In the hall of a Philharmonic society the following notice was posted:
"The seats in this hall are for the use of the ladies. Gentlemen are
requested to make use of them only after the former are seated."
Sir Boyle Roche is credited with saying that "no man can be in two
places at the same time, barring he is a bird."
A certain high-school professor, who at times is rather blunt in speech,
remarked to his class of boys at the beginning of a lesson. "I don't
know why it is--every time I get up to speak, some fool talks." Then he
wondered why the boys burst out into a roar of laughter.--_Grub S.
Arts_.
Once, at a criminal court, a young chap from Connemara was being tried
for an agrarian murder. Needless to say, he had the gallery on his side,
and the men and women began to express their admiration by stamping, not
loudly, but like muffled drums. A big policeman came up to the gallery,
scowled at the disturbers then, when that had no effect, called out in a
stage whisper:
"Wud ye howld yer tongues there! Howld yer tongues wid yer feet!"
The ways in which application forms for insurance are filled up are
often more amusing than enlightening, as The British Medical Journal
shows in the following excellent selection of examples:
Mother died in infancy.
Father went to bed feeling well, and the next morning woke up dead.
Grandmother died suddenly at the age of 103. Up to this time she bade
fair to reach a ripe old age.
Applicant does not know anything about maternal posterity, except that
they died at an advanced age.
Applicant does not know cause of mother's death, but states that she
fully recovered from her last illness.
Applicant has never been fatally sick.
Applicant's brother who was an infant died when he was a mere child.
Mother's last illness was caused from chronic rheumatism, but she was
cured before death.