the place, and I longed to remain there a little time. Eight weeks of
the summer half-year's session of 1799 yet remained. My brother wrote to
my father that I could fill that time usefully and profitably in Jena,
and in consequence of this letter I was permitted to stay. I took
lessons in map and plan-drawing, and I devoted all the time I had to the
work. At Michaelmas I went home with my brother, and my step-mother
observed that I could now fairly say I had passed through the
university. But I thought differently; my intelligence and my soul had
been stimulated in many ways, and I expressed my wish to my father to be
allowed to study finance there, thus returning to my previous career. My
father was willing to give his permission if I could tell him how to
find the means. I possessed a very small property inherited from my
mother, but I thought it would be insufficient. However, after having
conferred with my brother, I talked it over with my father. I was still
a minor, and therefore had to ask the consent of my trustee to realise
my property; but as soon as I had obtained this I went as a student to
Jena, in 1799. I was then seventeen years and a half old.
A testimonial from my father attesting my capacity for the curriculum
procured me matriculation without difficulty. My matriculation
certificate called me a student of philosophy, which seemed very
strange, because I had set before me as the object of my studies
practical knowledge; and as to philosophy, of which I had so often
heard, I had formed a very high idea of it. The word made a great
impression upon my dreamy, easily-excited, and receptive nature.
Although the impression disappeared almost as soon as conceived, it
gave, however, higher and unexpected relations to my studies.
The lectures I heard were only those which promised to be useful in the
career I had now again embraced. I heard lectures on applied
mathematics, arithmetic, algebra, geometry, mineralogy, botany, natural
history, physics, chemistry, accounts, cultivation of forest trees and
management of forests, architecture, house-building, and land-surveying.
I continued topographical drawing. I heard nothing purely theoretical
except mathematics; and of philosophical teaching and thought I learnt
only so much as the intercourse of university life brought with it; but
it was precisely through this intercourse that I received in various
ways a many-sided intellectual impulse. I usually grasped what had been
taught; the more thoroughly since, through my previous life, I had
become well acquainted with the principal subjects, and already knew
their relation to practical work.
Some of the lectures were almost easy for me--for instance, those on
mathematics. I have always been able to perceive with ease and pleasure
relations of geometrical figures and of planes; so that it seemed
inexplicable to me that every farmer should not be equally capable of
understanding them. This I had said before to my brother, who tried to
give me an explanation; but I did not yet grasp it. I had expected I
don't know exactly what, but certainly something higher, something
grandiose; very likely I had expected something with more life in it.
The mathematical course, therefore, at first seemed to me unimportant;
but later on I found that I, also, could not follow every detail.
However, I did not think much of this, because I readily understood the
general meaning, and I said to myself that particular cases would not
cause me any mental fatigue if I found it necessary to learn them.
The lectures of my excellent teacher were not so useful to me as they
might have been, if I could have seen in the course of instruction and
in its progress somewhat more of necessary connection and less of
arbitrary arrangement. This want of necessary connection was the reason
of the immediate dislike I always took to every course of instruction. I
felt it even in pure mathematics, still more was it the case in applied
mathematics, and most of all in experimental physics. Here it seemed to
me as if everything were arranged in arbitrary series, so that from the
very first I found this study a fatigue. The experiments failed to
arrest my attention. I desired and sought after some inner connection
between the phenomena, deduced from and explained by some simple root
principles. But that was the very point withheld from me. Mathematical
demonstrations came like halting messengers; they only became clear to
the mind's eye when the truth to be demonstrated lay before me already
in all its living strength. On the other hand, my attention was riveted
by the study of gravitation, of force, of weight, which were living
things to me, because of their evident relation to actual facts.
In mechanics (natural philosophy) I could not understand why so many of
the so-called "mechanical powers" were assumed, and why several of them
were not reduced to cases of the inclined plane.
In mineralogy my previous education had left many gaps unfilled,
especially as regards the powers of observation. I was fond of mineral
specimens, and gave myself much trouble to comprehend their several
properties; but in consequence of my defective preparation I found
insuperable difficulties in my way, and perceived thereby that neglect
is neither quickly nor lightly to be repaired. The most assiduous
practice in observation failed to make my sight so quick and so accurate
as it ought to have been for my purpose. At that time I failed to
apprehend the fact of my deficient quickness of sight; it ought to have
taught me much, but I was not prepared to learn the lesson.
Chemistry fascinated me. The excellent teacher (Göttling) always
demonstrated the true connection of the phenomena under consideration;
and the theory of chemical affinity took strong hold upon me.
Note-taking at these lectures was a thing I never thought of doing; for
that which I understood forthwith became a part of me, and that which I
failed to understand seemed to me not worth writing down. I have often
felt sorry for it since. But as regards this point, I have always had
through my whole life the perfectly clear conviction that when I had
mastered a whole subject in its intimate relations I could go back upon,
and then understand, details which at the time of hearing had been
unintelligible to me.
In botany I had a clear-sighted, kind-hearted teacher (Batsch). His
natural system of botany[20] gave me great satisfaction, although I had
always a painful perception of how much still remained for him to
classify. However, my view of Nature as one whole became by his means
substantially clearer, and my love for the observation of Nature in
detail became more animated. I shall always think of him with gratitude.
He was also my teacher in natural history. Two principles that he
enunciated seized upon me with special force, and seemed to me valid.
The first was the conception of the mutual relationship of all animals,
extending like a network in all directions; and the second was that the
skeleton or bony framework of fishes, birds, and men was one and the
same in plan, and that the skeleton of man should be considered as the
fundamental type which Nature strove to produce even in the lower forms
of creation.[21] I was always highly delighted with his expositions, for
they suggested ideas to me which bore fruit both in my intelligence and
in my emotional nature. Invariably, whenever I grasped the
inter-connection and unity of phenomena, I felt the longings of my
spirit and of my soul were fulfilled.
I easily understood the other courses I attended, and was able to take a
comprehensive glance over the subjects of which they treated. I had seen
building going on, and had myself assisted in building, in planting,
etc.; here, therefore, I could take notes, and write complete and
satisfactory memoranda of the lectures.
My stay in Jena had taught me much; by no means so much as it ought to
have taught me, but yet I had won for myself a standpoint, both
subjective and objective. I could already perceive unity in diversity,
the correlation of forces, the interconnection of all living things,
life in matter, and the principles of physics and biology.
One thing more I have to bring forward from this period. Up till now my
life had met with no sympathetic recognition other than the esteem which
I had enjoyed of the country physician during my apprenticeship--he who
encouraged me to study natural science, and smoothed away for me many a
difficulty. But now such sympathy was destined to offer itself as a
means of education and improvement. For there were in Jena just then two
scientific associations, one for natural history and botany, the other
for mineralogy, as it was then called. Many of the young students, who
had shown living interest and done active work in natural science, were
invited to become members by the President, and this elevating pleasure
was also offered to me. At the moment I certainly possessed few
qualifications for membership; the most I could say was that my faculty
for arranging and classifying might be made of some use in the Natural
History Society, and this, indeed, actually came to pass. Although my
admission to this society had no great effect upon my later life,
because it was dissolved at the death of its founder, and I did not keep
up my acquaintance with the other members afterwards, yet it awakened
that yearning towards higher scientific knowledge which now began to
make itself forcibly felt within me.
During my residence at the university I lived in a very retired and
economical way; my imperfect education, my disposition, and the state of
my purse alike contributing to this. I seldom appeared at places of
public resort, and in my reserved way I made my brother (Traugott) my
only companion; he was studying medicine in Jena during the first year
of my residence there.[22] The theatre alone, of which I was still
passionately fond, I visited now and then. In the second year of this
first studentship, in spite of my quiet life, I found myself in an
awkward position. It began, indeed, with my entrance into the
university, but did not come to a head till my third half-year. When I
went to the university, my father gave me a bank draft for a small
amount to cover my expenses, not only for the first half-year, but for
the entire residence, I think. My brother, who, as I said, was with me
at Jena for the first year, wished me to lend him part of my allowance,
all of which I did not then require, whereas he was for the moment in
difficulties. He hoped soon to be able to repay me the money. I gladly
gave him the greater part of my little draft; but unfortunately I could
not get the money back, and therefore found myself in greater and
greater difficulties. My position became terribly urgent; my small
allowance had come to an end by the close of the first year, but I could
not bring myself to leave the university, especially now that a yearning
for scientific knowledge had seized me, and I hoped for great things
from my studies. Besides, I thought that my father might be induced to
support me at the university another half-year.
My father would hear nothing of this so far as he was concerned; and my
trustee would not agree to the conditions offered by my father (to cover
an advance); so I had to pay the penalty of their obstinacy.
Towards the end of my third half-year the urgency of my difficulties
increased. I owed the keeper of an eating-house (for meals) thirty
thalers, if I am not mistaken. As this man had caused me to be summoned
for payment several times before the Senate of the University, and I had
never been able to pay, and as he had even addressed my father, only to
receive from him a sharp refusal to entertain the matter, I was
threatened with imprisonment in the case of longer default of payment.
And I actually had to submit to this punishment. My step-mother inflamed
the displeasure of my father, and rejoiced at his inflexibility. My
trustee, who still had the disposal of some property of mine, could have
helped me, but did not, because the letter of the law was against any
interference from his side. Each one hoped by the continuance of my
sorry plight to break the stubbornness of the other. I served as
scapegoat to the caprices of the obstinate couple, and languished as
such nine weeks long in the university prison at Jena.[23] At last my
father consented to advance me money on my formally abandoning, before
the university board, all claim on his property in the shape of
inheritance; and so, in the end, I got free.
In spite of the gloom into which my position as a prisoner plunged me,
the time of my arrest was not utterly barren. My late endeavours towards
scientific knowledge had made me more and more conscious of my need of a
solid foundation in my knowledge of Latin; therefore I now tried to
supply deficiencies to the extent of my ability, and with the help of a
friend. It was extremely hard to me, this working my way through the
dead and fragmentary teaching of an elementary grammar. It always seemed
to me as if the mere outer acquisition of a language could but little
help forward my true inner desire for knowledge, which was deeply in
earnest, and was the result of my own free choice. But wherever the
knowledge of language linked itself to definite external impressions,
and I was able to perceive its connection with facts, as, for instance,
in the scientific nomenclature of botany, I could quickly make myself
master of it. This peculiarity of mind passed by me unnoticed at the
time; I knew and understood too little, nay, indeed, almost nothing of
myself as yet, even as regards the actions of my every-day life.
A second occupation of this prison period was the preparation of an
exercise (or academical thesis) in geometry, which I undertook that I
might the sooner obtain an independent position in some profession.
Thirdly, I studied Winckelmann's "Letters on Art." Through them some
germs of higher artistic feeling may have been awakened within me; for I
examined the engravings which the work contains with intense delight. I
could quite perceive the glow of pleasure that they aroused, but at the
time I took little account of this influence, and indeed the feeling
for art altogether was late in developing itself in me. When I now
glance over the earlier and later, the greater and smaller, artistic
emotions which have swayed me, and observe their source and direction, I
see that it was with arts (sculpture as well as music) as it was with
languages--I never succeeded in accomplishing the outward acquisition of
them: yet I now feel vividly that I, too, might have been capable of
something in art had I had an artistic education.
Further, there came into my hands, during the time of my imprisonment, a
bad translation of an abridgment of the Zendavesta. The discovery [in
these ancient Persian Scriptures] of similar life-truths to our own, and
yet coupled with a quite separate religious standpoint from ours,
aroused my attention, and gave some feeling of universality to my life
and thought; this, however, disappeared as quickly as it had come.
By the beginning of the summer term in 1801 I was at length set free
from arrest. I at once left Jena and my academical career, and returned
to my father's house. I was just nineteen years old. It was but natural
that I should enter my parents' house with heavy heart, overclouded
soul, and oppressed mind. But spring warmed and awakened all nature once
more, and recalled to life, too, my slumbering desire for better things.
As yet I had busied myself but little with German literature, and the
names of Schiller, Goethe, Wieland, and the rest I now, for the first
time, began to learn. In this, too, it was with me as in so many other
things; any mental influence that came before me I had either to fully
interweave with my inner life, or else altogether to forego its
acquisition.
With this peculiarity of temperament, I could master only a rather
restricted amount of mental material. My father's library was once more
ransacked. I found not much that was of any use to me, for it contained
chiefly theological works; but I seized with the greatest enjoyment on a
book which had come out some ten years before in Gotha, a general view
of all the sciences and fine arts in their various ramifications, with a
short sketch of the object of the several sciences and of the literature
of each department. The arrangement was based upon the usual division
of the faculties, but it served to give me a general outlook, long
desired, over the whole of human knowledge, and I was right glad to have
found this "Mappe du monde littéraire"--for that was its title. I
resolved to turn this book to the best advantage I could, and set about
putting my resolution into practice. In order to make a collection of
comprehensive extracts of scientific matters from the several
periodicals received by my father (who shared for that purpose in a
joint subscription with other preachers and educated people), I had
already begun a sort of diary. The form of this journal was
shapeless--everything was put down as it came, one thing after the
other; and thereby the use of it all was rendered very inconvenient.
Now, however, I perceived the value of division according to a settled
plan, and soon hit upon a scheme of procedure.
I aimed at collecting all that seemed worthy to be known, all that was
necessary for cultured men in general, and for myself in my own calling
in particular; and this rich treasure was to be brought out under
favourable circumstances, or whenever need was, from its storehouse.
Also I desired to acquire a general idea of those subjects which the
craving for knowledge, growing ever more and more sharp within my soul,
was always urging me thoroughly to work through over again. I felt happy
in my work; and I had already been chained to my task for several days,
from early morning till late at night, in my little distant chamber with
its iron-barred windows, when my father suddenly and unexpectedly walked
into the room. He looked over what I had done, and remarked the quantity
of paper used over it, which indeed was not small. Upon this cursory
inspection he held my work for a foolish waste of time and paper; and it
would have been all over with my labour of love for that time, if my
brother (Christoph), who had so often stood as protector by my side, had
not just then been on a visit with us. He had become the minister of a
place which lay a few hours' journey from Oberweissbach, and at this
moment was staying with my parents. My father at once told him of what
he considered my useless, if not indeed injurious occupation; but my
brother saw it differently. I ventured, therefore, to continue, with the
silent permission of my father. And indeed the work proved of actual
service to me, for it brought a certain order, breadth, and firmness
into my ideas which had the most beneficial effect upon me.
My father now strove to procure me a settled position in my chosen
calling; or at all events to provide some active work which would bring
me into nearer connection with it. And for this purpose a fortunate
opportunity soon offered. Some of my father's relatives had property in
the district of Hildburghausen, managed by a steward. The friendly
footing on which my father stood with these relatives permitted me to
study practical farming under this steward. There I took part in all the
ordinary farming occupations. These, however, did not attract me
greatly, and I ought to have at once discovered what an unsuitable
career I had chosen, if I had but understood my own nature.
The thing that most painfully occupied my mind at this time was the
absence of cordial understanding between me and my father. At the same
time I could not help esteeming and honouring him. Notwithstanding his
advanced age he was still as strong and as healthy in body as in mind,
penetrating in speech and counsel, vigorous in fulfilment and actual
work, earnest, nay, hard, in address. He had a firm, strong will, and at
the same time was filled with noble, self-sacrificing endeavour. He
never shirked skirmish nor battle in the cause of what he deemed the
better part; he carried his pen into action, as a soldier carries his
sword, for the true, the good, and the right. I saw that my father was
growing old and was drawing near the grave, and it made me sorry to feel
that I was yet a stranger to such a father. I loved him, and felt how
much good resulted from that love; so I took the resolution to write to
my father, and by letter to show him my true nature, so far as I could
understand myself. Long did I revolve this letter in my mind; never did
I feel strength nor courage to write it. Meanwhile a letter called me
back home in November, after I had been some months engaged on the
estate. I was called upon to help my father, now quite weak and almost
bedridden; at all events I could assist him in his correspondence.
Family and other cares and the activities of life absorbed my whole
time. What I meant to have done in my letter now happily became possible
in speech from man to man, in glances from eye to eye. My father was
occupied by cares for my future prospects up till the end. He died in
February 1802. May his enlightened spirit look down full of peace and
blessing upon me as I write; may he now be content with that son who so
loved him!
I now stood in every respect my own master, and might decide the
direction of my future life for myself, according to the circumstances
which lay around me. With this intention I once more left the paternal
roof at Easter, to undertake the post of clerk in the Office of Woods
and Forests which formed one part of the general administration (divided
into Treasury, Woods and Forests, and Tithe departments) of the as yet
episcopal territory of Bamberg.[24] My district lay amidst unusual and
lovely scenery; my duties were light, and when they were over I was free
to roam in the neighbourhood, now doubly beautiful in the springtime, to
live out my life in freedom, and gain strength for mind and soul.
Thus once again I lived much out of doors and in companionship with
Nature. My chief was proud of the possession of a considerable library,
of which I made good use; and in this manner many of the publications
then issuing from the press, and treating of matters connected with the
occupation which I had chosen, passed through my hands, as well as those
on other subjects. I was especially attracted by some volumes which
contained aphorisms, thoughts, and observations on conduct, selected
from ancient and modern writers and thinkers. My character grew upon and
entwined itself around these aphorisms, which I could easily glance
over, and as easily retain, and, more than all, which I could weave into
my own life and thoughts, and by which I could examine my conduct. I
made extracts of those which were in closest accord with my inner life,
and bore them always about my person.
Amidst these surroundings my life contained many elements of growth.
Although my chief, as well as his family, was a strong Roman Catholic,
he chose a (Protestant) private tutor recommended to him by Professor
Carus. This gentleman had many excellent qualities, so that we soon
became great friends. We had also both of us the pleasure of being
acquainted with some highly-cultured people, the families of the
physician, of the minister, and of the schoolmaster in the neighbouring
Protestant village, which was as yet still a fief of the Empire.[25] My
friend the tutor was a young man quite out of the common, with an
actively inquiring mind; especially fond of making plans for
wide-stretching travel, and comprehensive schemes of education. Our
intercourse and our life together were very confidential and open, for
the subjects he cared for were those dear to me; but we were of
diametrically opposite natures. He was a man of scholastic training, and
I had been deficiently educated. He was a youth who had plunged into
strife with the world and society; my thought was how to live in peace
with myself and all men. Besides, our outward lives bore such different
aspects that a truly intimate friendship could not exist between us.
Nevertheless our very contrasts bound us more closely together than we
deemed.