He persuades Cadwallader to assume the Character of a Magician, in
which he acquires a great Share of Reputation, by his Responses to three
Females of Distinction, who severally consult the Researches of his Art.
His heart being thus, as it were, suspended between two objects that
lessened the force of each other's attraction, he took this opportunity
of enjoying some respite, and for the present detached his sentiments
from both, resolving to indulge himself in the exercise of that
practical satire which was so agreeable and peculiar in his disposition.
In this laudable determination he was confirmed by the repeated
suggestions of his friend Cadwallader, who taxed him with letting his
talents rust in indolence, and stimulated his natural vivacity with a
succession of fresh discoveries in the world of scandal.
Peregrine was now seized with a strange whim, and when he communicated
the conceit to Cadwallader, it in a moment acquired his approbation.
This notion he imparted in a proposal to subject the town to their
ridicule, by giving responses to the character of a professed conjurer,
to be personated by the old misanthrope, whose aspect was extremely well
calculated for the purpose. The plan was immediately adjusted in all its
parts; an apartment hired in a house accommodated with a public stair,
so that people might have free ingress and egress, without being exposed
to observation; and, this tenement being furnished with the apparatus of
a magician, such as globes, telescopes, a magic-lanthorn, a skeleton, a
dried monkey together with the skins of an alligator, otter, and
snake, the conjurer himself took possession of his castle, after having
distributed printed advertisements containing the particulars of his
undertaking.
These bills soon operated according to the wish of the projectors. As
the price of the oracle was fixed at half a guinea, the public naturally
concluded that the author was no common fortune-teller; and, the very
next day, Peregrine found some ladies of his quality acquaintance
infected with the desire of making an experiment upon the skill of this
new conjurer, who pretended to be just arrived from the Mogul's empire,
where he had learned the art from a Brachman philosopher. Our young
gentleman affected to talk of the pretensions of this sage with ridicule
and contempt, and with seeming reluctance undertook to attend them to
his apartment, observing, that it would be a very easy matter to detect
the fellow's ignorance, and no more than common justice to chastise him
for his presumption. Though he could easily perceive a great fund of
credulity in the company, they affected to espouse his opinion, and,
under the notion of a frolic, agreed that one particular lady should
endeavour to baffle his art, by appearing before him in the dress of
her woman, who should at the same time personate her mistress, and be
treated as such by our adventurer, who promised to squire them to the
place. These measures being concerted, and the appointment fixed for
the next audience-day, Peregrine furnished his friend with the necessary
information, and, when the hour of assignation arrived, conducted his
charge to this oraculous seer.
They were admitted by our hero's valet-de-chambre, whose visage, being
naturally meagre and swarthy, was adorned with artificial whiskers; so
that he became the Persian dress which he wore, and seemed a very proper
master of the ceremonies to an Oriental necromancer. Having crossed his
arms upon his breasts, with an inclination of the head, he stalked in
solemn silence before them into the penetralia of the temple, where
they found the conjurer sitting at a table, provided with pen, ink, and
paper, divers books, mathematical instruments, and a long white wand
lying across the whole. He was habited in a black gown and fur cap. His
countenance, over and above a double proportion of philosophic gravity,
which he had assumed for the occasion, was improved by a thick beard,
white as snow, that reached to his middle, and upon each shoulder sat a
prodigious large black cat which had been tutored for the purpose.
Such a figure, which would have startled Peregrine himself, had not he
been concerned in the mystery, could not fail to make an impression upon
those whom he accompanied. The fictitious chambermaid, in spite of all
her natural pertness and vivacity, changed colour when she entered
the room, while the pretended lady, whose intellects were not quite so
enlightened, began to tremble in every joint, and ejaculate petitions
to Heaven for her safety. Their conductor, advancing to the table,
presented his offering, and, pointing to the maid, told him, that lady
desired to know what would be her destiny in point of marriage. The
philosopher, without lifting up his eyes to view the person in whose
behalf he was consulted, turned his ear to one of the sable familiars
that purred upon his shoulder, and, taking up the pen, wrote upon a
detached slip of paper these words, which Peregrine, at the desire
of the ladies, repeated aloud: “Her destiny will, in a great measure,
depend upon what happened to her about nine o'clock in the morning on
the third day of last December.”
This sentence was no sooner pronounced, than the counterfeit lady
screamed, and ran into the ante-chamber, exclaiming, “Christ have mercy
upon us! Sure he is the devil incarnate!” Her mistress, who followed her
with great consternation, insisted upon knowing the transaction to which
the response alluded; and Mrs. Abigail, after some recollection, gave
her to understand that she had an admirer, who, on that very hour and
day mentioned by the cunning man, had addressed himself to her in
a serious proposal of marriage. This explanation, however, was more
ingenious than candid, for the admirer was no other than the identical
Mr. Pickle himself, who was a mere dragon among the chambermaids, and,
in his previous information communicated to his associate, had given
an account of this assignation, with which he had been favoured by the
damsel in question.
Our hero seeing his company very much affected with the circumstance
of the wizard's art, which had almost frightened both mistress and
maid into hysteric fits, pretended to laugh them out of their fears, by
observing, that there was nothing extraordinary in this instance of
his knowledge, which might have been acquired by some of those secret
emissaries whom such impostors are obliged to employ for intelligence,
or imparted by the lover himself, who had, perhaps, come to consult
him about the success of his amour. Encouraged by this observation, or
rather prompted by an insatiable curiosity, which was proof against all
sorts of apprehension, the disguised lady returned to the magician's own
apartment, and, assuming the air of a pert chambermaid, “Mr. Conjurer,”
said she, “now you have satisfied my mistress, will you be as good as
to tell me if ever I shall be married?” The sage, without the least
hesitation, favoured her with an answer, in the following words: “You
cannot be married before you are a widow; and whether or not that will
ever be the case, is a question which my art cannot resolve, because my
foreknowledge exceeds not the term of thirty years.”
This reply, which at once cut her off from her pleasing prospect of
seeing herself independent in the enjoyment of youth and fortune, in
a moment clouded her aspect; all her good-humour was overcast, and she
went away, without further inquiry, muttering in the rancour of her
chagrin, that he was a silly impertinent fellow, and a mere quack in
his profession. Notwithstanding the prejudice of this resentment, her
conviction soon recurred; and when the report of his answers was made
to those confederates by whom she had been deputed to make trial of
his skill, they were universally persuaded that his art was altogether
supernatural, though each affected to treat it with contempt, resolving
in her own breast to have recourse to him in private.
In the meantime, the maid, though laid under the most peremptory
injunctions of secrecy, was so full of the circumstance which related to
her own conduct, that she extolled his prescience, in whispers, to all
acquaintances, assuring them, that he had told her all the particulars
of her life; so that his fame was almost instantaneously conveyed,
through a thousand different channels, to all parts of the town; and,
the very next time he assumed the chair, his doors were besieged by
curious people of all sects and denominations.
Being an old practitioner in this art, Cadwallader knew it would be
impossible for him to support his reputation in the promiscuous exercise
of fortune-telling, because every person that should come to consult him
would expect a sample of his skill relating to things past; and it could
not be supposed that he was acquainted with the private concerns of
every individual who might apply to him for that purpose. He, therefore,
ordered his minister, whom he distinguished by the name of Hadgi Rourk,
to signify to all those who demanded entrance, that his price was half a
guinea; and that all such as were not disposed to gratify him with that
consideration, would do well to leave the passage free for the rest.
This declaration succeeded to his wish; for this congregation consisted
chiefly of footmen, chambermaids, prentices, and the lower class of
tradesmen, who could not afford to purchase prescience at such a price;
so that, after fruitless offers of shillings and half-crowns, they
dropped off one by one, and left the field open for customers of a
higher rank.
The first person of this species who appeared was dressed like the wife
of a substantial tradesman; but this disguise could not screen her from
the penetration of the conjurer, who at first sight knew her to be one
of the ladies of whose coming he had been apprised by Peregrine, on the
supposition that their curiosity was rather inflamed than allayed by
the intelligence they had received from his first client. This lady
approached the philosopher with that intrepidity of countenance so
conspicuous in matrons of her dignified sphere, and, in a soft voice,
asked with a simper, of what complexion her next child would be? The
necromancer, who was perfectly well acquainted with her private history,
forthwith delivered his response in the following question, written in
the usual form: “How long has Pompey the black been dismissed from your
ladyship's service?”
Endued as she was with a great share of that fortitude which is
distinguished by the appellation of effrontery, her face exhibited
some signs of shame and confusion at the receipt of this oracular
interrogation, by which she was convinced of his extraordinary
intelligence; and, accosting him in a very serious tone, “Doctor,” said
she, “I perceive you are a person of great abilities in the art you
profess; and therefore, without pretending to dissemble, I will own you
have touched the true string of my apprehensions. I am persuaded I need
not be more particular in my inquiries. Here is a purse of money; take
it, and deliver me from a most alarming and uneasy suspense.” So saying,
she deposited her offering upon the table, and waited for his answer,
with a face of fearful expectation, while he was employed in writing
this sentence for her perusal: “Though I see into the womb of time,
the prospect is not perfectly distinct: the seeds of future events lie
mingled and confused. So that I am under the necessity of assisting my
divination in some cases, by analogy and human intelligence; and cannot
possibly satisfy your present doubts, unless you will condescend to make
me privy to all those occurrences which you think might have interfered
with the cause of your apprehension.”
The lady having read the declaration, affected a small emotion of
shyness and repugnance, and, seating herself upon a settee, after having
cautiously informed herself of the privacy of the apartment, gave such a
detail of the succession of her lovers, as amazed, while it entertained,
the necromancer, as well as his friend Pickle, who, from a closet
in which he had concealed himself, overheard every syllable of her
confession. Cadwallader listened to her story with a look of infinite
importance and sagacity, and, after a short pause, told her, that he
would not pretend to give a categorical answer, until he should have
deliberated maturely upon the various circumstances of the affair; but,
if she would take the trouble of honouring him with another visit on
his next public day, he hoped he should be able to give her full
satisfaction. Conscious of the importance of her doubts, she could
not help commending his caution, and took her leave, with a promise of
returning at the appointed time. Then the conjurer being joined by his
associate, they gave a loose to their mirth, which having indulged, they
began to concert measures for inflicting some disgraceful punishment on
the shameless and insatiate termagant who had so impudently avowed her
own prostitution.
They were interrupted, however, in their conference, by the arrival of
a new guest, who being announced by Hadgi, our hero retreated to his
lurking-place, and Cadwallader resumed his mysterious appearance. This
new client, though she hid her face in a mask, could not conceal herself
from the knowledge of the conjurer, who, by her voice, recognised her
to be an unmarried lady of his own acquaintance. She had, within a small
compass of time, made herself remarkable for two adventures, which had
not at all succeeded to her expectation. Being very much addicted to
play, she had, at a certain rout, indulged that passion to such
excess, as not only got the better of her justice, but also of her
circumspection, so that she was unfortunately detected in her endeavours
to appropriate to herself what was not lawfully her due. This small slip
was attended with another indiscretion, which had likewise an unlucky
effect upon her reputation. She had been favoured with the addresses of
one of those hopeful heirs who swarm and swagger about town, under the
denomination of bucks; and, in the confidence of his honour, consented
to be one of a party that made an excursion as far as Windsor, thinking
herself secured from scandal by the company of another young lady,
who had also condescended to trust her person to the protection of her
admirer. The two gallants, in the course of this expedition, were said
to use the most perfidious means to intoxicate the passions of their
mistresses by mixing drugs with their wine, which inflamed their
constitutions to such a degree, that they fell an easy sacrifice to the
appetites of their conductors, who, upon their return to town, were so
base and inhuman as to boast among their companions of the exploit they
had achieved. Thus the story was circulated, with a thousand additional
circumstances to the prejudice of the sufferers, one of whom had thought
proper to withdraw into the country, until the scandal raised at her
expense should subside; while the other, who was not so easily put
out of countenance, resolved to outface the report, as a treacherous
aspersion, invented by her lover as an excuse for his own inconstancy;
and actually appeared in public, as usual, till she found herself
neglected by the greatest part of her acquaintance.
In consequence of this disgrace, which she knew not whether to impute to
the card affair, or to the last faux pas she had committed, she now came
to consult the conjurer, and signified her errand, by asking whether
the cause of her present disquiet was of the town or the country.
Cadwallader at once perceiving her allusion, answered her question
in these terms: “This honest world will forgive a young gamester for
indiscretion at play, but a favour granted to a babbling coxcomb is
an unpardonable offence.” This response she received with equal
astonishment and chagrin; and, fully convinced of the necromancer's
omniscience, implored his advice, touching the retrieval of her
reputation: upon which he counselled her to wed with the first
opportunity. She seemed so well pleased with his admonition, that she
gratified him with a double fee, and, dropping a low curtsey, retired.
Our undertakers now thought it high time to silence the oracle for the
day, and Hadgi was accordingly ordered to exclude all comers, while
Peregrine and his friend renewed the deliberations which had been
interrupted, and settled a plan of operations for the next occasion.
Meanwhile it was resolved that Hadgi should not only exercise his
own talents, but also employ inferior agents, in procuring general
intelligence for the support of their scheme; that the expense of this
ministry should be defrayed from the profits of their professions; and
the remainder be distributed to poor families in distress.