_Marriage--Fixing the Day--Preparations--Selecting the Bridesmaids and
their Dresses--The Wedding Gown--The Trousseau--Invitations._
Marriage.
The aim of all true Courtship is marriage, which should take place as
soon as an engagement has lasted long enough to serve its purpose, and
when other circumstances are propitious. When the man's financial
position is sufficiently secured, and the woman is willing to renounce
her freedom for bonds that should be blessed, he asks her to "name the
happy day."
Fixing the Day.
In foreign countries there are many superstitions as to the fitness or
unfitness of days, times, and seasons; but in England May appears to
be the only month supposed to be unlucky for weddings. The reason for
this does not seem clear. The couplet
"If married in Lent
You are sure to repent,"
is an echo from the days when Church discipline was stricter than it
is now, and the time set apart for spiritual sorrow was not considered
suitable for the crowning of earthly happiness. Even in the present
day very few marriages are celebrated during the season of Lent.
There are many people and things to take into account when fixing the
important date. If the bridegroom elect is not his own master a time
must be chosen when he is sure to be at liberty. It was said of the
late Sir Walter Besant {72} that he was so overwhelmed with business
that he hardly had time to be married. The bride's father has also to
be considered, and if any particular church dignitary is required to
perform the ceremony his engagements will have to be taken into
account.
When possible it is well to let a good interval elapse between the
final decision and the day itself. A month or six weeks is none too
much; more than this is often allowed.
The Bride's Burden.
There is a great deal of mental wear and tear for the bride-elect to
go through in the few weeks immediately before her marriage, and it is
a pity that it should be so. The fuss and display at an
up-to-date wedding make it a thing to quail before. Dress has become
so extravagant and absorbing that in the matter of her clothes alone
the girl has her time pretty well taken up. Instead of being able to
prepare calmly and restfully for the most vital step in life, she is
kept in a ceaseless whirl of mental and physical excitement till she
is well-nigh worn out. In any case care should be taken to avoid a
rush at the last. Let her have at least a few days of peace and
quietness in which to prepare for the great event. How can she realise
the solemnity of the vows she is going to make, or the gravity of the
responsibility she is taking upon her shoulders, if she never has a
moment to think and is being hurried from milliner to dressmaker, from
jeweller to shoemaker, from furrier to glovemaker, day in day out?
The Choice of the Bridesmaids.
In some families this is a difficult matter, and may be the cause of
much friction. The bride's sisters, if she has any, take precedence.
There may be a dear friend who has been promised this office since she
and the bride were at school together, but then _his_ sisters expect
to be asked, and they may be neither attractive nor very young. When
the desired number is but small, the problem is sometimes solved by
having two or three children and forswearing all adults. This is
certainly a prettier and less expensive arrangement, for children look
more picturesque as bridesmaids than the {73} average half-dozen
grown-up girls who cannot be chosen for their appearance. Elderly
bridesmaids in youthful frocks and girlish hats are ridiculous to the
unthinking, but pathetic to those who look below the surface.
Wedding Frocks.
"Married in white you have chosen all right," says the old rhyme, and
the "ivory duchesse satin" seems to have come to stay. There should,
however, be some regard for the future social position of the bride in
choosing the wedding gown. The girl who is marrying a man with a small
income, and who is prepared to begin housekeeping on a simple scale,
is not likely to want a magnificent satin dinner-gown with a court
train. A much less expensive frock would answer her requirements far
better, for, with the ever-changing fashions, the costly material
would have to be cut up and altered many a time before it was worn
out. It is a pity to weigh down a young girlish bride with heavy
brocades and silks that stand alone. Her freshness and beauty will
stand a simpler setting, and look all the sweeter in it. There are so
many soft, diaphanous fabrics made now, which fall into graceful
draperies, that I would like the young bride clad in some of them.
The Bridesmaids' Dresses.
The choice of a costume for the bridesmaids is not an easy matter. You
can find one that will suit two sisters to perfection, but there are
the others, with possibly such colouring as to forbid the very thing
that another will look her best in. White is taken as being generally
safe and becoming, but when worn unrelieved in the daytime it is very
trying to some. There are also the height and build of the various
girls to be considered, so altogether the matter demands much care and
taste.
Expense.
The question of cost should not be ignored unless the bride is in a
position to give all the dresses, then she may be as lavish as she
thinks fit.
It is hardly fair to expect her friends to go to the most {74}
expensive house and to buy the most costly hats and frocks, which will
perhaps be of little use to them afterwards, merely for her personal
gratification. This is especially the case where two sisters are asked
to be bridesmaids. A girl may long to attend her friend to the altar,
and yet be obliged to decline because her parents cannot afford the
outlay necessitated by the extravagance of the costume. If one has her
frock made by an artiste, the others must follow suit or the picture
is spoilt.
The bride who is married in her travelling dress does not have
bridesmaids but attendants, whose dresses should harmonise but not
eclipse her own. Due regard should be paid to the time of year in the
choice of materials. White gauzy frocks look chill and comfortless in
mid-winter, even if the wearers do not shiver perceptibly and are not
afflicted with red noses; but soft, thick fabrics like white cloth or
velvet trimmed with touches of fur, suggest the warmth that lies
beneath the snow. The flowers of the season may well provide schemes
of colour, for Nature is the prince of artists. Primrose and daffodil
tints for the spring, the warm tones of the chrysanthemum for the
autumn, while summer sunshine makes everything look well.
The Trousseau.
A young friend of mine who was going to be married last year said to
me: "Oh! my things are so lovely! I never knew how delightful it was
to be able to have all the beautiful things you want." This sentiment
will be echoed by most of the fairly-well dowered brides of to-day.
There is generally a fixed sum set apart for the trousseau, and the
amount must necessarily control the extent of the purchases. The
_lingerie_ and underwear can be obtained from about ten guineas, with
prices varying according to the number and quality of the garments, up
to forty or fifty guineas. Dresses, boots and shoes, and all out-door
wear, including hats, must be added on to this outlay.
Few people buy many dresses at once now, on account of the changeful
whims of fashion; but the great point is to have the few gowns of good
material and excellent cut.
There are a hundred items, only known to a woman {75} or her maid, with
which the bride should be well stocked. It is a disgrace to don a
costly opera-cloak when you have not a decent dressing-gown, or to
load yourself with finery when your stockings are in holes. Feminine
attire is so dainty and fascinating in the present day that there is a
danger of setting more value on the trimmings and make than on the
quality of the material. Let the bride-elect try to picture her pretty
things when they emerge from the ruthless hands of a laundress, and
she will realise the value of quality. Where anything like regular or
hard wear is required, it is always good economy to buy the best. All
garments that need to be marked must have the initials of the bride's
married name upon them. All women are supposed to love shopping.
Surely no expeditions can be so delightful as going to buy the
trousseau with a well-stocked purse!
Invitations.
These are sent out by the bride's mother, or whoever acts in that
capacity. Any good stationer will have plenty of printed cards, such
as are generally used, from which a choice may be made. Simplicity of
design is always a mark of refinement. The wording would be as
follows:
Mr. and Mrs. Carstairs
request the pleasure of
Captain and Mrs. Boyd's company
at
_the Marriage of their Daughter_
Gladys
with
Mr. Sydney Boroughs,
at
S. John's, Beckenham,
_on Wednesday, April 17th, at 2 p.m.,_
and afterwards at the Grange.
R.S.V.P.
Any friend who has sent a present before the invitations are out must
be invited. The general feeling seems to be that {76} an invitation to
a wedding involves a present, and that is rather a tax. It also takes
away from that purely voluntary spirit which is the beauty of a gift.
In some cases friends are only asked to the church, the reception at
home being confined to members of the two families.
A bridesmaid who lives at a distance must be asked to stay at the
bride's home for a few days before the wedding.
The death of a near relation would necessitate the postponement of the
wedding, and this would cancel all invitations. In cases of loss more
remote from the young couple, the wedding takes place soon after the
first date, "but quietly, owing to family bereavement." A notice to
this effect is often put in the papers when a marriage has been
publicly announced, but in a more private affair, notes would be sent
to those who had been invited.
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