"Oh no! Power over the people is not worth the labour of obtaining it.
_You_ have learned that!"
"And this is why you go forth into the desert?"
"Yes ... and for freedom's sake."
"Arsinoë, as of old, you care only for yourself!"
"I wish to love others as 'He' commands, but I cannot. I detest them,
and I detest myself!"
"Then it is better not to live!"
"One must conquer oneself," she said slowly. "One must conquer in
oneself not only the distaste for death but also distaste for life,
which is very difficult, because a life like mine is much more
terrible than death. But if one succeeds in self-conquest to the end,
Life and Death become as nothing, and a greater liberty is gained!"
Her fine brows were knit into a frown of indomitable will.
Julian looked at her in despair.
"What have they made of you?" he murmured. "You are all, all,
executioners and martyrs! Why do you keep torturing yourselves? Do you
not see that within your soul there is nothing but hate and despair?"