_Wedding Presents--Choosing and Furnishing the House--What the
Bridegroom Supplies--The Bride's Share in the Matter._
Wedding Presents.
With the increasing luxury and love of display that marks modern life
the wedding-present tax, as I have heard it called, becomes a burden
proportionately heavy to the social ambition of the giver. It seems a
pity that there should be so much vulgarising advertisement about what
are supposed to be private weddings. There is also too much routine in
the choice of the gifts themselves. The perennial mustard-pots and
salt-cellars are monotonous, and while comparative strangers may be
driven to make a conventional offering, private friends might leave
the groove and strike out a new line.
Cheques are only given by old friends or relations of the recipient.
They are always acceptable. The future position of the couple should
be taken into account. Good silver is always a joy, except perhaps
when you have to keep it clean. The young wife with only one servant
will have to rub up her own silver backed brushes and sweetmeat dishes
if she wants them to look nice. Of course it may be said that extra
silver can be put by till circumstances improve, or that it might be
useful in a financial emergency. This last idea is rather a gruesome
one to take to a wedding, and it is in the early days of her
housekeeping that the young wife likes to have her pretty things about
her. Why an artistic chair or table should not be as suitable as an
_entree dish_ I do not quite see, and if a place is to look homelike
pictures are quite as necessary as silver pepper-pots.
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A Temptation.
Both bride and bridegroom receive presents, some for individual,
others for mutual use. The bride must promptly and personally
acknowledge all those that are sent to her, and the bridegroom does
the same on his own account. Presents from mutual friends would be
mutually acknowledged, especially if the gift were sent to both of
them. When one does not feel very kindly disposed to the man or woman
whom our dear friend is going to marry there is a great temptation--I
don't know that it need be resisted--to send a gift that will be the
property and pleasure of that friend, and not to give the mutual
mustard-pot into which both will dip the spoon.
How to Send Them.
All wedding presents should be nicely and daintily packed up.
Sometimes they are better sent from the shop direct, but in that case
the card or cards of the donors should accompany them. Many people tie
their cards on with narrow white ribbon, and anything that adds to the
daintiness of a present is to be commended. It is a very sensible plan
for relations to let the young people choose their own sideboard or
dinner service, instead of buying it for them. There is only one
drawback to this arrangement. The thing that costs the most is so
often the thing we want most, even before we know the price, and it
would not be nice to feel we had trespassed on the generosity of the
giver by inducing him to spend more than he intended. It is becoming
the fashion for members of a family to club together and give a
handsome piece of jewellery, instead of each one presenting a smaller
trinket. This might well be done with more practical presents.
The Art of Giving.
Much of the pleasure afforded by a gift is contained in the way it is
given. There is an exquisite art in giving. Many people choose a
present just because they happen to like the thing themselves, whereas
a gift should be selected entirely with a view to the pleasure or use
it will afford to its future owner. A grand piano is no good to a girl
who will not have {79} a room large enough to hold it and herself.
Costly china is only an encumbrance to a woman who is going to follow
the fortunes of her soldier husband, and who will not have a settled
home for years. There must be kindly sympathy in the choice of gifts as
well as tact and courtesy in the offering of them.
The Selection of the House.
Whenever it is possible the young or newly married couple should start
their life together in a home of their own. I would warn all brides to
superintend the choice of that home. A man, certainly one of the
nicest kind, has not what may be called a domestic eye. If he is
artistic he will choose a dwelling for its picturesqueness, regardless
of drains and dank ditches near the house. An inert man will value his
home for its proximity to the station. Another considers the garden
the most important feature. The stay-at-home will be influenced by the
place which affords the most scope for the pursuit of his hobbies. Men
cannot gauge the amount of work that may be made or saved by the build
of a house and the arrangement of its rooms. The all-important
question of cupboards and store-rooms, the aspect of the larder and
condition of the kitchen range are things that do not appeal to the
masculine mind, especially when that mind is in love. If the bride is
young and inexperienced she will do well to visit the projected abode
with some practised housewife. The expeditions taken by the engaged
couple in search of their new home ought surely to be among their
sweetest experiences, even taking into account the misleading tactics
of the house agent.
Furnishing.
In olden days, when the daughters of Eve span, the bride provided all
the household linen, most of which had taken shape under her own fair
fingers. Now the intending bridegroom furnishes the house throughout.
If the bride's father were wealthy and generous enough to make them a
present of the lining for the nest, I do not suppose the bridegroom or
the bride would have any objection. One argument for not furnishing
till after the wedding is that many of the presents in money and kind
might be valuable adjuncts; {80} but then those presents would come
from near relations who could tell the young people what to expect. A
chest of plate or a box of linen, a piano or some such handsome item
often comes from some one in the bride's family, but failing such gifts,
the bridegroom must supply the new home with all needful articles.
The Bride's Share in the Matter.
As she is to be the mistress of the establishment, the bride should
have a voice in all that concerns it. Many departments of house
furnishing do not require the assistance of the male mind at all. They
will both like to choose the actual household gods, to discuss schemes
of colour and decoration together; but no woman need take a man to buy
saucepans, or request his opinion on such soft matters as pillows and
blankets. It will please his mother if the bride consults her about
domestic details, and in any case she will profit by the advice of one
who has been there.
Things to be Considered.
However small it is, the newly married pair should have their home to
themselves, and it is as well not to settle immediately under the
parental eye on either side. Like Kipling's ship, they have to "find
themselves," and they will do it far better alone together. At the
same time it is not good for a bride to be set down in an utterly
strange neighbourhood, where she will not know a soul till the people
are thoroughly satisfied as to her respectability. This, as we shall
see later, may constitute a grave danger.
The husband should think of his wife's daily round as well as of his
own train service to town or the house's proximity to the golf links.
They should go to some place within easy reach of friends, or where
they have good introductions to possible people. When preparing to
start life together they should not be too ambitious. Because she has
been brought up in a big house, he is doing her no kindness by
saddling himself with a higher rent than he can really afford to pay.
She is quite willing to take him in exchange for the extra
accommodation that she is giving up. That is, if she is the right sort
of woman.
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