Oh! love, love, love, love, love, love, love!
What plaguy work you make!
From New Year's day to New Year's day
No rest you seem to take.
And yet you're but a little chap:
To me it seems most odd,
That folks should truckle thus to thee,
Thou Semi-Demi-God!
The day of all the livelong year
That you most brightly shine,
Is February's fourteenth day,
Illustrious Valentine.
Oh! then what breaking of young hearts!
What fits! what swoons! what cries!
And sobs of ev'ry kind and sort,
And _sighs_ of ev'ry _size_!
No day makes such a stir as this:
(Not even the king's natal:)
Of all the fêtes, O Valentine!
Thy _fête_ is the most _fatal_.
All other _feasts_ are sinking _fast_,
But yours shall ne'er decline:
And oh! among _read letter_ days,
What day can match with thine?
All now to Love their homage pay:
From him that guides the plough,
To him that guides the state;—the king
Himself's a _court-ier_ now.
Love leads poor mortals such a dance
O'er hill and over plain,
The world seems like one vast quadrille
The figure, _Ladies' chain_.
In fact, 'tis Nature's grand _Court_ day,
When high and low you meet:
The noble with his am'rous _train_;
The beggar with his _suite_.
There's not a trade or mystery,
But love finds means to bind:
The very blacksmith at his forge
Feels _hammer-ously_ inclined.
Jack Ketch himself from Cupid's noose
By no means feels secure.
The butcher—heretofore so hard—
Feels in his heart a skewer.
The miser (harder far than both)
Now opens with avidity
His chest—his heart, I meant to say:—
For _Cupid_, cuts _Cupidity_.
The beasts are just in the same plight;
The horse, the ass, the steer:
The lion's found his "own true love;"
The stag has got his _deer_.
The little mouse, tho' small he be,
Courts after his own fashion:
The very _mite's_ obliged to own
That love's a _mite-y_ passion.
The very birds are caught: the crow
In amorous despondence,
His carrion leaves, to _carry on_
A tender correspondence.
And while Miss Grace invites her beau
With her at eve to wander,
The goose, whose quill she gently wields,
Is gone to meet her gander.
Since birds and beasts don't die for love,
T'were sillier than a goose,
Because I can't tie Hymen's _knot_,
To dangle in a _noose_.
Fresh bonds I'll seek, tho' I should roam
From England to Owhyee:
And for my death (fixed for to-day)
Postpone it _sine die_.
┌─────────────────────────────────────────────────────┬───────────────┐
│ MARCH. │[Illustration] │
├─────────────────────────────────────────────────────┼───────────────┤
│Come, tell me what's MARCH like? A bully, I trow, │ │
│Who runs up, and blinds you by giving a _blow_; │ │
│Or a saucy Drill Serjeant, with swaggering airs, │ │
│Who the rustic recruit by his blustering scares;— │ │
│Or a Serjeant-_at-law_, who so craftily tries, │ │
│In a tempest of words, to _throw dust in your eyes_. │ │
├──┬──────────────────────────────────────────────────┼───────────────┤
│D.│ =Great Events and Odd Matters.= │ _Prognosti- │
│ │ │ fications._ │
├──┼──────────────────────────────────────────────────┼───────────────┤
│ 1│ST. DAVID'S DAY. Prince of _Whales_ caught at the │ │
│ │ Nore, where he springs a _leak_. │ │
│ │ │ │
│ 2│Death of _Boil-eau_. Kitchen maids go into │ commotions │
│ │ _mourning_. │ │
│ │ │ │
│ 3│ │ and │
│ │ OPENING OF PARLIAMENT. │ │
│ 4│ │consternations │
│ │The tables of both Houses groan with Petitions │ │
│ │ from all classes │ │
│ 5│of His Majesty's subjects. Among the most │ ♄ ♉ │
│ │ important will be │ │
│ │found the prayer of the half-starved _Hacks_ to be│ │
│ │ exported to │ │
│ 6│_Otaheite_; the petition of the _Dogs_ against the│ to Great │
│ │ _truck_ system; the │ │
│ │appeal of the _Cats_ to the King for an asylum, in│ │
│ │ _Lap_-land, from │ │
│ 7│the suit of the _Skinners'_ Company; the petition │ Britain, │
│ │ of the _Ducks_ to │ │
│ │be presented by Mr. _Poulter_, for the │ │
│ │ discontinuance of Bean │ │
│ 8│Feasts, to be supported by Mr. _Pease_; the │ ♅ ☋ ♊ ☿ │
│ │ memorial of the _Hogs_ │ │
│ │against breakfast _bacon_, and offering to prove │ │
│ │ it all _gammon_; the │ │
│ 9│humble prayer of the Whitebait of Blackwall to be │ than do │
│ │ excused attendance │ │
│ │at the Cabinet Ministers' dinners; ditto from Mr. │ │
│ │ _Place_ │ │
│10│(it is supposed neither will be dispensed with); │ divers other │
│ │ the memorial of │ │
│ │the men of genius as to the foundation of a │ │
│ │ college for the cultivation │ │
│11│of the _Muses_ among the _Happy-nine_ mountains, │ aspects │
│ │ and the petition │ │
│ │of the Royal Society of _Beggars_ for leave to │ │
│ │ hold their court │ │
│12│in the ruins of _Rag_-land Castle. │ ♌ ♑ ♓ │
│ │ │ │
│13│ │ denote │
│ │ │ │
│14│ │ sundry │
│ │ │ │
│15│Isaac Walton died. │ mishaps │
│ │ │ │
│16│ EPITAPH. │ and │
│ │ │ │
│17│Rejoice, ye little fishes all! │ mischances │
│ │ Ye tickle-bats and minnows! │ │
│18│A human _pike_ without a _sole_, │ ⚹ ☍ ♀ ♈ │
│ │ Has left this world of sinners. │ │
│19│Ye gentle gentils, grieve no more! │ to Little │
│ │ Your pangs perhaps he feels; │ │
│20│For now a greedier _pike_, grim Death, │ Britain; │
│ │ Has laid him by the h_eels_. │ │
│21│ │ and if │
│ │[Illustration] │ │
│22│ │ │
│ │ │ ♑ ☌ ♎ │
│23│_Cannon_-ization of Antwerp, 1832. │ │
│ │ │ the lord of │
│24│Captain Parry among the Esquimaux. Great _Seal_ │ │
│ │ stolen. │ │
│ │ │ the Sixth │
│25│[Illustration] │ │
│ │ │ House, │
│26│ │ │
│ │ │ │
│27│Easter Monday. Epping Hunt. │ ♊ ⚹ ♄ ♀ │
│ │ │ │
│28│ │ among │
│ │ │ │
│29│[Illustration] │ the │
│ │ │ │
│30│ │constellations,│
│ │ │ │
│31│ │ ☋ ♌ │
└──┴──────────────────────────────────────────────────┴───────────────┘
[Illustration:
MARCH.—Tossing the Pancake.
]