the many things they had to tell of the happy time they had spent the
day before. The old monarch seemed much refreshed for his long rest, and
before sitting down to breakfast every one in turn went up to him and
shook the happy old boy by the hand, wishing him many happy returns,
after which they all sat down and enjoyed a substantial breakfast.
Before the repast was quite finished, and while the King was looking the
other way, Bill walked round the ring formed by the army as they sat
upon the grass, and collected birthday presents for the old monarch.
Every one was delighted to give something to His Majesty to show how
much they appreciated his greatness, and when the old chap received the
many gifts, all done up in one brown paper parcel, he was so overcome
that he could hardly stammer forth his thanks. And this is what he
found in the parcel when, with trembling hands, he had succeeded in
opening it:--
From Bill, A bone-handled, two-bladed
pocket-knife, a little rusted,
but with only one blade
missing.
From Noah, Some string.
From Ratchett, 8 brace buttons (very bright).
From the Twins {Quentin, Wooden top of peg-top.
{Hannibal, Iron peg of same.
From Randall, Ferrule of umbrella.
From Nero, More string.
From Biddulph, Dial of old watch (not cracked
very much).
From Knut, Glass marble (beautifully
coloured).
From Chad, 2 pear drops (old, but in good
condition).
From the other children
collectively, Twenty last year's horse
chestnuts on string (very
hard).
From the Ancient Mariner, Piece of wood skilfully cut
into the form of a pebble.
From the Absent-Minded
Indian, Nothing.
From the Triplets, 3 bunches of violets.
From the Respectable Gentleman, His visiting-card.
From the Boy Scout, One of the Killgruel town-keys
he had swallowed.
From the Sicilian Char-woman, Small piece of soap.
From the Long Man, Wren's egg.
From Boadicea, A hat full of ripe blackberries.
From the Doctor, Half of cough lozenge.
From Ptolemy Jenkinson, A last year's ticket for a box.
Every one clamoured for a speech, but the old fellow was so affected by
all this unexpected kindness, that he would not trust himself to open
his mouth, so with tears of gratitude pouring from his eyes, he retired
to his chair. These interesting proceedings thus coming to an end, he
was wheeled into the forest by Boadicea until they came to the open
space where the review was to take place.
Having dried his eyes and smartened himself up, with Boadicea standing
sedately at his side holding the presents, the King now solemnly awaited
the appearance of the troops. Soon there was a great noise in the
direction of the camp, and then they could be heard approaching.
First came the nine brave sons of Crispin and Chloe, proudly marching
three by three, and as they passed the King each gallantly saluted him.
Now followed the stately Char-woman with the flag held aloft, and when
she came opposite His Majesty she jumped magnificently three times into
the air. She was followed by more of Bill's charges, and then, with
great dignity, Bill, the King's general, marched past the Royal Old Boy
and saluted him grandly.
Another detachment of Bill's charges followed the general, then the
Ancient Mariner approached, and, after placing the Absent-minded Indian
on the ground, he, with much dignity, saluted the King by touching his
forelock, sailor fashion, and after a few steps of the hornpipe, once
more resumed his burden and moved on. The Ancient Mariner was followed
by the Long Man who winked knowingly at the King as he passed by.
Ptolemy Jenkinson came next, then the Doctor, who, not knowing quite
what was expected of him, proceeded to feel the King's pulse, but was
quickly hustled off by the Scout, who now approached.
The Respectable Gentleman followed the Boy Scout, and raised his hat in
a very gentlemanly manner to the King as he passed him and politely
handed him one of his cards, upon which he had scribbled a few good
wishes to the old monarch.
Now, one by one, the Triplets passed in front of the delighted King,
before whom each of the sweet creatures performed the most graceful
curtsy, and the procession then terminated with another detachment of
Bill's charges.
The King was more than satisfied, and they all once more started on
their adventurous journey.
[Illustration: tailpiece]
[Illustration: vignette]
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE REAL SOLDIER]
[Illustration: headpiece]
THE REAL SOLDIER
After travelling some days, they came across a real soldier seated at
the side of the road, and Bill at once persuaded the King to invite so
valuable a man to join their expedition. The King therefore left his
chariot and approached him, and asked the noble-looking fellow if he
would care to make one of their party, and, if so, whether he had a good
character from his last general, and the old warrior replied:--
'Allow me, my good sirs, to recite to you one of my most noteworthy
achievements, one of which, peradventure, you may not have read in the
numerous books filled with accounts of my exploits. I shall thus remove
any trace of doubt that may linger in your minds as to my great courage
and astute generalship.'
All expressing their eagerness to hear the story, the wordful old
warrior proceeded:--
'As near as I can remember, it was in the early fifties when, a mere
drummer-boy, with the bloom of early boyhood still gracing my brave
young cheek, I marched with the gallant 53rd or, as you may possibly
know them, the King's Own Royal Roebucks, to the relief of the Isle of
Wight. This island, at the time I mention, was blockaded by that
notorious filibuster, Reginald Bendbrisket, a rogue who, possessed of
the greatest audacity and cunning, had earned for himself an unenviable
reputation, from Margate to Samoa, by the terrible extent of his
depredations.
'You will all doubtless remember how, disappointed in his endeavours to
usurp the throne of Pitcairn Island, he had impudently resolved to make
a sudden raid upon the Isle of Wight; and thus to feed his own
insatiable greed and, at the same time, appease the disappointed rage of
his desperate followers, he would have plunged the peaceful little
island into abject misery. What tempted him thereto none can guess with
any certainty, unless indeed it were the many false reports, spread
abroad by the unscrupulous, of the gold, silver, and diamonds to be
found there; of the extensive quarries, rich in the finest hearthstone;
and of the natural paraffin springs, that could provide the world with
the purest oil; and many other reports, alike false and discreditable to
their inventor and to those who repeated them to the credulous stranger.
'Had the rogue been successful in his latest raid, his small band of
followers (mayhap increased to a powerful army by the hordes of
discontented periwinkle-gatherers, prawners, and lobster-potterers that
earn a scanty living on our shores) would, without doubt, have had at
their mercy the Isle of Sheppey and the numerous other Islets that
ornament our coasts. And then, from these a sudden and successful
descent on Ludgate Hill would have rendered him master of the whole of
London. Now I am going to tell you how the courage and forethought of a
simple drummer-boy frustrated all his schemes, and brought to his knees
one of the most unscrupulous enemies that has ever invaded our shores.
'To come back to the beginning of my story, we had a comfortable journey
down, the tedium of which had been greatly relieved by delightful
conversation and intellectual chatting, each in his turn considerably
astounding the others by the amount of intelligence he displayed. These
pursuits were again varied by interesting recitations, and such
parlour-games as could be conveniently played in a railway carriage. We
arrived in the afternoon at a snug little hamlet on the coast opposite
the island, whence we embarked in a fleet of disused barges and
dredgers. We reached our destination, after a fairly calm voyage,
without having excited the curiosity of the invaders, only one of whose
vessels we passed, and all on board it were so engrossed with the
captain, who was violently sea-sick, that we passed unobserved.
'We were 2,352 strong, including the gallant 53rd, of which I was a
member, a battery of artillery, a camel corps, two squadrons of the
smartest cavalry that ever chased a rabbit across the Hackney Marshes,
and a battalion of infantry, so well trained that there was not one of
the rank and file who could not play quite delightfully on the piano;
while the officers were unexcelled at conjuring tricks, with which they
used to amuse the soldiers seated round the camp-fires of an evening. We
were ably generalled by that best of all officers, Sir Francis Melville
Glowmutton, whose fame in after years very nearly earned for him the
honour of being mentioned in a popular Encyclopaedia.
'We were met on the beach by a procession of the inhabitants, headed by
the president of the island, all of whom were delighted to see us, and
extended to us the most hospitable of welcomes. Without waiting for
formal introductions, they fraternised in the most friendly spirit with
the troops who, in turn, were charmed with their reception and, being
quite beyond themselves with gratification, adorned their conversation
with the most graceful compliments to the inhabitants and grateful
tributes to their kindness.
'The blockade had lasted barely eight weeks, so that, as yet, the
inhabitants of the island were not aware of it, and when they learnt
from the soldiers the real state of affairs, they rejoiced beyond
measure, and redoubled their congratulations to the army and to each
other, and the president seized the very first opportunity publicly to
thank the general for his thoughtfulness in coming to relieve them.
'For quite a long time the handshaking went on, and every one was so
amiably excited that the president, anxious that so much good feeling
should not be thrown away, invited every one to spend the evening with
him at his presidency on the Needles.
'And such a bright and happy evening it was too! Every one in the best
of spirits, and entering blithely into all the games! "Oranges and
Lemons," "Nuts and May," and "Poor Jenny is a-weeping," had never,
within the memory of any one present, been played with greater zest,
and, what was more wonderful, never had the rather trying game of "Hunt
the Slipper" provoked less ill-temper since it was first introduced into
this country at the Norman Conquest.
[Illustration: THE REAL SOLDIER]
'The joy of the frolicsome ones was only equalled by that of the older
inhabitants and the elderly officers, who, seated on chairs placed for
them round the wails of the hall, fairly shook with laughter and
merriment, until the tears rolled down their handsome old cheeks.
'At last, with flushed and happy faces, all sat down to a splendid cold
supper provided by the President, but it was some little time before the
feast could proceed, as every one was so well-behaved that there was
quite a turmoil of passing things to one another. At last, however,
every one was served, and the supper proceeded with the greatest mirth
on all sides.
'After a while the president stood up to make a speech, and had only got
as far as, "Ladies and Gentlemen, it is not that we----" when, to
everybody's consternation, there was a loud knock at the door and,
without waiting to be asked, in stalked the notorious Reginald himself.
'Having approached the table, he slowly withdrew his gaze from the
refreshments (to which it had wandered on his entry), and, drawing
himself to his greatest height, demanded of the president the instant
surrender of the island to him as his rightful property, averring that
it had been left to him by an aunt, whose favourite he had been. Then,
putting his hand to his bosom, he drew thence an old roll of parchment
which, indeed, proved to be the Will of one Martha Grub. This he handed
to the president, who read aloud therefrom the following clause, which
had been underlined:--
'And I do bequeath unto my good sister's son, the shapely Reginald
Bendbrisket, inasmuch as he has shown some kindness unto my black
cat, now dead alas! twenty jars of the good plum preserve I did make
last fall as well as five yards of the good garden hose wherewith I
did heretowhile water my cabbages in the droughty seasons, the rest
to be cut up and divided equally amongst my other nephews and nieces
to be used by them as they may see fit whatsoever.
'At their demise the said pieces shall be delivered up to the said
Reginald, who will once more unite the fragments and pass the
completed hose on to his heirs for ever.
'For his goodness in undertaking thus to carry out my wishes I do
also bequeath unto the before-mentioned Reginald the Island of Wight
situate at the south coast of England.
'On reading this the president turned very pale and every one trembled,
never having dreamt of the strength of the invader's position. But being
a bit of a lawyer, the president very soon rallied and replied to the
filibuster, in as courtly a manner as he could assume, that he was bound
to admit that his aunt Martha had, without doubt, left the island to
him, and that he would be the last man to dispute the fact--here the
rogue, vainly imagining that he was about to realise his greatest hopes,
could not conceal his satisfaction, and helped himself to a
sandwich--"But hold!" cried the president in a terrible voice, "I do
dispute that it was hers to leave."
[Illustration: 'BUT HOLD!' CRIED THE PRESIDENT]
[Illustration: Reginald completely lost his temper]
'At this the irascible Reginald completely lost his temper and hurled
the sandwich with such fury to the ground that it broke one of the
gorgeous tiles that ornamented the floor. "Have you," said he, "the
audacity to doubt the word of my aunt Martha? Have you the face to stand
there and dispute the will of that excellent woman, written when dying
of a broken heart at the death of her black cat, and whose only solace
was the company of her dutiful nephew? Then your fate be upon your
own head." And he strode out of the hall gnashing and grinding his teeth
in the most terrible manner, only stopping to pick up the sandwich which
he had thrown down in his outburst of passion.
[Illustration: 'YOUR FATE BE UPON YOUR OWN HEAD']
'When the door had slammed to with terrific force behind him there was a
great silence in the hall, and we all looked at one another with scared
faces. Soon every one arose from the table, and silently left the
banqueting-hall to prepare for the fight which we now knew would come on
the morrow.
'Try as I would, I could not sleep for thinking of the battle in store
for us. I counted more sheep than would have fed our army for six
months, but with no result. I then tried elephants, and after that
camels and zebras, and finally, hoping that their odd shapes might bring
me repose, I tried ant bears, but all in vain. At last, in despair, I
rose from my hard couch, donned my uniform, and snatching up a cracknel,
strode out of my tent.
'Murmuring "Brittle Pantechnicons" (which, by the way, was our password)
to the sentry, I strolled idly down to the sea. It was a beautiful and
perfectly still night, with not a ripple to disturb the surface of the
sea, upon which, here and there, would glow a little shimmer of light as
the phosphorescent turbot rose to its prey. In the distance, and away to
the right, could be seen the camp-fires of the enemy, and the
reflections in the pools left by the tide. Ever and anon sounds of
merriment could be heard as the invaders, heedless of the morrow, spent
the night in revelry. To the left, and further back, could be seen the
tents of our forces, not a sound arising therefrom except the low
monotonous breathing of the soldiers (who were so well drilled that even
in their sleep they breathed in time), or maybe the "Who goes there?" of
the sentry would sound in the darkness, as he mistook a moth for a spy,
or the drone of the beach bee for the war-whoop of the enemy.
'At the water's edge, dark against the starry sky, I found a solitary
bathing-machine, beneath which I crept, and here at length my weariness
quite overcame me and I slept. How long I remained thus I cannot tell,
but I was awakened by heavy footsteps on the floor of the machine over
my head. My curiosity was intense, but resisting the temptation to rush
out and satisfy it, I wisely resolved to remain in my present position
as long as possible.
[Illustration: FLOUNDERING ABOUT IN THE SEA]
'Presently the mysterious tenant of the machine opened its seaward door
and stood revealed in the light of the moon, which had arisen during my
sleep, as the terrible Reginald Bendbrisket himself, clothed in a deep
black bathing-suit. I crouched down, not daring to move a muscle, and
was presently relieved to see him, after standing for some time on the
steps of the machine, amble carefully over the stones to the edge of the
sea, into which he plunged.
'Now it was that an idea suddenly occurred to me, and I instantly crept
from my place of concealment, and stealing up to the landward door of
the machine nailed it fast with the hammer and nails I always carried
with me to mend my drum, which was not infrequently broken beneath my
enthusiastic blows. Having secured the front door, I now crept in at
the back and, doffing my own clothes, soon donned those of the
unconscious filibuster, who was still floundering about in the sea.
Having effected this change, I crept back to my former position under
the machine, and had barely made myself comfortable there when I saw the
rogue returning.
'After scrambling painfully over the stony beach he mounted the steps
and entered the machine, and the slam of the door as it closed upon him
was the signal for me to rush out and secure this as I had already
secured the front door. Having done this, I waited no longer, but made
off with all possible speed in the direction of the enemy's camp, which
I had nearly reached, when I heard a most terrible banging from the
interior of the now distant bathing-machine. Losing no time, I entered
the camp, and, being easily mistaken for their captain, passed on
unchallenged.
'Arriving in time at the centre of the camp, I found all the men
gathered together, having forsaken their revels, evidently in
expectation of the return of their leader.
[Illustration: IN EXPECTATION OF THEIR LEADER]
'Standing before the villainous crew, I assumed, as nearly as I could,
the mien and rough harsh voice of their filibustering captain, and
ordered them to embark at once and to leave the island, as it had been
reinforced during the night by such a mass of thundering artillery as
would be impossible to withstand, and that they were even now fast
approaching along the beach from the other end of the island where they
had landed. The men, on hearing this appeared quite incredulous and
their growls of disbelief grew louder and louder and threatened a
terrible mutiny. Having at length gained a hearing, I invited them all
to that part of the camp by which I had entered, to hear for themselves
the approach of the distant hosts. Leading them all, still grumbling and
growling, a little way beyond the camp, I commanded them all to be
absolutely quiet, and then, in the silence which ensued, could be heard
far away in the direction of the bathing-machine a most terrific and
continuous banging, together with the sound of muffled shouting.
'The men were aghast, and in the moonlight their swarthy faces could be
seen to change to a ghastly white. Then, with an unearthly yell, they
all turned and fled in a wild panic to the boats. They tumbled over and
over each other in their anxiety to get away, and many got wet to the
skin in their endeavour to reach the boats. At last, to my great joy, I
saw the last of them pull off and reach the ships, which now put on all
sail and vanished away for ever.
'I now returned to the bathing-machine, from which still came a terrible
din, though not quite so violent as it had been at first.
'Taking hold of the rope that was fastened to it, I began to drag the
machine in the direction of our camp, the banging meanwhile gradually
subsiding, until at last only an occasional bang proclaimed the machine
to be inhabited. As before, I passed the sentry by murmuring "Brittle
Pantechnicons" and drew the machine up in front of the General's tent.
'The General, having finished an early breakfast, was just setting out
to take a stroll before settling down to plan out the battle, and seeing
me, whom he at first took to be Reginald Bendbrisket, the good man
received quite a severe shock. However, I soon undeceived him, and after
relating my adventures I unfastened the door of the bathing-machine,
and disclosed therein the form of the filibuster on bended knees,
imploring our mercy.
'Every one was delighted at such a speedy end to the campaign, for my
part in which I was duly honoured. Reginald Bendbrisket, after a mild
punishment, reformed and became a very respectable gentleman, the
president kindly using his influence to secure for him a lucrative
position in a well-known Insurance Office.
'And thus, my good Sirs, it is, that the Isle of Wight still remains one
of our many valued possessions.'
'The very man for me,' thought the King of Troy, when he had finished
his story, and before proceeding with their journey, he promoted the
martial creature to the high position of second General-in-chief of the
army.
[Illustration: tailpiece]
[Illustration: vignette]
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE WILD MAN]
[Illustration: headpiece]
THE WILD MAN
One day the army were overtaken by a singularly wild-looking man who
proved, however, to be at the same time quite an amiable creature, and
expressed a great desire to seek some employment with the gallant
fellows. The King was pleased to enlist the nice and sociable person,
and was more than repaid for his confidence in him by his charming ways.
On one occasion, when the King was rather tired and worried, the Wild
Man, in order to distract the dear old fellow, told the following
story:--
'Good Sirs, though wild enough indeed, yet may I claim to be an unspoilt
child of nature, whose finest instincts have, unchecked, found their
true development. Thus, communing with nature from my cradle and living
on terms of the closest intimacy with her wildest creatures, I can
appreciate their humble wants, their hopes and fears, and have acquired
the truly marvellous power of conversing with these simple-minded
denizens of the wilderness.
'My home was a rocky cave hard by the sea-shore, in which I lived in
simple happiness with my good wife, now dead, alas! this many a long
year ago, and our five brown children, who long since have grown to men
and gone out into the world to seek their fortunes. Harmless indeed were
our joys, and our trials we bore with that great fortitude which was not
the least of the blessings we derived from our simple mode of life.
'To proceed with my tale, on one dismal evening late in autumn, I left
my cave, with the hungry cries of my children still in my ears,--for,
indeed, the poor things had had no sup or bite the whole day through.
Wondering what I could do that they might not go supperless to bed, I
strolled along the sands by the sea in the hope of finding some odd
limpet or whelk which, together with a few dried dandelion leaves, might
make a simple stew. Alas! no vestige of a single crustacean could I
find, so I sat me down upon the sands, determined not to return until
the children had fallen asleep on the dry ferns and grass heaped up for
them at the back of the cave, as their cries were more torment to me
than my own emptiness.
'The sun had long ago set, and the autumnal twilight, reflected in the
pools of still water left by the far receded tide, was gradually fading
from the sky, when I fancied I could hear a low heart-rending moan from
off the desolate waste of sand before me. Again and again it sounded,
and at last realising that it might be uttered by some creature in
distress, I stood up and, as far as the fading light would permit,
scanned the sands in every direction.
'Nothing, however, could I see, and as the moan still continued at
intervals and became, in fact, more and more painful and beseeching, I
wandered about, a prey to the liveliest anxiety, endeavouring to
discover whence it proceeded.
'At length I perceived on the sand, at a little distance before me, a
small dark motionless object, and at that instant a harrowing sound,
arising therefrom on the evening air, left me in no doubt as to the
origin of the moans I had already heard. Creeping as quietly as possible
on my hands and knees quite close to it, I found it to be a lovely blue
point oyster, and bringing my head to a level with the shell, I asked
coaxingly, and in as soft a voice as I could command, what ailed it.
[Illustration: Harmless indeed were our joys]