_Foreign Etiquette of Engagements--Betrothal a much more Serious Matter
than in England._
In no other country is an engagement so informal as in England. We
find all sorts of ceremonies connected with the plighting of a troth
which seems but little less important than the tying of the marriage
knot itself. There is less spontaneity and exercise of private
judgment on the part of the young people; in fact, there are several
countries in which they are allowed no voice in the matter.
In Italy
girls are kept quite in the background, and have a very dull time.
This makes them ready to accept any suitor their parents may choose. A
meeting is arranged between the young people, and after that he pays
stiff visits to her home, generally in the evening, but they are never
left alone together, and he is not allowed to pay her any marked
attention even before others. They may exchange photographs, and she
may work him a little present; but it is all lifeless, passionless,
and business-like. Among the peasantry there is more of the
picturesque, and many quaint customs still survive. Marriage-brokers
do a good trade, and get a percentage on each pair that they see
through the ordeal of a wedding. In Frascati, parents with
marriageable sons and daughters assemble on Sunday afternoons in the
chief piazza. The men sit on one side and the women on the other. In
the intervening space the candidates for matrimony walk about--the
girls near their mothers, the youths under their fathers' eyes. By
some mysterious process of selection they sort themselves into
couples, or, rather, the parents make mutual advances on behalf of
their children and they are betrothed.
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In France
similar restrictions are placed upon lovers, and no one under the age
of twenty-five can contract a legal marriage without the consent of
his or her parents. If three appeals have been made in vain for
parental sanction, there may be an appeal to the law. The proposed
marriage must also be publicly announced beforehand, or it is invalid.
In _Brittany_ there is a strange mixture of the romantic and the
practical. The village tailor is the usual negotiator who interviews
both the lovers and their parents. When he has smoothed the way, the
intending bridegroom pays his first visit, which is accompanied by
many pretty customs. He is allowed to take his sweetheart aside, and
no one dares to interrupt this, their first, _tete-a-tete_. Meanwhile
the elders discuss business, and when the lovers come back to the
family circle a feast is enjoyed, at which the parents bless the food,
and the lovers are only allowed one knife and plate between them. The
signing of the wedding contract later on is another festivity, and the
presents are mostly of a useful nature.
German Betrothals
are more or less formal, though the young couple are allowed to choose
for themselves. The suitor has not much chance of seeing the lady
alone before he has made up his mind; he must be circumspect, or his
intentions will be promptly inquired into. He puts on his Sunday
clothes with lavender kids when he comes to ask the important
question, and as soon as a satisfactory answer has been obtained the
happy pair are congratulated by the family, and the table is decorated
for the festive meal. They go out arm-in-arm to call upon their
friends in a day or two, and a formal announcement is not only sent
round to all their acquaintance, but is also inserted in the daily
papers. Great attention must be paid to the exact title possessed by
every one connected with the happy pair, as titles count for much in
Germany. The engaged girl is called a bride, and her lover a
bridegroom, before marriage. She shows her prowess in the culinary
line by preparing the meals to which he is invited. They are not
supposed to travel alone; even if they are going to stay with his
relations, some lady must {67} accompany them. In many cases the
parents have qualms about allowing too much _tete-a-tete_ intercourse
to the engaged couple, but greater liberty is gradually being given.
In Russia
it is considered a disgrace for a woman to be unmarried, and if no
suitor offers himself, she leaves her home and settles in a strange
place as a widow. She may prefer to travel for a time, and return home
with a pitiful tale of the husband she lost at sea, or who died at the
beginning of the honeymoon. The priests often act as intermediaries,
but sometimes a woman versed in dark lore makes the arrangements. At
the betrothal feast the girl gives her lover a long lock of her hair,
and he gives her a silver ring set with turquoise, bread and salt, and
an almond cake. This interchange of gifts is equal to a marriage bond.
All the presents have a symbolical meaning; the rings are bought from
and blessed by the clergy, and are treasured as heirlooms in the
family.
In Spain
girls are most jealously guarded, and marriages are arranged by the
parents. Still the romantic element is not wanting. The young man sees
the lady who steals his heart, and begins to woo her from a distance
with eyes and voice till he can gain an introduction to her family.
The main joy in a Spanish courtship is the clandestine prelude to the
actual engagement. He may follow the lady about and serenade her,
according to regulations, but he may not speak till he is introduced.
She appears to ignore his attentions, but she misses nothing. The
courtship is often protracted, but the girl is given freedom of
choice. The law can come to the assistance of lovers whose union is
prevented by their parents, in the same way as in France.
The amount of liberty given to the engaged couple differs in various
districts, but throughout Spain the love making may be said to end
with marriage. In Murcia they may not meet or speak unless her mother
is present, and the lover may neither touch the hand nor kiss the lips
of his sweetheart till she is his wife.
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Sweden.
Unmarried girls in this country enjoy an unrivalled reputation for
gaiety and merriment. Bread is considered a love charm, and the two
who eat from the same loaf will fall in love with each other. The
suitor often sends an ambassador to a girl he has never seen, and if
his proposal is accepted he calls the next Sunday. The lady is not
supposed to take any notice of him, but continues her knitting in a
stolid fashion. In some parts there is a religious betrothal ceremony,
when plain gold rings are exchanged; but the more usual way of
celebrating an engagement is by a social festivity. The lover must
give a "Yes-Gift" to his future bride, which consists of a gold or
silver cup--the size is not stipulated--filled with coins wrapped up
in quite new white tissue-paper. He also gives her a prayer-book,
while she offers in return some garment she has made for him herself.
If it is a shirt he wears it on his wedding-day, and then lays it
aside to wear in his grave. These quaint customs are mostly found in
the country districts. Town-dwellers merely send out cards with the
names of the pair printed on each one, and further announcements
appear in the papers.
In Switzerland
there is not much romance in either wooing or wedding. The Swiss may
not marry till the youth is eighteen and the girl sixteen, and up to
the age of twenty the consent of parents or guardians is necessary.
When the time draws near for the wedding, the pair must go together to
a civil officer, and must each present him with a certificate of
birth, and tell him their ages, names, professions, and where they and
where their parents live. He then writes a deed containing their
promise of marriage, which must be made public for at least a
fortnight in the places where they were born, where they are living at
the time, and where they wish to be married. If nobody makes an
objection the ceremony can take place. May-Day is sacred to lovers in
Lucerne. He plants a small decorated pine-tree before her house at
dawn, and if he is accepted a right royal feast is prepared for him.
The little tree is {69} treasured till the first baby appears. A Swiss
peasant girl is often compelled to take the lover who lives nearest to
her home, as the introduction of an outsider is resented by the men of
the place.
The Hungarian
likes to linger over his wooing, and he is a past master in the art.
The lovers have absolute freedom of intercourse, and secure privacy in
the family circle by making a tent of his large, graceful cloak, under
which they sit and make love undisturbed. All the actual formalities
go through a third person, and much ceremony is observed in the
negotiations. The first stage of courtship is marked by the "Loving
Cup" feast, and the binding betrothal is known as the "Kissing
Feast."
In Norway
courtship is of necessity a very long process among the peasant folk,
for money is not easily earned, and no man may marry till he is a
householder, while houses may only be built in certain places and
under fixed regulations. Seven years is quite an average time for an
engagement, during which they do their love-making in a simple,
unaffected manner. No man ever jilts a woman, and broken engagements
are almost unknown.
In _Greece_ parents pay a man to marry their daughter, and no man may
marry till all his own sisters are provided with _trousseaux_ and
dowers.
The girl who _accepts_ an offer of marriage in _Greenland_ is for ever
disgraced. Her father may give her away or her husband may drag her by
her hair to his own tent, and it is all right. She must be married by
capture, against her own will, and the love comes afterwards, if at
all.
A Thuringian girl gives her suitor sausage to eat as a sign that he is
rejected. A Spanish maid presents her lover with a pumpkin as her way
of saying "No." In the Russian district of the Ukraine the lady does
the courting, and {70} besieges the man in his own house. Courtesy will
not let him turn her out, so if he does not want her he has to seek other
quarters for himself. On the Isthmus of Darien either man or woman can
take the initiative, so every one gets a good chance all round.
It is not possible, here, to touch upon the elaborate betrothal and
marriage customs of the East.
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