"I tak up my pen with much pleasure to inform yew that i hav bean quiet
Mizzerabl evver sins i left my plase. Evvery think has gon rong from
that day to this, i hav ad no Turnups to speek of in my gardn & no Peas
in my mind. i offen think of the appy days we ust to spend, partickly
our Soft tewsdys wen yew ust to tos us up them nice apel friters wile
the rest of the sirvents was obleigt to put up with nothink but plane
pan caks without nayther apels nor sugger. O saly! i offen sets & thinks
that luv is jest like a friing pan & won's art like a pan cak frizzling
in the midl on it.
"Ive nevver repentid leveing but onst and thats evver sins. But i wasent
agoin to stand bean dun out of my perquizzits by masters pertending he
ad a rites to cum into the gardn wennever he likt & get my peeches &
necktrings, jest becaws it was hisn, and giv away my Cabidges and
Lettises without so much as with your Leaf or by your Leaf, to say
nothink about the rumpus he maid about them 2 or 3 graps & acusing me of
Boneing the Bone mannure, & wors then al, eaping them 2 tun of coles on
my hed wich i no moor stole em then yew did saly, & after turning me
away on account of the Coles wanting to Cokes me bak agen.
"Deer saly, my place hear is verry cumfuttabl, but i am verry
uncumfuttabl in it on acount of my Bean in sich a tendar pashun with
Yew. O lav, luv! i am grew as thin as a lath and hav found out wot it is
not to hav cuk for a swete hart. Our under ous made is verry fond on me
but wats the use of ous mades, won carnt heat brumes and skrubbin
brushs. O saly saly! yew wood ardly no me i am as week as a kittin, i
can scace andl my Spade & its all Hoeing to yew. i set ours & ours in
the forsing ous doing nothink but thinking of yewr perty face, & i offen
think ow appy we mite be with yewr 2 underd pound as yewr Grand muther
left yew, & yewr 50 pound in the saveing bank, & my 5 pound as Jorge
Hawl the squir's futman as is gone away ows me. We mite take a Publik
ous, the Pig & wissle for instants, & get a gud bisnes & be as appy as
the day is lung. Saly luv wat do yew say to me, let me no your mind, but
rimmember wat i sed about the Publik is strickly Privet.
"Deer saly, i carnt abuse my noo mastr & missus, at least not at
pressent, they are uncomon kind to me & so is al the fammaly. The 2
former blungs to a Linean sowsiaty & to ear em tawk aboat Bottany is
rely quite Transporting. We ad the annywal sho the uther day wich is
cunducktid in the most aprovd maner namely giving prises to al the
supskribers, wich givs gennaral sattisfaxion and advarnses siance. It
tuk place in the town all on wensdy last for Pinks Dailys and settera,
on wich okashun master was brote in Furst mule, & missus Furst fireball,
& i beg to anounce in the veggytibl line i was juged to be the Bigest
cabbige head out of 40. The sowsiaty has dun a gud deal of gud hear
abouts in regard of kichin gardn stuf, namely redishs so larg as not to
be told from carots, & peas like Led bulits, boath wich is nothink in
cumparryson of their turnups wich they hav at last suckseeded in growin
em so big & ollow as is gud for nothink but litle bys to make Jack a
lantans off. The sowsiaty increses annywaly evry ear, & oposishun is got
to sich a hite as yew woodent bleav. The uther day 1 poor felow, Bean
bete in his Carrots, axualy went ome & cut his Carrotid hartary.
Annother grate advarntidge is the onnerrery members dining togather
after the sho & eting up al the Best frute, by wich in Coarse they no
wear to aply to annother time wen they want anny. The rest is sold to
pay xpences. Allso it is a verry gud thing for the markit gardners, anny
1 of woom by paying 2 shilin entrants & sending in a 5 shilin baskit of
veggytibles stands a charnse of wining a ½ crown prise.
"For my own part i am Bcuming quite bottannycle & no the lattin to
evrythink. It wood sirprize my old butty James to ear me nocking the ard
words about. Tel him with my best cumplyments he nose nothink. For
instants Tel him a rose isent no sich thing but only a Pollyandrew,
allso by the same rule a Merrygold is nuthink but a Merryandrew, and sow
on of the rest. But studdiing Bottany doant Leav 1 much time for wurking
in the gardn, & i am sory to say my things is luking verry bad,
partickly my Dailys wich is groan quite Weekly, and my Melons cutting a
verry Melon-koly apearance.
"Owevver i must cum to an end, so deer saly rimmember my cumplements to
Jon butler, & Tummas futman, & Robbart cochman, & Deer saly doant Forget
yourself. And saly, doant hay nothink to say to your noo Gardner, for
betwene yew & me, as yew ust to say of cuks, gardners is no grate shaks.
So doant nevver luv nobdy but Me for deer saly my luv for yew is Hardy
Peranual. So gud Boy my deer Gal
"from your hafectionet
"TUMMAS HOLLYOKE."
[Illustration:
APRIL.—Return from the Races.
]
┌─────────────────┬───────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ [Illustration] │ APRIL. │
├──┬──────────────┴───────────────────────────────────────────────────┤
│ │Hail, shopping! dear delicious pain! │
│ │Can April _showers_ control thy _reign_? │
│ │Or check the pace of _slippery_ feet, │
│ │Up Ludgate Hill or Regent Street: │
│ │Ah, me! what bliss to have a wife │
│ │So boldly dare the weather's strife! │
│ │Careful alike,—or something worse,— │
│ │Of draggled clothes and husband's purse. │
├──┼──────────────────────────────────────────────────────┬───────────┤
│D.│ =Great Events and Odd Matters.= │_Prognosti-│
│ │ │fications._│
├──┼──────────────────────────────────────────────────────┼───────────┤
│ 1│_Sapientia._ Cockneys commence angling for │ becoming │
│ │ red-herrings. │ │
│ │ │ │
│ 2│_Low_ Sunday. Vide Whitechapel, Primrose Hill, and St.│Lord of the│
│ │ Giles's. │ │
│ │ │ │
│ 3│ │Ascendant, │
│ │ │ │
│ 4│ [Illustration] │ ♀ ♅ ☊ ☿ │
│ │ │ │
│ 5│ │ doth │
│ │ │ │
│ 6│_Solon_ born. Judge Patteson retires from the bench to│ betoken │
│ │ take the │ │
│ │ chair of the British College of Health. _Old Lady │ │
│ │ Day._ │ │
│ 7│ │ _civil_ │
│ │ │ │
│ 8│ │ THE WONDERFUL PILL. │commotions │
│ │ │ │ │
│ 9│ A CARD. │Take gamboge, as you find it, for │in _Great_ │
│ │ │ better or worse, │ │
│ │ │And aloes,—the strongest,—a drug for a │ │
│ │ │ horse; │ │
│10│[Illustration]│A few peppermint drops, a few turns of │ France, │
│ │ │ a mill, │ │
│ │ │And you get the contents of the │ │
│ │ │ Wonderful Pill. │ │
│11│ │Take the head of a monkey, be-whisker'd│ ⚹ ♀ │
│ │ │ & frizzl'd, │ │
│ │ MORRISON │The eyes of a tiger, be-demon'd and │ │
│ │ │ devill'd; │ │
│12│ And Co. │Add a magpie, a fox, and a vulture in │ │
│ │ │ one, │ │
│ │_Undertakers._│And a heart with less blood than a │so, in like│
│ │ │ pillar of stone:— │ │
│13│ ——— │Take of folly, stupidity, weakness— │ │
│ │ │ enough:— │ │
│ │ FUNERALS │Of credulity, ignorance, fear—quantum │ manner, │
│ │ │ suff:— │ │
│14│ FURNISHED, │These ingredients, combin'd with │ │
│ │ │ discernment & skill, │ │
│ │ Corpse │Give the knave and the dupe of the │ │
│ │ included. │ Wonderful pill. │ │
│15│ │ ♈ ♀ ♄ ⚹ │
│ │ │ │
│16│Mutiny at _Spit_-head. Cooks strike for wages. │ doth the │
│ │ │ │
│17│ │ascendancy │
│ │ │ │
│18│ │ │
│ │ [Illustration] │ ☉ ☌ ♂ ☽ │
│19│ │ │
│ │ │ of the │
│20│ │ │
│ │ │Lady of the│
│21│_Solomon's_ b. d. kept. Horrible plot to burn the City│ │
│ │ of London, and murder all the inhabitants, │ Seventh │
│ │ frustrated │ │
│22│ by "Atkins, Mayor." A.D. 1817. │ │
│ │ │ House, │
│23│ │ │
│ │ 'Twas enough to create a confusion and pother,│ │
│24│ For the nest of one Mayor to be found by │ ♓ ☍ ♀ │
│ │ _another_. │ │
│ │ │ │
│25│ │ augur │
│ │ │ │
│26│ │ divers │
│ │ [Illustration] │ │
│27│ │ ♌ ♈ │
│ │ │ │
│28│ │ _uncivil_ │
│ │ │ │
│29│_Thrashing_ commences in London. Macready thrashes │commotions │
│ │ Bunn, but gets nothing but _chaff_. │ │
│ │ │ │
│30│_Rogue_ation S. A pickpocket ducked about this time. │ among │
└──┴──────────────────────────────────────────────────────┴───────────┘