have established a heaven on earth.
EDITOR'S NOTE
Dr. Long's description of "Free Time" should be thoroughly understood
by the readers of this book. Since it is practically impossible to
conduct exact scientific tests under strict control (the reason for
which can be readily understood) there is much difference of opinion
among physicians and sexologists on this subject.
Some say there is no such thing as "Free Time." Others agree with Dr.
Long that there is a period of "Free Time." Still a third group
take the conservative viewpoint that further proof is necessary. The
publishers offer this explanation as a necessary comment.
XI
PREGNANCY
And now just a few words about having children, and this treatise will
end.
As has already been said, every true husband and wife who are well
enough and strong enough, and who are reasonably furnished with this
world's goods, ought to have and rear at least two children. The world
needs at least so many, even if all children lived and grew up, to
keep up the constant number of people on the earth. But, far more than
this, the husband and wife need children _to make a home complete, and
a complete home is the supreme attainment of human life!_
This does not mean that people should not marry unless they can have
children; there are many women who should never even try to become
mothers. But these should not be deprived of all sexual joys for this
reason. On the contrary, it is for their best good, in most cases,
that they should marry and so live normal sex lives, in all respects
except parenthood.
But, for the most part, husbands and wives _can_ have children, if
they so desire, _and they_ SHOULD _so desire_.
And, so desiring, the question is, How can they best fulfil such
desire?
As a matter of fact, there is very little that is really known about
the begetting of children, and the securing of the best results from
such action. The laws of human heredity are, as yet, for the most
part, unknown. But common sense would seem to indicate a few things
that must be best in the premises.
Thus, it would seem to be for the best that the husband and wife
should be in good physical condition when a child is begotten. More
than this, it would seem right that the act of begetting should be a
_deliberate_, and not a mere _chance_ begetting. Hence, in general,
it is well for the husband and wife to _agree_ upon a time for the
begetting of a child, and _deliberately accomplish a sex-meeting
for such purpose_. Although, one instinctively feels that such a
deliberate meeting might be too matter of fact--too cold and formal,
lacking in warm blood and genuine emotion; still, the probabilities
are that even this could be overcome, if kept in mind and "provided
for."
Referring to the things that have already been said, of course an
embrace which is to result in pregnancy should be one of the most
perfect that can possibly be experienced, one in which, in an ecstasy
of love's delight, husband and wife merge their souls and bodies into
a perfect oneness--it would seem that from such a meeting the best,
and only the best results could come.
And so if the husband and wife will agree that from a given time
on, they will cease to have a care to prevent conception; and then,
sometime _immediately following the fifth day after the beginning of
the menstrual flow_, they will naturally meet in a _perfect embrace_,
the probabilities are that they will have done the best possible to
secure the highest attainable results from the act of begetting a
child.
As a rule, the proper time for such begetting is between the _fifth_
and the _tenth_ day after the beginning of the menstrual flow. It is
sometimes best, however, to make the meeting earlier than this, even
before the flow has ceased. Some women will conceive then who cannot
do so at any other time. And so, if a wife should be unable to
conceive between the fifth and the tenth day, as noted, let an earlier
date be tried. If this should fail, consult a reliable physician.
It ought to be said, too, that putting off having children _too long_,
is very apt to result in the sterility of the wife. Many a young wife,
who has really wanted to have children _sometime_, and who would be
greatly grieved if she thought she could _not_ bear a child, has kept
putting it off, and has done this _so often_, and for _so long_, that,
when the "convenient day" does come, she finds that she has "sinned
away her day of grace."
Speaking generally, the first baby should be born not much later than
two years after marriage. There are, of course, exceptions to this,
but it is a good rule to go by.
_Have your children when you are young_! This is common sense,
it comes out best in the long run, and is the best thing to do,
ninety-nine times in a hundred. Then, you are nearer the age of your
children as they grow up than if you waited till you were in the late
thirties before the children came. If your son or daughter is only
twenty-some years younger than you are, you can be "kids" with them.
If you are forty years old when they are born, you will always be "old
folks" to them. Have the babies when you are young. It is far better
so.
If no children come from the meeting of husband and wife consult
a good doctor. But, in such event, if neither of the parties is to
blame--or even otherwise, make the best of the situation, love each
other, and make the most of wedded life with what is left.
Above all, with children or without (and a thousand times better with)
make a home that is a home. That is what sex in the human family, what
married life is for--to make a home. Nearly all that makes a home
is centered around sex. No two normal _men_ can make a home! No two
normal _women_ can make a home! _It takes a man and a woman to make
a home. It takes father, mother and children to make the most perfect
home. Make up your minds to have a most perfect home, and do your
utmost to reach that goal_!
The query often arises in the minds of conscientious husbands and
wives whether or not it is right to engage in coitus during pregnancy.
On this point authorities differ, though most of them hold against
such practice. The reasons they give for such adverse decision are all
based on the same old infernal lie, namely, that, sexually, man is
a mere animal, and so is subject to the laws and practices of mere
animality. This is the worst outrage ever perfected by a false
philosophy, which is heralded as the will of God. Out on it,
altogether!
The simple truth, is that, if the husband and wife have _mastered the
Art of Love_, so that they _mutually desire each other, and both long
for sex exercise during the gestation period_, it is _perfectly right_
and WISE for them to satisfy their _natural_ COMMON wishes.
Of course, in such exercise, the utmost care should be taken not
to press too hard upon the pelvic region of the woman, and in this
regard, the word of caution needs to be heeded, as much by the
prospective mother as by her mate. For, in the intensity of an
orgasm, she may be tempted to crowd her body too violently against
her husband, and so possible harm might result. Especially if the
husband-superior position is taken during the act, he should be doubly
careful not to permit the weight of his body to rest upon the enlarged
part of the wife's anatomy, not in the least.
Indeed, the safest position for coitus, during pregnancy is, the woman
on her back, and the man with his hips on the bed below hers, so that
there is no possibility of pressure on her abdomen, which is perfectly
free, in this position. In this position, the act may be engaged in,
during pregnancy, as often as mutually desired, to the benefit of both
parties.
Many pregnant women are more than usually passionate during the period
of gestation. This is especially the case when the wife is happy in
her condition, when she rejoices with exceeding great joy that she is
on the way to experience the divine crown of wifehood--maternity! When
such a woman desires her husband in love's embrace, it is cruel to
deprive her of her longed-for delight.
Again, a wife, unpregnant, and when she rightfully wishes to remain
so, may be somewhat fearful of becoming pregnant when she meets
her husband, and so hesitate to give her passion full play, thereby
missing the utmost delights of an embrace--but if she be pregnant,
and so has no fear on this score, she can give herself up to utter
abandonment to her impulses.
On this point, the final word is, use _common sense_, in a _spirit of
absolute_ MUTUALITY.
It goes without saying that it would be wicked, not to say a crime,
for a husband to _compel_ his wife to engage in coitus during
pregnancy, against her will. On the other hand, many a wife has first
experienced an orgasm when meeting her husband during pregnancy. The
reason for this is that her fear of becoming pregnant is not then
present--a condition which has before kept her from the climax.
It is further true that many a wife will greatly relieve and delight
her husband if, on occasion, and as both may desire, she will relieve
him with her hand; or sometimes, that they engage in mutual relief by
this means during pregnancy.
XII
CONCLUSION
In closing this volume, the author wishes to say, as in opening, that
no apology is offered for what has been written or said herewith. All
has been set down in love, by a lover, for the sake of lovers yet to
be, _in the hope of helping them on towards a divine consummation_.
As a final direction _Master the Art of Love_, which is _the divinest
art in all the world; then study, and do your best to master the
Science of Procreation_. It is these two, the Art of Love and the
Science of Procreation, that, together, make married life a success.
Without these, or, surely, without the first, there can be no such
thing as true marriage. Hence, this is the _first_ to learn, to
master. It is worthy of the most careful study, the most faithful
experiment.
It is right for people who never can have children to marry, and to
share with each other mutual sex delights. It is far better for
a husband and wife, having learned the Art of Love, to have
children--and a home.
Thrice happy are the married lovers who live in the spirit of this
sentiment, exalted to the highest spiritual plane; and if, out of such
love exchanges children are begotten and born, and a perfect home is
established, then married life is worth living. God has joined such
together and nothing can put them asunder.
* * * * *
This volume is not something to be read once, and then put aside and
forgotten. It should be studied, experimented upon, read again and
again, especially by those who have difficulties in married life to
overcome. And for _all_ young married people, it should be a sort
of Guide to Happiness that should be frequently consulted and its
directions "tried out" and followed to the limit.
The fact is that, in true marriage, neither the husband nor the wife
can be selfishly supreme. If selfishness asserts itself, on the part
of either husband or wife, hell is sure to follow. There can be no
true marriage under such circumstances, because there is no supremacy
in true love, and it is only true love that can make an abiding true
marriage. In true marriage, such as both God and Nature design should
be, there is perfect comradery, equals walking with equals, with the
principle of love and mutual helpfulness shared alike by both. Let
no reader of this book forget these primal facts, or fail to act in
accordance with them! For of such is the Kingdom of Heaven!
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Misalliances and unhappy marriages: an important but never referred to
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Sexual abstinence and nervousness
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Sexual hypochondria and morbid scrupulousness
Double standard of morality
Continence in the two sexes
Is it really impossible to make prostitution harmless?
A problem in sexual ethics
Eugenics, sexual sin, ignorance, and superstition
Is Platonic love normal?
Female sex instinct in relation to morality
Regulation of offspring and sexual morality
Coitus and nightmares
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Female internal sex organs
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Female external genitals
Function of testicles, spermatogenesis, function of seminal vesicles,
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Function of ovaries, ovum, menstruation, uterus, female ejaculation,
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Sexual desires in the old, in infants, causes of early masturbation
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End of Project Gutenberg's Sane Sex Life and Sane Sex Living, by H.W. Long