DUTIES OF THE CHAPERON
THE need of the chaperon is recognized in communities where there are
large populations, and people are necessarily of many classes and
unknown to one another. For this reason the system of chaperonage of
the small communities of rural America has not been as elaborate or as
strictly adhered to as that of the cities.
The chaperon is the accepted guardian of very young girls, taking
oversight of them in their social life as soon as the governess gives
up her charge. The chaperon is only a poor substitute for the rightful
care of a mother, or takes the place of a mother when the latter
cannot be present, or performs in the person of one the duties of
several mothers.
Young girls should never go about the streets of a city or large town
unaccompanied by an older person or a maid. This rule is not so much
for physical protection as for the example of teaching her that fine
conduct and discretion which will forestall the possibility of
unpleasant experiences.
When a group of young people go to some public place of amusement or
instruction, an older person should always accompany them. Such an
attendant, who should be one of the fathers or mothers of the young
people, if possible, would be in so great sympathy with the spirit of
the group that his presence would impose no restraint and spoil no
fun, yet it would be a curb on undue or undignified gaiety, and a
protection against criticism.
The day is not very far distant when it was expected that if a
daughter entertained a young man in the drawing-room, her father or
mother would be present during the whole of the call. For débutante
daughters the custom still holds good. For a daughter who has been out
in society for one or more seasons, it seems somewhat rigorous and
unnecessary, as the presence of the father or mother for a part of the
call serves all the purposes of cordiality, and gives, as well, the
young people a chance to talk without constraint of interests which
seem perhaps foolish and trivial to any but young people. The wise
father and mother or chaperon know when to trust young people, and
when it is best to throw them quite upon their honor. It is only by
having responsibility for their actions thrust thus upon them, that
they ever attain to natural dignity and self-reliance.
It is sometimes permitted to a young woman to be escorted to a party
or entertainment alone by a young man, but only by one who is
well-known to the family as quite to be trusted, and only to such
parties as are presided over by responsible patronesses. This should
be exceptional for any but the young woman who has been left without
immediate family and who has been already in society more than one
season. The duenna who acts as her natural guardian and chaperon,
ordinarily accompanies her.
It may be objected that there are large numbers of young women who are
of necessity unprotected by adequate chaperonage,--through loss of
relatives, financial limitations, or the following of some business
calling or profession,--and that they are not, in general, treated
with less respect than the young woman carefully guarded in her home.
It yet remains true that the independent girl must needs provide for
herself a chaperon upon certain occasions, or lose that consideration
which she would keep at all costs. A strong character welcomes the aid
of a careful observance of conventions.
Even the spinster of recognized professional standing finds herself
somewhat restricted in social pleasures. She cannot go out socially
with one man more than occasionally; she has little pleasure in going
unattended; she can entertain but infrequently and in a small way, if
at all, and never without an older married woman to assist her. She
may, however, have her regular afternoon or evening "At Home,"
provided she has with her this friend; and with that friend present,
she may entertain a gentleman caller until ten o'clock in the evening,
but she may not offer him cigarettes, nor any beverage but tea,
coffee, chocolate, or lemonade.
In fashionable life in the cities, the chaperon is an important and
ever-present personage. Wherever the young débutante goes in
society,--to every place of amusement, when walking or driving in the
park, when shopping or calling,--and during her calling hours at home,
the chaperon is her faithful and interested attendant.
The common usage of smaller towns, seashore places, and country
villages differs in degree of attendance. The only wise rule is to
follow the custom of the place in which one may happen to be,
remembering always that the principle at the basis of the custom is
wise and valuable, and that there should be good and sufficient reason
for failing to follow it in its entirety. It is, however, not the
letter of the law but the spirit of it which saves. Experience shows
that not always the completely chaperoned girl is safe and the
quite-free girl in real danger. Everything depends upon the girl, and
the spirit of the chaperonage she receives. The relations with one's
chaperon should be the most intimate and reliable and trustworthy of
one's whole life; or they may be a mere farce and evasion. As a rule,
however, too strict observance of the dictates of society in this
connection is better than too lax.
The careless way in which many parents allow their sons and daughters
to go off with a group of boys and girls of their own age, unattended
by any adult, is to be deplored. Among the parents of several young
people there certainly is some parent, who cares enough about his
children and their associates to become a chum, and be at once a
magnet to draw them to more mature and valuable ways of thinking, and
a safeguard against that group folly towards which the
irresponsibility of youth tends.
Until a girl makes her début in society, she is not seen at a party of
adults except in her own home, and not there at a formal entertainment
unless it be a birthday party, a marriage, or a christening.
Even after an engagement is announced, the chaperon is still the
attendant of the young couple in fashionable circles, when they go to
any place of public amusement.