"Lord, have mercy upon me! Lord, where art Thou? Hear me, and pardon
me!"
Julian flung himself on his knees before her, drew her to himself, and
his triumphant eyes sparkled--
"O girl, I see now, you are not able to leave us! You willed it, but
willed the impossible! Come! Come now with me! To-morrow you shall be
the spouse of the Roman Emperor, mistress of the world! I have entered
this place like a thief; I shall go out with my prey like a lion! What
a victory over the Galileans! Who can hinder us? We will dare
everything, and walk as gods!"
The face of Arsinoë became sad and tranquil. She looked at Julian
pityingly, without thrusting him away--
"Unhappy man!... You are unhappy as I. You yourself know not whither
you wish to lead me. On whom do you reckon? In whom put your trust?
Your gods are decaying, dead.... I will flee into the desert, far from
contaminating fables, far from this terrifying smell of rottenness.
Leave me.... I can aid you in nothing.... Go...."
Wrath and passion shone in Julian's eyes; but more calmly still, and
so pityingly that his very heart shivered and froze as under the blow
of deadly insult, she went on--
"Why do you delude yourself? Are _you_ not wavering, perishable, as we
all are? Think: what means this charity of yours? These
guest-houses--these sermons of the sacrificial priests? All that is
new, unknown to the ancient heroes of Hellas.... Julian! Julian! are
_your_ gods the ancient Olympians, luminous and pitiless--terrible
sons of the azure--rejoicing in the blood of victims and in the pains
of mortals? Human blood and suffering were the very nectar of the old
gods! Yours, seduced by the faith of the fishermen of Capernaum, are
sick and humble weaklings, full of compassion for men.... But that
pity is mortal to your gods!
"Yes," she continued implacably; "you are sick, you are all too weak
for your wisdom! That is your penalty, Hellenists of too late a day.
You have strength neither for good nor for evil. You are neither day
nor night, nor life nor death; your heart wavers, here and there. You
have left one bank, and cannot reach the other. You believe, and you
do not believe. You betray yourselves, you hesitate; you will, and you
do not will, because you do not know on what to set your will. They
alone are strong who, seeing one truth, are blind to all other. They
will conquer us--us who are wise and weak!"
Julian raised his head with an effort, as if waking from some evil
dream, and said--
"You are unjust, Arsinoë. My soul does not know fear, nor my will
weakness. The forces of destiny are leading me. If it is written that
I shall die too soon--and I know it is so--my death shall not be
unworthy of the sight of the gods. Farewell. I bear you no anger,
because now to me you are as one dead!"