_The Question of Age--Young Lovers--Young Men who Woo Maturity--Old Men
who Court Youth--Middle-aged Lovers._
The Question of Age.
At what age should the responsibilities of the married state be
undertaken? In the best years of life if possible. Not in the physical
and mental immaturity of early youth. How can the child-wife of
seventeen fulfil all the duties of her position, and endow her child
with the needful strength for the journey of life? How can the boy of
twenty be expected to work for three without getting weary before his
day has well begun? And how can either of them really know wherein
true happiness lies? Most probably such a pair will learn to curse
their folly before they reach maturity.
But marriage should not be shelved, and driven off to the vague period
called middle-age, without excellent reason. The woman of thirty-eight
and the man of forty-five will spoil their children immoderately while
they are little, and be out of touch with them as they grow up. The
average mother of sixty is unable to keep pace with her young
daughter. The man who is nearing seventy has travelled very far away
from his son who is just starting life under present-day conditions.
The Best Age.
What is a suitable disparity between the ages of man and woman? A girl
of two- or three-and-twenty and a man of twenty-eight or thirty are my
ideal of a suitably matched couple.
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Young Lovers.
"Love at twenty-two is a terribly intoxicating draft," says a writer,
and the sight of young lovers is one that softens all but the most
cynical. We smile at their inconsequence; tremble, almost, at their
rapturous happiness; yawn, it may be, over their mutual ecstasies,
still we know they are passing through a phase, they are lifted for
the time being out of the commonplace, and we make excuses.
But these blissful young people are apt to take too much for granted.
Because Doris worships Harry it does not follow that her family are to
be inflicted morning, noon, and night with his presence or his
praises. She has no right to imply that every moment spent apart from
him is wasted. She has no call to give up her share of household
duties or to forsake her own studies, just to wander about restlessly
counting the minutes till he shall come, or to spend the intervals
between his visits in dressing for his next appearance. She should not
look bored directly the conversation turns away from him, or exalt her
idol over those who have loved and cared for her since infancy.
Young Men who Woo Maturity.
There seems to be a tendency nowadays for the surplus years to be on
the woman's side. This is, in most cases, a grievous mistake. The
girls are often to blame for it. In the pride of their youth they snub
the young admirers whom they do not think worth their notice. An older
woman knows how to heal the wound thus inflicted, and with her
experience, her greater tolerance, and her charms mellowed, but not
yet faded by age, she can win passionate devotion from one of these
singed butterflies. She welcomes him with a dash of maternal
tenderness in her manner, she takes an interest in his doings and
subtly flatters his vanity, while her own heart is glad that she still
has the power to please.
Drifting.
He soon feels quite at home with her and grows more venturesome. She
feels her youth renewed, and they drift into {43} closer relations.
She salves her conscience with the thought that she is keeping him out
of harm's way. She makes no secret of the disparity between them,
though she may avoid the cold fact of figures. He fondly thinks she
will never grow old. Such a connection may be the salvation of an
unstable youth, especially if she does not let him marry her. She may
make a man of him, a good husband for a girl young enough to be her
daughter. She will not tell him to go and marry the girl, if she is in
earnest, as such a course would only call forth his protests of undying
devotion to herself; but she will imperceptibly let him see that she
is no mate for him, and he will think he has found it out for himself.
He may feel a little ashamed at leaving her, but she will make it easy
for him, and perhaps give a sigh of relief that she has been saved
from making a fool of herself.
The Dark Side.
For the woman who marries a man much younger than herself there is the
inevitable picture of later life to be faced. The ridicule of society
will be felt if it is not heard. The advance of age is relentless and
will make her an old woman when he is just in his prime. She may pray
for death to come and set him free, or she may paint her face and wear
a golden wig, accentuating the ruthless lines round her tired eyes;
but if they live long enough both husband and wife will suffer.
The Old Man who Courts Youth.
"The older we get the younger we like them!" was a favourite saying of
an old fox-hunting squire I used to know. There are old men who seem
to have lost but little of youth's vitality, and whom many a girl
would be proud to marry. There are others--and it seems like an act of
sacrilege to let any young life be linked to what remains of theirs.
The old man disarms suspicion by his fatherly attitude, and the
beginnings of courtship are made easy by the latitude allowed to his
years. His experience stands him in good stead. An old unmarried man
has generally either a very {44} good or a very bad reason for being
single. The girl who marries her grandfather's contemporary will
probably regain her freedom while still in her prime; but she cannot
calculate beforehand what price she will have paid for it.
The real love of an old man must have much pathos in it, and she who
accepts it must deal tenderly with it, even in her moments of
disillusion. The elderly rake who buys a young wife from entirely
selfish motives will see that he does not lose by the bargain.
Middle-aged Lovers.
No one would wish that the couple to whom love has come when youth has
passed should take their pleasure sadly, but one does look for a
self-restraint and dignity that shall be compatible with maturity.
The woman of forty-five can love perhaps more deeply than the girl of
eighteen. She can experience the full joy of being beloved; but she
only exposes herself to ridicule if she takes the public into her
confidence. It is not only bad taste to see such a one gushing over
her lover, aping the little ways of sweet seventeen and coquetting
like a kitten, telling the curious world, in fact, how rejoiced she is
to be no more "an unappropriated blessing."
Poor soul! It may be that she has put through weary years of heart
loneliness, but surely she might have learnt to hold her joy as sacred
as her sorrow. Let her smarten herself up, by all means. Her happiness
will suit nice gowns and dainty lace. Let her choose warm colours and
handsome fabrics, and shun white muslin and blue ribbons.
The Man.
The middle-aged lover may be as impulsive as a boy, and his friends
will smile, but not with the contempt they would show to the woman. He
is generally very much in earnest, even if his motive be practical
rather than romantic. He should be most careful never to hurt the
woman he has chosen by neglecting her for younger, fresher faces. He
should not suppose that she is too old to care for lover-like
attentions. No woman is ever too old for that. He should {45} not make
her a laughing-stock by talking as if she were "sweet and twenty," or
draw notice to the fact that she has passed her first youth. She will
enjoy being taken care of, being planned for, and being eased of her
burdens; but while showing her all courtesy let him give her credit
for some self-reliance, for she has managed so far to get through life
without him.
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