THE CONDUCT OF A WEDDING
IN cities at present the most fashionable hour for the ceremony is
"high noon," following the English custom, and in remembrance of the
long-standing tradition which placed the wedding early in the day,
before the night's fast had been broken.
The afternoon is a suitable time, as it enables friends to gather more
conveniently from the distance, and as the reception with refreshments
is much more easily arranged for than is a breakfast. For an afternoon
wedding, three o'clock is the proper hour in the winter, four o'clock
in the summer.
The evening was at one period the fashionable time, and it still
retains its popularity and long will among the middle class of people
and in the country, because a larger gathering of friends can be
expected at that time, as all are free from business and household
cares.
_The Church Wedding_
For the church wedding special arrangements must be made for the
seating of the guests. A certain number of pews in the center front
of the church are reserved for the families and intimate friends of
the bride and bridegroom. The reservation is indicated by a broad
white ribbon barrier across the aisle, or a garland of flowers. The
family of the bride is seated on one side of the aisle, and that of
the bridegroom on the other.
The ushers should be at the church at least a half-hour before the
guests begin to arrive. They wear small buttonhole bouquets of flowers
like those used in the decorations of the church, which are sent them
there by the florist.
In seating the guests they should take great care to seat in the
reserved space only those whose names are on the list given them as
belonging there. Therefore, they ask the name of each guest whom they
do not know before assigning him his seat. Sometimes, however, each of
these special guests is provided with a card which he gives to the
usher.
When a gentleman and lady enter the church together, the usher offers
his right arm to the lady, and the gentleman follows them as they
proceed down the aisle. When several ladies arrive together, the usher
offers his arm to the eldest, and requests the others to follow as he
conducts her to her seat.
Each usher asks of each guest whether he is friend of the bride or
bridegroom, and seats him accordingly, upon the left of the church if
a friend of the bride, upon the right if a friend of the groom. In
case the bridegroom is from the distance, and therefore there are few
of his friends present, this custom is not followed.
Immediately before the bridal party appears, the mother of the bride
is escorted by the head usher to a seat in the front pew. Any sisters
or brothers of the bride who may not be in the bridal procession enter
with their mother.
Meanwhile the bridal party has been gathering, the bridesmaids going
to the home of the bride and there receiving from her their bouquets,
which are the gift of the bridegroom. Thence they take carriages to
the church, where they all arrive at the hour set for the ceremony.
When the first carriage arrives, containing two of the
bridesmaids,--as the carriage of the bride and her father is the
last,--the head usher closes the inner vestibule door, and the other
ushers see that all entrance at side doors is barred. When the bride
arrives the outer street doors are closed, and the procession forms.
Two of the ushers have already carried the broad white ribbon down the
sides of the main aisle, thus shutting in the pews, and have taken
down the ribbon barrier across it.
The bridegroom and his best man have come in a carriage by themselves
and entered the church by the vestry door. They and the clergyman
await the notice of the bride's arrival.
The organist, who has been playing appropriate selections while the
guests were assembling, begins on the wedding march as the doors to
the church are thrown open in signal that all is in readiness. The
audience rises. The clergyman takes his place, and the bridgegroom and
best man enter, the former standing at the clergyman's left, the
latter just behind the bridegroom, who is facing the aisle down which
the bride will come.
First come the ushers, two and two, keeping pace with the time of the
music, which is a stately, dignified march. The bridesmaids follow,
also two and two, with about six feet of space between each couple.
The maid of honor alone, or the maid and matron of honor together,
then come. The flower girl, or flower children follow, scattering
flowers from a basket hung upon the left arm.
Then come the bride and her father, or nearest male relative, she with
downcast eyes and leaning upon his right arm.
The procession divides as it reaches a spot opposite the place where
the bride and bridegroom are to stand, or, in an Episcopal church, the
top of the chancel steps; half go to the right and half to the left.
The bridesmaids stand between the ushers, all being grouped in a
semicircle. The maid of honor stands at the left, in front of the
bridesmaids and near the bride.
The bridegroom advances to meet the bride, who leaves her father and
takes the bridegroom's hand, then accepts his left arm and is escorted
by him to a position in front of the clergyman. The couple kneel for a
moment before the ceremony begins.
At the place in the ceremony where the question is asked, "Who giveth
this woman to be married to this man?" the father, who has been
standing a few feet back, advances and places the bride's right hand
in that of the clergyman, who places it in the right hand of the
bridegroom. The father then takes his seat in the front pew with his
wife, whom, as they leave the church, he escorts.
Should a widowed mother be the only one to respond to this inquiry,
she simply rises from her seat and bows. In such a case the bridegroom
usually enters with the bride, and the procession is less elaborate.
When the troth is being plighted and the ring is about to be given,
the best man hands it to the bridegroom, who passes it to the bride.
She hands it to the clergyman, who returns it to the bridegroom. Then
the latter places it upon the third finger of the bride's left hand.
The significance of the passing of the ring is that it completes a
circle, the symbol of eternity, of which the clergyman is one, thus
symbolizing the sanction of the church.
After the ceremony the clergyman congratulates the newly wedded
couple, and the bride takes the right arm of her husband, walking thus
down the aisle, the bridal party following in reverse order, the
ushers therefore last. Even at a stately church ceremonial it has been
known for the bride to stop and kiss her mother before passing down
the aisle.
The duties of the maid of honor during the service are to take from
the bride her glove and bouquet as the clergyman asks the bride and
bridegroom to join hands. Then it is her care to remove the veil from
before the face of the bride when the ceremony is over, and to turn
the train of her gown that it may fall rightly as she passes up the
aisle.
Occasionally when there are two main aisles to the church, the bridal
procession enters on the one amid the friends of the bride, and
returns on that amid the friends of the groom, to signify that the
bride has now become one of them.
The best man follows the clergyman to the vestry, hands him the fee,
if the groom had not before done so, and passes down the side aisle to
signal for the bridal carriage, and to give the bridegroom his hat and
coat. He then goes to the bride's house, where he assists the ushers
in introducing the guests to the pair.
The organist starts up a very joyous march at the conclusion of the
ceremony, and continues playing while the guests are dispersing.
Following the bridal procession the families and intimate friends of
the couple pass out before the audience, as the ribbon barriers which
reserve the aisle are not taken down until all have passed out. If the
reception is at the home, this gives the bridal party time to enter
the carriages; if the reception is in the church parlors, it gives
time for them to take their places in the receiving line.
At the bride's home there is now time, before the guests arrive, for
all of the bridal party to congratulate and felicitate the bride and
bridegroom, and also to sign after them the register of the marriage,
which is in the care of the best man. This is usually in the form of a
book bound in white, with the initials of the bride and bridegroom
embossed upon it, and opportunity is usually given for the wedding
guests to add their signatures also.
The bride's mother, who is the real hostess of the occasion, stands
near the entrance of the room in which the reception is held. In a
receiving line at the head of the room stand the bride and bridegroom
with half of the bridesmaids ranged on the bride's right and the
other half on the groom's left. The parents of the groom stand near
and the father of the bride with them or with his wife, as host. The
ushers present the guests to the bride and bridegroom, and then to
their parents, as guests of honor. A few words of congratulation to
the bridegroom and of best wishes to the bride are all that the few
moments possible for each guest permit. The bride offers her hand to
each guest, and presents to her husband her friends, as he does his to
her.
_The Home Wedding_
The home wedding may be made in every way quite as ideal as the church
wedding, and is much more simple, its privacy appealing to many. The
house will be decorated with flowers in good taste and not too great
profusion. Usually a canopy or bower of flowers and foliage is erected
at the head of the drawing-room. This should not be too massive, as
only a special grouping of the flowers is preferable to an arrangement
which is too crowded or shaded.
As the guests arrive the mother and sisters of the bride receive them.
The father of the bride does not appear, nor, of course, does the
bride, until they enter together. A room is placed at the disposal of
the bridegroom, the best man, and the clergyman.
At the stroke of the hour appointed, the clergyman enters and takes
his stand facing the company. The bridegroom and best man also enter
and stand at the left of the clergyman, the best man somewhat behind.
As in a church wedding, the broad white ribbon is used to mark the
aisle. If bouquets are attached to the ends of it, they will hold it
in place.
Then from the farthest corner of the room enters the bridal
procession, formed as for a church wedding.
At a simple house wedding there are often no attendants, the bride and
bridegroom entering the room together, the bride's father having taken
his position near at hand, where he can readily respond at the right
moment.
Another way of forming the procession, which has all the advantages of
the more elaborate one, is for the best man to follow the ushers, then
the one bridesmaid to enter immediately preceding the bride and
bridegroom.
Music is often dispensed with at a home wedding.
When the ceremony is over the clergyman congratulates the couple and
withdraws, and they, turning, face their friends, who then come to
wish them happiness.
Whether the wedding take place in the home or at the church, the
bridal pageant has only one object in view,--it is wholly for the
sake of the bridegroom. Every woman desires to come to her husband in
all the glory of her womanhood and of her social position. By all
custom the bridegroom does not see his bride upon the wedding day
until she approaches him as he stands at the altar. So, with her
family doing her the utmost honor that they can, she comes to him,
bringing all that she has and is, and placing herself and her future
in his care. The coming is just as real, however, though the utmost
simplicity prevail.
Back of all the minute detail of wedding custom there is a symbolism.
With the constant elevation of the standards of marriage, this
symbolism and these customs grow purer and more in accord with the
ideals. Just as it is always taken for granted that a marriage
ceremony is uniting loving hearts, so little by little all that is at
variance with that thought will drop away, as have already several
minor details, and new forms and customs more in harmony with the new
ideals take the place of the old. These changes, however, come very
gradually, and should not be hastened, but should only keep pace with
the new conceptions. Nevertheless, there should not be too tenacious a
clinging to the old forms, which expressed lower conceptions, when the
masterly thought of the day is forging out higher and purer ideals of
marriage.
_The Wedding Breakfast_
The wedding breakfast is the name given to the refreshments which
follow the noon wedding. It is usually given when there are but few
relatives and intimate friends, because it is an expensive feast if
large numbers are invited. It is really a dinner, served in courses,
at numerous small tables, each with a complete dinner service. One
large table, placed in the center of the room or elsewhere
conspicuously, is reserved for the bridal party.
The menu usually consists of "fruit, raw oysters, bouillon, fish or
lobster in some fancy form, an entrée, birds and salad, ices, cakes,
bonbons, and coffee," according to one recognized authority. Or it may
be much simpler, and include only oysters or bouillon, sandwiches and
salad, ices, cakes, and coffee.
Usually some punch is served in which to pledge the bride and
bridegroom. If wine is used, champagne is customary for weddings.
The caterer usually supplies all the necessities for the wedding
feast, even to china, linen, silver, candelabra, and flowers, should
the bride's parents so wish.
At the wedding reception, after the congratulations and greetings are
over, and the breakfast is announced, the bride and bridegroom lead
the way to the dining-room. Then comes the bride's father with the
groom's mother. The bridegroom's father follows with some member of
the bride's family, then come the best man and the maid of honor. The
ushers and bridesmaids pair off, and other members of the bridal party
or of the two families follow in pairs. Lastly, as hostess of the
occasion, comes the bride's mother, with the officiating clergyman, or
the senior and highest in rank of the clergymen, if there be more than
one, as guest of honor.
The rest of the guests, who are not seated at the bridal table, find
their seats as they choose, with friends, no place cards being used.
For an afternoon or evening reception the refreshments are served as
for any reception. A large table in the dining-room is decorated with
flowers and piled with the edibles, which are served by the waiters to
the guests as they enter. The variety of food depends wholly upon the
resources of the bride's parents and the size and elaborateness of the
wedding. Many prefer a simple repast as the hour is unusual for a
meal, and a dinner is not to be served.
When the bride and bridegroom enter and are served, the best man
proposes a toast to their health and happiness, and all present stand,
glass in hand, and pledge them.
At a wedding breakfast the English custom is to have toasts and
speeches, but it is not followed largely in this country. Where it is,
usually at a small wedding party, the father of the bridegroom or the
best man proposes the health of the bride and bridegroom. The father
of the bride responds. Sometimes the bridegroom is called on to
respond to this toast, which he does, proposing in turn the health of
the bridesmaids. To this the best man responds.
The wedding cake is a rich dark fruit cake, which is at its best only
when made months in advance and kept in a stone crock well covered.
This is finely frosted and ornamented.
At the close of the wedding breakfast the wedding cake is set before
the bride, who cuts the first slice from it. It is then passed to the
others.
At a large wedding, where no breakfast is served, the wedding cake is
usually cut into small pieces and placed in white boxes, which are
decorated with the initials of the bride and bridegroom and are tied
with white ribbon. These are placed upon a table in the hall near the
door and the guests either each take one as he leaves, or one is
handed him by a servant.
Sometimes a part of the wedding cake is put away in a tin box and
sealed, to be opened by the couple on some future anniversary.
The wedding cake is distinct from the bride's cake, which may be
served by the latter at a dinner to her bridesmaids a day or more
before the wedding, and in which a thimble, a coin, and a ring are
hidden. The superstition is that the young women who by chance receive
the slices containing these are respectively destined for a future of
single blessedness, wealth, or domestic bliss.
At a reception the larger number of the guests depart before the
bridal couple go to the dining-room. As soon as refreshments are
served them, and the toast to them has been drunk, they retire to don
suits for traveling. The bridegroom waits for the bride at the foot of
the staircase, and the bridesmaids gather there too, as when she
comes, she throws her bridal bouquet among them, and the bridesmaid
who catches it will be the next bride, according to an old
superstition.
As the outer door is opened to let the couple out, all the friends and
relatives present throw flowers or confetti or rice after them, for
good luck, and an old white slipper is thrown after the carriage as
they drive off. The custom of thus showering the departing couple has
been sometimes carried to such an extreme that many refrain from it.
Rice is somewhat dangerous, and confetti is so distinctive as
frequently to cause embarrassment when in a public train or station.
Flowers may appropriately be used, and are always at hand in the
decorations of the home.
_The Wedding Journey_
The wedding journey is the bride and bridegroom's affair, and the
knowledge of it is kept their secret and divulged only to the best
man, who probably helps arrange for it, and to the father and mother
of the bride, and they all are silent about it. The intrusion of even
intimate friends upon such a trip is not considered good form.
The custom of taking a journey at this time is not so rigidly observed
as it used to be, many young couples preferring to go direct to their
new home, or to a quiet country house for the honeymoon.
The real wishes of the couple should be followed out at this time,
because they are now more free from social obligations than they will
be later, and a wise start upon married life is of all things most
desirable and necessary.
_Wedding Fee_
The fee should be placed in an envelope or purse, and given to the
clergyman by the best man or some friend of the bridegroom, just
before or just after the ceremony, as may be most convenient. It is
sometimes handed to the clergyman by the bridegroom at the close of
the ceremony and before the couple turn away from the altar. It should
be always given quietly, privately, and with no display or comment.
The clergyman does not examine the fee or comment upon it, other than
indicating his acceptance.
The size of the fee is a matter of individual taste. Because it is
unostentatiously given, its size is known only to the bridegroom and
the clergyman, and to none others unless they wish to tell. There are
some people in fashionable circles who employ a minister only at
marriages and funerals, and who labor under the impression that they
are objects of charity and that by them even the small favor is always
thankfully received. No one thing so denotes the degree of real
refinement in a man as the fee he offers the clergyman for marrying
him. The clergyman is one of the three principals in the marriage
ceremony. The great majority of brides desire that their marriage
should have the sanction and benediction of the religious body with
which they worship, or which has standing in their community and among
their people. At the very least, in the civil marriage, without a
third party to represent either church or state a marriage ceremony
and therefore a legalized marriage is impossible. The third principal
is therefore an important part of the affair. To treat him shabbily in
any way denotes no real appreciation of his presence. So it is that
the true gentleman is as willing to give a handsome fee to him, if his
means permit it, as he is to give to his bride something which shall
delight and please her, and which shall symbolize his appreciation of
the gift of herself. The bridegroom's offering to the clergyman is
indeed the touchstone of his refinement. Wedding fees vary from five
to a thousand dollars, the usual amount being twenty-five dollars for
the fairly affluent.
_Wedding Presents_
So extreme has become the custom of sending wedding presents that it
is perhaps necessary to remind those who really desire to do the
correct thing, that a perfunctory service, or gift, or courtesy has no
intrinsic value, and the omission of it would often be far more
satisfactory than its bestowal.
The usual form of wedding gift is something of use and ornament for
the new house. Silver, linen, cut glass, or china for the dining-room,
furniture, rugs, lamps, clocks, vases, books, and pictures, or
bric-a-brac for the rest of the house, are all appropriate.
If silver is given, it should not be marked, as the bride may have
duplicates and prefer to exchange some pieces for others, or as she
may have a special form of engraving which she prefers. The exchange
of a gift, however, removes from it the personal thought of the giver,
and makes its acceptance more a matter of mercenary than of friendly
interest. If, however, such exchange is made at the suggestion or with
the approval of the giver, it still remains a personal gift. The
indefinite way in which many people choose wedding gifts for their
friends, following only the conventional ideas of what is suitable,
has taken a great deal of personal interest from the gift at the very
first.
The wedding gift should be a real gift in spirit, something expressive
of the giver's good wishes, and something which the bride and
bridegroom can enjoy and appreciate for its worth to them. Foolish
things, whether expensive or not, have no real utility or beauty, and
have always the atmosphere of insult about them, or else always
reflect upon the intelligence of the giver.
A bride should acknowledge all gifts as soon as they are received, and
before her wedding day if possible. Spontaneous rather than
stereotyped notes of thanks are preferable. They should show
appreciation of the gift, and include the name of the bridegroom-elect
in her expression of their gratitude. A bride should remember that
too elaborate notes, which are a grave tax on her strength or time in
the busy days preceding a wedding, are unwise, as is any other
unnecessary expenditure of energy.
It is never obligatory to send a wedding present. The wedding
announcement and wedding invitation are equally suggestive of such
gifts, for in either case, whether one is invited to the ceremony or
not, one is perfectly free to do as he pleases about conferring a
gift.
_The Country Wedding_
There is an especial attractiveness and simplicity about the out-door
wedding in the country, for those who desire to get rid of the
conventional and artificial. Such a wedding is, of course, a day
wedding. The late afternoon might be chosen, but the twilight never.
The weather must be warm.
A secluded corner in the garden, the shade of some stately tree on the
lawn, or the flowery seclusion of some orchard tree make attractive
chancels for the ceremony.
The grass should be cut close, and all leaves and débris swept away.
Somewhat removed from the place of the ceremony, but still on the lawn
or piazza, small tables and chairs may be placed in groups, and
refreshments served out of doors also.
The simplicity and homelike yet solemn atmosphere of a wedding in a
country church appeal to many. There much of the formality of a city
church wedding may be dispensed with, and yet the whole of the
religious spirit, which should attend a church wedding, and indeed any
wedding, be retained. The country church lends itself more aptly to
those private weddings where the bridal party, whether small or large,
are the only spectators, than does the large city church. The sense of
exclusiveness is preserved without the great sense of bareness and
emptiness.
To many the private church wedding appeals with great force. The
religious and sacramental nature of the ceremony is emphasized,
without the pomp and display of the public service. Such a wedding
usually takes place in the daytime rather than in the evening.