leaving them, but seeing that I grew sadder and more discontented day by
day, they at length reluctantly gave their consent, for, after all, what
greater wish had they than for my happiness.
'After many consultations with the wisest men in my father's court, it
was decided that I should take a course of instruction at the Royal
Charing College of Sicily, and, on the fateful day, I took leave of my
sorrowing parents and sisters, and, in charge of the Grand Vizier, left
for Sicily.
'With such good introductions as my father was easily able to command, I
had no difficulty in gaining an entry to the College, in which I very
soon learnt to distinguish myself. No lack of enthusiasm and industry
did I bring to my tasks, and a native ability far above the average soon
found opportunities for development, so that in the course of time I was
discharged, a fully certified and perfected char-woman.
'Since those early days my skill, my virtues, and my affections have
been devoted to the welfare of many families, some of whom were
undoubtedly good, some indifferent, while some again were undoubtedly
bad. But without any question the worst household of all was that of the
Pettigrew Leanmuffins, when first I devoted myself to the wellbeing of
its members. Afterwards, however, as you shall hear, their trials,
together with my disinterested conduct, wrought a reformation in their
natures as astounding as it was welcome to all who knew them.
'Mr. Pettigrew Leanmuffins himself, a man of some attainments, though
ill-tempered and close to a degree bordering on meanness, had little
enough to do with me, hardly ever, indeed, disguising his efforts to
ignore my very existence; but no words at my command could describe the
ungenerous nature of Mrs. Leanmuffins, who not only refused to concede
any little favours to me, such as gracefully offering to entertain my
worthy friend the waiter and his respectable family, but even denied,
with much asperity, my right to enjoy an afternoon nap on the
drawing-room lounge.
'Of no value, in her prejudiced eyes, were the hardly-earned diplomas
that had been awarded me during my five years' course at the College,
and though richly illuminated with gold, amethysts and pearls, and
framed in gorgeously brocaded velvet, she would not hear of my
certificates for charing being displayed on the walls of the music-room
beside her daughters' certificates for musical proficiency. With such
poor examples as their parents constantly before them, it is not to be
wondered at that the three daughters, Grillette, Pandalaura, and Blen
should discover to one, who would have been their good friend, natures
so mean that there seemed little promise of their ever possessing more
generous dispositions. Rather, the wonder is that they were not really
worse than they were, and beyond the chance of any reformation.
[Illustration: I TOOK LEAVE OF MY SORROWING FATHER]
'Each valued her own paltry and merely ornamental accomplishments at a
far higher rate than my own well proved and certified skill in the
serious art of charing, and in their own rude way they never missed an
opportunity of reminding me of their fancied superiority.
'During these early years of trial no other consolation had I than the
society of the youngest of the Leanmuffin brood--Basil Herbert, one who
as yet had not developed the mean disposition of his parents and
sisters. For hours together, when the other Leanmuffins were away at
some jaunt or frolic mayhap, would I, perhaps smarting under some recent
indignity, pour forth my troubles into his not unwilling ears. Though
but two years of age at the most, he seemed to understand, and I felt
that in his own quiet way he gave me his sympathy. I therefore resolved
in my young heart that he, at least, should not be spoilt, and to save
him from falling to the depths of the other Leanmuffins was now my one
hope in life.
[Illustration: HARDLY DISGUISING HIS EFFORTS TO IGNORE ME]
'How often would I, in dumb show, act kind deeds before him in little
scenes and plays that I had composed for the purpose, using the kitchen
utensils to personify my various characters, thus accustoming his
growing mind to kind thoughts, until in time he gave promise of becoming
as virtuous as he was handsome.
'He endeared himself to all by his amiable ways, though none suspected
to whose loving and untiring care they were due, and friends, nay, even
strangers from distant lands travelled to see him, and marvelled at his
decorous and kindly behaviour, which charmed as well as astonished all
beholders.
'His virtues, however, strong as they were, did not render him immune to
the weaknesses to which young children are liable, and in his fifth year
he developed a chilblain of the most painful description. Every remedy
was tried, dried turnip seed, applications of roasted capers, poultices
of wild figs and nard, fomentations of honey and turbot's roe, and many
other recipes for the curing of chilblains, recommended by anxious
friends. Nevertheless the blain grew chillier and chillier until at last
they were compelled to send for a physician.
'The physician, after spending a whole afternoon examining the foot,
eventually took the most serious view of the case imaginable, and
hastily wrote out the following prescription, promising to call again in
a few days:--
[Illustration: Basil Herbert develops a chilblain]
1 Pint New Gruel.
1 gr. Tincture of Green Acorns.
1/2 gr. Hypo.
1/16 gr. Castor Sugar.
3 Clove Kernels.
1/2 lb. Coffee Essence.
3/4 lb. Sugar of Zinc.
2 gr. Bisulphite of Lead.
1 Pint Spirits of Sulphur.
5 gr. Bicarbonate of Saltpetre.
1 oz. Table Salt.
'Three drops to be mixed in a quart of lukewarm water and gently rubbed
into the roots of the blain every five minutes, day and night, until its
disappearance, which, if all went well, should take place in about six
months' time.
'I was sent out at once, without a "please" or "will you kindly" of
course, to the nearest chemist to have the prescription made up. But,
alas! he was unable to do it, as he had only three of the necessary
ingredients in stock,--the bicarbonate of saltpetre, the table salt, and
the hypo. I now went in turn to every chemist in the town, only to find
that not one of them could supply me with _all_ the necessary
ingredients. One perhaps had the tincture of green acorns and the hypo,
while another had all but the coffee essence and the clove kernels. Some
again only had the spirits of sulphur and the sugar of zinc, and so on.
Now, in my despair, I resolved to buy each separate ingredient at a
different store and mix the prescription myself, but, alas! I was no
nearer obtaining it, as no one could supply me with the clove kernels.
Determined to succeed, I visited in succession every town in Sicily, but
not a single clove kernel could I find from one end of the island to the
other.
'As I stood on the sea-shore at the edge of the island wondering what
next I should do to complete the prescription, my thoughts flew across
the sea to my home in Arabia, and I decided to return there at once in
the hope of learning from my parents where I should be most likely to
find the kernels.
'With the other ingredients securely sewn into the lining of my skirt, I
embarked for Arabia, and in due course arrived at my father's palace.
'When my good parents recognised me, which they did only after some
minutes of close scrutiny, for it was at least twenty-five years since I
had left home, they extended to me the kindliest welcome, and by their
affectionate conduct dispelled any restraint I might have felt after so
long an absence. In the meanwhile each of my sixteen sisters had married
a Sultan or Prince at the very least, and they were now reigning in
truly regal splendour in different parts of the world, and my parents,
being alone in their old age, begged of me to come and live with them
and gladden their declining years. This, however, I soon convinced them
I could not do, and besought their help and advice in my quest. The
Prince, my father, manifested the greatest desire to assist me, and took
a fatherly interest in my fortunes. He caused the palace to be ransacked
from top to bottom, but with no success,--there was not a single clove
kernel to be found in the place.
[Illustration: THEY WERE COMPELLED TO SEND FOR A PHYSICIAN]
'After an affectionate parting with my father and mother, I visited
every one of my married sisters in turn, each of whom introduced me to
her husband and friends with considerable pride, for you must know that
already my fame as a char-woman of great ability had reached even to the
most distant parts. One and all were equally felicitous in their
expressions of delight at seeing me, and equally pressing in their
invitations to me to take up my abode with them. Yet none were able to
help me in the quest I had so much at heart.
'At last I returned to Sicily without the clove kernels, and, too
ashamed to appear before the Leanmuffins without the completed
prescription, I wandered about the island in despair, resting at night
in the caves of the mountains, satisfying the cravings of my hunger on
the hard dry leaves of the cactus.
'I now bethought me of my good friend the waiter and the willingness he
had consistently evinced to help me when in trouble, and once more I
embarked, this time for the shores of Lombardy, at which place I knew he
had a comfortable situation. With very little difficulty I found the
refreshment establishment at which he worked, and, as I anticipated, he
was extremely pleased to meet me again, and manifested the liveliest joy
at the prospect of being of some help to me. Together we studied the
menu of the day very thoroughly, but could find no mention whatever of
clove kernels, and then, idly looking through some menus of recent date,
handsomely bound together for future reference, we discovered that clove
kernels had been served as recently as the day before. It would be
useless to attempt to describe the despair that took possession of me
when I discovered that I had only missed them by one day. The waiter
excitedly rushed down to the kitchen to see if any had been left over,
but, alas! there was not a single clove kernel to be found in the larder
or anywhere else. On leaving the refreshment rooms I shed the bitterest
tears that had ever fallen from my usually joyful eyes, and on the rocks
by the sea gave way to a mood of the greatest despondency.
'More ashamed than ever to return to the Leanmuffins, I made several
inquiries for any one requiring the services of an amicable, virtuous,
and, at the same time, experienced char-woman, determined to find work
in Lombardy if any were to be had.
'Not receiving satisfactory replies to my inquiries, my good waiter,
true to his kind nature, introduced me to one of his most regular
customers, the Marquis of Lombardy, who had been looking out for some
years for a capable char-woman to superintend the management of his
domestic affairs. Meeting with the approval of the Marquis, I thus
secured a comfortable home, and resolved to forget that I had ever lived
in Sicily.
'Now it happened that the Marquis, being a regular diner at the
restaurant, had partaken of clove kernels on the last occasion they were
served, and three or four must have fallen from his spoon into his
waistcoat pocket at the time, for I overheard his valet repeat to the
housemaid that he had found them therein when brushing his master's
clothes, and that he had presented them to one of the boatmen's
children. Learning the name of the child, not a moment did I lose in
hunting for him high and low, and eventually discovered him playing idly
on the sands with what, I was convinced, were the kernels I so much
coveted. At last, thought I, they are within my reach, and running
joyfully up to the light-hearted lad discovered, alas! that he was only
playing with brass buttons.
'After the first shock of my new disappointment had passed away, I
questioned the lad as to how he had disposed of the clove kernels, and
he told me that his father, who considered them excellent bait, had
taken them from him and given him three brass buttons in exchange.
'On asking him where his father was at the present moment, he pointed
with his sunburnt hand to the horizon, and looking in the direction
indicated, I perceived a little fishing-smack, miles away. Without the
loss of a single second, I hired a boat, and, with a boatman to assist,
rowed in pursuit, and after a chase of three or four hours drew up, in
an exhausted condition, alongside the smack. I now in piteous tones
begged the clove kernels of the weather-beaten mariner, but he only
laughed loudly and bitterly in reply, and, on my inquiring the reason of
his cruel mirth, told me in faltering accents that he had only just
hauled in his lines to discover that the fish had gone off with the bait
and hook as well. Thus doomed to disappointment, I spent the rest of the
day in a state of mind bordering on madness.
[Illustration: THE IMPROVEMENT WAS MAINTAINED]
'It was a little time after this that, one evening, I was sitting over
the kitchen fire. The cook had just served up an excellent dish of fish,
and my mind was still turning to Sicily in spite of my endeavours to
forget that there was such a place, and wondering if ever I should see
Basil Herbert again. Suddenly there was a most terrible disturbance
overhead in the dining-room, a noise as of plates being thrown from one
end of the room to the other, and presently wild shrieks and groans of
pain. I ran lightly upstairs, always ready to be of use in emergencies
of any kind, and opened the dining-room door just in time to see the
Marquis raving most pitifully. It transpired that the very identical
fish that had swallowed the hook and the clove kernels had been caught
and served up to the Marquis's table, and he, poor man, had just
swallowed the hook. Taking in the situation at a glance, I soon saw the
probability that the three clove kernels, or one or two of them, were in
the body of the fish, and walking boldly into the room I grasped the
fish by the tail, and took to my heels.
[Illustration: DISCOVERED A CLOVE KERNEL]
'For miles I ran, out of the town and into the country without stopping,
until, quite exhausted and out of breath, I sat down beneath a rock to
rest. I now examined the fish which I still held in my hand, and found
only two of the kernels in its body, the Marquis having probably
swallowed the third.
'However, although not the complete number required by the prescription,
they were better than no clove kernels at all, so after resting awhile I
resolved to return once more to Sicily.
'After some vicissitudes I arrived at last at the home of the
Leanmuffins to find them all in despair. Basil Herbert's condition had
not improved, and the physician had ceased his visits and gone in search
of me. I soon mixed the stuff, which brought some little relief to the
unhappy young patient--but not enough, as the lotion was not
sufficiently strong without the third clove kernel.
'We persevered, however, and the improvement was just maintained. At
last one evening when all the members of the family were gathered round
the sufferer's bed endeavouring to distract him by every manner of
entertainment conceivable and by cheerful songs, glees, and the telling
of interesting stories, there came a low knock at the door and somebody
inquiring for me. Who should it be but my faithful friend the waiter,
who, on sweeping the floor of the Lombardic refreshment room, had
discovered a little clove kernel in the corner, and, mad with delight at
being able to assist me, had hastened from Lombardy to bring me the
treasure. Small though it was, it was enough to give the requisite
strength to the lotion, and in due course the young patient completely
recovered.
'After their severe trials the Leanmuffins were completely transformed;
from being ignoble, mean, and unkind, they became generous in the
extreme. Their joy knew no bounds, and henceforth they made me quite one
of their family, and my friend the waiter and his good people were asked
to dine with us every Sunday that they were in Sicily.
[Illustration: vignette]
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE INTERVAL]
[Illustration: headpiece]
'THE INTERVAL'
When the Sicilian Char-woman had finished the narration of her truly
wonderful experiences, and while the army were yet applauding her, the
King stepped down from his chair, and taking the good woman by the hand,
explained to her the object of their great expedition. 'And now,' said
the astute old monarch in conclusion, 'powerful as we undoubtedly are,
and as you can see for yourself that we are, we have yet one weakness,
and that weakness is, that we cannot boast of a single char-woman of any
description within our ranks. It has occurred to us, in listening to
your story, that if you are able, as I have no doubt you will be, to
obtain a good character from your last place, that we shall be delighted
to engage you as an assistant to the amiable Boadicea in her attendance
upon my person.'
'Fiddlesticks,' snapped the abrupt woman, 'look after your person
indeed! Look after it yourself,' and the strange creature walked off.
Unwilling to lose such a treasure, the King called after her, and
explained that if he had offended her it was quite unintentionally, and
offered her any post she would like to fill, of course providing that it
had not already been filled, in his army.
'Now you are talking reasonably,' replied the quickly mollified
creature. 'Well, as you are so very kind, I don't mind being the
flag-bearer.'
'But I am really afraid we have no flag,' objected the King.
'Oh, we'll soon settle that little difficulty,' replied the woman. And
she at once removed her apron and snatching from the astonished Scout
the staff he usually carried with him, she tied the apron thereto by its
two strings and waved it proudly in the air three or four times, at each
time jumping as high as she could.
Every one cheered in their delight at the readiness of the good woman,
and congratulated each other cordially on this interesting addition to
their forces.
The King now stood up in his chair, and after quieting the general
excitement by ringing his bell, he thus addressed his troops:--
'My dear old boys and girls, although, no doubt, I appear to you a very
fine man indeed, with a good appetite and fairly well covered for my
time of life, I am not quite the man I should be. You must know that in
my early babyhood I was a victim to the wicked carelessness of the royal
cook. One morning this thoughtless creature left an unboiled parsnip on
the garden path (had it been boiled and soft, my fate had been different
perhaps) while chatting with a friend at the tradesmen's entrance. As
ill luck would have it, I was at the time playing on the palace roof, to
which I had climbed through the nursery chimney, and, childlike, was
gazing curiously at a strange bird flying overhead, when I overbalanced
and fell from the roof right on to the parsnip on the garden path,
which, as you will guess, hurt me very severely indeed.'
The King here exhibited to his audience a dent on his head in the form
of a parsnip.
'On hearing of this my father, of course, was highly indignant, and
ordered the cook to be beheaded instantly, or, at all events, as soon as
she had finished cooking the dinner.
'The dinner, however, was so excellent that my father, in his enjoyment
of it, forgot all about my mishap, and the cook went unpunished.
Nevertheless the shock to my system was so great that, feeling it even
to this day, as I have said, I am not the man I should be. A trifle
irritable now and again; or more sulky and disagreeable than I care to
admit; or at times even harsh, morose, surly, snappish, rattish, and
short-tempered, all little failings you have no doubt noticed, and which
now, knowing my early misfortune, you will more readily excuse.
[Illustration: I FELL ON TO THE PARSNIP]
'Well,' continued the King, 'you will at least understand that a little
rest is good for me now and again, so that, as we have already travelled
half the distance to my kingdom, I intend to give you all a whole
holiday to-morrow, and on the day following, which happens to be my
birthday, I will celebrate the great occasion with a grand review, after
which we shall once more resume our long journey.'
This welcome announcement was received with the greatest enthusiasm by
the brave fellows, and loud cheers echoed again and again through the
forest, and a great feast was at once prepared.
[Illustration: THEY ALL ONCE MORE STARTED]
[Illustration: ON THEIR ADVENTUROUS JOURNEY]
Seated in a circle on the grass beneath the trees, the good souls
enjoyed to the full the simple fare before them, and then, after once
more cheering the old monarch, retired to their tents to sleep, and to
dream of the morrow in store for them.
Next morning, with the exception of the old King, who intended to rest
and remain in bed all day, every one was up betimes. After a hearty
meal, Bill explained to them all the dangers of the great forest, and
the necessity of returning to camp at dusk. Then, taking care not to
disturb the King, they all left the camp, different parties taking
different directions, seeking amusement wherever they could find it.
Bill took care of his charges, who had the greatest sport in the
world,--tree-climbing, nutting, chasing butterflies, fishing in the
pools, playing at Wild Indians, Hunt-the-Stag, Robbers and Thieves, Poor
Jenny is a-weeping, Red Rover, and every really sensible game that there
is to play, while Boadicea spent the time very happily in making
beautiful bunches of wild flowers.
Chad, however, was a bit of a nuisance, crying all the morning because
he was not allowed to eat toadstools; so to keep him out of mischief,
Bill tied him to the highest branch of a very tall tree, and there left
him to have his cry out.
The Long Man took Ptolemy Jenkinson in hand, and taught him how to
bird-nest, at the same time adding to his own valuable collection of
eggs. The Ancient Mariner made a swing for the Absent-minded Indian, and
wondered, while he was swinging him to and fro, whether he enjoyed it or
not, for the thoughtful creature's face still gave no sign at all of
what was taking place in his mind, supposing he had one. The Doctor
spent the day upside down, with his feet supported against the trunk of
a tree and his nose on the ground, while he studied the habits of the
stag-beetle. The Boy Scout practised scouting by continually losing his
patron and then finding him again, while the Respectable Gentleman
himself kept his respectability in hand by behaving most politely to all
the trees of the forest,--raising his hat to the silver-birches, leaving
his card on the ash-trees, introducing a hornbeam to a blackthorn,
apologising to the thistles for treading on their lower leaves,
and, in fact, behaving like the perfect gentleman he was, and having a
really enjoyable day.
[Illustration: And left him to have his cry out]
The Triplets played hide-and-seek, and the Sicilian Char-woman set to
and dusted and scrubbed down a good number of the forest trees, and
spent the rest of the day in endeavouring to clear up the last year's
leaves that everywhere littered the grass.
It was quite late in the evening when all returned to camp, quite tired
out, and after supper each crept quietly to bed without awakening the
King, and soon the whole camp was fast asleep.
[Illustration: THE WHOLE CAMP WAS FAST ASLEEP]