_His Visits to her Home--The Engaged Couple in Public--In
Society--Visiting at the same House--Going about together--The
Question of Expenses._
His Visits to her Home.
If distance parts the loving couple he will only be able to spend his
leave, or annual holidays, with her, and will make a point of
consulting her movements before he lays any plans for his leisure
time. If he could meet her abroad, or at the seaside, he would not go
off yachting without her, nor postpone his holiday till the shooting
had begun rather than spend the month of June with her in the suburbs.
If he lives in the same neighbourhood as his beloved he will have many
opportunities of being with her. He ought never to neglect his work
for his courtship, and a girl should be very careful not to propose
such a thing. It is a poor lookout for their future if they put
pleasure first. He will probably be expected or permitted to spend two
or three evenings a week at her home, dine there on Sundays, and, if
he is busy all the week, devote Saturday afternoons to her entirely. A
man of leisure can make his own arrangements; the business or
professional man must do his love-making when he can.
The Engaged Couple in Public.
"Some men like to advertise their kissing rights," said an engaged man
to me the other day; "but for my part I don't think there should be
anything in the bearing of an engaged couple in public to indicate
that they are more than friends." Here, I think, we have the etiquette
of the matter in a nutshell. Wherever the lovers are they will be
supremely conscious of each other's presence, but it need not be writ
{57} large over their actions. It is sometimes debated whether lovers
should kiss in public. As the sweetest kisses must ever be those
exchanged "under four eyes," as the Germans put it, there seems little
advantage in a mere conventional "peck" in the public gaze. A close
clasp of the hand, a silent greeting of the eyes, will be truer to the
love that is held too sacred for exhibition.
The man's attentions should never merge into questionable hilarity. He
ought to respect as well as love the woman he hopes to marry. She
should equally avoid gushing and tyrannising over him. To see a girl
ordering her _fiance_ about, making him fetch and carry like a black
boy, and taking his submission as her due, is enough to justify the
hope that the worm will turn to some purpose when she least expects
it. There should be nothing abject in love on either side. It hurts to
see the dog-like look of entreaty in human eyes. Things should be more
on a level; the hearts of man and woman should give and take gladly of
their best, with love that is pure, brave, and unashamed.
In Society.
Mutual friends will be sure to invite the engaged couple to various
social functions. Where it is possible and convenient they will arrive
and leave together. He will naturally be eager to escort her about as
much as he can; they must, however, be prepared to sacrifice
themselves on such occasions. He will see that she has all she wants
at a garden party or At Home, but he will not glare at another man for
handing her an ice or a cup of tea; nor will he neglect his duties to
sit in his sweetheart's pocket, or stand behind her chair to warn off
intruders. On the other hand he will not attract attention by devoting
himself to any one particular lady, or play into the hands of the
wanton flirt.
A well-bred woman or girl will not give herself away by allowing
awkward pauses to break the conversation because her thoughts and eyes
are hungrily trying to follow her lover, who is manfully assisting the
hostess. She will not make herself conspicuous in her behaviour with
any other admirer, but be perfectly at ease with any man to whom she
may have occasion to speak.
If any of the lady's friends wish to make her _fiance's_ acquaintance
they will send him an invitation to a dance or party through her, not
an informal message, but a card such as they send to their other
guests, which she will pass on to him.
{58}
Visiting at the same House.
The engaged couple are not considered good company by outsiders, so
when they are included in a house-party they should exercise a little
healthful self-control. The cosy corners, shady walks, and secluded
nooks are not their monopoly. The two who are beginning to make love
ought to have a chance. Others may have business to discuss,
arrangements to make, or letters to write for which they desire
privacy, and the pervading presence of the betrothed pair is apt to
become irritating. When etiquette requires that they should be parted,
it is their duty to fall in courteously with any arrangement their
hostess may make.
Going about Together.
The amount of _tete-a-tete_ intercourse will differ in almost every
case. It seems most natural that lovers should go about together as
much as possible, seeing that they are learning to pass their lives
together. The girl who has taken little expeditions with her _fiance_
will be spared much of the embarrassment that might mar the opening of
the honeymoon if she felt shy and strange, cut off from all her old
moorings. They will spend long days on the river, take rambles into
the country, see the sights of the town, and do a hundred other things
that will be doubly delightful just because they are alone together.
The Question of Expenses.
It is sometimes taken for granted that the _fiance_ must pay all
expenses when he takes his sweetheart about. This, I think, should
depend upon circumstances. The rich lover does well to lavish his
money upon his future wife, and will {59} take a pride in so doing. The
man of moderate means who has to work for his income will do well to
put by all he can for future emergencies, and if the girl to whom he is
engaged has her own money or an ample allowance, it is much better
that they should come to an understanding to share the cost of their
pleasures, in view of possible necessities.
This need not prevent the poorer man from spending a certain amount
upon his love. Every now and then there will be special days when he
will play the host, and they will be red-letter days to both. If she
is going anywhere by his special invitation he would naturally defray
her expenses; but on their weekly jaunts why should he be put to the
double outlay when he wants to save all he can to start their home?
Why should he reduce his balance at the bank by first-class fares,
theatre tickets, and taxis two or three times a week, when he may have
to borrow money to buy their furniture? No girl ought to expect or
encourage this sort of thing. She is not afraid of being under an
obligation to him, for love knows no such thing, but she has the
wisdom to look ahead.
{60}