MAGISTRATE--"Very well, then. There has been a lot of pig-stealing going
on lately, and I am going to make an example of you, or none of us will
be safe."--_M.L. Hayward_.
"In choosing his men," said the Sabbath-school superintendent, "Gideon
did not select those who laid aside their arms and threw themselves down
to drink; but he took those who watched with one eye and drank with the
other."--_Joe King_.
"If you want to put that song over you must sing louder."
"I'm singing as loud as I can. What more can I do?"
"Be more enthusiastic. Open your mouth, and throw yourself into it."
A little old Irishman was trying to see the Hudson-Fulton procession
from Grant's Tomb. He stood up on a bench, but was jerked down by a
policeman. Then he tried the stone balustrade and being removed from
that vantage point, climbed the railing of Li Hung Chang's gingko-tree.
Pulled off that, he remarked: "Ye can't look at annything frum where ye
can see it frum."
MRS. JENKINS--"Mrs. Smith, we shall be neighbors now. I have bought a
house next you, with a water frontage."