FRIEND--"Do not worry. It is as if I had heard nothing." --_-Michigan
Gargoyle_.
"Why did you come to college, anyway? You are not studying," said the
Professor.
"Well," said Willie, "I don't know exactly myself. Mother says it is to
fit me for the Presidency; Uncle Bill, to sow my wild oats; Sis, to get
a chum for her to marry, and Pa, to bankrupt the family."
A young Irishman at college in want of twenty-five dollars wrote to his
uncle as follows:
"Dear Uncle.--If you could see how I blush for shame while I
am writing, you would pity me. Do you know why? Because I have
to ask you for a few dollars, and do not know how to express
myself. It is impossible for me to tell you. I prefer to die.
I send you this by messenger, who will wait for an answer.
Believe me, my dearest uncle, your most obedient and
affectionate nephew.
"P.S.--Overcome with shame for what I have written, I have
been running after the messenger in order to take the letter
from him, but I cannot catch him. Heaven grant that something
may happen to stop him, or that this letter may get lost."
The uncle was naturally touched, but was equal to the emergency. He
replied as follows:
"My Dear Jack--Console yourself and blush no more. Providence
has heard your prayers. The messenger lost your letter. Your
affectionate uncle."
The professor was delivering the final lecture of the term. He dwelt
with much emphasis on the fact that each student should devote all the
intervening time preparing for the final examinations.
"The examination papers are now in the hands of the printer. Are there
any questions to be asked?"
Silence prevailed. Suddenly a voice from the rear inquired:
"Who's the printer?"
It was Commencement Day at a well-known woman's college, and the father
of one of the young women came to attend the graduation exercises. He
was presented to the president, who said, "I congratulate you, sir, upon
your extremely large and affectionate family."
"Large and affectionate?" he stammered and looking very much surprised.
"Yes, indeed," said the president. "No less than twelve of your
daughter's brothers have called frequently during the winter to take her
driving and sleighing, while your eldest son escorted her to the theater
at least twice a week. Unusually nice brothers they are."
The world's great men have not commonly been great scholars, nor its
great scholars great men.--_O.W. Holmes_.
_See also_ Harvard university; Scholarship.