_The Guests--The Presents on View--Starting for the
Honeymoon--Dress and Luggage--Where to Go and How Long to
Stay--Inevitable Test of Temperament--Possible
Disappointments--Disillusion, Passing or Permanent._
The Guests.
The average crowd, mainly composed of women, who throng to see a
wedding are unfortunately notorious for their utter lack of reverence
and total want of manners. The invited guests do not always behave in
accordance with the rules of etiquette. One hears a running fire of
comments, such as: "They say she's marrying him for his money!" or
"Well, her mother ought to be glad; she's worked hard enough to catch
him." "He's stepping into a nice thing. I suppose the old boy paid his
debts!"
Frequent allusions to former flirtations, or worse, are made in a
stage whisper, and open expression is given to the question: "How long
will it last?" by the cynics who seem to have come to be disagreeable.
A wedding is bound to call forth both retrospective and anticipatory
thoughts, but all unkind words should be silenced by a common desire
to let that one day pass happily for all. Guests who snatch at
wedding-favours to take home, who are boisterous in their leave-taking
of the departing couple, who stay to the bitter end and pocket morsels
of bridecake, who loudly appraise the value of the presents, or
audibly speculate as to "what it has cost So-and-So to get his
daughter off," have as yet to learn the rudiments of etiquette.
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The Presents on View.
The hostess should see that all the guests have opportunities of
seeing the wedding presents; but it is not judicious for visitors at a
big function to poke about among the gifts unless accompanied by one
of the family or, perhaps, a bridesmaid, because it is generally
deemed wise to have a detective present on such an occasion, and he
might misinterpret this friendly interest to the discomfort of the
prying guests. In arranging the presents a nice thoughtfulness and
tact are necessary. Let the smaller offerings have due prominence, for
the sake of the kindly thought that prompted them. One who had not
been able to afford a gift in any proportion to her affection would
feel touched by its occupying a place of honour.
Starting for the Honeymoon.
As the time for departure draws near the bride will slip away to doff
her bridal splendour for her travelling costume. Her sister, the
favourite bridesmaid, or her mother will doubtless go and help her,
and probably some of the real "Good-byes" will be spoken before she
rejoins the company. The dress will have been chosen with reference to
the journey she is now undertaking. If she has but a short distance to
go it may be a picturesque, dainty creation, but if she has hard
travelling before her it will be of the tailor-made type, at once
stylish and business-like, devoid of unnecessary fallals.
All present will be anxious to take leave of the newly-wedded pair,
and to wish them God-speed. There is often deep sorrow under the
surface of merriment at such partings. It is the moment when young
brothers and frivolous cousins perform impish pranks, while the
parents, and maybe the bride, are feeling the keen pang of separation.
Paper confetti are a harmless substitute for rice, which is not
soothing to receive in the eye or ear. The throwing of old shoes is
said to be a relic of the sticks and stones hurled in wrath by the
defeated friends of the bride when the victorious bridegroom carried
her off as his prize and captive.
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The Journey.
Many are the devices resorted to by the newly married to escape
detection on the wedding journey. Some take old battered portmanteaux.
I have heard of a baby being borrowed to block up the window of the
railway carriage; but matrimony, like murder, will out. The bridegroom
will naturally do all in his power to make the journey an ideally
pleasant one, and he will do well to remember that his bride has had
much more to strain her nerves and weary her than he has.
Luggage.
At any time it seems well to avoid a number of small parcels, but on
this occasion it is doubly advisable. Even if the husband and wife can
fix their minds on such prosaic things, it is hardly fair for her to
hang him round with her bags, hat-boxes, and other feminine
impedimenta. On the other hand, if he has brought his cycle, his golf
clubs, his fishing-tackle, and his camera, his attention is bound to
be divided between the safety of his possessions and the comfort of
his bride.
Where to Go.
The destination of the honeymooners will depend upon the time they
have to spare, the money they can spend, and their combined tastes.
There are a few practical hints that may be given. It is often said
that travelling is one of the best tests of temper, so let the woman
who soon feels fretted and looks jaded or is physically indisposed by
a long railway journey take her honeymoon near home. Let no one who is
not reliably happy on board ship attempt to cross the water and run
the risk of ending her wedding-day in the terribly unbecoming
condition caused by _mal de mer_.
How Long to Stay.
The modern tendency to shorten honeymoons seems born of wisdom as much
as of expediency. It may sound brutal, but undisturbed possession soon
palls, and man was made {95} for something more virile than perpetual
billing and cooing. The long honeymoon makes a very heavy demand upon
the emotions. It is fatal to try and keep up a lost illusion. The
moment a man or woman sees that the sweetness is beginning to cloy,
and the inaction to bore, it is time to return to everyday life.
Inevitable Test of Temperament.
The honeymoon is bound to disclose many hitherto unsuspected phases of
character. These revelations will be in proportion to the amount of
previous mutual understanding. The lover who has been free-handed
may turn into the husband who haggles over his hotel bills. The girl
who has always looked like a dainty picture (because there was some
one to take care of her things) may be careless and unkempt when there
is no one but her husband to see her. The man who had preferred a
sandwich in the woods with his beloved, may be the one to swear at the
waiter if the made dishes are not exactly to his taste. The sweetheart
who has been all smiles, may prove but a sorry companion when exposed
to discomfort, and show herself quite unable to rise cheerfully to an
emergency.
On the other hand, surprises of a pleasant nature may be in store for
bride and bridegroom. Unthought of qualities may be called into play,
deeper feelings may be aroused, and the full sweetness of a character
only be fully revealed in the sacred privacy of the honeymoon.
Possible Disappointments.
A modern writer says: "How many ideals are shattered by the intimacy
of marriage, simply because the antenuptial love has been based upon
fiction and misunderstanding. If only a man and a woman made their
several motives for marrying quite clear to one another, and were not
quite so anxious to preserve a veneer of romance up to the very altar,
matrimony would not be the terrible iconoclast it too often is." This
is plain speaking, and one wonders how many marriages would ever take
place if this precept were carried out. It is true that much has to be
revealed after marriage. The {96} lover has only seen his sweetheart
when she has placed herself on view, so to speak. They were both kept
in check by the uncertainty of their position. The husband sees his
wife under all circumstances, in mentally trying moments, in
physically unbecoming situations. In fact, she has to appear before him
with her hair out of curl, actually and metaphorically, to use a homely
illustration.
Disillusion, Passing or Permanent.
The mental relations between husband and wife must necessarily differ
from those between lovers, and the more honest and sincere they have
been during their courtship, the less painful will be the awakening
after marriage. Where there is both love and trust, coupled with
common sense, a little humour, and a broad view of life, the
disillusion should only be a passing cloud that makes the sunshine all
the brighter for its temporary shade. Where there has been conscious,
or even involuntary, deception, an unreal position or exaggerated
idealisation on either side, the pain of disillusion will be poignant,
and its effect permanent. Things can be sorrowfully and bravely
patched up for mere outward use, but there will be a smart under the
smile, and a blank in the life that should have been so full.
Whatever mental crisis may follow marriage, the two who suffer, for
one seldom suffers alone, will do well to keep their own counsel. If
the silence is too great a strain, it is wiser, though perhaps not so
natural, to seek help from some trusted friend unconnected by kinship
with either family. Relations cannot take an unprejudiced view of the
case; they are bound to be biassed in favour of their own, and even if
family jars are not openly discussed the leaven works, and its effect
is soon perceptible.
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