_The Wedding-Day--What is expected of (1) The Bride; (2) The
Bridesmaids; (3) The Bridegroom; (4) The Best Man; (5) The Bride's
Parents--At the Bride's House--Dressing--Starting for the
Church--The Tying of the Knot--Social Aspect--Reception or Breakfast._
The Wedding-Day.
"Happy is the Bride that the Sun shines on!" runs the old adage, but
we may hope that the lives of all English brides are not as grey as
the skies under which they are often married. We can also hope that
every bride will have the sunshine of joy in her heart on her
wedding-day. Most weddings now take place at 2 o'clock or 2.30, in
consequence of the extension of the marriage hours, and this has in
a great measure abolished the old "breakfast," which was a rather
trying affair for all concerned. Now, a more informal reception takes
place on the return from church, with champagne, tea, ices, and all
sorts of pretty light refreshments. Those who, from choice or force
of circumstances, decide upon the morning for the ceremony, would
naturally give a luncheon, but the smarter section of society has
spoken in favour of the reception.
I know of a capricious couple who played their friends a very shabby
trick. The invitations had been issued for a Wednesday, and at the
last moment they decided to be married on the Tuesday morning. They
went quietly to church in the early hours, left the town separately
during the day, met in London, and started for the honeymoon. The next
afternoon their friends assembled to find that the objects of their
congratulations were away across the Channel. This was a most serious
breach of etiquette, as there was no reason for such rudeness.
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What is Expected of the Bride.
However long and frequent the visits of the _fiance_ may have been to
his sweetheart's home, tradition decrees that he must not sleep under
the same roof with her the night before the wedding, nor is he
supposed to see her on the day, till he meets her in all her bridal
beauty. She is supposed to keep in retirement even from the members of
her own household during the early part of the day; but this is a
matter of opinion, and all old ideas are giving way to more modern
views.
On her wedding-day, at least if it is to be a smart affair, the bride
is handicapped as well as adorned by her clothes, as seems to be the
general lot of women on all important occasions. Let us hope that
every care has been taken to minimise the minor anxieties as to the
fit of her frock, the set of her veil, the comfort of shoes and
gloves. She must feel something like a _debutante_ dressing for her
presentation at court; but while the latter is only making her entry
into society, the bride is entering upon a condition that will affect
her eternally, and one that ought to have the blessing of God upon it.
One would therefore like the bride to be free from such inconveniences
as will drag her down mentally. Let her be free to respond to the high
inspirations and holy desires that best become a woman on this great
day of her life. She will probably be nervous, and small wonder, but
she will be none the less attractive for a little maidenly diffidence.
The bride who marches triumphantly through her wedding does not show
the best taste. In the rush and excitement of the wedding morning some
one must make a point of seeing that the bride has proper food to
sustain her through her part in the day's proceedings. Her appearance
will not be improved by the look of strained weariness that combined
fatigue and exhaustion will bring even into the youngest face. She is
expected to look her best and to have her emotions under control
nowadays. The weeping bride is out of date. She is expected to look
happy, for is she not completing the choice which she freely made? If
her shoes pinch, or she is faint from hunger, those expectations
cannot be fulfilled.
The Bridesmaids.
These attendant maidens must be at the church awaiting the bride,
ready to follow her up the aisle, and the chief one {88} takes her place
so as to be prepared to receive the gloves and bouquet from the bride
before the putting on of the ring. One or more of them will help the
bride, later in the day, to change into her travelling costume, and
they can be of assistance in countless ways, both to the hostess and
her guests. Sometimes, however, a bridesmaid is too occupied preparing
for another wedding, in which she will play the chief part, to have
much time for any one else.
The Bridegroom.
Though of the highest and most vital importance, the bridegroom never
seems quite so much to the fore as the bride. It is probably a mere
matter of clothes. He is expected to have the ring in readiness, to
provide a conveyance to take himself and the best man to the scene of
the ceremony, and, above all, to be in good time, waiting in proud
anticipation for the bride's arrival. He does not always look happy or
quite at his ease with the eyes of the curious congregation upon him,
but that is only his modesty. He has to give the bridesmaids a present
(generally some trinket is chosen), and the bride receives her bouquet
from him. Sometimes the best man gives the bridesmaids their bouquets,
but it is generally the bridegroom, unless they are all related
together.
The Best Man.
I have heard it said that the office of the Best Man is to see that
the bridegroom does not run away at the last moment. We will hope he
does not often have hard work in that case. He certainly has to see
that love does not make the bridegroom oblivious to the practical
details of life. He escorts him to church and supports him through the
service. He pays the fees of clerk and clergyman and calls the
carriages when the register is signed. He is a very busy and useful
person, if he does his duty, and much of the success from a social
point of view may lie in his hands.
The Bride's Parents.
The heaviest burden of responsibility falls upon the shoulders of the
bride's mother. She has to arrange with a caterer for the
refreshments, unless she prefers to have all the trouble of {89}
preparing them at home; she must order the carriages, arrange the meals
for guests staying in the house, and settle the order in which the
wedding party is to go to church. She has to see about floral
decorations wherever they are wanted, and now flowers play such an
all-important part in every festivity. She will be the one to whom every
one will go for instructions, and it may be her own heart will be very
sore at the thought of parting with her daughter. Where there are other
grown-up girls they would naturally take some portion of the work off
her hands, but she is nominal head of affairs in most households.
The _father_ has to escort his daughter to church and bestow her upon
her husband. In the event of his being prevented from doing this, her
mother would drive with her, and the relation or friend who was acting
as her father's deputy would meet her at the church door. The bride's
father pays all the expenses of music or decoration in the church in
addition to those of entertainment at home and conveyances. He will
find the bill a large one in these days of lavish display and
increased luxury. The idea that a reception is much cheaper than a
luncheon is balanced by the facts that a far larger number of people
can be included in the former and that champagne cannot be dispensed
with.
At the Bride's House.
Before the appointed hour, bustle and possible confusion will reign in
the bride's home. The young people will take a pride in decking the
reception-rooms with flowers. The presents will be in a room by
themselves, and will probably have been arranged the day before, but
there are always a hundred little finishing touches to be put to
everything. The caterer will, if required, supply all needful glass,
china, tables, and attendance for the reception or breakfast. Everyone
should be dressed in good time. There will be belated presents,
telegrams of congratulation, and all sorts of minor distractions.
Dressing the Bride.
In many cases the dressmaker who has _created_ the wedding gown comes
to see it put on, but where such skilled help is not required the
loving hands of mother, sister, or friend would deck the bride. One
thing I would suggest. It is a risk {90} to dress the hair to suit the
veil rather than the face. I remember seeing a bride quite spoiled by
having her pretty hair dragged up under her veil, when as a rule she
wore it in soft, natural waves round her face and ears. The less
jewellery a bride wears the better, and some recent leaders of fashion
have exchanged the bridal bouquet for a prayer-book, which they
carried in ungloved hands. A bride who is married in the veil of a
happy wife is supposed to be lucky. It is a pretty idea for a girl to
wear her mother's bridal veil.
The Tying of the Knot.
When she is ready and all the others have started for the church, the
bride drives with her father or mother, as the case may be, away from
her old home and her maiden name. These few moments are too sacred for
an outsider to speak of. Upon her arrival the bells ring out, the
choir and clergy form the head of the procession, and she goes up to
the chancel step on her father's right arm to take her place on the
left side of her expectant bridegroom. It seems almost an impertinence
to tell her how she should look at this solemn time, but it is not
necessary or seemly for her to smile and nod to her friends in the
church. She should remove both gloves on taking her place, so that she
may be prepared to take the bridegroom by the hand and to receive the
ring.
Arrangement of Seats.
The brothers or cousins of the bride show the guests to their seats in
church. The bridegroom's family and friends sit on the right as they
enter, the bride's party on the left. Parents and nearest relations
occupy the front seats, then others in order of kinship.
As soon as the service is over, the newly-wedded pair, and such of
their relations and friends as have been asked to do so, withdraw to
the vestry, where the register is duly signed and witnessed.
The Social Side.
The bride and bridegroom drive off first from the church, so as to be
in readiness to receive the congratulations of the {91} guests, who
greet them immediately upon returning to the house. They are the
principal people for the time being. The parents follow in the next
carriage, her father taking his mother. Where there are many guests,
no one should expect to take up much of the bride's attention, as she
will have to divide her favours among the company. If there is a
sit-down meal, she would be between her husband and father. The
newly-married pair would either take the head of the table or sit in the
centre of one side of the festive board. The practice of making long
speeches has fallen into disuse, and every bride must be thankful for
the relief. At an informal reception, where there is a chance to move
about, the strain is not so great; but whichever form of entertainment
is chosen, the bride _must cut the cake_, and every one is invited to
partake of it.
Some Items of Expense.
The supply of carriages should be sufficient to enable all the guests
to be conveyed to and from the church with as little delay as
possible, and each carriage and pair will cost from 12s. 6d. to 15s.,
while a guinea is charged for the bride's special equipage. Grey
horses are extra, but few people have them now, as it gives the
situation away. Each driver will expect a tip of a few shillings.
A simple 5lb. wedding-cake can be had for 8s. or 10s., but the larger
and more elaborate ones run up to L5 and L8, the ornamental stands
being extra. Of course there is practically no limit to expenses if
people wish to throw money about. One American wedding cost over a
million dollars. At another the wedding-cake was stuffed with
expensive gewgaws, and as it weighed a quarter of a ton it was
conveyed on silver tram lines up and down the table or buffet.
The bouquets for the bridesmaids cost anything from 15s. to L5, while
that for the bride may run from L4 to L10, or as much more as the
bridegroom likes to give.
Many people who do not want their homes turned upside down or whose
houses are not convenient for a wedding, entertain their friends at an
hotel or a restaurant. This has its advantages, but is not so homelike
for the bride's farewell to her old associations and home life.
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