"Why did you come here? I never summoned you. Go!... What matters it
to me what you think! My own thoughts and sufferings are enough for me
to bear. There is an abyss between us which none living can cross
over. You tell me that I do not believe.... That is precisely the
cause of my self-hatred. I do not believe, but I wish to believe. Do
you understand? I wish and I shall believe. I shall force myself. I
shall torture my flesh--dry it up by hunger and thirst, make it more
unfeeling than stones. I will tame my intelligence, I will slay it, I
will kill it, because it is the Devil, and more seducing than any
passion. That shall be my last victory, and the best, because it will
set me free. Then I shall see if anything will dare revolt in me and
say, 'I do not believe!'"