_The Return Home--A Plunge into the Practical--Housekeeping--Wedding
Calls--The Newly-married Couple at Home and in Society._
The Return Home.
It is the unanimous and unqualified opinion of those who know, that
the first year of married life practically answers the question "Is
Marriage a Failure?" The bride who can emerge triumphantly from this
searching ordeal will hold her own for the rest of her career as a
wife. The newly-married girl or woman has everything to try her
mettle. The end of the honeymoon sees the beginning of her real work.
She has won her husband; she has charmed and satisfied him in the
hours of love in idleness; she has now to keep him true to his
allegiance through the dull prosaic days of ordinary, humdrum life.
For the husband the change is not nearly so great. He has his usual
daily avocations to follow; his business or professional duties have
undergone no alteration.
We will hope the wedded pair have a nice cosy home awaiting their
return. If the honeymoon has been short, the bulk of the preparations
will have been made before the wedding, and a mother or sister will
have put the finishing touches during the bride's absence, but no one
should be awaiting them in their new home except the servants they
have engaged. It may be that there is a visit to be paid to relations
before settling into the new home, and this will be a little trying.
Those who love them and who watch them start on their wedding journey
will eagerly scan their features for some sign to indicate how things
have gone with them in this important interval. A happy heart need
shun {98} no such scrutiny, but where the slightest wound is hidden
under smiles the loving solicitude will give pain.
A Plunge into the Practical.
Whatever the nature of the new home may be, whether mansion or
cottage, town flat or suburban villa, even if it be but the temporary
resting-place of furnished rooms, the wife will do well to begin by
studying her husband's comfort, and finding out any special likes and
dislikes that may not as yet have come under her notice. He, for his
part, must not expect too much, and should try not to make her
painfully conscious of her shortcomings. He might also reflect with
advantage, when things are not to his taste, that he has himself to
thank for a good deal. He chose his wife for her youth, her beauty,
her charm, or her money it may be, and he then asked for no other
qualification. He took up all her thoughts and her spare time during
their engagement, and all he asked was that she should look nice and
let him make love to her. She was purely ornamental in those days, and
he was content to have her so. Once marriage is over he expects her to
develop exactly those domestic gifts that shall best minister to his
comfort and well-being. This cannot be done in a day.
Housekeeping.
Apart from the strangeness of her position, her probable isolation
from all familiar faces, her mingled sense of freedom and
responsibility, the young wife has much to contend with. Housekeeping
comes more easily to some women than to others, and the one who has a
domestic gift scores a big point in starting married life. The girl
who has had no previous training or practical experience will spend
many a bitter moment face to face with her own utter incompetence. The
servant question alone is enough for most people. The young maid knows
her new mistress is but a novice; the experienced cook regards her
either from a motherly point of view or in the light of lawful prey.
She has, however, to maintain her dignity in the face of all this. She
knows her ignorance will be detected and possibly laughed at, behind
her back, but she {99} must not compromise the position in which her
husband has placed her by undue familiarity, or undignified relations
with those over whom she is to preside. By this it is not meant that a
mistress should be afraid of being civil and even friendly with her
maids; but she must discern nicely between that which breeds contempt
and that which adds affection to respect.
Money Matters.
Many girls have had no money to manage beyond the spending of a dress
allowance, with an indulgent parent always ready to make up the
deficit. It would be well for every mother to give the housekeeping
accounts into the hands of her engaged daughter for at least a month
before she marries. She will not master the subject, but she will
acquire some idea of the just prices of household commodities, and the
quantities that should be ordered. The bride who suggested the leg of
beef "for a change" is happily fictional, but it is to be feared that
many do not much exceed her in knowledge. Some men give their wives a
regular weekly allowance for domestic expenses, and this seems a fair
way to do things. Others believe in paying everything by cheque, and
thus keep all the money in their own hands. Provided the husband is
pleasant when the cheques are drawn out the wife is saved a great deal
of trouble; but the man who swears over the monthly bill, and wants an
account of every pound of meat consumed in that time, creates a
perpetual burden for his luckless partner. The early mismanagement of
household expenses is fraught with sorrow to the well-meaning wife and
heart-searchings to the husband, who begins to ask anxiously: "Could I
really afford to marry?" Whatever the precise nature of the
arrangement may be, there should be a clear understanding as to how
the expenses are to be divided. Supposing the wife has her own income,
or an allowance from her husband, she ought to know exactly what that
sum is expected to cover. She is also entitled to a definite knowledge
as to the extent of his income. Many a tragedy might have been averted
if the wife had been taken earlier into the husband's confidence.
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Wedding Calls.
There is much diversity of opinion as to how the bride is to make her
home-coming known to her friends. The fashion of sending wedding-cards
is pronounced out of date, and they are only now tolerated when
enclosed with wedding-cake to old friends. It is no longer necessary
for the bride to sit at home in expectant and solitary grandeur,
waiting for the callers to make their appearance. She is free to go
out and about as she pleases, unless, of course, she has fixed any
date upon which to receive friends. She must be careful to return all
the calls made upon her in due time, and should note the At Home days
and addresses of her new acquaintances. The simplest way is to let the
date of return filter out through friends, and if any one is really
anxious to call she will find out when to do so. In the suburbs and in
country towns the bride may quite well give an At Home to the friends
who gave her presents, and to those who were at her wedding, without
waiting for them to call upon her. The invitations would be sent out
in the wife's name only, but her husband would put in an appearance if
possible. The bride would receive her friends in one of her dainty new
frocks, and though there would be no formal display of presents, those
who had given her pretty things would be pleased to see them put to
their appointed uses. It is not a bride's place to start an
acquaintance with older married people, nor is she expected to
entertain upon a large scale during the early part of her married
life. In certain cases, notably those of professional men, the social
success of the young wife may materially affect the financial position
of her husband. I knew of a doctor's bride who gave great offence to
his patients by omitting to return her wedding calls until after her
first child was born.
The Newly-married Couple at Home.
Loneliness is one of the bride's trials. She is alone the greater part
of the day. Her things are all new, and do not require much attention
in the way of mending or altering. Her household is but small, and
once she has had her morning interview with the cook there is not much
for her to do. The novelty of her position makes her restless, and
averse to {101} going on with the pursuits that have been interrupted by
her marriage. The old familiar home life is exchanged for solitary sway,
and she does not always know how to fill up the long hours. She gets
nervous, over-wrought, and is sometimes driven out of her new home in
search of excitement.
The woman who marries on a small income and has plenty of work to do
is not so liable to this unfortunate development.
The husband should be prepared for the effect of this uprooting on his
young wife. He must not grudge her the little diversions that will
help to pass the time while he is away. A woman with tact will choose
the right moment for unburdening her mind of domestic woes. It is
generally considered a wise plan to give a man a good dinner before
you tell him anything unpleasant. The less she tells him of her petty
worries the better a wife will get on, and the more her husband will
admire her. Real troubles and grave anxieties should always be shared,
and both authority and responsibility should be divided in a household
if things are to run smoothly. It will be well for the young wife if
she can feel the matrimonial ground firmly beneath her feet before she
is called upon to bear the additional anxieties and physical trials of
approaching motherhood.
In Society.
The bride is the honoured guest at any party given on her account. She
would naturally appear in white, and if it were a grand affair she
might don a modified edition of the wedding gown. I know a youthful
bride who, having been married in a travelling dress, ordered a white
satin frock at her husband's expense in which to make her social
_debut_. The average newly-married couple are not the most
entertaining companions. Their own little world is too absorbing for
them to take much interest in the trifles outside it, but it is
beautiful to see their happiness. Sometimes they are tiresome. The
bride is the chief offender. She quotes her Adolphus as the
world-oracle, and dilates on her own recent domestic discoveries as if
they were what civilised humanity had been waiting for through dark ages
of perplexity. Her superior attitude towards unmarried friends not
unfrequently leads to friction.
We must have patience with her, for she is learning a great deal, and
has not yet had time to sort it out into proper proportions.
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