A milliner endeavored to sell to a colored woman one of the last
season's hats at a very moderate price. It was a big white picture-hat.
"Law, no, honey!" exclaimed the woman. "I could nevah wear that. I'd
look jes' like a blueberry in a pan of milk."
A well-known author tells of an English spinster who said, as she
watched a great actress writhing about the floor as Cleopatra:
"How different from the home life of our late dear queen!"
"Darling," whispered the ardent suitor, "I lay my fortune at your feet."
"Your fortune?" she replied in surprise. "I didn't know you had one."
"Well, it isn't much of a fortune, but it will look large besides those
tiny feet."
"Girls make me tired," said the fresh young man. "They are always going
to palmists to have their hands read."
"Indeed!" said she sweetly; "is that any worse than men going into
saloons to get their noses red?"
A friend once wrote Mark Twain a letter saying that he was in very bad
health, and concluding: "Is there anything worse than having toothache
and earache at the same time?"